by A. J. Goode
“Are you sending me away?” She narrowed her eyes at him and struggled to keep the anger out of her voice.
“Victoria, I--”
“I’ve heard what people are saying about me,” she told him. “But I thought you, at least, knew better.”
“I do know better,” he insisted. “I think you are an excellent teacher. I think the scarlet fever outbreak could have been a lot worse if not for the way you handled it. You did the right thing by sending them home when you did. I’m not sending you away. I’m just . . . letting you out of your contract so you can find a bigger school in a town with more opportunity. I plan on writing you a letter of recommendation that will get you hired anywhere --”
“Will, I promised my husband I would make a new home for myself here. I gave him my word. I keep my promises.”
Will gave a harsh laugh. “Quite a pair, aren’t we? Both of us stuck in life because of promises we made to loved ones who aren’t here with us anymore. Surely your Jonathon didn’t mean you had to stay in Serenity, did he? Isn’t one town as good as another, as long as you’re happy?”
“I-I don’t know what he meant any more, Will. I’m so confused and . . . and lost. And tired.” She looked at him curiously as his words sank in. “What do you mean, you made a promise?”
“I made a vow I’d never love anyone again.”
So did I, she thought.
Slowly, his gaze met hers. “Victoria, I know you feel it, too, don’t you?” he asked, sounding almost as though the words were being torn painfully from his throat. “Every time I’m near you, I feel like I can breathe deep for the first time in eight years. You give me hope that I might be happy again someday. But it’s not right to feel that way about you, not when I gave my word to my Melanie.”
Victoria drew back from him, shocked by his words.
Will made a sound that was almost a growl He turned away and then turned back, and she saw that his warm brown eyes were burning with an emotion that she couldn’t pinpoint. “You gave your word that you’d stay and start a new life here, but what about my promise?” he demanded. “I promised to be faithful to my Melanie, but I can’t do that when I have to look at you every day. I want to see you, to hear your voice, to touch you, and I can’t. I can’t do that to my Melanie. I won’t . . . I won’t --”
And then somehow, she was in his arms, her cheek pressed against his chest and his heart pounding in her ear. He was stroking her hair, murmuring her name.
She melted against him, suddenly weak. Strength and comfort flowed from his touch, and she felt the ache inside began to evaporate. For the first time in ages, she actually felt safe.
In another man’s arms.
“No.” Reluctantly, she pushed Will away. “You’re right. I’m sure Jonathon would understand that there’s nothing here for me. One town is as good as another.”
“Victoria, wait. Please, forgive me. We’re both tired, wrung out from --”
“You’re right,” she said again. “There will be more opportunities for me in a bigger town. I’ll start packing immediately.” Resolutely, she turned and stalked away from him, climbing the stairs to her room. She tried to hide the fact that she was trembling.
Ask me to stay, she begged silently. Ask me to stay, Will.
When she heard the door close behind him, she couldn’t for the life of her decide if she felt relief or pain.
Chapter 19
She collapsed upon her bed, trembling too much to stand. No, no, no, she wanted to shout out loud. Jonathon, I know I told you I’d move on and build a new life for myself in Serenity, but I just can’t do it. I can’t. Not here. Not with . . . not with Will.
Grand Rapids. She could go to Grand Rapids to look for a teaching position. It was a big enough town to support more than one school. Or Holland. Holland had been almost completely destroyed by the Great Fire; surely, they must need teachers for all the schools being rebuilt. What better place to rebuild her life?
Even Chicago was a possibility, although that big town had suffered terrible losses as well. She dismissed the thought almost as soon as it occurred to her, suddenly so sick of death and tragedy that she couldn’t stand the thought of living in yet another place that had suffered such devastation. Perhaps she should move east, possibly as far as New York or Boston. Somewhere civilized, she told herself.
She was tempted to jump up and start throwing her things into her trunk, but she was wise enough to know that it would never work without a plan. Jonathon had always been the one making all the plans for her, arranging everything just right to make it all flow easily. Even her move to Serenity had been perfectly orchestrated by him.
But he hadn’t planned on Will Baxter.
Victoria sat up slowly, wiping tears from her cheeks. Jonathon had begged her to marry again someday and she had agreed, but she’d expected it to be many years down in the future, and to a man who would understand that she could never love him. She never thought it possible to have such strong feelings for another man.
But what exactly am I feeling? she wondered.
With Jonathon, it had all been so easy. They’d been the best of friends from the very beginning. Everything had just been so . . . comfortable. Cozy. They’d finished each other’s sentences, enjoyed reading the same books, loved the same hymns in church. They were two sides of the same coin, a perfect fit.
But Will was none of those things. He was big and loud and shaggy-haired, and there was nothing comfortable about the way she felt when he was near. He made her angry and happy and terrified, all at the same time. She never knew from one minute to the next whether she wanted him to come closer or go away entirely.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a light tapping at the door. “Just a moment,” she called out, wiping her face once more. She stood and straightened her clothing, smoothing her hair quickly before opening the door.
Hannah stood in the hallway, her face red and blotchy from crying.
“No,” Victoria breathed. “Hannah, don’t tell me he’s --”
The other woman shook her head. “Still no change,” she said. “But I have an idea, and I need your help.”
# # #
Victoria poured two cups of strong tea and sat at the table across from Hannah. “Your aunt and uncle have agreed to let you stay with them?” she asked.
Hannah nodded. Her once-plump face was thin now, her sparkling eyes dull from weeks of worry and fatigue. “Uncle George is Father’s brother,” she explained again. “After Father died, he invited us all to go live with him and Aunt Ellen. They have a great deal of money, so they had room for all five of us. I said no, of course, because we all wanted to stay here in Serenity.”
Absently, she reached for a cookie and broke off a small piece. “They live just outside of Ann Arbor,” she said, chewing. “There are plenty of doctors and specialists there, and I am hoping one of them will be able to help Micah. I wrote to my uncle about him and just got a letter back today saying of course we can stay with them for as long as we need. I’m asking you to stay here with the other three boys while we’re gone. Please, Victoria, I can’t afford to take them all with me or leave our house empty for however long it might take.”
An idea was blossoming in Victoria’s mind. “What if -- what if I were to travel with Micah?” she asked. “I can save you money by paying for my own train ticket. If your relatives will agree to let me stay with them, that is.”
“You would do that?”
“Of course!” Victoria hesitated, and then blurted, “I want to help with Micah, but this will also give me a chance to look for a new teaching position in Ann Arbor. I -- I don’t feel that I should stay on in Serenity.”
“I thought you might want to leave us soon,” Hannah said sadly. She didn’t seem surprised. “It hasn’t been easy for you here, has it?”
“I’ve made some good friends, so it hasn’t been all bad.” The teacher reached across the table to squeeze the other woman’s hand.
“Is Wi
ll one of those good friends?” Hannah smiled.
Victoria drew a shaky breath. “Oh, you have no idea,” she sighed. After a moment, she shook herself. “All right, let’s work out the details, shall we? Your relatives are expecting you on Thursday’s train, so we don’t have much time to get ready.”
Chapter 20
“Ann Arbor? Why would you go to Ann Arbor?” Will demanded.
“There are doctors there, specialists,” Victoria told him. “Hannah thinks that one of them may be able to help Micah.”
“But why --”
“The Visser children have an aunt and uncle who live there. Hannah asked me to stay with the others while she traveled with him, but I’ve offered to take him there myself. I can take him to the specialists and look for a teaching position while I’m there. The aunt and uncle have agreed to let me stay with them until I find my own place.”
Will stared down at the heavy metal key she had placed on the counter. “So, you’re quitting?”
“Will, you made it very clear the other day that it would be in everyone’s best interests if I leave Serenity,” she said.
“Can’t we discuss this?”
“There’s nothing to discuss. You were right; there’s no use in re-opening the school at this point for just a handful of students. The new term won’t begin until fall, and it’s foolish for me to stay on as the teacher when there is no school.”
I was wrong! he wanted to shout, but he words stuck in his throat. “When do you leave?” he asked instead.
“Day after tomorrow. I plan on taking just the one bag with me and sending for my trunk after I’m settled.” She squared her shoulders and looked directly into his eyes. “I want to thank you for making my time here so special, Will. I’ll never forget any of you.”
“If . . . if you don’t find a position in Ann Arbor, you can always come back,” he said desperately.
“No. No, I’m afraid I can’t. Good bye, Will.”
He watched her walk resolutely from his store, fighting back the urge to leap across the counter and chase after her. He laid his hand upon the key and imagined that he felt the warmth of her hand still lingering in the metal.
I could ask her to stay, but then what? We’d see each other every day. I’d pass her on the street or try to talk to her about the school. And she knows now how I feel about her.
His face grew warm as he remembered his outburst that day at the Visser home. Bad enough that he’d admitted he wasn’t strong enough to stay true to his dead wife, but then he’d gone and blamed Victoria for his own weakness. He’d practically called her a temptress or worse. Any other woman would have slapped him for insulting her virtue in such a way.
It might have been better if she had gone ahead and slapped him, he thought ruefully. Her anger would be a sight easier to bear than this coolness toward him.
I swear, that woman’s heart is made of ice, he thought, and instantly regretted it. She wasn’t cold-hearted at all. She was warm and compassionate toward others, even him, which was what had caused him to foolishly believe there was something more there.
How could he have been so wrong? She was a widow, just as he was. Of course she was as devoted to Jonathon as he was to his Melanie. What kind of man was he to feel such an attraction to a newly-widowed woman?
“Pa? Are you all right?”
Will straightened when he heard his son’s voice. He took an instant to wipe the anguished expression from his face before turning to answer the boy. “I’m fine, David. What are you doing down here?”
“I’m bored, Pa. I ain’t sick any more, and I’m tired of sitting home all day. Can’t I go outside for a while?”
Will hesitated.
“Just down to the river,” he wheedled. “I won’t even take my pole to do any fishing. I’ll just walk down, nice and slow, and walk right back. You always say that fresh air does a body good.”
“I do say that, don’t I?” Will smiled, thoroughly won over. “Tell you what. It’s getting close to lunchtime. Why don’t you go grab our poles and I’ll pack us a lunch, and we’ll shut down the store to go fishing for an hour or so.”
“Really?” David beamed.
“Well, I also say that fish does a body good. Maybe we can catch tonight’s supper.”
Although he didn’t like closing the store for lunch very often, the little break today did wonders for his spirits. He and his son enjoyed the feeling of late spring sunshine warming their bodies as they sat together in companionable silence, catching little more than a few small sunfish and one nice-looking trout.
“Is it enough for supper?” the boy asked eagerly.
“I think so. I’ll fry them up with some potatoes and onions, but you’ve got to help me clean ‘em.”
David feigned a cough. “I don’t know, Pa, I’m feeling awful tired after all this exercise. I should probably take a nap when we get back.”
“Is that so?” Will asked with a grin, rising and gathering up their belongings. “I think we might need to have a little chat about that.”
David was quiet on the stroll back to his father’s store, his light mood seeming to evaporate. Will watched him closely, worried. Did I let him do too much, too soon? Is he going to have a relapse?
“Still feeling all right, David?” he ventured as they neared home.
“D’you think we could take a plate of fish and potatoes over to Micah?” David asked solemnly. “I heard you say he doesn’t have an appetite, but maybe he’ll get hungry for that. He sure loves your fried potatoes.”
Will’s heart ached at the sincerity in his son’s voice. “We can try,” he said. He cleared his throat to steady his emotions. “You’re a good friend to him.”
“I miss him,” David said simply. “Him and Gerrit and Joris and Sophie. Summer’s almost here, and we haven’t all seen each other in ages, and I miss all of ‘em. Stupid scarlet fever. This is the worst spring ever.”
“You know, Son, I couldn’t agree more. “
Chapter 21
The train trip to Ann Arbor was uneventful but tiring. George and Ellen Visser welcomed Victoria and Micah warmly into their home and promptly proceeded to fuss over Victoria almost as much as they fussed over their ill nephew.
“Really, I’m fine,” she protested. “Please don’t make such a fuss.”
George waved her words aside. “Our son is grown and gone out west with our grandchildren. Ellen is overjoyed to have young people to take care of again.”
Victoria dashed off a quick letter to Hannah to let her know they had arrived safely. Then, with some help from her hosts, she drew up one list of doctors to contact for Micah and another list of schools to contact regarding her own employment. After that, her days evolved into a never-ending cycle of writing letters and going on visits to different offices to try to arrange more visits and appointments.
On Sunday mornings, George stayed with Micah while Victoria attended church with Ellen. Later, the Vissers went to the afternoon service without her. Privately, she thought two services in one day was a bit excessive, but she kept her opinions to herself. Even though the church they attended was a bit more fire-and-brimstone than she was accustomed to, she felt welcome and accepted there.
Still, she found herself comparing the minister’s fiery sermons to Will’s easygoing presence and deep, rumbling voice leading the townspeople of Serenity in worship. He wasn’t a real pastor, of course, but there was something peaceful about the way he talked to them all about God’s word.
I miss him, she admitted.
It grew warmer with the arrival of summer. It was the first time Victoria had ever lived so far inland, away from a body of water, and she felt the heat and humidity intensely. The very air itself was heavy and moist some days, leaving her feeling as though she was walking underwater.
Micah, on the other hand, seemed to gain strength from the heat. On days when they weren’t meeting doctors at home or in different offices, they sat on blankets in the shade of a massiv
e maple tree not far from his aunt and uncle’s home. At first, he spent the days sleeping or quietly listening to the books Victoria read aloud to him. As the weeks wore on, however, he sat up more and became restless.
“When can I go home, Mrs. Dawson?” he asked plaintively one particularly steamy afternoon.
“You’ll go soon, Micah,” she told him. “You have an appointment next week, and I --”
“Why?”
She blinked. “What do you mean, ‘why’?”
“Why am I going to see all these doctors? They all say the same thing. I’m not going to get any better, am I?”
She’d been dreading this conversation. Carefully, she placed a bit of ribbon in the book to save her page. “But you are getting better,” she insisted. “When we got here, you were too weak to walk more than a few steps, and you could barely sit up without support. Now, just look at you! And you’ve got your appetite back as well. Eating like a horse!”
“But not like before.” He picked a blade of grass and twisted it between his fingers.
“No, not like before,” she agreed. Every specialist they had seen had come to the same conclusion. Micah’s heart had been damaged by the fever, and that was all there was to it.
“Tell me the truth, Mrs. Dawson. How -- how long till I die?” He studied the blade of grass intently as he spoke. He sounded calm, but she saw his chin wobble just a bit as he fought back tears. “I -- I heard the doctor back home tell Hannah that I’m gonna die. I don’t want to die here, ma’am. I want to be home when it happens.”
Without a word, Victoria dropped her book and pulled the frail little boy close. He stiffened in her arms and then melted into the hug.
“I’m so scared,” he whispered.
“You were very sick when that doctor said that,” she told him. “But he was wrong. You’re still here, aren’t you?”