by Liza James
Now, I'm walking through the club in a pair of loose gym shorts and a long tank top, scanning the room for her familiar long black hair and addicting figure. But I don't see her, not immediately. Instead, I hear a quiet giggle, a little laugh that echoes from the side of the stage as I get closer.
"I could come over tonight, after we get off. You deserve someone taking care of you, Ruby," a soft, feminine voice whispers from the darkness that shadows the left side of the stage and my heart races at her words.
I shouldn't be here, shouldn't be hearing this. But I can't hold anything against her for it, I told her I wanted to be fucking friends.
"I don't need anyone to take care of me, Skilla. You know that," Ruby's voice doesn't sound angry, necessarily. But it sounds exhausted, and it sounds dismissive. I can't help but be relieved by that fact.
I cough, because I'm unsure how to let them know that I'm here and suddenly Ruby's the first to step out onto the center of the stage. Her eyes fall to me and widen, and just when I thought she wasn't angry, I quickly realize that the sight of me flares her gaze in a burning rage.
"Tell me you're kidding," she says as she crosses her tattooed arms over her chest. She's in tight short black panties and a bright green sports bra. Her raven hair is actually down and hanging in delicious waves around her shoulders. God, it's magnificent. Thick and wild and enchanting all on its own. It fits her spirit so well, a softer accent to her edgier demeanor.
"I told you I'd be here," I say defensively as I attempt tilting my head up and holding my own.
"I told you not to come back," she replies, harshly reminding me of her painful words.
"Yeah, I know what you fucking said. But here I am, so train me. I need to be ready by this weekend."
"Sweetheart, I don't think one week of training is going to get you ready so soon." The other girl steps out of the shadows and comes to stand behind Ruby. She wraps her arms around her waist and rests her chin on Ruby's shoulder. A sweet, falsely sympathetic smiles spreads across her lips and while Ruby doesn't physically respond to the other girl’s touch, my skin lights on fire seeing them together.
I ignore her comment and keep my gaze on Ruby, on the only person I care to talk to right now. "I don't give a shit what you do with whoever you do it with, but I'm serious about this. I got the fucking job, now make sure I'm fucking ready to do it."
Ruby watches me silently for a brief moment before she twists her head and grips the other woman by the back of her neck, dragging her forward and pressing her lips tightly against the others. They kiss for a moment, something clearly erotic and aggressive while I stand in silence.
I fucking hate it. And the jealousy burns through my chest and rips across my limbs in a way that makes me ache to step forward and tear them apart. This is always such a fucking game to her, always trying to push me as far away as she can and then drag me back in the process.
Why can't I let go of this? Forget about her and this energy we share together.
Ruby breaks their kiss and pushes the other giggling girl away, telling her to leave us alone as she motions for me to join her on the stage. I climb up, stepping to the side and letting my gaze scan the small area. Everything is darker when the neon lights aren't flashing around it. Everything seems a little duller, a little less magical. But it doesn't offset the adrenaline I feel jumping up here. Because for a moment, I realize that I'm a part of that magic. I'm a part of the reason why this stage comes alive at night.
Ruby steps close to me as I turn to face her and my eyes fall to her swollen lips in anger, the visible reminder that she was just kissing someone else in front of me. But a sudden wash of fear and concern replaces every ounce of jealousy I had coursing through my mind when I notice the tiny abrasions and slight bruising along her jaw and under her eye.
She's hidden it all well with make-up, but I can see while she's this close and suddenly my hand is moving forward without my own knowledge. My fingers drift across her cheek, my thumb grazing along her jaw and then trailing over her bottom lip as she winces. She shuts her eyes while my other hand slips to the back of her neck. I can't help it, every part of me is hungry to touch her, to feel her and understand what's happened.
Her skin is warm, her heat piercing through me while I examine every harsh bruise and cut along her face. Even her throat is tainted with blueish marks that release an entirely new rage building inside of me.
"What the hell happened, Ruby?" I ask quietly, desperately needing to know if this had anything to do with Malin. But her usual masque slips back in place and her body stiffens as she distances herself away from me emotionally.
"None of your fucking business, Vibe Girl." She pulls out of my hold and steps away, motioning for me to move towards the pole.
"No fucking way." I launch forward, wrapping my fingers around her wrist as I pull her towards me. "Tell me what happened."
Her chest comes flush against mine and I can feel her erratic breaths as they pick up speed. Her eyes darken into something dangerous, and her hand is quickly yanked free from my hold as she shoves me away from her.
I stumble back a few steps but catch myself as my own anger begins simmering along my spine. Why the fuck is she always so angry?
I move forward again but her hands are up and pushing me away. So, I step forward a third time, but I'm so angry that I move even quicker, sharper than I realize I could and actually have the strength to pin her hands down in front of her and between us.
"Stop fucking fighting me," I grind out through clenched teeth as I shove her forward. This time, she's the one to stumble and we both end up falling. She lands on her back while I'm on top of her and while she's thrown off balance, I quickly drag her hands up and above her head, pinning them to the cold stage floor beneath us.
"I don't want you here, I don't want you around me." She speaks quietly, but for the first time, her voice breaks slightly through her words. Suddenly, the tiniest cracks in her facade begin crumbling and my eyes dive into her own as I search for answers.
"You're lying," I reply, my own voice taking on a more fragile, breathier quality. Arousal pools in my lower stomach as I watch her, enjoying the hold I have over her body. Her arms confined above her head, her eyes lazily dropping as she eyes my tits pressed tightly against her own. She's turned on, even while she's angry and fighting me.
But I shouldn't be surprised, this is how we've continuously been.
Anger and frustration is our foreplay. It gives us an excuse to lose control with each other.
I roll my hips against hers while I'm straddling her, feeling her pussy grind back against my own while I pin her down.
"I'm not lying. I genuinely don't want you here," she says again, but this time, she tries to pull her hands free of my hold. I shift slightly so that I can wrap one hand around both of her wrists and I use my other to grip the base of her jaw and force her to look into my eyes.
"Was this Malin?" I ask gravely. "Did he come to see you?"
She's quiet, and that's the only answer I need before I shut my eyes and drop my forehead against hers. Every ounce of arousal leaves my body as fear takes root. My fingers release their hold on her wrists as I move to grip her face in both of my hands. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm so sorry."
"This wasn't him," she says quietly as she takes her own hand and pushes me away slightly so that I have to look her in the eyes. "He did come to see me. He said some seriously fucked up shit, but this wasn't because of him." She bites her bottom lip in show of what she's talking about. Her damage, her pain wasn't necessarily due to Malin, but I have no doubts that he physically affected her in some way. "But it's because of who did this that I don't want you here. You can't be here, Aura. It would only be a matter of time before he knew what you mea—"
She halts her words, stopping herself from finishing that sentence but I ache to know what she was going to say. My mind craves her truth, her admittance even though I know this can never happen between us. Logically, this would
never work.
We're too volatile. Too explosive to be together.
"You just can't be here," she finally finishes.
"I'm not leaving."
"For fuck sake, really, Aura? How many times do I have to tell you that I don't fucking want you?" She shoves me away and shifts backwards so that we're sitting on the floor with a foot of space between us.
"Don't worry, I got that loud and clear when you kissed that other girl in front of me." I mention it because I'm still bitter about it. But she laughs and throws her head back in the process.
"Yeah, I'll kiss twenty other women in front of you if that's what it takes. Hell, I'll fuck all of them in front of you if it gets you to fucking leave this place."
God, I'm pissed, always so angry when it comes to these conversations we have together. So, I take things into my own hands. I want to force her to confront this with me. Maybe not yet—but soon. This has to come to a head soon. I shift forward and move towards her until I’m climbing on top of her lap and straddling her waist again. But this time, she's sitting up, our faces only inches apart while I watch her.
"I'm not leaving. Especially now that I know something is happening to you behind closed doors. No fucking way. So, you can either teach me how to dance so that I don't look like a fucking idiot on that stage when I get up there for the first time, or I'll ask K to teach me herself and who knows, maybe I'll be the one fucking her in the back room while you're up here dancing." I roll my body against hers, tempting her. This wave of electricity flows between us, coursing through my veins and reminding me of the freedom I find when I'm with her.
It's such a constant pull of emotions between us. We're either fighting or fucking, but I'm sick of it. And I need to leave Hawk, that's perfectly clear after this.
Because I'm only thinking of her now, of her safety, her health. And also of her touch, her body, her glorious fucking tits and the ways her eyes pierce through me in a way nothing else can ever do.
Slowly, but surely, things are coming into focus in my mind. I'm losing myself to this depravity, this darkness that's actually giving me the freedom I've always wanted.
I'm being liberated in ways I didn't realize were possible and I'm addicted to the radical strength of it.
"I'll kill you if you fuck her. Or anyone else for that matter," she whispers, and the deadly threat of her words only turns me on more. "You're mine, Vibe Girl. Always have been."
"Will you? Because if I find out you're fucking any of them behind my back, your blood will be on my hands," I say as drag my teeth along her jawline. I let my tongue slip out and across her skin, tasting her myself for the very first time. "You don't know what I've had to do, Ruby—the blood that already stains my flesh."
Her hands grip my hips as she shifts her leg so that her thigh is pressed against my pussy. Her tight hold controls me as she drags me back and forward, the friction pressing against my clit and sending me into a spiral of desire. I moan as my lips move against her neck, kissing her, fucking savoring her salty skin along my tongue. She's giving me this but she's stiff, her body still tense while she fights to hold onto her self-control.
"He'll hurt you, Aura, if he knows you mean anything to me. You stay the fuck away from me when we're working, do you understand?" Her voice is low, dark, and seductive, but holds that flare of genuine warning that slices through my lustful haze. I pull back and look into her eyes, her face is withdrawn, her gaze dark and serious as she awaits my response.
"I understand," I reply to her, realizing that energy is shifting back to something distant. Something easily restrained.
She nods in reluctant acceptance. "Now get off of me and get on that pole, we have a lot of fucking work to do."
I've spent the last five days at the club in non-stop training sessions. Literally, non-stop. Hours upon hours of dancing while Ruby instructs every detail. Teaching me about each deliberate place of my foot or position of my hand. She's taught me about the importance of not only core strength, but also my legs and even my wrists. Every single muscle works in unison while I dance, even my mind takes a technical role in every move I make.
I'm nowhere near ready. Not even close, but Sal says that I need to make a small appearance tonight on the stage, just to give our customers a glimpse of what's to come in the next few weeks. Ruby wasn't happy about it and fought with him for almost an hour while he coached me through another training session.
But he thinks it'll be good publicity to announce a new dancer, so here I am, standing in front of Ruby's vanity while she assists me in getting ready for my very brief dance on stage. Ruby is helping me put on fake lashes, these long wispy ones that I kind of love. I was worried at first, and fuck if Ruby dares wear them. They aren't her thing, but she offered them to me anyway and I agreed to try them for tonight.
"Hawk still doesn't know? You haven't told Bethie?" she asks as she leans forward and I shut my eyes so that she can place them on correctly.
Hawk and Bethie. I haven't told them about this, where I'm working or what I've done with Ruby. We haven't hooked up since that last time in this prep room, but that doesn't mean that every single training session hasn't been filled with the constant sexual tension I feel towards her. Every time she dances, every moment she moves around the pole or touches my body as she directs me.
I feel it. The electricity. It burns and pleads to be fulfilled.
That war inside my mind is still raging, the one that reminds me this is wrong, abhorrent in the ways I’ve been taught by The Nation. However, now that I’ve experienced something so powerful and intoxicating? The intrinsic pull within me that constantly draws me towards her is stronger. It fights against my upbringing, but ultimately wins in the long run.
But we've both been keeping our distance. After Malin made contact with her last week, I'm too worried about her safety to push it too far. I think she's also genuinely concerned over whoever this person is that torments her. I haven't told her my own plans though, that I intend on finding out who he is so I can destroy him myself.
I have a thing for abusers. Especially after how I grew up. And while I thought I was independent enough before, while I assumed I was safe with Hawk and Bethie, lately I've been noticing small things that keep putting me on edge.
Like the night Hawk slept with me after I fooled around with Ruby. How I didn't explicitly say I wanted to be with him, or even give him the signs that I usually did when I wanted to sleep with him. He simply took it without asking, and I don't think I can move past that.
It's strange though, how you sometimes don't make the connection until you're out of it for a bit. The more time I spend away from them, the more I think that things have been feeling a little off for a while now.
"No," I say flatly. "Him and Bethie think I'm shooting a wedding reception tonight with a friend."
"Wow, lying to him about where you are? I'm impressed," she replies humorously, but I hear the distinct tenor of apprehension in her tone. "Do you feel guilty about that?"
I pause for a moment, genuinely considering how I feel in my gut. I'm almost afraid to answer honestly. "No," I whisper. "Not right now, not while I'm here. But I don't know how I'll feel when I go home tonight."
She doesn't respond, only nods her head in acknowledgement. I don't think she wants to offer her opinion yet, that would be too personal, too close to what she wants us to have.
She places the last lash on my right eyelid and pulls away just as I blink my eyes a few times in order to adjust to the feel of them. She tilts her chin to the mirror so that I can look at them myself, but at the moment, I don't necessarily care about how they look.
I'm too busy getting lost in her energy, in her vibe. She's in a frenzied bout of chaos tonight. Her body is strained and tense, her eyes constantly looking behind her or us in search of something or someone I don't know. But it's just being near her that helps me calm for what I'm doing tonight, her company is what gives me the confidence I need to step out there alone in a
few minutes.
I don't look towards the mirror. Instead, I keep my eyes on her as I lift my newly painted fingers—a deep red with black accents—and trail my thumb along her lower lip. I shouldn't do this, I really shouldn't. Not with Malin and her own tormentor keeping an eye on us. I'm putting us at risk by even entertaining further thoughts of her and I.
I feel her intake of air as she watches me, her eyes focusing on mine while her demeanor hardens into something callous. I can't help it, I tug down just slightly, moving my thumb further into her mouth so that it brushes along her tongue. Fuck, she's sexual. So incredibly beautiful and magnificent, an atmospheric addiction that I want to consume.
But she reaches up and grips my wrist as she pulls me out of her mouth without saying a word. She simply turns back towards the mirror and ignores our interaction. Fuck, I'm a glutton for punishment. So, I stand behind her, my black silk robe falling open just slightly over my chest. She hasn't seen what I'm wearing tonight, and I don't want her to until I'm up on the stage.
I lean forward until I'm only inches away from her ear, "Are we friends now?" I whisper as I fight to maintain my distance. I'm craving it though, the feel of her against me and I have to remind myself that I agreed this couldn't go any further.
Every day it feels like new secrets are revealed or my suspicions are confirmed in small acts of rebellion. In all of this though, Ruby is the one constant. The one person who was there and saw through the bullshit in the very beginning.
It’s both insane and incredible to think of where I was only a couple of weeks ago. This quiet, modest girl who thought she had her life wrapped up into one neat and tidy package. I was happy with Hawk and Bethie. I was content, living every day in mediocrity. But I didn’t know that then, I hadn’t experienced a life outside of that. For the years I was out of the cult before meeting Hawk, my days were spent in therapy or inside my apartment. I didn’t go out much and I worked at the local animal shelters, where I wouldn’t have to interact with people very often.