by Liza James
The music continues pumping around the room, people are dancing and drinking and painting each other while the three of us get lost in the same things. God, this almost feels normal. For just a few minutes, I feel like this is right. I can ignore the strange tension that's pulled between us. I can forget about the last week, The Nation, and hopefully escape into the darkness that this place promises.
Hawk pauses his steps as another guy walks over to greet him. They both bump fists when the other guy places a hand on his shoulder and holds his palm flat in front of Hawk's chest. There are a few pills stacked in the center in clear offering.
Hawk lifts a hand and takes three pills, nodding for Bethie and I to come toward him. The other guy slaps his back before turning away and moving to another group of people. My heart rate spikes slightly, nerves of what he's giving us taking root inside my stomach. I'm okay with a lot of things, but I do have some hard limits.
"You need to let loose tonight, baby. You've been so stressed out, you can relax a little. Bethie and I will be here," Hawk's alluring voice infects me. He shifts his hand forward, offering me whatever he's holding. But I look up to meet his eyes as I try to slow my heart rate and catch my breaths.
"What is it?" I ask defensively. I have to know what it is before I even consider trying it. No way in hell am I going into this blindly.
"Trust me," he responds, nudging his hand towards my face again.
"Fuck no, tell me what it is?" I push back, thankful that I haven't started drinking just yet.
"It's LSD," Bethie answers for him as she reaches forward and takes one of the pills, laying it on her tongue and swallowing with a smile.
LSD. No way. That's my hard limit, I can't do LSD. Awful, vivid memories come spiraling back to my mind. Any control I had over my racing heart is lost and Hawk's eyes narrow at my clearly frantic response.
"I'll be here the entire time, Aura. I promise, you'll be safe." Hawk attempts reassuring me, but it doesn't help, nothing helps when I'm reminded of my past. Of The Nation.
"No, absolutely not."
"Seriously?" Bethie asks this time, her voice turning into something judgmental and ridiculous. Fuck her, I don't have to do it simply because she thinks that I should.
"Seriously. I'm not doing it, you guys. Not LSD." I hold my hands up and step back, but Hawk is quick to launch forward and grip my wrist with his open hand. He tugs me against his chest, cinching me tightly across him so that I can't move.
Everything speeds up again—my mind, my thoughts. The fear that had only sparked is growing into something uncontrollable. Fuck, he won't force me. I know he won't.
"Come on babe. You need this, you need to fucking let go. LSD can be amazing. Hell, a spiritual awakening when needed. And after everything you've been through? You could go through a cleanse, Aura." He pushes his hand forward again, moving it towards my mouth when I grip his wrist and try pushing away. His words pierce my mind and linger at the forefront, why would he mention anything spiritual to me? And a cleanse? He knows how I feel about all of that.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I ask as I keep wriggling in his arms, trying to work myself free of him.
"Did you fucking hear her? Or are you deaf, Hawkie boy?" That voice. It's dark and husky in a way that elicits almost an immediate groan from my lips. My skin burns under Hawk's touch, because now it's begging to be near her. I can't help it, I automatically shift in his arms so that I'm closer to her as she comes up behind me. I can feel her heat, her energy emanating through me—calling to me.
God, I want to see her, really fucking see her. After last night, after what I heard, I want to feel her skin with my own hands. I need to touch her, hear her voice as she tells me she's okay.
"I shouldn't be surprised to find you here. Were you looking for me? Hoping to get another chance to steal me for yourself?" He laughs, and the sound actually makes me sick. I focus on his words, truly listening to the way his voice subtly wavers over the lie. Because I know he is lying, I can feel it now. It's in the way his voice raises just a bit, in the manner his eyes dart to Bethie for a quick second before settling back on Ruby. His hand flinches just barely against my waist and these are all things I hadn't noticed before. These small, subtle, tell-tale signs that now alert me to the fact that he isn't telling the truth.
I know Ruby. Our connection, our tether is more potent than whatever this is with Hawk. I trust her, not him, and not Bethie. That's becoming more and more apparent with each passing day.
"Oh Hawk, you know you've never been the one I'm after." Her hand lifts and slides around the back of my neck as she holds me in a hard grip. As his eyes fall to the movement, she catches him off guard by slamming her other hand forward and against his chest at the exact moment that she pulls me backwards by my neck.
It's enough to throw him off, and I'm immediately lost to the feeling her strong figure standing behind mine. She's slender and perfect, our bodies syncing together in a flawless fit. This feels different, it's magnetic in both our energy and bodies.
The music continues pounding around us as if nothing has changed. But it suddenly feels like everything has. Hawk launches forward and Ruby holds me tightly against her chest as she shifts us so that she's standing ahead of me, with her arm still tightly around my waist. Bethie steps up and in front of Hawk though, holding him back with her hands pressed flat against his chest. His eyes dip down for a moment before flying back up and meeting my own.
"You're fucking mine, Aura. Get the hell away from her," he bites out, just as he lays his hands on Bethie's shoulders. Her eyes narrow just slightly as he speaks, and she's quick to nudge him in the stomach while she mutters something I can't quite understand.
"I don't belong to anyone, Hawk. You should know that by now," I speak the words calmly, letting the feeling of Ruby behind me be my confidence, my reliance. She's the one who has helped me realize this. I've been transformed since meeting her, since experiencing these new feelings and emotions, getting involved in acts that I was always taught were wrong and evil in countless ways.
I'm finally understanding the magnitude of what I've been indoctrinated with. I'm understanding how so incredibly wrong the people of my past were.
Maybe the things I've done aren't perfect, or wholesome, or good. But I'm okay with that, because I believe we all deserve a little bad. A little darkness and corruption to remind us that living life is so much more than falling in line with the person behind you. Experiencing life is greater than listening and agreeing to all of the deafening noise that constantly buzzes in our ears.
The fucking expectations. The prejudices, the preconceived idea that if you don't fit in with the societal mold—you'll fail.
Fuck that and fuck every organized belief that has convinced us of that notion.
Hawk laughs as he steps back and holds up his hands in mock surrender. Bethie is still on him, still seemingly trying to control whatever he's feeling. She's acting like his girlfriend, the voice of reason he needs when he's losing his hold.
His girlfriend.
My eyes fall to her and then jump back up to him. He catches the quick glance and hastily pushes her away, gaining about a foot of separation between the two of them. Bethie's hands drop to her sides and I notice the way they clench against her thighs before releasing again. Her shoulders rise as if she's inhaling a large breath before she turns around to meet my gaze.
But it's different. This is dark and evil in a way that feels far too familiar. Something vague and poisonous pricks at the back of my mind and I wish I could put my finger on it. I see gears turning in her head though, her tongue pushes against the inside of her cheek as she crosses her arms around her chest. She's thinking, planning something in her head that I want nothing to do with.
"Have your fun but stay where I can keep an eye on you. You go home with me tonight, not her." His words are forced and dismissive, suddenly taking on the tone of carelessness. But I'm already on to him, on to Bethie, and I tilt
my head to the side while I observe the two of them together.
I've been missing this the entire time.
"I go home with whoever the fuck I want to go home with," I reply, my voice stronger and more confident than I ever expected it to be while dealing with something like this. I turn on my heels and take Ruby's hand in my own, pulling her behind me while I try to disappear into the dancing crowd. Her voice breaks out as she tells Hawk and Bethie that it was nice seeing them again, I can hear the smile in her tone though and I know she's being sarcastic.
"You're going to piss them off even worse than they already are," I remind her as she quickly steps ahead of me and takes the lead. Her fingers wind through mine and I become obsessed with the feeling of it. Her skin against my flesh, the warmth of her body easing into my own. Her vibe is that euphoric height I’m constantly climbing toward, always being drawn to. Her energy is continuously my clean air, refreshing my lungs with each heady breath I take of her.
But she's silent, and her back tenses as we make our way to the complete opposite side of the room. She drags me to the back, her steps moving quicker and quicker as we find more space. Abruptly, I'm roughly yanked forward and thrown back against the wall as she comes to stand in front of me. It's the first time I can get a real look at her, even through the blacklights and darkness, I can make out the subtle areas of discoloration along her jaw and throat.
Panic flares inside my chest as I realize who is responsible for this. As every single emotion, every fleeting thought and worry come crashing back into my mind from the last twenty-four hours. I lift a hand and gently grip her chin, forcing her head up so that I can take a closer look at her.
"Ruby," I start, my voice only a whisper as I fight to remain calm. "Fuck, tell me how I can fix this? How do I make this right?"
"Why are you here? At this rave?" she asks, completely ignoring my question. Her skin is splattered with pink and white paint. Small splashes of orange and green flash across her as well. She's wearing white fucking spandex. The ones that literally look like panties, another pair of her signature fishnets, these ones red, and a tight, cut off, blood-red crop top that dons distressed rips and tears in the fabric. I don't even think she's wearing a bra, her perfectly tight nipples strain against the material as my eyes rake over her body.
"Vibe Girl, stop getting distracted and tell me why the fuck you're here?" She reaches forward and grips my jaw, forcing my head up and my eyes to meet hers again.
"Because Hawk and Bethie invited me. They sort of planned this a week ago, I just didn't realize it was a rave that I was coming to. I thought this was some sort of house party," I respond as I reach forward again and let my fingers slide across the back of her neck. I pull her forward, until her body is pressed flush against my own. Her full tits dragging against mine with every breath we take.
She's watching me, every move I make, every brush of my fingers as they slide up and into her hair. I want her lips against mine, I want to taste her tongue and lose myself to the feeling of her mouth devouring my own.
"You can stop touching me like that, for starters. And stop fucking looking at me like that too," she whispers as she pulls away slightly. My heart sinks, her firm stance on us not being together still clearly holding root inside of her.
But I almost agree now that I remember her cries from last night.
"Last night," I start, but she closes her eyes and her lips flatten into a tight line. "I went to find you." I lift my hands, letting both of them fall to either side of her face as I tilt her head up again. Her eyelids slowly open and her dark eyes bore into me. It's as if she can see through everything, catch a glimpse into every feeling I have for her as she watches me.
I love it and hate it at the same time.
Because she feels my pain as if it's her own, and I feel the same when I look into her.
"Don't. Don't go there, okay? It is what it is, we can't fucking change it. Not right now at least," she responds casually, as if this isn't some big fucking deal. It rips through me in frustration and a renewed anger for Dom. That sick and toxic fucking human.
"I'm losing my mind here, Ruby. I can't fucking stay away from you," I whisper, pulling back just slightly and watching her as I admit it. "Give me something—anything."
"What do you want from me? This is it for us, Aura. It's too dangerous for you with Dom, I'm not fucking doing that. You're already a big enough target as it is." Her voice is hoarse as she chokes out the words. We're both angry, we're both feeling suffocated by the confines of the people in our lives.
I pause, wishing I knew exactly how to change our circumstances. But I don't know what to do. A sudden thought flashes through my mind though, and I'm reminded of something I do want from her—something she can give me. It's the biggest thing I haven't known, the one piece of information that constantly floats in the back of my head as a mystery.
"Your name. I want your name."
"Yeah, you would fucking choose that," I mumble under my breath as I drop my gaze down her body. I lean forward and place both hands on the wall, framing her head. "No."
"What the hell, why not?" she asks, her voice heightening into a sound that tells me how ridiculous she thinks I'm being.
"Because that isn't who I am anymore. That person, she lived a very different life than I do. She was a completely different person, someone I'm not fucking proud of." I don't want to tell her of my past, my family. I was a shallow, rich, bitch and I feel like my name encompasses the life I left behind.
"I'm asking for your name, Ruby. Not your entire life story. If anyone understands the need to escape your fucking past, it's me." She's right, I know she is. If anyone really gets me in this, it's her. But am I surprised? No, not at all. Because Aura is constantly thriving on the same wavelength as I am. We hit the same frequency, our minds, our souls. All of it works together seamlessly. She feels like she's a part of me, my actual other half in every possible way.
She challenges me, even while I'm pushing her away and fighting back. She forces me to address the shit I want to avoid. I fucking hate it.
But I know I need it. I just don't know if I'm ready to give in yet.
"No. Anything but that, okay?" I grind out through gritted teeth and I watch as the disappointment floods her features.
"I'll get it eventually. Your name is fucking mine, Ruby," she bites out and I can't help but laugh at her influential confidence now. She radiates it, bursting forth through new rays of empowerment. She's a goddess, I knew it before and I know it now. "How do you know Dom? Through the club?"
Fuck, maybe it would have been easier to give her my name.
I sigh, succumbing to the fact that I'm going to share this small piece of my life with her. I shouldn't cross this line, give her something of my personal past, but a larger part of me wants her to know. "Family friend. He knew my parents, he was around when I was kid and growing up. My dad, he owns a financial firm and wanted Dom to join him. But Dom decided to split and do his own thing on the streets, become a God in a very different sort of way. He worked with my parents’ connections until he had built something practically invincible. Unfortunately, when I was sixteen, I thought I wanted to join him. I stayed around until I realized what I was getting involved in and split right after. But he found me once I was settled and has been around ever since."
"A family friend?" she asks, her eyes pinch closed for a moment while her forehead creases in confusion. "But your parents, do they know what he's doing?"
Yeah, you'd think that any responsible parent would put an end to the abuse they knew was taking place, wouldn't you? Not my parents though. They turned a blind eye while I was growing up and haven't bothered reaching out once they knew Dom had me in his sights. "They know. And no, they don't actually give a shit. Especially not now that I'm working at the club."
Her head falls back against the wall and my eyes slip down to her lips. Rosy red, soft and enticing. She sucks her bottom lip into her mouth as she shuts her eyes. I c
an practically see the gears turning in her head, but I'm so distracted by the way that lip slips back out. A little red, a little swollen, and fuck I want to take it for myself. Bite her flesh and mark her as my own.
I want to taste her, let my tongue slide across the seam of her lips and between her legs.
"There's something about him," she says quietly as she pulls my attention back to her words. "He's familiar in the vaguest way. I don't think I've ever seen him before in my life. But it's a feeling I got when I met him."
"He was watching us the night we met, outside of the club when we were leaving. He stepped out for a moment while we drove away. I hoped he didn't catch your attention, but you probably saw him then," I explain logically, it's the only place I could ever guess they would have seen each other.
"Shit, yes. I forgot about that. You're right." Aura's hand shifts up to my wrist as she wraps her lithe fingers around me. She's unsure, I can feel it in her hesitant touch as she trails her fingertips up my forearm at a slow, languid pace. Even something as simple as this has my heart rate picking up speed.
I watch the movement, my eyes focusing on the simple act of her intimate touch when someone drapes their arms around my shoulders. Aura immediately let's go of me, and I twist my head to find Skilla at my shoulder. Frustration flashes through my chest at her poor timing. Skilla has been struggling to catch my attention since she started at the club, and she's made it blatantly clear she'd like to pursue something with me. She doesn't realize I'm already tangled too tightly in the chaos of someone else though.
I carefully shift out of her hold, intentionally trying not to hurt her feelings, but making it clear I'm not interested in what she's offering tonight. "Babe, what are you doing back here? Come hang out with us, we're about to play truth or dare."
"We're busy," I state dryly while I watch her take a drag from the joint dangling between her fingers. She offers it to me, and I pause, considering whether or not I want to actually get high tonight. But honestly, it wouldn't hurt to relax a bit, and I wouldn't mind letting go of some of the fucking stress that seems to be suffocating me lately. So, I take it, a little weed won't fucking hurt anything. I shift to hand it back to her and Skilla leans a little too close to me as she takes it, blowing her smoke in my face in a way that she thinks is seductive. It doesn't do anything for me though.