by Liza James
"I'm sorry about everything, Aura," Bethie finally says, her voice low and cautious as we breach this painful subject. "The lies, the manipulation. Hawk. All of it."
I hear Ruby step behind me, walking past us until she's seated on the small couch near the side of the room. She crosses one leg over the other, her hands rested perfectly across her lap while her hard gaze stays focused on Bethie.
"I know," I reply, because I'm not ready to forgive her. I don't think I'll ever be ready. But maybe one day, maybe once I've had years to process what's happened to us. "Thank you, by the way. For finding us and calling the FBI."
When we arrived at the station that night, we were informed that Bethie had made the call to them. They knew she had been a part of the cult at one point and contacted her about being their inside informant. She also mentioned the fact that Hawk had been missing for almost fourteen hours by that point. She doesn't know what really happened to him, and the police force hasn't put much effort into his case due to the connections that Dom holds over them. That part of the problem was already taken care of the minute Malin and Dom found us in that club.
"I assumed Hawk had gone back and I went looking for him. I knew he had been struggling with drugs, constantly seeking that high, and he changed so much after you left. I thought he had gone back to The Nation for help. The FBI had been working with me after the rave—that night was a catalyst for me. A lot of things began changing, Hawk started using more frequently, I started questioning everything I had been taught at The Nation when Hawk had initially brought me there. Everything that had been ingrained into me started shifting, my perspective changed, and all of a sudden, I wasn’t as blinded by the idea of Hawk and I being together,” she pauses, dropping her gaze for a moment before continuing. “When I got to The Nation to find him, it was clear that everyone was preparing for something. That's when I realized what was happening at the field and I rushed there when I knew you wouldn't go willingly. You had already changed so much, Aura. You were so much stronger than what they would force you to do."
"Hawk disappeared with the others," Ruby says, her voice perfectly stable and flat while her fingers tap out a consistent rhythm against her thigh. "We have no idea where he's been."
"I know," she says, her head nodding in understanding before meeting Ruby's gaze. "He's gone, and that's okay. I didn't realize what I was a part of until I was out of it." Bethie meets my gaze again, turning her attention back to me. "I'm done with all of that, you know. I had met Hawk and god, it's pathetic but—I just wanted him to want me."
My heart sinks at her words, at her obvious desire for acceptance.
It reminds me of myself, before I met Ruby. When I wanted so badly to make Hawk happy.
But his happiness and our self-love should have never been based around his acceptance of us.
Our own happiness and strength is derived from ourselves. No one else.
"You don't need him or anyone to want you like that, Bethie. You're exactly who you should be on your own," I say quietly, letting a smile pull at my lips as I realize how similar we once were.
"You're right," she says. "I know you're right. And I'm so glad you both are safe now."
"So are we," Ruby says as she finally stands and steps towards us. She lifts her arm wide and wraps one around my shoulders as she tugs me against her. "Thank you again."
Bethie nods her head and steps back, placing the peonies on the shelf before waving goodbye and leaving Ruby and I alone.
Ruby turns towards me, wrapping both of her arms gently around my waist as she pulls me flush against her chest. "You're coming home with me today."
I smile, pressing my lips against hers before pulling away again. God, I love the feeling of her. I'll never take advantage of her simple breaths or heated heart beat again. "I am," I whisper, before leaning in again and kissing her. I can't get enough, and I want to remember every moment we share together now.
"I have an idea," Ruby says between kisses as she turns us around and slowly backs up towards the couch. She sits down and pulls me on top of her, careful to move gently while I straddle her waist.
"Hmm?" I groan out as I let my fingers slide into the back of her hair and pull her lips against mine again.
"Tattoos," she whispers, just before pulling away and lifting her hand in front of my face. I see the scar, my vision going hazy with rage for just a moment as I remember what Dom did to her. The rough outline of a skull marks her flesh in was once the symbol of The Nation.
"Tattoos," I repeat, cocking my eyebrow as I wait for her to explain.
"I have an idea for these, and I want to make it ours. They can mark me all they want but they'll never fucking own me," she bites out, but that defiance in her voice is what really hits me. Her own strength, her own identity. Her own fucking courage.
"Shit, I've never gotten a tattoo."
"I know, that's why this will be perfect." She laughs as she claims my lips once again with hers, and I lose myself to the idea of her body against mine, her own marks on my flesh, because if anyone owns anything—
We own each other.
6 MONTHS LATER
"Holy fuck that hurt," Aura's voice is strained and high as she finally stands from the leather seat she was draped across. "I swear to god, if you don't fuck me exactly how I want to tonight, I'm going to be pissed. I deserve it after that shit."
I laugh as she stands and walks over to the mirror, turning around so she can look at her lower back. The artistry spans over the scarring that's puckered her skin, inking it in a way that compliments the horrid memory in strength.
"Are you serious? You actually want to try that fucking thing tonight?" I ask, raising my eyebrows in surprise at what she's hinting at.
"Stella said it was amazing, and honestly, I trust that chick. She is kinky as hell," she says, a smile pulling at her lips while she continues appreciating her new tattoo.
"Yeah, Stella is also insane," I mutter, remembering the conversation that her and Aura had in the middle of our fucking hallway at the apartment complex. Both of them loud as all hell, shouting about sex and kinks and all the new things her and Nathanial had been experimenting with. She gave Aura a thousand new ideas and we've been working through every single one.
I can't complain though. Because I'm the one living in her moans and cries when she's begging for me to let her come.
I fucking love it.
Aura's laughter slowly fades into something appreciative, her gaze roaming across her own skin as she turns to face me. "I love it," she says, her voice peaking up in appreciation as she leans to the side and praises the tattooist.
I was actually surprised she wanted to get this, assuming she'd want to distance herself from the nickname as much as possible.
But she didn't, instead she embraced her past as a piece of her journey. An integral part of her evolution into who she is today.
A field. Strewn with wildflowers that kick up in the air as their freed from the confines of their roots. A few small butterflies join the mix, dancing together in a small scene of victory.
Butterflies and wildflowers.
I turn and lift my own shirt, examining the fresh tattoo I had gotten before her as well. We both look, our gazes colliding with each other before falling to my back once again. A wave of pride washes through me and I can't help the smile that pulls at my face and narrows my eyes.
God, it’s fucking perfect.
The skull that once branded my flesh is still there, the ruined edges of my skin now decorated by pieces that show exactly what we overcame. A wildflower rests over one eye, the other half of my soul now present in my own life. Around the edges of the skull are several flowers and countless butterflies, all surrounding the vile brand in the strength of myself and Aura.
We're suffocating it.
Stifling the horrific memory in our own beauty and power.
The mark of The Nation now drowned out by who we are. Our own identities, our own victories, our own rela
tionship and love for each other despite our pasts screaming differently.
We still haven't heard from those left over by the cult. No word from Dom, or my parents or any others. The club has thrived in the absence of the man who constantly abused us. Sal, has worked alongside the police to offer better protection, realizing that he no longer has to live in fear of what Dom will do to him. Because it became clear that he was being forced into his own nightmares when he broke down after we returned. He has his own story, his own mistakes, but we're all working together to find our own freedom.
Aura and I found our own identities. Corruption and poison were our catalysts, transforming us into the people we were always meant to become.
Butterflies and wildflowers evolved from darkness into something transcendent.
Electric. Powerful. Capable.
I press a kiss to Aura’s lips as I pull her against me. I savor in the taste of her skin against my tongue, the sound of her quiet moan as she melts against my chest. I drag my teeth across her lower lip before biting and sucking it into my mouth.
Her energy is on fire, syncing so closely with mine that I practically feel her inside of me already. It’s fucking perfect. She’s everything I didn’t realize I needed before I met her, and I love every moment of it.
"All right, Vibe Girl. Let's go home."
You guys, this is a long one. I’ve got a lot to say about this story.
All right, here we are again. At the end, in the place I’m usually most uncomfortable with.
Because this means we’re saying goodbye, and I don’t usually love that. But if I’m being completely honest, I think that’s the most important part of this story?
The end.
Vibe was born out of a place that I personally needed to confront. I grew up in a life that had conditioned me to believe certain ideas, notions, predetermined truths and implied that I’d never be accepted FULLY if I wasn’t one way or another.
I was afraid of a lot of things growing up. I was afraid of failure. Of disappointment. Of not meeting the expectations of the people who surrounded me. I was terrified of one day waking up and being attracted to women. How terrible is that? That fact that was even a THOUGHT that crossed my mind? Because if that was my reality, then I thought I’d be confronted with an entirely new slew of problems.
I’d be rejected.
I’d be forced to change.
I’d be shamed.
I’d be uncomfortable.
Vibe was created because I wanted to confront those ideas and fears and tackle them headfirst. What would happen if I met someone who I genuinely connected with on an entirely different level?
What if she was a woman?
That is Vibe. The battle. The transformation. The evolution of who we are molded into by our upbringings and who we become when we are forced to face those fears and become the person we were always meant to be.
Who are you? Who are you afraid to be? What makes you uncomfortable and what forces you to reconsider the challenging beliefs that you’ve been taught since you were a child?
Vibe is me. It’s my story and my demons and my fears and my revelations.
It’s my transformation and all I hope is that it reaches some of you in the ways it’s reached me.
SO, I have a lot of people I need to thank for this story.
First of all, my Mystery Girl. You know who you are. You MADE me confront these beliefs. You forced me out of my comfort zone when I didn’t even know your name. I had to get to know you on a completely different level—a deeper one. One that didn’t include the frivolous and shallow standards that one would expect to learn first. No, I had to earn your name by working for it. And I’ll never forget that. I love you for everything you’ve given me and the friendship we have because it’s VIBE.
Secondly, KV FUCKING ROSE. You are everything to me. Do you know that? I feel like you do, but I need to say it again.
You. Are. Everything. You were there for me when I was lost and you’ve shown me what a true friendship in this industry looks like. You’ve encouraged me, fought for me, stood by my side when I didn’t know what to do next. And the most important part? You said we’ll do it together. Every step of the way has been paved in US. I fucking love you. And I’ll be obsessed with you forever.
Thal and Zoe. You two. I can’t even explain how much you both mean to me and what our conversations did for this story. It’s just as much yours as it is mine and I couldn’t have done Ruby and Aura justice without the two of you. I will never forget the discoveries we made with this, the encouragement you guys gave or the ways you both were there for me as I cried through it. I love you both so much.
My betas, Priscilla and Mickey. You two are amazing and SO encouraging. It’s your passion and love for this that truly help me portray this story the way it needed. You guys are invaluable to me and I’m so happy you both were on this.
Ashlee O’Brien. You graphic designing unicorn. You made Vibe a priority and you created this aesthetic in the INTEGRITY of Vibe. You loved this story from the beginning, even when you hadn’t read it and the fact that it was important to YOU meant everything to me. You’ve become one of my closest friends and I appreciate the shit out of you.
Amy Briggs. My forever editor. It amazes me every time you read one of my stories and can pick out the pieces that ARE me. The fact that we haven’t even met, but you know me like you do is an entire vibe all on its own. I’m so thankful for you and love you for all of the work you put into this.
CULT SLUTS. OUR PEOPLE. God, you guys get this on another level because you were there in my break downs. In every decision I made and was unsure of, you guys have been the BIGGEST support and I love you all more than you could ever know.
Readers and bloggers and everyone who has taken the time to dive into this world. You guys are the real reason this story is important. You guys have taken the chance on something that may feel a little different to you, it may challenge you in ways you may have not been ready to face. I’ll always be thankful for that. I’ll always be thankful for YOU. I hope this meant something to you, and I hope you come out of this feeling a little more change in your life.
But mostly? For every single person who reads this story?
I hope you feel liberated to be and love the people you want to. I hope you feel accepted and loved in your own truths. I hope you choose to recognize that beauty is in our differences, in our unique desires and needs and personalities. I hope you choose to love those who are different from you and accept them for who they are because we’re all beautiful. We’re all equal.
At the end of all of this—I hope you’re free.
Also By Liza James
Paranormal Dark Romance
Fated (Fated Series Book One)
Descent (Fated Series Book Two)
Website: www.lizajames.org
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