by Van Badham
‘I’ve been staring at myself in the bathroom mirror for fifteen minutes because I can’t believe it’s actually me,’ said Sue.
‘It’s so you!’ I said. ‘Where’d you get that dress?’
‘It’s Lucy’s,’ said Lauren.
‘Would you believe she was actually going to throw it out?’ said Darren.
‘Because she’s too fat to fit into it,’ said Lauren.
‘Because her shape is not flattered by halter-neck styles, missy,’ corrected Darren. ‘Lucy gets a lot of samples from designers – you can’t expect everything to suit everyone.’
‘For the first time in my life I am grateful for my Asian breasts,’ said Sue, doing a little twirl.
‘Because for the first time in your life you are showing them off, not hiding them in something awful and blocky that looks like you escaped from jail in it,’ said Darren. Sue blushed.
‘And I think Vijay will be grateful that you’re grateful,’ said Lauren. ‘I think he will show you his gratitude and that may, indeed, be the last we see of that dress.’
‘Did you cut her hair?’ I asked Darren, noticing that Sue was sporting a long fringe and her hair was pinned back, with a couple of curls behind her neck.
‘I certainly did,’ he said. ‘You, young lady,’ he said to Sue, ‘have a fabulously long neck and great shoulders. If your hair ever hangs like a pair of curtains on you ever again, I will entrust Lauren personally to do the recut.’
‘Snippy snip!’ Lauren said.
‘She kept you a secret from me,’ I said, giving Sue a tender hug. ‘I had no idea you were coming tonight.’
‘I’m not,’ she said, looking torn, ‘I just wanted to see you before—’
‘—before Vijay the Indian love god pulled her underpants over her head,’ said Lauren.
‘Shut up,’ said Sue to Lauren. ‘She’s just being vulgar. I’ve got a date,’ she explained, her cheeks pinking to red.
‘They’re going to a talk on science teaching in virtual communities,’ said Lauren. ‘She’ll walk in dressed like that and every nerd present will wet their pants.’
‘It’s a book launch,’ said Sue defensively. ‘He’s a very well-known American scientist. Vijay had to book tickets.’
It was such a nerdy plan and Sue looked so not nerdy that I couldn’t stop smiling.
‘I’m sure you’ll both have a very nice time, Sue,’ said Darren.
‘Just let him actually kiss you, this time,’ said Lauren. She turned to me. ‘When he dropped her off the other night he offered to walk her to the door and she not only told him not to bother but got straight out of the car.’ She turned back to Sue. ‘Even I know that he’s supposed to kiss you at the door or in the car, dumb-ass – and I’ve had less action than a typewriter since the internet.’
‘Excuse me for taking it slow,’ admonished Sue. ‘They don’t exactly teach kissing etiquette in Advanced Maths.’
‘Then why don’t we ask an expert?’ said Lauren, turning back to me. ‘Soph, care to explain just how you got that lovely hickey on your neck?’
8
While I recounted a heavily summarised version of the past few days, Darren set one of the kitchen chairs up with its back to the kitchen sink and plonked Lauren on it. He proceeded to wash her hair under the kitchen tap.
Although I skipped the weirder stuff – like the Ashley Ventwood face-morph episode – the story about the crow storm alarmed all present. ‘I didn’t realise that’s where you live,’ said Sue. ‘Vijay and I talked about it when we heard it on the news. He’s way up on animal behaviour—’
‘I bet he is,’ said Lauren.
‘—those events are unusual, but they do occur,’ continued Sue. ‘There are theories that mass hysteria can be triggered in animal populations, although it takes an extreme set of circumstances to make it happen.’
‘They said it was the fire,’ I said.
‘Maybe,’ she said, ‘but personally I’d say it’s more likely to be the storm. Animals are a lot more sensitive to changes in weather pressure than we are. The old story about watching the speed of ants harvesting grain as a way to predict storms is true.’
‘How do they know?’ said Darren.
‘Instinct,’ said Sue. ‘One of the things that separates them from us is that we have to be taught everything. Language, movement, even eating. Our process for learning sexual behaviour is notoriously complex.’ Here, Lauren sniggered, but Sue continued. ‘We’re born breathing and sucking and that’s about it. We sing songs and write books and make art because we can’t pass on what we’ve learned without it being repeated, told, distributed. Animals can learn behaviour, sure, but they seem to pass on everything they actually need to know genetically … And maybe it’s possible they have some kind of group consciousness as a species. Some interlinked psychic brain – or, more logically, a rapid, mass means of intra-species communication – so their individualised instincts can coordinate within a group, for group action. It’s when something, like weather pressure, interferes with that communication that you get these odd behaviours – whales grounding themselves, locusts destroying their own food supply. I don’t know. I haven’t read enough about it. But, seriously, that must have been a really interesting experience.’ She looked thoughtful. Then she looked at me. ‘What? Did I have a total nerd moment? Why are you smiling at me?’
‘I love you, Sue,’ I said. ‘You’re talking about the crows, and the Yarrindi girls would only be interested in what happened in the book room.’
‘That’s because they’re stupid tarts and we’re your best friends in the world,’ said Lauren. ‘So, tell us,’ she said as Darren towel-dried her hair, ‘are you gonna make this thing happen with Brody or not?’
9
An electric buzzing erupted and everyone jumped.
‘Vijay!’ Sue gulped. ‘Where’s my handbag? Has anyone seen my handbag?’ She paced around the room and upturned cushions.
Lauren, with a loud sigh, pointed to Sue’s bag slumped against the corner of a bookcase. ‘I hope you put condoms in that, genius.’
Sue scowled.
‘You look great,’ I said, hugging Sue. ‘And I think anyone who takes you to a teaching-science book launch on a date is definitely worth kissing.’
Sue smiled and picked up the intercom handset. ‘I’m on my way down,’ she said into it.
Lauren made a laughing noise that sounded like ‘Hurgh, hurgh, hurgh …’ but Sue stood up straight and took a deep breath.
‘Knock him dead,’ said Darren.
Lauren waved her goodbye from the sink. Then Sue was gone.
Even through a closed door we could hear the elevator start for the ground floor. Some seconds passed in which all we could hear was Darren dragging a thin comb through Lauren’s hair.
‘I am absolutely sick with jealousy,’ Lauren said finally, when she knew Sue was well out of earshot.
‘Yeah,’ I sighed. ‘Me too.’
10
Darren set Lauren’s hair in some curlers. While he was washing my hair he made Lauren try on things from Lucy’s closet as well as the things I’d brought. He loved my gold jeans, but they were too big for Lauren – only as she tried on Lucy’s clothes did I realise just how slim and pretty my nerdy best friend was. It was obvious from Darren’s expertise with these things that his career was so prestigious he didn’t need to boast about it.
He dried my hair straight and then bustled around Lauren, trying to coax her into clothes as well as training us both how to walk in the high heels he’d liberated from Lucy’s vast collection. We looted Lucy’s refrigerator for grapes and cheese as we mucked around. Once he’d done my makeup, Darren bustled me into the bathroom to get changed into my gold jeans, tuxedo jacket and a bright pink T-shirt. Seeing myself in the mirror, I laughed – my eyes were caked with black eyeliner. I knew Nikki and Fran would be proud.
By the time I came out of the bathroom, he was finishing Lauren’s makeup. As he pulled her hair
out of curlers and gassed us with hairspray, I was distracted by trying to protect the cheese from a cloud of Elnett. By the time I turned back around, I was standing next to someone I didn’t recognise.
Lauren didn’t just look good, she looked like a completely different person. Seeing the expression on my face, she stood up, dropping her robe onto the chair, going, ‘What? What? Has he written dumb slut on my face or something?’
‘Wow,’ I said, humbled.
Darren smiled proudly. He was easy to like.
‘I’m going to look in the mirror,’ said Lauren.
As she skipped into the bathroom, Darren took me to one side. ‘Look,’ he said, ‘be really careful at the launch tonight. Lauren’s all mouth but she’s a bit of a lamb in the big wide world.’
Lauren gave a happy shriek in the bathroom and then closed the bathroom door.
Darren leaned in. ‘So this is the daddy chat, okay? The fashion industry attracts men of notorious sleaziness and they can smell naiveté from a hundred paces. Don’t believe anything they tell you, don’t accept drinks or drugs from them – and, whatever you do, don’t get in any cars or lifts or anything with them.’
I nodded. I had no experience of such things but his tone made me trust him. ‘We’ll keep a low profile,’ I promised, touching my pendant.
‘I can tell you now, that’s not going to happen,’ he said with a worldly grin. ‘You both look gorgeous, you’re young and you’ll attract sleaze like magnets. Make sure you always know where Lucy is – she’s an old hand at protecting her models from gropers.’
The very word made me grimace. ‘My dad’s given me money for a cab if we have any trouble,’ I told him.
‘That’s a good dad,’ said Darren, beginning to pack up his makeup kit and put away his hair dryer. ‘Seriously, don’t take any chances.’
The door of the bathroom popped open and Lauren pounced out. ‘I am so scoring some male attention tonight!’ she shrieked. She tottered out into the lounge area, swinging her hips and humming to herself. Darren had dressed her in tight, shiny black trousers and enormously high black heels, with a low-cut, peacock-blue top that made her hair look dazzlingly ginger. He’d given her a necklace of Lucy’s that was cut to look like a chain of silver piano keys, and her handbag was bright red.
Darren watched Lauren dance with the red handbag around the lounge room and said, ‘It’s certainly going to be an interesting night.’
11
Lauren had a printout of a Google map showing how to get from Lucy’s to Snake Bar, and while it didn’t look that far on the piece of paper, my high-heeled feet were already straining by the time we were barely halfway. Everybody looked at us as we walked past the yuppies, the backpackers and the street-side losers. More than one guy asked, ‘Where you going tonight, girls?’ and one slimy-faced man outside the train station entrance barked, ‘Where are you going – and how much do you cost?’
We got to the club and could feel music pounding its walls and vibrating through the pavement. There was a group of black-clothed people managing a restless queue at the club door.
Lauren sidled up to a woman with an electronic clipboard and muttered something about being on the VIP list.
‘Name?’ asked the clipboard-woman.
‘Lauren Selko.’
The woman’s face lit up. ‘Lucy’s sister!’ She smiled, clicking the nib of her electronic pen against the clipboard. ‘You and your friend can go right in. It’s upstairs.’ She put a couple of plastic squares in Lauren’s hand and said, ‘And here’s some drink vouchers for the bar.’
12
The bouncers pulled back the doors. Walking through, Lauren and I fought our way through a black curtain they did not pull back.
‘This is an obstacle course,’ Lauren said, and I didn’t disagree. The walls of the hallway were covered in chipped blood-red paint, and for all the formality outside the club, the inside had the appearance of the shabby back corridor of a youth centre or a pool hall.
Fluorescent lights buzzed and flickered. It looked like the last place you’d ever see before being raped and murdered, and Darren’s ‘daddy chat’ rang in my ears.
We could see lights and hear music coming from the top of a staircase, so we grabbed at a fat wooden banister and climbed stairs of cold stone.
Closer to the second floor, melodies emerged from the thump-thump-thump we’d heard outside. As we left the stairwell, we found a velvet rope in front of us. Beyond that, red and blue lights flashed in a dimly lit room with a pool table, a bar, a crowded stage, and a wide space where scattered groups of people tried to be heard over the noise.
‘Let’s find Lucy,’ said Lauren, first to reach the velvet cordon. I stepped up to join her, and sensed instantly that there was a dark presence in this room, and it was seeking me out.
13
‘Oh – my – God!’ squealed Lucy to the man next to her as she saw us. ‘I told you Darren was good!’ She stumbled forward and hugged both of us clumsily.
Lucy was wearing what looked like a red sack. It had one shoulder strap and was shockingly short. Around her waist was a white belt that had about ten different buckles, and she wore strappy, towering white heels. A champagne glass dangled from her hand.
‘Are you the one who wants to be an actress?’ asked a tall, handsome guy with glasses, a tongue piercing and a British accent.
‘Musical theatre, actually,’ said Lauren, winking at me. ‘Singing, dancing and acting. Showboat. You know.’
‘And my mother’s pressuring her to study Law,’ said Lucy, her arm around Lauren in a sisterly embrace. ‘That’s why we got her and little Sophie up here for the weekend, to show them a good time just in case my mother wrecks the rest of her life.’ Lucy’s eyes darted across the room. ‘That’s Monique, one of the acts tonight,’ she said to the group. ‘I’ve got to talk her through the schedule.’
She fled across the room to the side of a girl in a corset. Lauren and I were left with strangers.
I was so aware of the presence in this space that the hairs on my arms were sticking up and my mouth had become very dry. My eyes scoured dark corners and clusters of party-goers and hovered on the dancers on the small stage. They were made up to look like mannequins and struck statue poses in blue light in time to the throbbing music. I inhaled wisps of danger. I touched my pendant. He’ll come to you, my internal voice said.
‘So you’re Sophie, right?’ asked a short, tanned guy whose white shirt seemed designed to show that he went to the gym. ‘You a student as well?’
‘Um, yeah,’ I said, noticing that there were streaks of grey in the brown hair at his temples.
‘What’s the focus?’ he asked.
‘Animal behaviour,’ I coughed.
Lauren giggled.
‘I’m Julian,’ said the British guy, offering me his hand.
‘I’m Seamus,’ said the tanned guy, offering his hand to Lauren. ‘I hear Lucy’s encouraging you to become a model, Lauren,’ he said. ‘And you saw Darren Wyle today.’
‘Yeah,’ said Lauren, ‘I’m thinking of trying it out. I think modelling would give me an opportunity to make a way, way meaningful contribution to the world.’
‘I think you’d make a terrific model,’ said Seamus, as Julian saw someone else he knew in the room and wandered away. ‘You’ve got the right bone structure.’
‘What do you do, Seamus?’ I asked.
‘I’m the group marketing manager for Lucy’s magazine and about twenty others. I started out in photography – there’ll be a few photographers here tonight. They’d be worth meeting, if you’re serious about getting a portfolio done and trying to find an agent.’
‘Yeah, I only realised I was hot recently,’ said Lauren, with a completely straight face. ‘It seems sensible to milk it for all it’s worth.’
‘You gotta use what God gives you,’ said Seamus with a shrug. ‘Are you girls right for a drink?’
We looked at one another. ‘It’s okay, we’ve
got vouchers,’ said Lauren.
‘You’ll want to save those for later. What can I get you?’
‘Just water for me,’ I said.
‘I’ll have orange juice,’ said Lauren, after a pause.
‘You two are cheap dates,’ said Seamus with a smile, and walked off to the bar.
14
‘What do you think?’ said Lauren when Seamus was heading back to the bar to get us our second drink.
‘I reckon he’s way too old to be looking at you like that,’ I said.
‘It’s a good way to scam drinks, though.’
‘We’re drinking orange juice and water. It’s hardly a scam.’
‘Maybe,’ said Lauren, ‘but it could lead to other things.’
‘What could?’
‘Pretending to be a model. They get given stuff all the time. Clothes, makeup, tickets to things.’
We’d been at the party for about half an hour. The mannequin dancers had left the stage and, with a lighting change, an announcement had been made that the floor show was going to start in a few minutes. We’d met a couple of graphic designers in that time, as well as a photographer friend of Seamus’s who’d agreed on the excellentness of Lauren’s bone structure.
Lauren had risen to the attention. The way she stood in her heels made it look as if she’d been to parties like this all her life. Seamus brought her orange juice in a champagne flute and she drank it in mimicry of Lucy’s sipping of real champagne. If I thought Sue’s transformation was marvellous, I had to admit that Lauren’s was staggering.
The lights went low in the general bar area just as they rose on the small stage. The room was full of people now. Crowded in, it made me uncomfortable to touch strangers, and I was about to tell Lauren this when I noticed that Seamus was resting his elbow on her shoulder. Then the lights over the audience went out altogether, and a woman in a top hat strode onto the stage. She wore suspenders and a tails jacket, and was carrying a whip. With cracks of the whip, she introduced the acts to follow. As she left, I thought of the boys at school calling me Strippah and I thought, Oh, boys, how would you cope with THIS?