Danica tried to pull her hand away, but Josh tightened his grip. His eyes locked onto hers, and she held her breath.
“You are strong and brave, Kumaa ekon nawipin.” The Shoshone words rolled across his tongue like an endearment.
“Will you tell me what that means?” Danica asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
Josh grinned. Finally he released her hand, and she fought the urge to reach out to him, to slip her hand in his once more. A mischievous twinkle replaced the fathomless darkness in his eyes. Danica’s heart skipped a beat at the change it brought to his features.
“Even though they probably could not understand your words, the family you were with knew you spoke your mind. They called you woman with a sharp tongue.”
Danica stared for a moment, then smiled back at him, and lifted her chin proudly. She shook some hair out of her face. “Well, I was afraid it might mean something like dumb white woman who can’t get anything right.”
Josh’s face abruptly turned serious again. He stepped toward her, and took her hand in his again. “I meant what I said, Dani. You are a brave woman. Don’t be shamed by what some vile man did to you. You survived, and you dealt justice to him. Few women would be able to endure what you have.”
Danica didn’t realize how close they now stood to each other, until her belly scraped against Josh’s flat abdomen. She swallowed nervously, and tried to step back, but Josh held on to her hand.
With a shuddering breath, she realized the dam was ready to burst, and she was about to lose control of her well-guarded emotions. No one had spoken to her with such kindness in a long time. Certainly not in the last nine months, those long months when she needed a shoulder to cry on. Instead, she had only herself to rely on.
Danica bit her lower lip and squeezed her eyes shut as the first tears spilled down her cheeks. Damn it! I don’t want to cry in front of him. When she tried to pull free of his hold again, his grip tightened. Horrified at her display of weakness, she just wanted to run back to her room and hide, but Josh didn’t let go.
“I feel so dirty, Josh,” she blurted out.
In the next instant, he pulled her to him, gently, and wrapped his arms around her. Danica stood stiffly, too stunned by his actions to move or react. Slowly, the burden she’d carried within her all these months lifted from her shoulders like a great weight, and all she felt was Josh’s strong yet gentle hands stroking her back. She inhaled a quivering breath, and suddenly the strong resolve she’d built around herself crumbled like sandstone. Danica leaned into him as close as her bulging abdomen allowed. She rested her head against his chest, and let the tears flow.
Josh’s hold on her tightened. Danica’s arms reached up and she clung to him, her body trembling as her cries intensified. Years of standing strong and acting tough as if nothing in the world ever bothered her, coupled with the trials of the last nine months, came crashing down. For the first time since her mother’s death, another person cared enough to hold her up, and offered her a shoulder to cry on.
Nothing had ever felt as wonderful as Josh’s warm hand rubbing up and down her back, gently holding the back of her head to his chest with the other. He mumbled soft words to her, spoken in the familiar sounds of the Shoshone language, but she didn’t understand their meaning. Her baby suddenly kicked out violently, and she gasped involuntarily. Her back stiffened.
Josh must have felt the kick, too. He eased his hold on her, but didn’t release her completely.
Danica sniffed, and chuckled nervously. She hastily wiped at the tears on her face. “I think he’s telling me he’s being squeezed too tightly.” She glanced up tentatively, a jolt of adrenaline shooting through her. Josh looked down at her intently. His dark eyes had turned black as night, the flickers from the fire reflecting in their depths. She couldn’t interpret the serious look on his face. She dropped her hands from his shoulders, and stepped out of his embrace. Josh let her go.
“Thank you,” she said softly. The blanket she’d wrapped herself in had dropped below her shoulders, and she hastily pulled it back around herself. She sniffed, and raised her chin. He still stared at her.
Danica averted her eyes, and moved away from him. She pulled out a chair by the table and sat down. The muscles in her legs felt weak and tingly. She let the blanket fall down her shoulders, and she adjusted it around her middle, taking care to cover her bare legs. Every cell in her body was tuned to the man standing some feet behind her. She was sure he hadn’t moved, but didn’t dare turn around to look. What had brought out such tenderness in him? Did she remind him of his mother, and what she had no doubt endured? Did she dare ask him?
Danica’s stomach grumbled. She hadn’t eaten since they left their camp early this morning.
“I’ll ask again, Josh,” she said, adjusting her bulk in the chair so she could turn her head to look at him. “Do you have any supplies here, so I can fix some supper? Or are you planning to starve us while we’re here?”
Josh chuckled, and moved around the table. Her eyes followed his lithe, easy movement. He seemed to have relaxed again. He barely made a sound as he walked. “I’ll get you some food, Kumaa. I forget that a woman in your condition eats for two.”
Danica pushed her palms against the table, intent to rise, but one glance at Josh and his hard stare stopped her before his words did. “Sit,” he commanded.
“One other thing we need to agree on,” Danica said, and glared at him. “You need to stop acting so bossy.” It was much easier for her to talk to him this way. His display of tenderness a few moments ago had unnerved her, and she wasn’t used to letting her guard down. Admittedly, allowing another person, especially this man, to hold her up and unburden her from her troubles for an instant had been pure heaven, but she knew she couldn’t let herself get used to that kind of attention. It wasn’t meant to last. He had offered comfort when he saw her vulnerability. As unlikely as she had believed it to be, they shared something in common, and by consoling her, Josh probably believed he was consoling his mother.
She watched as his eyebrows rose. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something. Abruptly, he closed his mouth again and shook his head. Wordlessly, he turned to the workbench off to the right of the hearth, and began rummaging through tins and sacks stashed along the wall.
A short while later, Josh set a plate of steaming vegetables and biscuits in front of her, with pieces of dried meat that he’d soften in hot water.
“Probably not up to your cooking, but it’ll fill your belly,” he grumbled, and took a seat opposite her.
“Thanks,” she mumbled, and stabbed her fork into a piece of root vegetable. She’d eaten similar fare during her stay with the Shoshone. It tasted bland, but hunger overruled her taste buds, and she kept quiet and ate every last bite. Looking up for the first time when she forked the last piece of meat into her mouth, she caught Josh observing her intently from across the table. Her eyebrows rose in a silent question.
”How did you end up with the Shoshone, so far from Virginia City?” he asked without hesitation.
Danica took note that he didn’t directly ask her what she suspected he wanted to know, namely if she had know the man who attacked her. She set her fork down, and pushed the plate aside. She folded her hands on top of the table, and met his unwavering stare. She wasn’t ready to discuss her ordeal with him. She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready.
“They took me in when they found me wandering through the wilderness,” she said, weighing her words carefully.
Josh’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. Before he asked the obvious, Danica said, “I believe I am the lone survivor of an Indian raid that occurred last summer somewhere to the south of here. I was with my friend Maddie and her family, touring the park, when we were attacked.”
Josh’s eyes widened. “I know of that attack,” he said. “The army chased the Nez Perce through the Yellowstone. They were trying to reach the safety of Canada. We’d heard some of their warriors became rambunct
ious and started raiding some of the tourists.”
Danica scoffed. “Rambunctious is putting it mildly. They carried Maddie and me off. What happened to the rest of our group, I can only guess.”
Josh ran his hand through his hair. “Kyle and I scoured the area along the Firehole where the attack occurred. The army came along and told us they didn’t need our help. They were already in pursuit of the tribe, and warned us to stay out of it.”
Danica lowered her gaze. She studied her hands on the table, trying to keep them from trembling. She swallowed back the bile that rose to her throat. Would things have turned out different for her if Kyle and Josh hadn’t followed the army’s orders? She tried to wrap her mind around the very idea that Josh had been so close to her that day.
She cleared her throat. Unwilling to discuss this any further, she gripped the table and pulled herself out of her chair.
“Thank you for the food, Josh,” she said softly. She needed to get to her room, quickly, or the tears would flow again in front of him. “It’s been a long day. I need to get some sleep.” She didn’t dare look at him as she made her way to her bedroom on shaky legs. She heard a chair scrape against the wooded floor behind her, and held her breath.
“Dani,” Josh called. She squeezed her eyes shut, but kept walking. Only when she reached the bedroom door and had a firm hand on the handle, did she turn to look his way.
“Good night,” he said, when their eyes met. She sensed he wanted to say more. He held one palm flat on the table, the other clenched in a fist at his side.
“Good night, Josh,” she answered, then pushed the door open, scooting into the dim room. For the third time today, she allowed the tears to flow freely after closing the door behind her, and welcomed the darkness that swallowed her up.
Chapter 12
Josh stared up at the dark ceiling, listening to the wind howl outside the cabin. The rafters creaked and groaned in protest. The blizzard he’d been anticipating all day finally unleashed its full fury in the darkness of night. By morning, he’d be lucky to step foot outside the cabin. He already knew the snow would be many feet deep.
He turned to his side, forcefully punched his pillow, and groaned. The more he willed his mind to go blank, the wider awake he became. He wished for sleep to take over so he could get the images of Dani out of his head. Visions of her struggling and fighting helplessly beneath some faceless man tormented him to no end. Abruptly, he bolted upright in his bed and pulled the heavy fur covers off his sweat-soaked body. He threw his legs over the sides of the mattress, and leaned forward, running his hands over his face and through his hair.
“Dammit,” he cursed out loud. He’d been at the site of that raid less than a day after it occurred. Dani was right that she was the sole survivor. She had mentioned her friend’s name, and he absently wondered what had happened to her. He surmised she must have perished somehow. Josh couldn’t get the thought out of his mind that the Nez Perce were a peaceful tribe. They’d been driven from their homelands in Idaho by the army, and escaped through the Yellowstone mountains in their flight toward Canada. Desperate for food and fresh horses, some of the younger warriors had begun to raid the tourists who frequented the area since it had been established as a national park five years ago. Most of the raids had ended peacefully.
Josh refused to believe that Dani’s attacker could have been one of those warriors. Doubt lingered in his mind. It had been uncharacteristic of them to kill all those people, too. Would one of them have acted outside their code of honor, and defiled a woman in the worst possible way? The more he thought about it, the more jumbled his mind became.
If Dani carried a child of mixed blood, she couldn’t possibly hope to be accepted back into white society. For a white man to have fathered a half-breed was one thing, but a white woman with an Indian child? It was unthinkable. Her father must have had similar thoughts. Seeing his daughter for the first time after nearly a year, dressed in buckskins and heavy with child, knowing she had been abducted by Indians, he had drawn the logical conclusion. This shotgun wedding, and Lars Jensen’s animosity toward his daughter was finally beginning to make sense to him.
It took a woman of strong mind to decide to carry this child to term, considering the manner in which he was conceived. Among Josh’s mother’s people, all life was considered sacred. It was unthinkable for a woman to deliberately kill an unborn child. He had heard it done, especially among white prostitutes.
Josh hadn’t asked her what her feelings were toward this child, but she had acted protective of her baby since he met her. She hadn’t given any indication that she showed ill feelings toward him. Josh smiled. She was sure she carried a son. She had always referred to the child as a male, and now he caught himself doing the same.
Even though she tried to present a strong front, she was scared to death. The way she’d trembled in his arms, and finally showed her vulnerable side had ignited his protective instincts to an all time high. He’d never experienced such a strong urge to keep another person safe. Her tough demeanor was only an act. She’d learned real well how to survive. Dani was an extraordinary woman. Josh’s admiration for her grew as he thought about these things, and a warm sensation wrapped itself around his heart like fur gloves on a winter day.
Would she feel comfortable enough to open up to him if he pressed her for more information? Did he want to push her? Once again, he couldn’t imagine anyone from the Nez Perce nation violating a woman. The thought crossed his mind that perhaps she had known her attacker.
Josh stood and paced the floor. Would it really be so bad to be married to Dani? He could provide for her and her child, and give her the protection of his name. The thought startled him. He liked living alone. He didn’t need a ready-made family. He shook his head and quickly dismissed the idea. He had a job to do, one that took him away from home for weeks on end sometimes. The poachers he’d been tracking suddenly entered his mind. There was no hope of picking up their trail now. The only consolation he had was that they wouldn’t be able to do more damage in this weather.
The weather. Josh pushed his hair out of his eyes. He took a deep breath. Even a few feet of snow would make travel near impossible for Dani. And by the sound of the blizzard raging outside, there would be more than just a few feet. There was no telling how much snow would fall where they had to go. The pass to Helena, even coming from a southern route, might be too difficult for Dani to traverse, even if she was adamant that she could do it.
If she lived amongst the Tukudeka, she would be making preparations by now for her stay in the maternity hut. After the birth of her child, she would remain in the hut for about a month, with only other women visiting her. Her husband would not be allowed access to her, nor get to see his newborn, although he would provide food and firewood. She would tend to her baby, and possibly give him a name if he smiled for the first time during that month.
With a sinking feeling, Josh realized that Dani’s child would probably be born right here in this cabin. Even if they remained here for only a few more days, her time was too close to risk traveling four more days to Helena. She would protest and argue with him, he had no doubt. Birthing a child on the trail, however, would be even worse than having him born here. Josh’s heart rate increased with that thought.
What the hell was he going to do? He had experience birthing foals, but that was it. Dani could hardly be considered a mare. He smiled despite his feelings of apprehension. She would probably hit him over the head with the cast iron skillet that hung by the hearth if he compared her to a horse.
Josh sat back down at the edge of his bed. In the morning, he would make preparations. There had to be supplies of some sort in Kyle’s cabin for a baby. He groaned, and let himself fall back onto the furs. Wide-eyed, he once again stared at the darkened ceiling.
*****
Danica rolled onto her side, and sucked in a sharp breath. Pain radiated from her lower back down through her legs. She tried to stretch to alleviate the dis
comfort. When that didn’t bring any relief, she pushed her upper body off the mattress, and dragged her legs over the side. A cold blast of air hit her when the covers fell away from her. Hastily, she pulled a blanket around herself. Josh’s cotton shirt didn’t offer much warmth. She rubbed at her back, and stood.
A quick glance at the frosted window indicated that it was morning. She shuffled toward the glass pane. Snowdrifts made it nearly impossible to see outside. She craned her neck, but only saw sheets of white. It didn’t look as if it still snowed, but the sky was gray, and the landscape outside was covered in white, the lodgepoles in the distance weighed down heavily with snow.
Danica’s heart sank with apprehension. How were they going to get to Helena now? It had been difficult enough for her to get from Virginia City to this valley. Josh had told her it might be a few days before they could leave. That meant it would be that much closer to the birth of her baby. Her hand rubbed absently at her aching back. The pain was different this morning than it had been the last few weeks. It wasn’t simply a stiff spine and sore muscles. The pain seemed to drag around to her belly, pulling and stretching her already tight skin and muscles.
She gasped suddenly, and her hand clutched at her stomach as the muscles stretched taunt. The breath left her lungs, and a wave of fear washed over her. The child inside her kicked out forcefully. Danica bent forward and squeezed her eyes shut. This was far worse than the pain she had experienced that night in Virginia City after her heated argument with Josh. She wished he were here right now to rub the pain away.
Yellowstone Dawn (Yellowstone Romance Series Book 4) Page 11