by Nicole Snow
I don't say anything. It's like I'm in front of a firing squad, too stunned for last words. Every sane part of me says I should say yes, should spit it in his face, and then walk the hell away.
“I don't know anymore.” Honesty hurts. Each uncertain word claws its way out of me, scratching my throat.
I roll my shoulders, stretching out the aches and pains invading my bones. This doubt and confusion is making me physically ill.
Turning away from him, I walk to the nearby banister, and lean against it, staring out across the cool dark sea.
“You're not happy, Kara,” he tells me, laying a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Look at me.”
The second I comply, my eyes burn hot again. Reaching up to wipe the tears, he stops me, grabs my wrist and pulls it down. His arms are around me, and his strong hand grazes my face, brushing away the agony streaming down my cheeks.
“You really want to know why I came back? I'm here to prevent this. No man should make you cry.”
“Well, you're doing a shitty job.” Pain twists my tongue. I can't believe he doesn't know he's the only reason I'm standing here in the cold, dark night, mourning another marriage going to ruin. “I didn't ask for you to play truth teller, Ryan. I would've found out myself, if what you're telling me is accurate.”
“Yeah, you would have. You were always the smarter one. Unfortunately, there was a risk he'd pull one over long enough to do more damage.”
“More?” I repeat numbly. How could Reg possibly do more than shredding what's left of my fragile heart?
“It's easier to break it off now, when you're sharing a home. It's a hell of a lot harder with a few kids, after being in the town's eye forever. Trust me, I know something about celebrity. The camera eye changes you the longer it's on. Makes it harder to escape.”
“Like I care about any of that. If he's done wrong, I'll leave. Whether that's tomorrow, or ten years from now, I won't waste time with the wrong person. Nothing's going to keep me with a man who's screwing around behind my back.”
He smiles, slowly running his hand up and down my back. I'm burning up despite the chill in the air. Ready to overload on hot, conflicted emotion, churning in my blood like magma.
“You deserve better, babe. You'd have it, too, if I hadn't left like I did.”
“Better?” I turn my head to face him, my lips twisted sourly. “I'm guessing you mean I should be with you?”
He shakes his head. “I'm here to set you free, Kara. Nothing in this universe would make me happier than having a second chance, shoving your lips on mine, sharing my bed. I'm a realist, though. I can't imagine the kind of hell you've been through the last five years.”
“No, you can't.”
“If I can save you from five more fucked up years, that's reward enough. I'm not here to twist your arm into loving me again if your heart says something different. All I want is to see you happy, and that's not possible with the bastard who's got a gold stick so far up his ass he thinks he's entitled to thieving more years off your life. I won't let you marry a liar.”
It's not really up to you, I want to say. But the way he growls the last part – I won't let you – makes me feel strangely secure.
That's one thing Reg never did. He never laid claim to me like Ryan does every time he looks at me, his blue eyes blazing, ready to sink into me. Every part of him, too.
His words, his hands, his tongue, the bulge between his legs I feel every time I twist against him the wrong way.
I'm wet, and I shouldn't be. Sex should be the last thing on my mind when I'm caught between two men I hate, the only two responsible for casting me down to hell, several times over.
But the body does strange things when it hasn't been fucked good and proper for a long time.
No, I won't jump into bed with him tonight. It's a one-way ticket to more insanity.
I haven't even seen the evidence condemning my fiance, though I know it's true.
Walk away. That's all I want to do, and never look back. But I can't deny the attraction I've tried to snuff out and forget for five years is still lightning hot.
It burns, taunts, and draws me into him like a magnet.
So, I'll let myself wrap my hands around his neck, remember how good his skin feels against mine, and push my face into the protective nook of his shoulder, where his masculine scent says everything will be all right, damn it.
“Why did you leave?” I ask. He's in a giving mood, isn't he? I wonder if he'll tell me the truth about the night that ripped us apart. “Did you really kill Nelson Drayton?”
He pulls away, staring into my eyes. “I can't talk about that, Kara. Not yet. You need to deal with Reg without more distractions.”
The Superior chill sweeping up my back has nothing on the one he's just sent through me. I untangle myself from his arms, wondering if I should trust anything he says.
It's so quiet, I jump when my phone pings. It's Courtney, checking in on me. I'd lost track of the time.
I quickly pull it out and fire off a message, shielding my phone when he walks up behind me. I tell my friend everything is fine. Technically a lie, but she can't exactly call the police over my heart being pulled in two directions at a hundred miles an hour.
Ryan's firm hand goes around my waist before I can protest.
“I don't want to lie to you, Kara-bou. That night, it's a fucked up story. We need to sit down and talk about it. This isn't the place or town.”
“Tell me what is,” I say. My hand goes to his face.
I cup his cheek, running my fingers across his dark stubble. His coarseness excites me because it's a reminder of who he is.
This man can save me, or destroy me. It's like he thrives on secrets, and I want to know them all. Just so I can finally figure out which side of his sword I'm on.
“I need the truth tonight, Ryan. I told Reg I'd be home late tonight.”
He ponders it for a second, then gives me the sly smile that makes my knees tremble. “I read the draft of the interview this evening. Grounded's supposed to have the best cherry pie in the whole U.P., isn't it?”
“Mom's old recipe,” I whisper. “Same one you always loved at Thanksgiving. I can't do her pumpkin any justice, so I'm all in on what I do best.”
“Let's go.” He pulls me along, offering me his hand to help lead us down the steep, winding staircase. “How is she, anyway?”
“Struggling to make ends meet on what dad left her after the cancer treatment.” He doesn't look back when I drop the bad news, but I'm not holding anything back, assuming he really wants to know. “Otherwise, she loves being grandma. She gets Holden a lot on his days with us. The bitch allows it when Matt's on tour, but rarely when he comes home.”
“You're talking about his ex?”
I nod, following as we head for the parking lot. My hand blazes in his, warmer and happier than it's been in eons. I pull my fingers away before we get to our cars.
I'm playing with fire. This is happening too fast. I haven't found out what's going on, much less forgiven him, and everything about the way this insane attraction is reigniting screams wrong.
“I'm sorry it didn't work out for him,” Ryan says, stopping next to my car. “Shit, I regret everything that's gone sour for your folks since I left. You guys were like family. Could've been my own flesh and blood when I was that miserable orphan kid, trying to find my place. They'll always be my parents, and my brother. Kin by choice. Everyone except you.”
His hands goes to my face. I'm already blushing because I know he's always seen me as something more than a little sister.
I was the love of his life. His expression tells me I still am.
“I'll meet you at the store. Give me a minute's head start. Should have the doors unlocked and the lights on by the time you pull up.” I turn away, opening my door, but I stop to reach out, pulling on his shoulder. “No more games, Ryan. If you're going to be honest with me, I need the truth tonight. I have to know I'm not dealing with a killer.”
Please, I think. Please tell me I'm not making another mistake, destroying my pending marriage because I have a lingering crush on a disappearing murderer.
He doesn't say anything, just smiles and heads for his sleek black Tesla. I drive on through the night, making the ten minute trip to my cafe in silence, hoping the chasm in my stomach that keeps growing tonight doesn't swallow me up.
The truth that's on the thumb drive he gave me should cause more dread than whatever secrets are rattling around in his head. But he never denies it when I ask about Nelson's murder.
Something awful and completely out of place happened that night. Too bad I've been let down too many times, by too many people, to assume the best anymore.
I'm going to pry it out of him. I have to know what happened that fateful night was a mistake, he was framed, or the blood on his hands is only there for a damned good reason.
He's at the counter with his hands folded, a steaming cup of coffee at his side. I carve out two big pieces of my best cherry pie with the crumble crust for us.
He digs his fork in and takes a big bite as soon as I slide it across, topped with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Ryan closes his eyes, savoring the taste, not caring about the tiny crumbs rolling down his muscular chest.
“Christ, that's delicious. They can't get the tartness right out west. I've missed a lot in this town, and Lilydale cooking is definitely near the top of the list,” he says, reaching for his coffee.
I sit next to him, toying with mine less enthusiastically. It's hard to eat with the elephant standing over us, the one who's threatening to bitch slap this happy moment away if I find out the truth about Nelson.
“I'm glad you're enjoying it, but now I need something from you.”
He gives me a knowing expression, the satisfaction on his face melting as he chews another bite, and slowly swallows. “It's too soon for that, Kara-bou. I'm not throwing you down in the sheets before your engagement's off.”
“Ass!” I punch him in the arm, catching myself laughing.
He is, too. For a second, it's like we're both in our teens again, and the last five hellish years are nothing worse than a long nightmare.
He turns on his stool, quickly finishing up his pie. I give him a few more minutes, hoping he'll be ready once he's had his fill. I tell him about the situation with Matt and his ex, Maggie, who twisted the knife deep when he found out she was cheating.
“Does he ever think about leaving the Marines?” Ryan asks, reaching for my hand.
I let him hold on without fighting to pull away since the first time he's come home. I shake my head, sipping hot cider. “We both wish he would, mom and I. Don't think he wants to give up the pay, and there's nothing here in the U.P. for him. He talked about trying to rebuild daddy's old auto shop last time he came home for Christmas, but it isn't going to happen anytime soon. We don't have the money for that. Especially if Reg is out of the picture.”
Yes, my fiance made noise about supporting my brother's effort. That was back when things were good, before he started screwing around, assuming he hasn't been playing me all along.
Ryan looks at me. The next time I blink, he's pulling out his checkbook, pushing a silver pen to paper.
“What are you doing?” My fork clatters on the small plate holding the remains of my pie, and I wipe my mouth, eager to make him put that thing away if he's doing what I think.
He doesn't say anything until he's finished. The check comes out, and he slides it over. My eyes pop when I see the amount he's written.
“No way. I can't accept this.”
“It's not for you,” Ryan says, gripping my hand. “Give that to Matt. Tell him it's from an old friend who wants to make things right.”
I chew my lip, nervous when I imagine how it would go down. “He doesn't like you anymore. He believes the worst – the same thing most people in town think about what went down with you and Nelson.”
My foot taps the floor. I'm annoyed we're debating charity for my brother, when the big secret is the only reason we're here, sitting together like he never abandoned me.
“Keep your money, Ryan. Seriously. We'll figure things out.” I lean in, staring into his gorgeous face, refusing to let his blue eyes swallow me this time. “I can feel Matt out the next time we're hanging out, if it makes you feel better. Of course, it would really help if there's anything you want to say to clear the air about what happened.”
“Okay, yeah. Guess it's finally time,” he says, pausing to smooth one hand across his face. He stretches his skin, as if he needs to smooth out the tension caused by holding in his secrets. “Before I say anything, you need to know it went down this way because I made a promise. I –“
He stops talking the second I hear the door chime. We turn around, and I'm halfway off my stool, ready to tell the intruder we're closed for the evening. It's my fault for forgetting to lock up.
Except it's not just a random interloper, looking for a midnight snack. Matt stands there like a deer in headlights, his big arms bowing out, fists on his hips.
“Kara? Ma sent me out to grab some muffins for breakfast tomorrow. Gave me the spare key, and said you wouldn't mind. What're you doing here so damned late?”
He hasn't recognized Ryan yet. Thank God.
I want to lean down, tell him to walk in the back for the pastries, and keep on going.
But it only takes a second for my brother to notice Ryan's fingers still wrapped around mine. This causes him to study the stranger next to me in greater detail.
I see it the instant recognition hits.
Then all hell breaks loose. My Marine brother sends all two hundred and twenty pounds of muscles flying across the room, straight into my old flame's chest. Ryan's a big man too, and it takes a lot to knock him down.
It's like two bears slamming into each other, rolling and swearing when they hit the floor.
“What's he doing here, sis? What the fuck's this piece of shit doing with his hands on yours?!” He's still yelling to me as he tries to punch Ryan in the face.
He's quicker than my brother. Ryan catches his wrist, holds it, and strains to prevent the blow from landing on his face.
“Matt, stop! It's okay! Calm your ass down.”
“Bullshit!” My brother's voice echoes like a cannon shot. I'm digging my nails into his shoulders, trying to pry him off, but he bucks once and throws me down, knocking me on my knees. His attention turns to Ryan. “You never should've come back here, you goddamned idiot! I'm turning you in.”
“No, you can't!” Oh, he can, and that's why I'm crying.
It's a small mercy because my anguish seems to break up the fight. Ryan takes the break in my brother's drive to knock his teeth out to throw him against the counter. He hits the floor next to me, sweeps me up in his arms, and buries my face in his chest.
It's a smart move. Matt won't do anything while I'm there except bark. I would've put myself between them anyway if I'd had a few seconds notice, before the last shred of sanity holding this night together snapped.
“Kara...I can't believe this,” Matt growls. “How long have you been seeing him? Do you know what people are gonna say if they see you with this asshole, right underneath Reg's nose? Let alone if they realize who he is...Christ!”
“That's my problem. Not yours.” Ryan stands, cradling me against his chest. I'm clinging to him, ready to fight if he tries to push me away, because I'm the only thing that's stopping Matt from ruining my cafe and tearing into him again. “Let's talk about this like men.”
“Fuck you, Caspian. There's nothing manly about what you did to that rich old fart, or how you ran away from town leaving blood all over dad's auto shop. He never should've hired your lying orphan ass.” He bares his teeth, shaking his head. “Shit. If only we'd seen right through you since the beginning...”
“Nice to see you too,” Ryan says, reaching to the counter. “Honestly, I'm glad you're here tonight. We were just talking about you before you came storming in.
I've got something with your name on it.”
He holds the check out for what seems like forever before my brother walks up, and snatches it from his hand. I keep holding in my breath.
“What the fuck is this? A bribe? You're an even bigger asshole than I think you are if you're telling me I should take your money and walk away,” Matt snarls. It takes a few seconds for him to speak after he sees the amount on the check.
Then he holds it up to his face and takes the corners with both hands. I know what's coming next.
“Wait!” Ryan jerks in my arms, holding out one hand. “Before you tear that thing up, I want you knowing it's not a bribe, Matt. We used to be like brothers, before everything went to shit. Give me a chance to explain all this. That's all I was trying to do here tonight with your sis. If you'll hear me out, you'll see I want you to have that money, and I've got more with your name on it for the vets' charity I know you're trying to set up.”
“You've been watching me? And her?” Disbelief sizzles in his tone. “Fuck you, creepy ass stalker. You've got no clue how much you blew our lives to hell after you left, especially Kara's. We don't want a damned thing from you. Sis, just say the word, and I will call the sheriff. I don't care who this fucknut thinks he is with his suit and his money. He belongs behind bars.”
“Matthew, I swear to God,” I say, closing my eyes. “Let him go. This isn't what you think.”
At least, I hope it isn't. Thanks to my brother's crap, I still haven't found out the big secret. Now I'm afraid I won't get the chance tonight.
“Just go home. The family doesn't need this, and neither do you. Go grab your muffins in the back. Take whatever you want home to mom and Holden.”
We stare across at each other for several fiery seconds. Then rage snorts out his nostrils. His fingers finish ripping the check into a dozen little pieces and they fall on the floor like snow.
“Sorry about the mess. I'm not taking this fucking backstabber's money. As for anything else...we'll see. I'll think about what I'm gonna do on the way home.”