by Nicole Snow
Remember how I said two years can change everything, and nothing whatsoever?
That's Knox. He's the same gorgeous shell with the ugly heart.
The man who decided just leave me the hell alone was far too easy when I tried to be his friend.
His ugly heart took a sledgehammer to mine, and didn't stop ramming his message home until he'd demolished my teenage crush.
What happened that night at Danny's party, just a few months after he settled into his life as a single dad...I can't understand it, but it doesn't matter.
I read him loud and clear.
No confusion. No tenderness. No mercy.
It's the past. I can't forgive, forget, or let him get to me a second time.
The asshole rarely speaks to me anymore since that night, except when he decides to acknowledge my presence in the Carlisle mansion with a snide remark or two for appearances. Thankfully, that's rare.
I try to avoid him. Usually, it works. He only sticks his head in to pick up his daughter.
Reality ruined him. It hit after Africa, and wherever the hell he went to look for Sam.
He's realized he'll be a single dad forever, and the wild child mistake responsible for half of Lizzie's genes is never coming home.
Nobody on the planet can find her. I think even he's given up, and it's widened the void in his heart.
“He won't be around long, I'm sure,” Jamers says, stuffing a stick of gum in her mouth. “Seriously, don't be afraid of my brother. He doesn't have time these days for more tricks.”
Tricks? Not the word I'd use for the poison dart he lodged in my heart. But I haven't told her what he did to me, and I'm not planning to after sitting on it for so long.
“I'm not afraid. He's different, is all.” I suck in a hurried breath, hoping it'll calm the fire in my blood. “His attitude isn't my problem. I'm just glad he isn't so gruff with Lizzie. It's the only time we see him smile, showing a crack in his armor that says he might still be human.”
“He's been through a lot, Kay. Not that it's any excuse.”
“Correction: he never got through it.” I look up, seeing the empathy and sadness lighting up her eyes. She shares a softer version of the same baby blues every Carlisle man, woman, and child seems to inherit.
“What's the latest news? Nothing?” It's been months since I asked.
My friend shakes her head slowly. She sits up straight and sniffs, playing with her long black hair. “I think he hired another detective a few weeks ago. Saw him talking to an older man a few times at his place, when ma and me came by to pick up a few heaps of clothes he didn't need for Lizzie anymore. She outgrows the old stuff so fast. We're all about donations for the tax write off.”
I snort. It's impossible to believe a few old outfits make much difference in this family of multi-millionaires. Then again, her mother has always done things differently since losing her husband. Humility and generosity win her a lot of respect, including mine.
“Really, there's nothing new,” Jamie says with a sigh. “Just more chasing ghosts. I don't know how he handles it, working with Sam's father everyday. Their relationship isn't the best. Knocking up your boss' daughter will do that. Kind of a miracle Lizzie's turning out as great as she is –“
She stops mid-sentence. “Hey, creep-o, don't you ever knock?”
I do a slow turn, and a double take when I see the tall figure standing near the wall. Knox is immaculate, untouched as ever by today's hundred and fifteen degree weather. His crisp grey suit matches the storm on his face, blue eyes focused on us like pins.
“Not when it's this house. Where's my baby girl?” He casts a demanding glance Jamie's way.
“In her room sleeping. Where else?” My best friend sticks her tongue out. “In case you hadn't noticed, normal people get baked in this sun.”
“Baked. I'm sure you know plenty about that, Jamers. I'll let you nap while Sunflower does your homework.”
I bristle when he calls me that name. Even after half a dozen encounters where he used it over the years, it hurts. “Hello to you, too, ass.”
The delicious chills Sunflower used to bring are gone, replaced by honest, cruel ice.
“I haven't written so much as an outline for her this semester, if you want to know the truth,” I say, turning back to my screen. I'm so over him, and yet he somehow makes me blush.
It's a conditioned response. It isn't real. Not anymore.
I've learned to hide the redness when it kisses my cheeks.
It's hard to believe he ever called me a friend, two years and a lifetime ago.
“I don't care. Long as you're letting my sis sink or swim. It's her degree. I'm sure you're busy, putting yours to work on making Dorothy a new pair of ruby slippers.” He turns, aiming a quick glance at the heels on my screen.
“Dorothy? You'd have better luck with Cinderella because these shoes are glass,” I say smugly. I've heard both names plenty of times. Always one or the other when he wants to insult my career, everything I've poured my heart and soul into.
“I'm too old for fairy tales.” It's all he says before I hear his polished shoes hit the tile floor as he walks away, refusing to meet Jamie's sympathetic eyes.
I stare after him even when he's gone, anger burning in my eyes so full it physically hurts.
“Good reminder I'd better get on my crap tonight now that there's an evening without mom and Lizzie,” she says, reaching for her backpack on the floor.
I don't say anything, just look at my screen, typing a few more notes. Knox returns a few minutes later, cradling a sleepy little girl in his arms. He stops near the door leading to the garage, the same exit he walked out of years ago as the man I used to worship.
Don't look at him.
It's as bad as eyeing a solar eclipse, and of course, I do it anyway. There's a different man in my screen's reflection, a mirror darkly reflecting someone else.
“Come on, peewee. We're going home,” he tells Lizzie, stopping to plant a gentle kiss on her forehead.
I watch their ghostly outlines. It's just enough to tug on my heartstrings, making me wonder for the thousandth time how much of him is left behind his smirking mask. If there's anything, he saves it for his daughter. She's the only one allowed to reach inside the ice chest holding his heart.
He murmurs a few more words to her, soft baby things I can't hear. Alien to my ears, coming from his savage lips.
Then the door creaks open and falls shut with a dull thud. Knox never says goodbye.
When I look over, my friend is holding her accounting textbook, probably feigning interest in her classes for my benefit.
“I'm sorry, Kendra. Something's been eating him this last week. More than usual, I mean.”
“Really? I couldn't tell. He's just as big a dick as he was three months ago.” I'm serious, and more than a little hurt.
I should be numb to it by now. I shouldn't care. I should believe the little words in my head I started telling myself years ago, when I knew he'd never be the same, and I'd damn well better get over it.
But we were good to each other, once. That's what makes this hard.
I remember when we were friends, even if we were never meant to be lovers. I just can't fathom why he's hardened himself to every human being on the planet who isn't his little girl.
Or why he shut me down so coldly when I offered him my warmth.
Why do the worst mysteries always go unsolved?
“More tea?” Jamers stands, grabbing my glass off the end table next to me, forcing a smile. “It's the least I can do. I've talked to him before about his rude fucking temper. I'm sorry nothing's changed. Someday, if we hold out long enough, maybe he'll be normal again.”
“Jamers, please. Don't bother. That thing I had for your brother was a long time ago. It isn't like he's hurting my feelings.” Yeah, right. “I've accepted who he is, even if I don't understand why. It's not like we're best friends or anything.”
“Yeah, yeah, you're a big girl.
You don't need my help. Just sayin',” Jamie says as she trots off toward the kitchen.
It's true. Knox and I aren't friends. Not anymore.
Nothing good lasts forever, or so they say. And if some things are too amazing to be true, or to last, then the ideal I built up was so vivid it killed me when truth threw its first punch.
I have no illusions. The older, massive, otherworldly Adonis I came dangerously close to loving isn't there anymore.
New Knox isn't the man who used to fill my head full of dreams every night, who drove me around town in his first car, or who hugged me so tight it hurt when I threw my arms around him every time he'd lace up his boots and straighten his desert camo fatigues, before he climbed aboard another military plane for the unknown.
I don't know what's eating him, assuming Jamie is even right and it's more than usual.
Frankly, I don't care.
He isn't my problem anymore, and I was never his.
If he ever really cared – truly, deeply, madly – if our friendship wasn't just a fad or a twisted act, then he never would've slammed his soul shut. He never would've become a pillar of lifeless, self-loathing stone before my eyes.
He certainly never would've given me those vicious glances bent on making my heart more like his than I'll ever admit.
GET CINDERELLA UNDONE!