by Fiona Lowe
Another dissatisfied rumble vibrated around the room, followed by the scraping of chairs and general shuffling. Mrs. Norell wasn’t smiling and unlike his first meeting, Nicole wasn’t even present. No other hands had gone up so he decided to wrap it up. “Thanks very much for your time and if I can just remind you all that smoke detectors save lives. Please check your batteries.”
John Ackerman declared the meeting closed and everyone drifted into the reception room. Tony made his own coffee from the urn and selected his own cake rather than being forced to choose from a myriad of platters being pressed against him by the local ladies. All around him people were clustered in closed groups and eye contact was only being made when absolutely necessary.
He walked over to Ella Norell. “I defrosted that potluck casserole you made me, Ella, and I enjoyed it for supper last night.”
“That’s good to know, Chief.”
“It’s a big meeting today. I would have thought Nicole would be here.”
Ella pursed her lips. “You know, Chief, Melissa and Emily are single.”
“I’m well aware of that, Ella.” He tried not to sigh. She and the other older women in the town had been pushing him toward Emily and Melissa from day one. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them, it was just he didn’t like them enough.
Ella’s pale blue gaze hooked his with a punch. “Nicole’s been through a lot.”
He pushed down a rising frustration. “It’s hard to live in this town and not know that.”
She pursed her lips in disapproval. “She’s grieving for her dead husband. Bradley was a wonderful man who sacrificed his life for our freedom and we’ll do anything to protect her from harm.”
“I’m hardly a mass murderer.”
The set of the older woman’s mouth said she wasn’t so sure.
He raked his hand through his hair, desperately seeking some calm. He needed to remember that he now lived in a small town and as such he was an outsider until proven otherwise. At least now he knew the reason behind the change in the town’s attitude.
“I have no intention of hurting her, Ella, and although it’s none of your or the town’s business, she isn’t interested in me other than as a friend and a mentor for Max. So I’d appreciate the gossip mill knowing this so everyone stops treating me like a social pariah and cuts me some slack and allows me to do my job.”
Ella’s smile returned, tinged with equal parts guilt and relief. “I’ll let them know. I’m sorry, it’s just...”
“You’re protecting your own. I get it.” He sighed again. “How long does it take until a newcomer belongs here?”
“Twenty years.” She patted his arm sympathetically. “Less if you marry a local. Ask Melissa out on a date.”
He put down his coffee cup and strode back to the station, changed into his gym clothes and pulled on the boxing gloves. As his hands and legs hit the punching bag, he didn’t know what hurt more—the fact the town didn’t trust him to care for Nicole or the fact it was moot because Nicole didn’t care for him.
When exhaustion had numbed his mind, he showered at the station and then drove home. He opened a beer and started sorting his mail into bills to be paid, advertising flyers and personal. A heavy and large plain envelope with do not bend handwritten on the front didn’t easily identify itself as personal or business. He turned it over to see who it was from but there was no return address. Intrigued, he reached for a knife and carefully sliced it open.
His fingers touched photo paper and he pulled out some black-and-white photos. Spreading them across the table, he blinked. His eyes and his brain argued. What the—?
Nicole’s huge eyes stared straight at him, as her hair cascaded across a pillow and her hand rested against her chin as if to say I’m here and I’m waiting for you. His blood beat hard and his fingers trembled as he slid the photo aside to reveal the next one. She was sitting cross-legged on a bed with her bare shoulders and back facing the camera. A rug spooled from under her arms and draped itself sensually around her hips and lower back. It revealed less skin than a bikini but it was the way it said there’s so much more that made it the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.
He realized there was one more photo. This time she was lying on her front wearing her black-rimmed glasses, a gray-and-black lace bra and panties. Her legs were raised behind her and her ankles were crossed, showing off sexy, black high heels. He groaned as his erection strained against his trousers.
He grabbed his phone and somehow he managed to get his fingers to cooperate on the touch screen.
Send Max to your parents. I’m coming over. Now.
Chapter Sixteen
Nicole checked her hair and makeup in the mirror and nervously bit her lip. Tony’s text had come in twenty minutes ago and he’d be here soon. Ever hopeful that he would make contact with her when he’d received the photos, she’d arranged for Max to have a sleepover with her parents just in case. Excitement and nerves fluttered, giving her a heady feeling like the bubbles of champagne.
The doorbell pealed. She smoothed down her hair. “This is it, Nic.”
Pulling open the door, she smiled. “Hi, Tony.”
Wearing a tight expression, he strode past her into her sitting room and turned around, waving the photos at her. “What the hell are these?”
Stunned, she closed the door. This wasn’t the reaction she’d been expecting. Rifts of panic immediately flattened her excitement. Had she misjudged him? “Don’t you like them?”
“Liking has nothing to do with it.” Anguish crossed his face. “Do you have any idea what the town would do to me if they saw these? And you mailed them.” His voice rose in disbelief. “What if they’d split open and Henry had seen them or anyone else in the postal service? What then? Damn it, Nicole, I have to work with these people and they froze me out because I went on a hike and had supper with you. They’d hang, draw and quarter me based on these.”
Her growing frustration with the town spilled over. “It’s none of their business. We’re adults and I had those photos taken for you not them.”
He slammed them down on the table and she jumped, her stomach curdling. This wasn’t going anywhere close to the way she’d imagined it in her head over the past few days. She’d been nervous about the photo shoot but Erin had been so great with helping her relax that she’d ended up having fun. For the first time in far too long, she’d felt like a desirable, sexy woman and she was really proud of the photos. But now, faced with the anger and confusion in Tony’s eyes, she was second-guessing everything.
He plowed his hand through his inky-black curls. “What I don’t understand—” his voice was low and controlled, “—is why you sent these to me when you’re still in love with your dead husband?”
She shook her head so hard that her hair whipped against her mouth and she rushed to reassure him. “I’m not. Surely these photos tell you that. How could you even think I was after looking at them?”
His dark eyes filled with something akin to sadness. “I don’t know what to think. Everyone in town believes he’s your one great love and, hell, you’re still wearing your wedding ring.”
Her hand shot out and she waved it in front of him as if he was blind. “I took off the ring two weeks ago. I invited you to the supper club.” She couldn’t stop her voice from developing a wild and crazy tone. “How could you not pick up on those signals?”
His head jerked back as if she’d struck him. “Maybe because you made it very clear to me that you only want to be friends. Maybe because the town’s constantly telling me about how great you and Bradley were together and how you’re still grieving.” He gave a strangled laugh. “Not to mention the polite threats and passive aggression I get from everyone whenever I even glance in your direction.”
A spurt of hope that she hadn’t got it all wrong filled her. “Do you wan
t to glance in my direction?”
Again, he ran his hand through his hair. “Nicole...”
She stared straight at him, needing to know. “Do you?”
His hands fell to his side. “Of course I do.”
She smiled and reached out her hand, gladness filling her to overflowing. “So we both want the same thing. Let’s just ignore everybody else.”
“Are you serious?” This time his voice held an edge. “That’s impossible when it affects my job.”
The army is my life. This job is everything to me. Bradley’s words slammed into her, stealing her breath. Was she being set aside yet again for a man’s career?
“Nicole, my entire team is made up of volunteers. I can’t do my job in Whitetail if people don’t respect me and we won’t even have a fire department if people refuse to work with me.”
The tremble of anger and fear started at her toes and she wrapped her arms around herself trying to stop the shaking. “So you’re going to let other people’s opinions rule your life? It’s none of their business. They don’t know...” She’d held the truth so close to her chest for so long she didn’t know how to articulate it.
“Know what?” The anger and hurt in his eyes faded and the caring warmth she’d grown to love shone brightly. “You need to tell me exactly what’s going on.”
She’d never told anyone, not even her parents. Could she do it? She bit her lip again and swallowed hard.
Tony watched her silently, his entire body attentive and on alert.
“A...” The word sounded hoarse and she cleared her throat. “A week before Bradley died he sent me an email telling me he no longer loved me, that he hadn’t loved me for quite some time and that he wanted a divorce. He said he’d outgrown Whitetail and he’d outgrown me.”
“Had you seen it coming?”
She laced her fingers tightly in front of her and shook her head. “Put it this way, despite the fact he’d signed up for a second tour of duty and that he’d seemed distracted and sometimes distant on his last leave, I had no clue he wanted a divorce.”
Sympathy flared in his eyes. “That would have been tough but don’t be hard on yourself. We never see what we don’t want to know.”
And she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge the changes in Bradley. For the months preceding his last leave and during his time back in Whitetail, she’d found excuses for his behavior and she’d clung to them tightly. “Opening that final email was like detonating a bomb.”
She remembered vividly the chaos of emotions that had swamped her that week. How the memories still had the capacity to swamp her when she least expected. “I was in shock. I was ashamed that I was no longer enough for him, that he loved the military more than me and I was utterly furious with him for ending our marriage in such an impersonal way.”
She sucked in a breath, willing herself to keep going now she’d started. “I replied to his email, telling him I refused to accept the end of our marriage until he came home, faced our families and friends, and spoke the words out loud. Until he looked his little boy in the eye and told him he was not coming back to live in our house and until I could scream at him and call him all the names I’d hurled at a computer screen.” Her left hand gripped her right, crushing her fingers. “Only he never made it back.”
“Was it suicide?”
The quietly asked question hung heavily between them and she shook her head emphatically. “No, Bradley might not have loved me anymore but he loved life. He loved his life in the forces and it had become his new family. He died trying to save a fellow soldier and Max has his medal.”
Understanding slowly dawned, crossing Tony’s face before disappearing into his ash-colored stubble. “You haven’t told anyone about Bradley’s email, have you?”
“No.” She closed her eyes for the briefest moment as pain burned tightly in her chest. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be expected to play the grieving widow when so often I just want to scream that he betrayed me?”
Two deep lines carved in above his nose. “So why don’t you?”
“How can I?” She threw up her hands as the black, choking cloud that was everything to do with her feelings for Bradley tried to suffocate her. “I’m stuck, can’t you see? To the town and to Max, he’s a hero. How can I tell them that he took a coward’s way out to end our marriage? They won’t be able to even recognize that behavior as Bradley’s.” Her voice broke. “I’m still so furious with him for putting me in this position.”
“Maybe he didn’t put you in this position. Maybe you put yourself there.”
The quietly spoken words burned her. “No! He left me living a lie with no way to reveal the truth to a town that misses him more than I do. They think they share my grief but they don’t.”
“Just tell them.”
“Are you deaf? I’ve just explained why I can’t tell them.”
He nodded slowly and closed the gap between them until his chest skimmed hers and their hips touched. “I hear you.”
His heat rolled into her, lighting the fuse on every particle of unmet need that had pulsed in her from the moment she’d met him. Her breathing quickened and she caught the heady scent of his soap and spicy cologne—a potent combination of clean and hot—that surged into her nostrils. His dark gaze tugged and pulled at hers and she willingly threw herself into the inky depths, desperate to be there.
His palms slid along her cheeks, the touch firm but gentle and without a word he tilted her head. She sighed, anticipation singing. This was what she’d wanted for so long. Waited for and dreamed about for weeks and now it was about to happen. Her fingertips traced the line of his jaw and then his mouth covered hers. Hot, wet and intoxicating.
The tip of his tongue trailed along her lips. Sparks of desire—pure and heady—flared and her blood pumped hot need around her body, leaving no place untouched. His lips closed over her lower lip, suckling her, and then his tongue slipped inside.
Silver spots rained behind her eyes. His touch and taste infused her with everything she knew about him—his warmth, his caring and generosity, and all of it overlaid with a potent sex appeal that made her knees buckle. She gripped his shoulders for support not wanting anything to break the kiss.
The wondrous pressure of his mouth against hers danced through her and she let the river of sensations carry her along, taking her on the journey she ached for. She savored every strand of bliss, every delicious tingle and let it all soak into her body and her mind, so it took her a moment to realize the intensity of the kiss had changed. Like mist clearing, she became aware that although his lips were still pressed against hers, they weren’t moving.
He lifted his head. “Nicole...”
No. Cool air zipped between them and she grabbed his hand, wanting to be the woman in the photos. The woman who knew what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to take it. She turned toward the bedroom and started walking. Her arm stretched out behind her and then pulled hard at her shoulder.
He hadn’t taken a step to follow her.
Confused, she swung back to him. “My bedroom’s down the hallway.”
“This isn’t a good idea.”
She realized with a thud that he would be uncomfortable having sex with her in her marital bed and she couldn’t believe she’d been so stupid not to think of that. “So we go to your house.”
Torment flared in his eyes for a moment and then he extricated his hand from hers. “Nicole, I want you. God knows I’ve wanted you from the moment I met you. That day in the salon when you were washing my hair, every part of me wanted to pull you onto my lap and feel you close around me.”
She smiled at him, remembering. “I came so close to kissing you that day, which is why I sent you the photos. I’m that woman. I want this.”
He scrubbed his face with his hands. “I know you do.”
She didn’t understand why they were standing here having this conversation when they could be burning up the sheets. “Max is at my parents’ house. We’re both consenting adults, so I can’t see a problem.”
He met her gaze full on. “Bradley is part of the problem.”
She blinked. “How can he be? He’s dead and no longer part of my life.”
“The town doesn’t think so.”
“We’re not back at this again.” Abject disappointment fizzed with disbelief that he was letting other people rule his life. “I can’t believe you’re so threatened by a dead man.”
A steely glint of silver sparked in his dark eyes. “I’m not threatened by him. He will always be Max’s father and I respect that. The other part of the problem is you.”
She wanted to stamp her foot. “No. I. Am. Not. You’re the one making this way more complicated than it needs to be.”
He sighed. “Nicole, I want a future with you. In Whitetail...”
Her heart flipped in her chest.
“...but that can’t happen until you declare yourself free of Bradley.”
“But I am free of him.” Blood pounded so loudly in her ears it almost deafened her. “I’ve told you I am. I’ve just shown you that I am.”
“I’m not the only person who needs to know.” His soft words carried the deceptive smoothness of a sharp knife that delivered a deep, clean cut. “I’ve been divorced, Nicole. I’ve walked the path of pain and anger, disappointment and grief, and I’ve found peace with that part of my life. You’re not there yet and if we try to be together before you’ve done all that, we’ll fail. I’ve already had one failed marriage and I refuse to have another. I’m not prepared to put me, Max or you through that sort of pain.”