by Leaona Luxx
“He’s made my life hell. Brannon made me feel good. He believed in me, my abilities. It didn’t matter if I come from money. It only mattered how I treated him. I tried to prepare him for my father. That’s not true, I didn’t do enough.
“There were issues, my father thought he was beneath my raising. Brannon wasn’t what my father planned for me, so he took care of it. Somewhere between falling in love and my father’s money, I got screwed.
“My father threatened to take Brannon’s family’s farm if I didn’t end it with him. I told my father I would pick being a poor farmer’s wife over being his daughter any day. I took some time to have a good cry and to get my thoughts together. By the time I returned to the main house, Brannon was already gone. I refused to believe the story my father spewed, thinking it was all lies in an attempt to turn me against Brannon. But then my father showed me the video, and there it was in black and white. Brannon climbing into a cab with a check in hand.” I feel as though I have word vomit. I take a drink to wash the bad taste away.
“Damn. I’m sorry, Torrie. Sometimes, life just gives you a good kick in the teeth. I know, I have the bloodstains to show for it.” Lea leans forward and pats my hand.
“I thought for sure I was okay. I was until I saw him again. I mean, what're the fucking chances?” I opt for water this go around or they may have to carry me home.
“Small world. So, you haven’t spoken to Brannon in ten years, at all?” Thayer asks.
“I did check to see if he had dropped out of school, and I sent a text and called within hours but heard nothing from him. I guess the money was more important to him.” Shrugging through my last words.
“Money? You mean to tell me that you have such an attachment to this man, you physically and mentally get rattled seeing him. And you still think he took your father’s money? Are you sure you knew him at all?” Thayer questions.
Nodding, I answer her, “I saw it with my own eyes, he took the check and left. I’m sure his farm is nice now. A million dollars can do a lot of stuff.”
Lea spits her drink across the table as Thayer hits her on the back. “A million dollars? To stay away from you?” Lea says, wiping her mouth.
“Yes, but there is one thing that bothered me more than him taking the money. I mean, I might understand how he felt as though he needed to help his mom.” Looking from one to the other, I see they’re waiting. “Why he never told me how his father died. I mean, here I am falling in love with a man who supposedly killed his father.” This time, it’s Thayer who shoots her drink across the table.
“What in the—? Why in the—? Who—oh, your father’s story I suppose?” Lea asks.
“Yes. Ladies, I know my father. I have no doubt he is capable of anything, but I read everything myself.” Lowering my eyes, I pick at my food when it arrives.
After the subject at dinner, including the fact I drank too much, we decide to put off the shopping for a day or so. I need to clear my head and my heart before making a public appearance, so not to make a public nuisance of myself.
My time here is limited, it’s best if I stay away from him. When my father finds out, all hell will break loose. I can’t risk it, this close to getting the company. Brannon’s lips tasted so good the other night. Then there’s Ava, why in the hell is she still around.
I’m sure he’d give me song and dance about how she’s family, he can’t hurt her. Some bullshit he expects me to believe. I hate myself for kissing him, what was I thinking? I could kiss him and leave him wanting more? I’m even more miserable than I already was.
I fall into bed, buzzing and mad at myself. I have to come to terms with Brannon, some way, somehow. Push past the bullshit, do my job, and get the hell out of here. That’s my plan, and I’m sticking to it. Unless he kisses me again, then I’ll come up with a new plan.
“Good afternoon. How are you?” I ask Thayer as I enter her office.
“Great. How are you, girl?” She brings me in for a hug.
“Better. I’m going to work with him, but I’ll be damned if I kiss him again.” Saying emphatically.
“Is this the kiss Ava was talking about?” Thayer’s busy pulling sample pamphlets.
“Yes. The other night after dinner.” I stare into thin air, dazed with the memory.
“He kiss you? You kiss him?” The girl wants details.
Laughing, I answer best I can. “Him. Me. Both. We were all over each other. Damn, country boy kills me.”
She laughs with me. “Ahhh, yes. Have you seen him on his tractor?” She fans herself.
“No!” I say with big eyes. “But now, I need to see that.”
“Oh, yes you do. Damn.” She continues to fan herself as we laugh louder. And who should walk to the door?
“Ladies, y’all okay?” Brannon pops his head through the door to ask.
“Shit. Yes.” Thayer squeals as I turn blood red.
“We’re good. How are you?” I try to pull my shit together.
“Good. What are y’all talking about?” He’s fishing.
“Different sizes of tractors,” Thayer offers, and I burst into laughter.
“Tractor sizes?” Brannon’s brow rises as he smirks. “What size you looking for?” He turns to me to ask. Thayer almost falls from her seat.
“Hot damn. Go ahead and show Torrie some tractors.” Thayer waves her hand, shewing us to go.
“I can take you,” Brannon answers sincerely.
I take him up on it, standing, I motion for him to lead the way. “Please, educate me.”
Thayer’s laughter roars as we walk out the door. “She gonna be okay?” Brannon asks.
“She’s fine. My car? Don’t want any stalkers.” I nudge him as we walk out the door.
“Sure.” He gives me his freaky side eyes.
“You drive, your town.” I toss him my keys.
Starting the SUV, he asks, “Are we really going to look at tractors?”
I laugh through my answer, “No.” He backs up and pulls away.
“So, we can go somewhere else?” He looks over at me.
“We can.” I smile before frowning. “Where are we going?” He laughs and continues to drive.
Brannon takes us to Silvercoast Winery. It’s beautiful, set just off the coast of Ocean Isle Beach. We order a bottle of Chardonnay and walk to the beach.
“Every time I’m with you, I feel the need to apologize. I’m sorry for the other night, I let things get outta hand.” Brannon glances at me, trying to get a feel for me.
“I’m an adult, Brannon. I didn’t do a thing I didn’t want to do. But that doesn’t mean we should do it again.” I stop as the surf wets my feet.
“Me too. Not so sure about not doing it again, but I’ll approach the topic later.” He chuckles which makes me giggle. “So, how goes the company?”
Is he asking me this? “Good. I’m ready to be CEO. My father’s retiring soon.” I smile at him about my soon to be position.
“What? You’re not CEO?” He frowns, looking adorable. The ‘V’ forms between his eyes.
“When my father retires, I’ll be head of the company. I’m his Chief of Operations now.” I thought I told him this.
“You’re not already running Harrington Holdings?” His face is red as he stands there like stone. Why the hell is he so mad?
“No. You know my father is running it.” I turn to him, needing to know what’s on his mind. “What are you saying?”
“I just assumed he was as overbearing as ever.” He shakes his head. “I thought you were CEO or president, and he still ran it.”
“Why would you think that?” I’m dumbfounded.
“He told me he was making you the head of his company when you graduated. He said you needed to marry well so your husband could help. That you agreed to this for the company. I told him he was full of shit and waited for you to call. You never did, so I thought he told me the truth. Until you showed up without a ring.” He glares at my finger, then back at me.
“What does it matter what he told you about me? You picked your poison.” I spin around, walking back up the beach. “I’m done, take me home.”
Brannon chases me up the sand. “How do you know what I chose? You’ve never listened to anyone but him.”
Turning on him, I unload. “I texted you that night. I called, I didn’t leave a message. You had every chance to tell me your side, so don’t you dare blame all of this on him or me.” Spinning, I walk through the doors of the Winery and out to the car.
The drive home is quiet. He stares at the road; I sightsee out my window. The radio starts playing ‘Hate you, Love you’ by Olivia O’Brien. It’s true, being this close to him is killing me. I do, I hate him, but telling my heart that is impossible.
It never fails, every time we’re together it ends in ashes. We burn it to the ground, fast. We can’t talk, we’re both so angry about everything. I want to tell her what happened, it would change things. At least, I hope it would.
Torrie drops me off at the office in enough time for me to pick up Andi. We drive home talking about her day at school, she’s the happiest little girl. Mom is waiting at the door when we pull up, open arms for her baby.
“Mom, I’m going to work on the tractor for a bit.” Waving to her, I head over to the barn.
I know one thing is for certain, no matter how many things I was taught or learned myself, no one taught me how to live with a mistake. It’s not like I don’t kick myself every day for what happened between us. I have more scars than I do good sense.
I’m no damn good for her, I need to stay away from her as much as possible. The job will be over before we know it, and she’ll be going home; why try to fix all of this now. The whole damn thing is a train wreck.
I discovered a long time ago, I’ll pay for my mistakes for the rest of my life.
Before I realize it, it’s almost midnight. I climb into bed, exhausted. I can’t stop thinking about what should have been. I remind myself it will never work because of her father. She’s a city girl, and I’m just a country boy. We were a mistake from minute one.
Morning comes too early for me after another night of fighting sleep. Mom and Andi are having breakfast by the time I get downstairs. I drop Andi off at school on my way to the job site, I hope today will be an easy day, my ass is beat. No sooner am I there, then a black SUV comes around the corner. One sees the look on my face and tries to reassure me.
“It’ll be okay. Guess the talk didn’t go well.” He hands me a pair of sunglasses, and I slip them on.
“Do I look this bad?” He nods. “No, it didn’t. We tried but argued before we got home.”
“Was that in the plan?” He kids me.
“Not at all, but it’s what always happens.” Our conversation stops as Torrie walks up.
“The building is coming along,” Torrie says as she joins us.
“When is the last time you were here? It should be done for you in a few more weeks,” One answers her.
“A week or so ago, the days are beginning to blur. But that’s what I like to hear. Although, I will miss being so close to the beach,” Torrie adds.
My face flames as anger spreads through my veins. Her response bothers me more than I’d like to admit. She’s not my business, even if I do love her. I can’t keep her here, and I can’t convince her to stay. Hell, I can’t even get her to talk to me without a war.
I scan the work site, grateful for my sunglasses. If she could see my eyes, she would know how I feel about her declaration of going home to her father. The asshole will regret meddling one day, even if I have to tell him.
“You okay?” One punches me in the side as he passes by.
“Yeah, I’m good. Hey, Torrie.” I nod at her even though she’s looking forward.
“Hi, Brannon. I didn’t mean anything by that, just so you know.” She offers me some solace but the damage is done.
Taking the two steps I need to get to her, I lean in, my body pressed against hers, whispering. “Yes, you did. I’ll tell you this, you got the response you want. It pisses me off you’re gonna leave, and I can’t have you. It makes me damn well angry that you stand this close to me and I can’t take you in my arms. It drives me in-fucking-sane to have you straddling my cock and it not filling you until you scream. Yeah, you got what you wanted, I’m gutted. Wrecked for fucking life because I can’t spend my days at your side and my nights sunk so fucking deep in you, we don’t know where I begin and you end. Damn right, you got it.”
Her lips part, I’m not sure if she’s going to say something or try to breathe. When she leans into me, it takes everything in me not to bend her over right here and fuck the anger outta her. Damn, what the fuck does she want, a pound of flesh?
“I’m sorry, I can’t stop loving you. But I’ll be damned if I don’t tell you every time I see you. I’ll be damned if I don’t let you know how much my soul aches for yours when it’s near. I’ll be damned if when you look in my eyes, you don’t see how much I love you.” I pause to gather my spiraling anger. Leaning closer, I drive my point home.
“I’ll be damned because you refuse to see me. I’ll be damned because you will never give me the opportunity to be forgiven. I’ll be damned because my entire being burns to touch you, hold you, love you. Yes, Torrie. I’ll be damned. Forever.” She leans into me, her chest seizing with her held breath, but I can’t fucking deal with her being this close without claiming her. I do the hardest thing, I walk away. Again.
Climbing in my truck, I tear out of the parking lot. The hotel is going up, as the engineer, I only need to be here if a problem arises. Burning up the road, I head to my favorite place. I work on our farming equipment, it helps take my mind off things. I also feel closer to my dad. I don’t think I could feel any worse than I do already about my life and the mistakes I’ve made.
“What am I supposed to do, Dad? She doesn’t want me, not like I want her. All this time, I’ve carried a fucking torch for her, and she can’t stand being near me.” I wish like hell he was here, but it’s one more thing I can chalk up on my wall of shame.
Just as I think my life couldn’t get any crazier, in walks Ava. “Hey, lover.” She wraps her arms around my neck.
“Hey, Ava.” Returning her hug quickly then I push away. “Please, stop calling me that, I’ve asked a million times over the years.”
“What’s up your ass?” she huffs as she sits in the middle of my work.
“Nothing. I gotta run back into the office in a bit to finish up some things.” Grumbling at her, hoping she’ll take the hint.
“Why do you treat me like this? I get sick of being your punching bag.” Slinging her hair over her shoulder, she rolls her eyes.
“Ava, we’ve been over this so many times. Don’t you ever get sick of us?” I’m bewildered at her train of thought.
“That’s why I date other guys because you’re an ass.” Standing, she crosses her arms over her chest.
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be an ass to you, but you’ve gotta cut me a break. Ava, we haven’t been together in ten years, it’s time to move on,” I plead with her.
“Have you moved on? No. you’re still hung up on someone who doesn’t want you. Has she said she wants you? Or is it she just wants to fuck you, like the other night. Maybe I’m not the one who has it wrong.” She glares at me.
“No, I don’t know how she feels, but I know I love her. I don’t where I’ll be tomorrow or next week, but I know we’ll be friends.” I try to convince her we’ll be okay.
“What about your mom and Andi?” Now, she’s grasping at straws. “What happens to all of us when you leave?”
“I’m not leaving, damn it. Give me a fucking break, Ava.” Yelling at her only proves I’m an ass.
“Yeah, we’ll see about that because you know she’s not gonna stay here. So then, you can tell me what you will and won’t do.” She hurries from the barn as she leaves.
Fuck it. I’m sick of trying to do the right thing, being t
he bigger person. I need a timeout in the worst way. Picking up my keys, I drive back into town to finish some work. My plans are to clean up my desk and have a few beers.
Sitting at my new desk, I’m working on a new design when Hardy comes in from Thayer’s office. “Hey, man. What’s up.”
“Thayer had an appointment. I’m going over to the site now. One asked if you could look over the inspector’s papers.” Hardy sits in the chair to my side.
“They okay?” Motioning to Thayer’s office.
“Great. Baby’s growing and momma is perfect.” His face radiates happiness.
“Good, man. You deserve it.” I nod at him.
“How about you? Don’t you deserve it?” Hardy’s question hits me in the feels, I can barely control myself.
“You would think, right? But no, I guess I don’t. Ava refuses to see me as anything but hers. Torrie refuses to see me as hers.” Lowering my head to the desk, I bounce it off the hard surface a few times.
“Ava needs a man of her own, a good man. Not the trash she runs around with. Torrie, I don’t know what to say about her,” Hardy explains. “Thayer is the strong one between us. She’s the one who held out hope. I was like Torrie, didn’t think it would happen.”
“I’m beginning to believe it won’t for us,” I say resting my face on the desk. “Fuck it. I’m going for some beer, hit me up later.” Standing, I grab my keys.
“I’ll swing by, where you gonna be?” Hardy asks.
“Deckerz,” I reply.
“I’ll grab One.” Hardy walks out with me as we go our separate ways.