To Be a Family (Harlequin Superromance)

by Kilby, Joan

  He knew she was right; he just had a feeling that what he was going to say wasn’t what she expected to hear. “Go sit down. I’ll put another log on the fire.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  KATIE CURLED UP on the couch again while John stoked the wood-burning stove. So far the evening had been perfect. With luck and goodwill between them they could meet somewhere in the middle. John brought with him a sheaf of papers from a side table when he came to sit next to her.

  “What’s all this?” Katie asked.

  He handed her a police newsletter open to an ad with a color photo of a tropical island. “Tinman Island in far north Queensland. I’ve applied for a job there, as commander. It sounds more important than it is. The point is, if I got the position, I’d be on active duty, not just pushing paper from my In tray to my Out tray.”

  She blinked at the ad, not comprehending. When she’d said she wanted to talk she meant about them and the issues dividing them. She was tired of sweeping things under the carpet and wanted to clean them up once and for all. Instead, he’d brought up a brand-new problem. “What’s on Tinman Island?”

  “It’s a resort island but there’s also an indigenous population and locals who work in the service industry,” he explained. “Talking to you at Tuti’s party helped me clarify my thinking. I badly need a new challenge and a change of scenery. When I saw this ad, I knew it was for me.”

  “So you meant what you said that day. You want to leave Summerside.” And her. And she’d helped him come to that conclusion. A chill came over her. She rubbed her arms.

  “Cold?” John pulled down a shawl from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders. “Is that better? I love the village. It will always be my home, but I’ve lived there all my life, aside from that year I spent surfing and traveling. A change would do me a world of good. If I get the job, that is.”

  Was this why he’d invited her to the cottage, to let her down gently? She tugged the shawl tighter around herself. How could she ask if they were breaking up? They weren’t back together officially. “If you get the job, how soon would you need to go there?”

  “Probably within a month. The incumbent commander has been hospitalized with serious health problems. They want to fill the position as soon as possible.”

  “I see. You said you weren’t happy doing administrative work but will this be any better? What is this anyway, a promotion, a demotion, sideways shift…what?”

  “Technically it’s a promotion, but because of the small size of the station I would be more hands-on than currently.”

  The pit in Katie’s stomach got bigger. It sounded exactly what he’d been looking for. “Tuti has finally settled into school. She’s making friends and catching up to the grade with her English skills. Moving her again so soon would set her back.”

  “She’s a smart kid. Resilient. She’ll adapt again. And this time it will be easier since, as you say, her language skills are progressing.”

  “Your mother won’t be happy to lose her newest granddaughter just as she’s getting to know her. And do you really want to take her away from your sisters’ kids?”

  “I know my family is important to her, or will be. But frankly, Tuti doesn’t get along with my mother all that well. And my sisters’ kids are older so they don’t play together.”

  “Give your mother time. She’ll figure out how to reach Tuti. I think, after the birthday party, she’s already starting to sort things out.”

  “Katie.” He shook his head. “I thought you would understand. I thought you would be happy for me. For us. Why are you so determined to put up obstacles?”

  “For us? Where is the ‘us’ in you getting a new job and moving to far north Queensland?” She swallowed. “It sounds to me as if you’re gearing up to tell me goodbye.”

  “Goodbye?” Shock blanked his face. “Oh, Katie, no. You’ve misunderstood.” He took her hand and held it between his. “It’s my fault. I didn’t explain properly. If I get the position, I’d like you to come with me and Tuti.”

  She laughed out of sheer relief.

  “I’m not joking,” he said, misinterpreting. “It would mean so much to both of us.”

  “You want me to come with you.” She eyed him warily, not wanting to take anything for granted. “As a tutor for your daughter?”

  “I’m really screwing this up, aren’t I? Katie, I love you. I want you to come with me as my wife. Marry me. Please.” He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. “I know this is sudden. I should have discussed the job with you before I applied. But I saw the ad and the closing date was that day. I shot off my résumé straight away.”

  “I don’t know, John.” He loved her. Part of her was tap dancing inside. Part of her was still wary. “We’re barely friends again and you’re asking me to marry you? And for me to leave Summerside, my home and family. My students?”

  “Tinman Island isn’t the end of the earth. There are flights out every day. You could visit Summerside whenever you wanted. You could quit teaching and write full-time.” His hand moved up to cup her jaw. “We don’t have to marry yet if you’re not ready. I don’t even have the job yet. I just wanted to talk to you about this so it doesn’t come out of the blue if I get it. Please, just think about coming with me. It’ll be an adventure.”

  His excitement was infectious. Suddenly she began to see the possibilities of living in a tropical paradise with John and Tuti. Maybe this was fate. Maybe she and John were destined to get their happy ever after at long last. “I guess I could think about it.”

  “Fantastic.” He curled his arm around her shoulders and positioned the newsletter between them so they could both look at it. “That’s the police commander’s residence,” he said, pointing to a bungalow tucked into a palm grove close to the beach. “Rent is minimal and other expenses would be small. Mainly because there’s not a lot to do besides laze in the sun, snorkel, fish, swim…”

  “Write, read…” Katie gazed up at John, searching his face. “It almost sounds too good to be true.”

  “It will be if you’re there with me.”

  “You shouldn’t count your chickens before getting the job,” she cautioned.

  “I’m not. But if this doesn’t work out, something else will come along.”

  “When will you hear?”

  “According to the ad, they want to make a decision soon. I should know by next week if I get an interview.”

  “Wow.” Katie shook her head, dazed. “This morning I was wondering what this day would hold. But I thought I’d be discussing the past with you. I never dreamed we’d be contemplating the future.”

  She met John’s gaze and his naked look of love and longing tugged powerfully at her heart. Her thoughts raced. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself, but the more she thought about it the more excited she was. They didn’t have to get married right away. They were still figuring out how their lives would fit together.

  But this felt right. John felt right snug up against her side. And then he was kissing her, his lips seeking hers and his warm, strong hands stroking her arms, along her thigh…

  But wait, was she managing to stick to her plan? She would listen without prejudice to what he had to say—check. She would give him the benefit of the doubt—check.

  “I want more than just a week in a cottage with you,” he said next to her ear, sending shivers down her neck and a warm glow through her heart. “I want love, marriage, family. The who
le shebang. I want a second chance. We owe it to ourselves.”

  He took her mouth in another deep, drugging kiss. Her limbs felt heavy and her heartbeat sounded in her ears. She wouldn’t fall into his bed right away—

  Well, two out of three wasn’t bad.

  She eased away and whispered, “Let’s go to bed.”

  He gathered her into his arms and lifted her to her feet. With his arm around her, he walked her down the hall to his bedroom, kissing her all the way.

  Wind rattled the bedroom’s windowpanes. Rain drummed on the tin roof. The table lamp’s warm glow illuminated an old dresser and a quilt-covered white iron bedstead. Some places in Summerside held mixed memories but this room evoked nothing but love.

  John stroked her hair. “Do you remember our first time?”

  “How could I forget?” Nervous, eager, clumsy, awkward, tender, intense and emotional. That hot summer night, just the two of them at the beach cottage, had been the consummation of two years of affection, respect and growing passion. “We were so young, so innocent. We had no idea what lay ahead for us…”

  “We still don’t.” He slipped the top button of her blouse free. “But we’ve learned a few things since then. We can make some better choices.”

  She stiffened. Was he referring to her illness?

  Then he slid a warm palm inside her bra and cupped her breast, tenderly, protectively. “Like you on top, for instance.”

  She barely had time to smile before his searing kiss pushed thoughts of the past from her mind. His tongue plunged boldly inside her mouth, letting her know the time for teasing and dancing around each other was over. And she was more than ready. She tugged at his T-shirt, her fingers exploring hot skin, tracing bones and muscles, reacquainting herself with his body. The mole on his left rib cage, the scar below his right nipple where he’d cut himself on rocks in a wave surge. All so familiar, all so dear.

  John broke away to tear his shirt off. In the glow of the table lamp she saw what her fingers had discovered—the new solidity of his frame, muscles hardened and developed over years into maturity. When she’d last made love to him he was barely more than a youth. Now he was a man.

  With a man’s needs and a man’s desires. The intent heat in his gaze as he slowly undid her remaining buttons and removed her blouse made her shiver. With a flick of his fingers her bra came apart and fell to the floor. Her breasts bounced lightly with the release, making his pupils darken. She was proud of her breasts and she loved his reaction.

  He leaned down and drew one nipple inside his mouth, sucking and teasing with his tongue. She loved the way he loved them. His other hand slid up under her skirt, stroking her inner thighs. She loved his slow hand. He hadn’t forgotten what made her breath catch and what made her bite her bottom lip. His fingers molded her flesh, working their magic. Liquid heat spread between her legs, upward into her belly, making her knees weak and her limbs heavy.

  Somehow she worked his zipper loose and pushed his jeans down. He got rid of her skirt, then her panties. He drew her against him, his erection throbbing against her belly. She took his mouth in another long, deep kiss and pushed him toward the bed. “Let’s warm up those sheets.”

  He drew back the quilt and she slid between the cool cotton while he found a condom in the drawer.

  Katie plucked it out of his hands. Slowly she slid it over his thick hard member, loving how his eyes glazed over and his breath became more labored just from her touch.

  “On top, you say?” Putting her hands on his chest, she pushed him down onto the pillow. Riding his hips, she kissed him, relishing the way he fondled and stroked her breasts and buttocks, building back the heat and urgency that had dissipated briefly while they’d been occupied with protection.

  Their bodies moved together as if they’d never been apart. It almost felt surreal, being back with John. Yet here she was where she never thought she’d be again. Now she could admit to herself that all her fantasies over the years wore his face. All her longings were for his knowing touch. All her heart had ever wanted were his eyes gazing into hers.

  In the tiny room where they’d first made love, the fire was reignited. He took her breasts in his hands and worshipped them with his mouth. She eased herself up and onto him, felt the push at her entrance, the slow filling and stretching while her gaze held his. Before she was fully sheathed she began to withdraw, her breath held, every muscle rigid.

  “Katie.” His voice was hoarse with need, his face taut with the effort of restraining himself. He took her hips with a bruising grip, his fingertips digging into her flesh.

  Slick and hot, again she slid down partway. Again she withdrew, her breathing shallow. Tightness coiled in her like an overwound watch. Heat grew. Down, down, down. When he filled her completely, she let out a sigh that went all the way to her toes. She rocked once, twice, savoring the feel of him inside her, the delicious tension, balancing the urge to move with the fight for control.

  “Enough.” John flipped her onto her back with a wicked grin.

  With that, the mood and the tempo changed. He thrust hard, stoking her fire, faster and faster until she was barely hanging on, biting his shoulder to stop from crying out, feeling herself spiral out of control, up and up—

  Maddeningly, he slowed his pace again, taking evil delight when she hit him on the chest with an anguished thump.

  “Got a problem, Katykins?” he teased, a light in his eyes. He looked younger than she’d seen him in ages.

  A lump in her throat formed when he’d called her Katykins. He only used the pet term when they were alone, never in public. He’d coined the name the first morning they’d woken up together. Hearing him use the endearment now brought the past back, all the hope and happiness they’d once shared.

  She pretended to pout. “You had me so close and then you eased off.”

  He braced his hands on either side of her head and started to grind in slow circles. “I’ll get you there again.”

  The veins stood out on his arms, the tendons on his neck stretched. His technique had become more skillful in the years they’d been apart. Not so surprising considering how many women he’d been with since then. But she didn’t want to think about that. What was surprising was that he recalled what drove her wild. Sucking on her earlobe while he played with her nipple, timing the rhythm of both with his thrusts so all three built and built, compounding the intensity of sensation. Within moments she was almost unbearably aroused.

  He, too, was on the edge. She knew the telltale signs, the way his breath caught, how his heartbeat went erratic and his head fell back when he was moments away from release…

  She lifted her hips, driving into his. She came explosively, rolling waves of orgasm after orgasm. She’d loved the things he could do to her, and the way they were together. Sex had never been like this with any other man. She’d never dared think she would find it again with him after all they’d been through.

  And yet if anything, the lovemaking was better. Now they knew their own bodies better, knew better how to please a partner, had more control....

  But who cared about the technicalities? She didn’t want to think and analyze. She only wanted to enjoy the slow, languorous float back to earth.

  After long dreamy moments when all she was aware of was the sound of his gradually slowing heartbeat, John turned his face to hers, a fraction of an inch away. “So…was it okay?”

  She stroked a lock of blond hair off his for
ehead and smiled into his eyes. “Not bad. You?”

  A corner of his mouth curved. “Fair to middling.”

  The spent look on his face told a different story. She grinned, knowing that, just like her, he’d been knocked flat. This was what they did. Had awesome, mind-blowing sex then made a contest out of downplaying it.

  He leaned closer and kissed her. “We’ve still got it.”

  She gazed into the sky-blue eyes of the person who knew her better than anyone on the planet. And yet somehow he’d missed understanding an essential part of her seven years ago.

  Yes, they still had it. But even knowing each other as well as they did, their fundamental differences had torn them apart once. Would that happen again? Suddenly she wanted this second chance. She wanted it very much.

  She lay in his arms, head on his chest, while he idly stroked her softly all over, her breasts, her belly, her thighs. In the quiet dark the only sound was their breathing and the distant crash of waves on the beach. Having stroked as far down as he could comfortably reach he returned to her neck and started over, trailing slowly down again to gently mold her breasts. The movement was tender and soothing, not sexual, and seeped into the crevices of Katie’s soul.

  His fingertips strayed near her lumpectomy scar. She held her breath, hoping he would move on before he touched the thin puckered line. After the physical and emotional closeness they’d shared she didn’t want a reminder of the event that had torn them apart.

  Closer and closer, his fingers stroked and molded. She tensed, trying but unable to regain that state of deep relaxation. He stroked the scar, moved on, paused, then her heart fell as he stroked back tracing the shape and length of the scar. Now she was aware he was holding his breath, too. The silence was electric. Would he speak and break the emotional connection between them by revisiting the past? Or would he ignore the scar and the issue, papering over the cracks already showing in their new relationship? She was torn, wanting first one thing, then the other.