The only solid and lasting center for life is the immovable, immortal, and infallible God who created us, loved us even unto death, and promises that his plans for us are good (see Jer. 29:11). If you center life on anything else—to any degree—your orbit will be off and balance will remain elusive. When everything revolves around, connects to, and is evaluated by the standards of the One True Center, whether life speeds up or slows down for a season, the core stands firm and balance is possible. This is what it means to order our days with wisdom.
The Bible describes God as the Author of peace, order, stability, and strength. Discontent, irritability, exhaustion, and burnout are not of God, so if you are experiencing them, you’ve got a center problem. When we’re healthy and connected with the Lord, we recognize this problem and adjust accordingly—we cut back somewhere, look for opportunities to be refreshed by God, and accept that in our weakness, God’s strength is perfected (see 2 Cor. 12:9–10). When we’re on overload, we can’t even see that our center is off; instead, we try to better arrange the orbiting forces, which is about as effective as arranging deck chairs on the Titanic would have been.
In our own lives, and with our teenagers, we need to evaluate the solidity of our center. Teenagers, who lack the prefrontal cortex capacities for long-term planning and analysis, need the help of adults, who can use their adult brains, to ruthlessly eliminate hurry, rightly order schedules, and accept limits. Teens will not do this on their own. You can act as a surrogate prefrontal cortex when it comes to stress and making decisions—some of which may be unpopular with your adolescent—to live wisely, with less stress.
The Message translation of Matthew 11:28–32 reads,
Are you tired? Worn out? . . . Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
Learning the unforced rhythms of grace, living freely and lightly . . . now doesn’t that sound good?
Try It Today: “Time-In”
Like us, you may have used time-outs to discipline little ones. Removing children from a situation and requiring that they sit quietly often worked well to break a pattern of behavior. Typically, teens don’t get time-outs. They also don’t get much “time-in.”8
A positive spin on the time-out concept, a “time-in” is set aside for rest and recharging, completely unstructured and unhurried. Think of it as a mini sabbath.
God ordained that his people take an entire day every week to rest from their work. Some biblical scholars believe the implication was that God’s people should also rest from thinking about work on the Sabbath. We think that’s brilliant!
Scientific research demonstrates that when people are spontaneous and have fun, their brains grow and strengthen neural connections.9 Intentionally setting aside time when nothing needs to be accomplished, when unwinding is the only goal, is not only good advice; it’s also a pathway to better health and neural integration (both of which are hindered by stress and desperately important for teens!).
It’s essential for your teenager to have downtime, every day. Of course, not all downtime activities are created equal; if you’re playing a game or watching something that’s adrenaline pumping, it may not recharge the body’s batteries. Encourage your teen to do something that relaxes the mind—listening to music, drawing, taking a walk or bike ride, jumping on the trampoline—for no reason other than to give the brain a break.
In order for you to teach your teen the value of this, you need to believe in it yourself. Deliberately schedule your own time-in over the next twenty-four hours. Even ten minutes can make a massive difference!
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I’m So Tired
Few things annoy me (Jeramy) quite as much as a tech alert going off right as I’m about to fall asleep. To this frustrating noise I awakened last night from a half-slumberous state.
“Was that tea caffeinated?”
It was our teenage daughter. Her bedroom was less than twenty yards from ours, but—of course—she chose to ask me via text message whether the iced tea we had at dinner was keeping her awake.
Before I could even respond, two other texts buzzed through, both composed of only one character, repeated in quick succession: “????????????”
Between Jerusha and I, we received twelve such texts over the next thirty minutes. Even after we assured her the tea was herbal and couldn’t be the culprit in disturbing her sleep (and mine), our persistent adolescent continued to harangue us with details about her sleeplessness: “Don’t want to keep you up . . . Guess I’ll just be really tired tomorrow.”
Final text: a frowny face emoticon.
Yeah, that’s how I felt too.
There are times 10:45 p.m. rolls around on a weeknight and she isn’t tired—at all. “I just can’t sleep,” she bemoans. Inevitably, I mentally fast-forward to the next morning, when I know it will be torture to get her up for school. I try not to let her sleep habits rankle me, but she often keeps Jerusha up, and let’s just say, when Mama don’t sleep, ain’t no one in the house happy.
The erratic, odd, or downright poor sleep habits of adolescents are a frequent cause of distress for parents. Whether the concern is that teens work into the waning hours, buried under an avalanche of homework; that they stay up until 3:00 a.m. playing video games or watching movies every weekend, then want to sleep past noon; that they seem to initiate serious discussions only after 10:00 p.m.; or that they are virtually unable to wake up on time for school in anything resembling a good mood, issues with sleep are common and significant.
What is it with teens and their crazy sleep cycles? According to the Washington Post, “It may be tempting to blame this behavior on computers, cellphones and coffee. And, in some cases, those are the prime reasons for nocturnal teen behavior. But . . . researchers over the past decade have learned that a teen’s body is different than those of younger and older people” and that as a result, adolescents’ natural sleep rhythms differ profoundly.1 Understanding how the body, mind, and spirit of an adolescent influence and are influenced by sleep benefits everyone, particularly those interested in a good night’s rest. Let’s start by looking at the biology of sleep.
Bio 101
Most of us know from personal experience that losing sleep makes us feel terrible and a good night’s rest can boost not only our physical strength and readiness to face the day but also our emotional stability. Sleep, or lack thereof, even impacts our life of faith. While the benefits of sleep are readily evident, scientists continue to discover more about the significance of sleep. Studies clearly reveal that sleep plays a vital role in metabolic and immune functioning, memory consolidation, and learning.
Indeed, the quantity and quality of sleep profoundly impact learning and memory. Both are compromised by sleep deprivation but can be enhanced by healthy sleep habits. Harvard scientists report, “Sleep helps learning and memory in two distinct ways. First, a sleep-deprived person cannot focus attention optimally and therefore cannot learn efficiently. Second, sleep itself has a role in the consolidation of memory, which is essential for learning new information.”2
Though the exact mechanisms aren’t perfectly understood, it appears that during sleep our brains sort and stabilize information acquired or recalled throughout waking hours, strengthening neural connections that form our memories and enabling us to build upon them through continued learning.
Researchers at Harvard Medical School also indicate, “One of the most recent and compelling explanations for why we sleep is based on findings that sleep is correlated to changes in the structure and organization of the brain. This phenomenon, known as brain plasticity, is not entirely understood, but its connection to sleep has several critical implications.”3 Because adolescence is a period of heightened neuroplasticity, this connection between sleep and neuroplasticity i
s particularly important for teens.
Safe to say, sleep is incredibly important.
Statistics, however, reveal that the vast majority of people don’t make sleep a priority. In the United States, staying up all night to study, work, or party not only is acceptable but may even—depending on the situation—be encouraged. Going without sufficient sleep carries serious consequences, however.
In the short term, a lack of adequate sleep can affect judgment, mood, ability to learn and retain information, and may increase the risk of serious accidents and injury. In the long term, chronic sleep deprivation may lead to a host of health problems including obesity, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, and even early mortality.”4
Dr. Jesse Payne articulates well the significance of adequate sleep for adolescents. He writes, “For young people, sleep is especially important. During sleep, our body releases growth hormones and also works to repair any damage that may have been done to it during the day. Also, during sleep our brain grows and develops critically important brain synapses (connections) between nerve cells, which help our brain run more efficiently and productively.”5
Physicians and sleep researchers almost universally agree that adolescents need a lot of rest: between 8.5 and 9.25 hours of sleep per night. Dr. Daniel Siegel explains,
When I [use] the word need, what I mean is that for optimal brain growth, for optimal memory consolidation of the day’s learning, for optimal insulin function and food metabolism to keep fit, for optimal immune function to fight off disease, for optimal response to stress to deal with life’s hassles, and for optimal mental functioning with effective abilities for focusing attention, thinking, remembering, problem solving, handling your emotions, and connecting with others in relationships, you need at least the lesser amount of your range of sleep.6
I don’t know about you, but I certainly want my adolescent children to have the physical and emotional reserves that Siegel describes. Most teens do not.
The US Centers for Disease Control reports that approximately 69 percent of high school students get fewer than eight hours of sleep on school nights, and roughly 40 percent get six hours or less. Studies from the National Institues of Health and the National Sleep Foundation disclose that between 28 and 33 percent of students report falling asleep in class—daily7—while 70 percent of teens have trouble waking up in the morning and 64 percent feel tired during class.8
Drowsiness and falling asleep at the wheel cause more than one hundred thousand car crashes every year, which accounts for approximately half of auto accidents involving drivers twenty-five and younger (i.e., adolescent drivers).9 Several studies also confirm reduced scholastic performance in first- and second-period classes, which strongly suggests that sleep deprivation plays a major role in the academic lives of many adolescents.10
Teens face several challenges when it comes to sleep.
For one, modern society does not encourage healthy sleep habits. Ubiquitous digital displays, buzzing electronics, and electric light keep our minds active long past the time we might naturally fall asleep, but since the majority of us are still required to rise at approximately the same time we were before the technological revolution invaded our homes, almost all of us have lost sleep over the years.
In addition, the teenage life—full of new social drives and opportunities, as well as increased scholastic expectations—is hardly conducive to maintaining adequate levels of sleep. Compounding the problem, teens tend to stay up and sleep in late on the weekends, which negatively affects their internal sleep rhythms and impairs the general quality of sleep they do get.
Finally, research shows that levels of melatonin, the sleep-promoting neurochemical, in adolescents differ from those of younger children and adults. Indeed, puberty changes adolescents’ circadian rhythms (i.e., “internal clock”), delaying the time melatonin is naturally released, thereby affecting when teens start feeling drowsy and naturally awaken after sleep. According to researchers, the shift in these circadian rhythms makes it “difficult for teens to go to bed early and be alert first thing in the morning.”11 Shifts in the sleep-wake cycle at puberty mean that most adolescents get their best sleep between 11:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m., when melatonin levels are highest. The National Sleep Foundation confirms this:
Scientists have known for a long time now that a person’s biological clock shifts forward in adolescence. Instead of feeling drowsy in the evening, teenagers actually tend to become more alert and have a difficult time settling in to sleep (likely because melatonin, which causes sleepiness, is secreted later). In the morning, when people of other ages are awake and primed for the day, teenagers still have elevated melatonin levels and often feel groggy as a result.12
This shift in biological sleep patterns, toward later times for both sleeping and waking during adolescence, means it is natural for an adolescent to begin staying up and wanting to sleep in later. Trouble is, the vast majority of schools start earlier as students get older.
As you may imagine, the combination of these factors significantly impacts students’ minds and behaviors.
Psych 101
Insufficient sleep can cause a variety of struggles for your adolescent, so being aware of both the physiological and psychological dynamics of poor sleep is essential.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, adolescents with poor sleep habits exhibit these traits:
Elevated risk for anxiety and depression
Increased risk-taking behaviors
Higher rates of automobile accidents
Impaired interpretation of social/emotional cues
Decreased motivation and increased vulnerability to stress
Lower academic achievement, poor school attendance, and increased dropout rates
Impairments in attention, memory, organization, and time management13
The National Sleep Foundation adds that not getting enough sleep can lead to aggressive or inappropriate behavior such as yelling at friends or being impatient with teachers and family members. It can also cause one to eat too much or crave unhealthy foods like sweets and fried foods that lead to weight gain and can contribute to acne and other skin problems.14
Dr. Helene A. Emsellem, author of Snooze or Lose!, notes that going without enough sleep can make a teen more likely to get sick because the number of T-cells—cells that help us stay healthy—in their bodies falls by 30 to 40 percent. And sleep-deprived teens are more likely to use alcohol and drugs than those who don’t.15
Insufficient sleep in adolescents is also associated with higher risk of sports-related injuries, lower standardized test scores,16 stimulant abuse (caffeine and/or narcotic), and increased crime.17
In order to help adolescents understand the importance of sleep, share the facts with them. To truly make an impact on their sleep schedules, however, you need to make specific changes. Start by evaluating what you believe about sleep.
Faith 101
Many Americans may believe early risers are more successful and that people can learn to live on little sleep, but according to Harvard researcher Dr. Steven Lockley, that notion is neither true nor healthy.18 Lockley points to a deep and pervasive lie that people, including adolescents, believe—that they can overcome the body’s needs.
The Bible is clear: sleep is a gift from God and should be received with gratitude. Psalm 127:2 says, “It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones” (NLT).
With their lifestyle, parents too often communicate that sleep is a luxury and that to get ahead or enjoy life, you have to sacrifice rest. This simply isn’t true. We appreciate how the NET renders Psalm 127:2: “He can provide for those whom he loves even when they sleep.”
Do you believe this? Do you believe that God’s provision is enough for you, or does rising early and staying up late, toiling for money, success, a clean house, or simply the freedom to watch or play more define your life? Is technolog
y robbing you of the rest you need? If it is, you can be certain your teen will struggle with the same issue. Dr. David Greenfield notes, “The phone’s never off, so we’re never off. . . . You sleep with it next to your pillow [but] we’re not designed to be vigilant 24/7.”19
We’re not designed to be vigilant around the clock. God created sleep for us because he loves us. Learning to implement better sleep habits yourself and helping your teen do the same may be an issue of obedience and trust for you. As we obey God’s commands to rest and trust that he can and will provide for us, we can enjoy the gift of sleep and all its benefits.
Try It Today
Some adolescent sleep habits may be the result of bad lifestyle choices and stubbornness; parents should address these behavior issues. When erratic sleep patterns are the result of changing biology and natural circadian rhythms, however, simple changes in sleep hygiene can make profound differences. Just as proper oral hygiene help prevents tooth decay, healthy sleep hygiene forestalls the nasty side effects of sleep deprivation. Here are some quick tips to get you and your teen started:
Make your adolescent’s room “sleep friendly.” It should be cool, quiet, and dark.
Increase exposure to natural light in the morning. This signals the body to wake up.
Stick to a schedule. Consistency promotes natural sleep rhythms, enabling everyone to fall asleep and wake up easier. Also, staying within two hours of your schedule on the weekend will help.
Keep a notepad nearby. Jotting down to-do lists or journaling a few thoughts before bedtime helps address worries that keep people awake.
Establish a bedtime ritual. Doing the same relaxing activities (e.g., taking a warm shower or bath, reading, praying, etc.) trains your body to recognize when the time for sleep approaches.
Your Teenager Is Not Crazy Page 21