“He said my gender is not relevant to his attraction to me, for previously he had no interest in either men or women. He said I attracted him because of my intuitive mind and my fresh outlook on life. Given Claire has equal if not more of both traits, I feel my concern is most justified.”
Gregory rubbed his temples and frowned as if she had given him a headache.
“I love him, and I don’t want to lose him…not even to Claire. I know I am being selfish. I know she could give herself entirely because if she became pregnant with a child, he could marry her, and she could continue with her life. She would no doubt make him happier, but I don’t care. He fits me! I think him perfect. I even like him when he is ill-tempered and rude, for it allows me to be the same without having to feel ashamed later over the terrible things I say.”
Gregory sighed with exasperation. “Unfortunately, that is not the case when you are rude to others. You will apologize to your sister and, when you do, I suggest you explain to her the reason why you feel threatened by her civility.”
“I can’t tell her.”
“Well, given what was said at the dinner table, nothing less than the complete truth will satisfy, and you may learn a few facts which will help you in your arrangement.”
“Like what?”
“Speak to Claire and you will find out.” He stood up. “You are to stay in your room until Claire comes to see you and you’ve apologized for your rudeness.”
“What about Xavier?”
“I will toss him out willy-nilly the moment dinner is over.”
***
Xavier was tempted to follow Vic and Gregory upstairs, but Claire reached out and placed her hand upon his arm. “Let Gregory handle this. He’s always had a way of making Vic see his mistakes.”
“Vic made no mistake,” Xavier said. “He has reason to be jealous.”
His claim caused Jonas to stop mid-step and turn to listen.
Xavier sighed. “In trying to assure Vic he would not be fired if certain anomalies were discovered, I waxed most eloquently on your intelligence. I said if only you would be willing to dress as a man, I would hire you in a second. I also let Vic know my previous interests had been towards females and he was the first male who had aroused me.”
Jonas continued into the kitchen, evidently satisfied, but Claire was more confused than ever. “That should have worked. Why is Vic still refusing to tell you his secret?”
“I don’t know. He provided me an emotionally dramatic clue, but I have not yet worked through the hyperbole to discover what he means.”
Claire leaned forward. “What did he tell you?”
“He said he had no fear I would let him down, but by the nature of his secret, once revealed, would destroy his life.” Xavier studied Claire’s face. “Do you have any idea what Vic could be thinking?”
“No,” Claire replied. “I will talk to him after dinner and see if I can get to the bottom of this.”
“And you will tell me?”
“I can make no promise. However, I will do what I can to help Vic be his happiest.”
“Of course.” He rose from the table. “I should go now for, in all honesty, I’ve lost my appetite. Tell Vic I was neither insulted nor angry when I left, only concerned.”
“You are a good man, Xavier,” she declared and walked him to the door.
Chapter 26
Vic sat in the bay window, her arms wrapped around her knees. She stared up at the moon full of misery and frustration.
When Claire entered, she sighed heavily and turned to face her. “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.” Vic hoped the apology would be sufficient.
Claire joined her in the window. “You only embarrassed yourself and poor Gregory. He takes pride having raised you to be a fine young gentleman, and tonight you outdid your employer in rudeness. He is no doubt rethinking the wisdom of your apprenticeship with Mr. Thorn.”
“Well, it’s not his say,” Vic growled and glared at the moon.
Claire reached out and grasped her hand. “Will you tell me what’s wrong? I truly hate to see you so unhappy.”
“I do not like you flirting with Xavier.”
“A light flirtation, at worst. You know my heart belongs elsewhere, and I am quite certain Xavier’s belongs to you.”
“If your heart belongs to Jonas, how can you flirt with my…”
“Your what? Your employer? The man who wishes to love you but whom you steadfastly refuse? If you have cause to doubt the strength of your hold on Xavier, perhaps you should strengthen the connection. Jonas was not worried about my flirting because he has ample proof we are bound too close for anyone else to come between us. He knows he is perfect for me and no other man would suit me half as much. What I don’t understand is why you refuse the man who is ideal for you.”
“I am not refusing him!” Vic insisted. “But I cannot share my secret.”
“Why not? Surely, you no longer believe he’ll fire you. His love for you is all too apparent. Knowing you are a woman will not upset him in any way.”
“He’s said more than enough to convince me he’ll not fire me until it becomes necessary.”
Claire tilted her head and frowned. “Why would it ever become necessary?”
“It is fine for you. If you have a child, you can create an imaginary husband and kill him off, but if I get pregnant, I am just as good as dead. I will go from being his beloved secretary to a ball and chain who never sees him more than five hours a month. He said it himself, Claire. He has absolutely no use for a wife.”
“And you don’t wish to be one, so the simple solution is not to become pregnant.”
“That is what I am trying to prevent. Nevertheless, I fear I shall lose him all the same, for my presence has excited his need for a lover and if I continue to refuse to deepen our relationship, I am afraid he will find someone else, and I cannot bear the idea. Not even if it’s you. Xavier is mine, and I will not share him.”
“I understand exactly how you feel. Nor will I tell you not to worry. A man’s physical needs can drive him to do very foolish things when the one he truly desires refuses him. I learned this myself.”
“Jonas has been unfaithful to you?”
Claire frowned. “A year ago, before I was absolutely certain of the path I wished to take. I preserved my virginity, just in case I changed my mind and decided to marry. A husband expects his lady to come to the wedding bed untouched.” Pain etched on her sister’s face. “Do you remember Abigail, the pretty blonde maid we had for three months last spring?”
“He made love to Abigail?”
“He says it went no further than a kiss or two, but that could be because I caught him kissing her and begged Aunt Maddy to dismiss her at once.”
“How could you forgive him?” Vic demanded. “Why did you not tell me before this?”
“I did tell you, and you replied you thought they made a fine couple.”
“Claire, I didn’t know you loved him. Had I known, I would have thrashed him senseless.”
Claire sighed. “Well, you lost your opportunity to do so. Neither Aunt Maddy nor Gregory agreed I had a right to resent his slip.”
“Aunt Maddy knew you were lovers?”
“We weren’t lovers at the time. Are you not listening to me?”
“I meant lovers in your heart.”
“Well, we were that,” Claire admitted. “Poor Jonas was utterly devastated that he’d betrayed me.” She sighed and shook her head. “I was not the least bit understanding of his plight. First, I’d never experienced the act of physical love and did not appreciate how your senses can be befuddled when you are in the thralls of sexual desire. Second, I did not know men have great trouble in controlling themselves if not frequently satisfied. Aunt Maddy had seen Abigail pursue and provoke poor Jonas and did not hold him to blame. She commended my decision to remain chaste until I determined my path and did what she could to help me, like firing Abigail and replacing her with a girl too young and plain t
o interest anyone.”
“So you forgave him. But were you not afraid he would find someone else, if not in our household then outside?”
“Yes, and I lived in a private hell for almost eight months, terrified I would lose the man who would suit the life I was almost positive I wanted to live. In that point, I actually envy you and Xavier, for you found each other after you had determined your paths.”
“Don’t envy me,” Vic said. “You have made me certain Xavier will go elsewhere to fulfill his needs—my life has just become a living hell.”
“But why can you not fulfill his needs?”
“Because I will get pregnant. Just because I have decided to be a young man doesn’t mean Mother Nature is fooled in the least.”
Claire rolled her eyes. “There are ways to prevent a pregnancy.”
Vic stared at her sister in stunned silence. “What do you mean? If there is a way to prevent it, why are so many unwanted babies born?”
“Ignorance and poverty are mostly to blame. Young girls are never told because it might tempt them to lose their virtue and, pregnant or not, their value as a bride decreases immensely when they have lost their virginity. However, the man can be blamed as well, for they do know of a method and even when it is easily purchased at the apothecaries, they rarely do.”
“How did you learn about this? I am a young man and I knew nothing about a method to keep girls from getting pregnant,” Vic insisted.
“Perhaps I have misjudged young men. I suppose ignorance is broadly spread across both genders. Nevertheless, there are coverings to place over the man’s penis which will keep his seed inside and there are draughts, which can be prepared to prevent their seeds from taking hold in a woman’s womb.”
“What do you use?” Vic asked.
“A combination of the condom and the draught, for it is the surest prevention. And contrary to your statement that I could get pregnant and think nothing of it, the truth is just the opposite. I daresay you could get pregnant, have a child, and continue with your life better than I. All you would have to do is go off on a four-month business trip and return with a baby you acquired in your travels. The moment I disappear, the whispers would start and the moment I return with a baby, the rumors would be confirmed and nothing could save me or my child from constant shame.”
Vic shifted to Claire’s side of the window and hugged her sister.
“Do not feel sorry for me. I knew this limitation when I chose my path, just as Aunt Maddy did before me. You know her life was a happy one, and mine will be as well.”
“Did Aunt Maddy have a lover?” Vic asked.
“Vic! How blind can you possibly be? You know very well Aunt Maddy had a lover. He raised you like his own son.”
“Oh…” she said as shock and pleasure ran through her. “I knew Gregory loved us…including Aunt Maddy, I just didn’t realize how deeply they loved each other.”
“Nonsense! We ran into Aunt Maddy’s room once and surprised them while they were making love. Don’t you remember?”
“No,” Vic answered honestly. “In fact, I always took care not to go barging into Aunt Maddy’s room unless invited.”
“That was afterwards,” Claire exclaimed in exasperation and sighed. “Vic, whatever you decide to do about Xavier, do it consciously. Don’t push it to the back of your mind and pretend you don’t know what he needs.”
Vic climbed out of the bay window and threw herself onto her bed. “I’ve tried doing that. He won’t allow it.”
“Which makes me certain Xavier is the man for you. Promise me you’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
“We talk all the time.”
“I mean about protecting you from pregnancy.”
“The topic may not come up for weeks. We mostly discuss crimes.”
“Vic, this is important. If you keep pushing him away, you could very well lose him. Promise me you’ll talk to him first thing in the morning.”
“I will,” Vic promised, knowing Xavier would still be sound asleep when she arrived.
Chapter 27
Xavier became alert the moment his bedroom door opened. He feigned sleep until the intruder climbed onto his bed and flopped about sufficiently to raise all but the most determined dead. Losing patience, he reached out and snared his troublesome intruder, pulling her back tight against his chest.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” Vic asked.
“Not at all,” he replied and tightened his grip on her as she attempted to squirm away.
“Xavier, you’re crushing me,” she complained. “Let me go, I need to talk to you about last night.”
With reluctance, he released her. He relaxed when she only rolled over so she could face him.
“If you are forced to go find a woman to relieve your needs, would you take measures to ensure she doesn’t get pregnant?”
He frowned. This was not the conversation he wished to have. “I would prefer not having to do that.”
“But why? Why would you not prevent an unwanted pregnancy?”
He grasped Vic by her throat as if he planned to strangle her for her willful misunderstanding of his words. “I would prefer not going to a woman, but if I did, you can be damn sure I’d protect myself.”
“Well, not to anger the man gripping my throat, but I believe it is the woman who needs protection,” she challenged.
“It’s both.” He released his grip. “Whores frequently carry unwanted diseases, some of which are annoying but curable and others which cause a prolonged and very cruel death. I want neither.”
“Nor a baby,” she added.
He now knew what force of nature stood between them. “Certainly not with a whore and not with you, unless there comes a time you wish to have a child.”
“You know then?” she asked in shock.
“That your body is female. I’d be a damn poor sleuth if I did not.”
“When did you find out?”
“Weeks ago when you arrived at work wearing nothing but your gown and robe.” Vic didn’t need to know it had been during his conversation with Claire.
“But you didn’t treat me any differently.”
“No, nor shall I today, although I will refrain from suggesting I hire your sister and dress her in men’s clothing in the future. I’m sorry I made you jealous. It was not my intention. I only wanted you to understand I would not fire you for having a female body beneath your fabulous male exterior.” He stroked her face. “And may I presume from your questions the force of nature you feared would destroy your life is an unwanted pregnancy?”
She nodded.
“We can prevent it,” he assured her.
“Claire told me the same last night. I didn’t know. She thought all young men knew about this covering to wear over the…you know…”
“Many do, but I believe you traveled with the studious bookworms at Oxford,” he teased. “May I conclude nothing stands between us now?”
Vic shyly nodded and smiled at him.
Xavier leaned in and rewarded her with a kiss. Her lips were so soft and enticing. He could not resist nibbling a bit as his tongue teased them apart. When she opened to him, he groaned from the delicious sweetness of the moment and deepened matters. She whimpered as he shifted her beneath him and plundered her mouth, investigating and claiming every part.
Her body arched up against him for an enticing moment, then she pushed against his chest. He broke the kiss and focused on her frightened face.
“What’s wrong?” he asked as he shifted to one side.
“I’m not ready,” she whispered.
He sighed and pulled her to him. “We’ll take this slowly. In our private time, you are the one in command. However, during work, I am and will always be your master.”
“Employer,” came the muffled reply.
“Impertinent pup.” He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes. “Now shut up and let me sleep another hour.”
***
Vic felt a surge of happiness when X
avier yelled at her to finish her typing in five minutes or he would throw the damn machine out the window. A week had passed since her revelation and he had not changed a bit. He was the same impossible, perfectly horrible, and utterly wonderful employer he had always been.
She finished her typing with only one second remaining and scurried back to her desk. She had barely sat down when Davy entered with a young man at his side. At first, she thought it was the boy she had been shooing away from the door all week, but she could see the other scamp peeking around the doorframe.
“Give it to him,” Davy said.
“My orders are to give this only to Mr. Thorn,” the young messenger insisted.
“I’m Mr. Thorn’s secretary, and giving it to me is the same as giving it to him.”
When he stubbornly refused to release the letter, she rose. “You have made a very bad decision.” She knocked on Xavier’s door and an angry voice bellowed from within.
“I told you not to disturb me! What part of that simple instruction do you not understand?”
She yelled her apology and turned to the fellow. “Now either give me the message or spend the next four hours sitting on the bench because I’m forbidden to interrupt him.”
The boy glanced at the wooden bench, scowled, and handed her the note.
The moment he left, Vic broke the seal and read the message.
“You sure you should be doing that?” Davy asked.
“It seems I must, otherwise I cannot decide whether I need to interrupt His Crabbiness or not.” The note was from Aaron de Coeur, requesting an appointment at his earliest convenience, declaring the matter quite urgent. He resided at the Savoy under the name Aaron Hart. Winston Black, who would also be attending the meeting, stayed at the Chelsea.
Vic recognized both names. Aaron de Coeur, alias Aaron Hart, was Winston Black’s employer. She went to her appointment book and gave him an appointment in four hours. After writing two brief letters, she placed them into envelopes and handed them to Davy. His eyes rounded in horror, no doubt, at all the rules she’d just broken.
The Troublesome Apprentice (The Adventures of Xavier & Vic Book 1) Page 19