by Reyner, Jade
Mentally shaking herself back to the present, Elise sipped on her tea and wondered how everything could have gone so wrong for her and Dale. They had been textbook lovers with a textbook marriage, so what had happened to them over the years?
Despite his obvious flaws she still managed to love him on some level and she knew that he loved her too, but she was really starting to worry that they wouldn’t be able to get through this anymore. Today, when he had come to her office, it had shocked her and shaken her to the core. Up until now, all of their problems had been kept behind closed doors and, whilst there were only a handful of people who witnessed the events this morning, that didn’t mean that rumours wouldn’t spread around the office. It was bad enough having Cole on her back on a daily basis, without adding in Vaughn and anyone else who may feel they deserved to have an opinion.
Vaughn – there he was again, popping into her head. He was a total mystery. She had no idea who he was, where he had come from or how he had come to have enough money to buy over fifty percent of a large, up and coming accountancy firm. His behaviour of the night before and his arrogant belief that she and he would become a ‘thing’ confused and rankled her. He seemed to have his mind set on pursuing her but she had absolutely no idea why. Perhaps this was just some kind of game to him?
What did he do? Did he join a new company, scope out the talent, try it on for size (Olivia) and then choose the most unavailable woman in the office (her) and woo her ceaselessly until she caved in? Would he then love her and leave her and move onto the next willing victim? For all she knew about Vaughn, this could be exactly his MO. After all he was her age or possibly a bit older and he was the most stunning man that she had ever seen. He also appeared to be financially comfortable, so she couldn’t work out why he wasn’t already married, unless of course he was some kind of playboy. In which case that gave her even more reason not to get involved.
Frustrated that her thoughts had once again turned to Vaughn rather than the more immediate problem of her husband, Elise jumped at the sound of the door knocking. Hardly anyone knew where she lived, so, fully expecting it to be a double glazing salesman, she wrenched the door open with more than a little force, ready to tell him that he had picked the wrong day to try and sell her several windows and more than one door!
Anger gave way to shock and surprise as she took in the beautiful figure of Cole standing under her porch. She couldn’t see much in the dim light but she could tell that he had been put through the wringer. There were several cuts on his face; some quite deep with one running along his hairline and disappearing behind his ear. His right eye was swollen and had started to blacken up – and all she could think was that her beautiful friend was damaged and that it was all her fault.
“Shit, Cole, I am so sorry,” she sobbed, “I am so sorry that he did this to you. Jesus, I had no idea you were so badly hurt.”
She reached forward to touch him but then realising that they were still standing in the doorway, she quickly ushered him inside. His gaze briefly flickered over the hole in the wall in the hallway but he said nothing. She watched as he lowered himself onto the green sofa, wincing slightly as he did so.
“What can I do for you, baby? How can I make it better?” she asked; eyes heavy with unshed tears at seeing what a mess her whole life was, right before her eyes.
“Hey, hey,” Cole said gently, “Don’t cry. I’m good. Honestly. It’s all superficial. I have a bit of a bruise on my hip where he got in a good kick but, other than that, I’m just fine. They patched me up and released me but I couldn’t face going home and the questions from Mum and Dad - not just yet. I didn’t know where else to go.” Cole’s parents were currently staying with him for a pre-Christmas visit.
“Christ, I am so glad you came here. I’ve been worried sick about you.” Elise said, still in shock at how much damage her husband had done in his drunken rage. “I tried to see you at the hospital but I had to spend the afternoon calming Dale down so that the nurses could treat him and by the time I’d finished, they wouldn’t let me come find you.”
“Oh, baby,” she walked over and sat next to him on the sofa, gently reaching out and touching his swollen cheek “How can I ever make it up to you?”
“It’s fine – honestly.” he said, “You know how I feel about your husband and what a bastard I think he is. I’ve lost count of the times it’s been me patching up your wounds and soothing your bruises. As far as I’m concerned, he got exactly what he deserved. I just wish I could have finished the job. I would’ve put up with any amount of pain to keep you safe forever.” He was almost whispering now and the passion and simplicity of his statement was too much to bear and a hell of a lot more than she deserved. Unable to hold it in any longer, Elise burst into tears. Cole pulled her to him and hugged her tight, rubbing her back gently and murmuring soothing words. She couldn’t believe that the man who had saved her so many times was looking so battered and torn and all because of her. The guilt she felt was overwhelming.
They stayed that way for a while, locked together on the sofa and rocking gently from side to side; each taking whatever comfort they needed from the other, their easy and loving relationship requiring no words as they slowly began the healing process. It would take a lot more than one night for either of them to do so but the fact that they could hold each other like this, made life for Elise bearable and, not for the first time, she wondered what the hell she would ever do without this truly beautiful man in her life.
Eventually, Elise pulled away. She needed a drink and this time she needed more than a cup of tea. Heading to the kitchen she dug out a bottle of tequila, surprised to see it still relatively full – obviously not Dale’s drink of choice then. She grabbed two glasses and poured a generous shot into each, taking them back into the living room and putting one in front of Cole. He eyed her suspiciously “I am driving, you know.”
She shrugged, “Take a cab - I’ll pay. Dale is in the hospital ‘til Sunday so you’ll have plenty of time to come back and collect your car.”
Cole regarded her steadily as if weighing up whether he could risk leaving his car at her house or not, no doubt worrying about what the neighbours might think, but the need for hard liquor obviously won out and he downed the shot in one, grimacing as the burn hit at the end.
Elise downed hers too and she headed back to the kitchen to get the bottle. Refilling their glasses, she started to feel more relaxed and returning to the living room she snuggled down into Cole’s side, loving his warmth and loving the fact that he was here – just loving him.
Instinctively, he put his arm around her and stroked her hair. He always told her that he preferred her to wear her blond hair long and as a result, she very rarely tied it back. If they had had a tiff then she would tie it back, almost as an act of defiance and Cole generally understood that if her hair wasn’t down, he was in trouble. Over the years it had become a very useful means of communication.
“I really don’t understand why you stay with that asshole, Elise” Cole said “How many times does he have to hurt you, abuse you, and humiliate you, before you wake up?”
Elise sighed. They had had this conversation so many times before and, as on those occasions, she could not explain it to Cole in any way that he would understand. She believed in the sanctity of marriage, and she owed it to Dale – whilst part of her still loved him anyway – to fight for what they had. Admittedly, today had seriously thrown her for a loop and the depth of her remaining love for him was definitely in doubt. But nevertheless he was her husband and she felt that she owed him a sense of duty.
“I know it doesn’t make sense to you, Cole – shit, it hardly makes sense to me after today, but I need to do this. I need to see my marriage through, whatever road that may take. I’m sure there’ll be a day when I can’t take any more but whilst my Dale is still in there somewhere, I need to try to reach him. Please try and understand.” She knew that it didn’t make any sense to anyone, given what Dale had put her
through over the last few years, but if there was even a small chance that the Dale she had married could be reached then she wanted to at least try. For a little while longer. Giving up on her marriage was a big decision to make and she wasn’t ready to do that just yet.
Cole nodded, “You’re right, I don’t understand. He is a bastard..., the scum of the earth. I can’t understand why you stay with him when he continually abuses you. It’s not as if it’s only been once – but even if it had been, that’s one time too fucking many! When that bastard drinks, he doesn’t give a shit about you or your feelings and I worry that one day he won’t stop. I can’t lose you Elise – I won’t lose you. You have to do something about this now; for everyone.” Cole’s speech was impassioned as it always was and Elise wished once again that the road was clear for the two of them. There was always something between them, simmering beneath the surface and sometimes it totally sucked that they both valued their friendship too much to take it any further.
Cole wasn’t finished, his voice taking on an almost determined edge as the alcohol began to take effect.
“If you were mine, you’d be wrapped in cotton wool and I’d be getting roses delivered to you every bloody day...”
Before he could get any further with that particular thought Elise burst out laughing, the alcohol also starting to have the desired effect on her.
“Cotton wool and roses! No wonder you’re still single!”
Cole didn’t laugh. Instead he regarded her seriously, pulling her just slightly closer to his side. His eyes were intense as he looked down at her.
“You know why I’m still single, Elise. Shit!” Abruptly he pulled away from her and his comment hung in the air for a few moments. Elise could tell that he was angry but she wasn’t sure if it was with her or himself.
Slowly the meaning behind what he had said began to filter through her alcohol-numbed brain and she looked across at him in shock. He had never been this open with her before and, for the first time, she truly realised that he was sacrificing any chance of his own happiness for her. Their relationship was never going to be that way; they both knew that - at least she had thought that they did. It couldn’t happen – she loved Cole too much to damage him with her baggage.
“Cole...” she started but he held up a hand to stop her.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Just put it down to the alcohol. And a few blows to the head.” He coughed a little, almost in embarrassment, and then connected his eyes with hers - the intensity still there.
“Just remember one thing, Elise. If this crazy relationship of ours ever changes, at least my idea of romance would NOT involve leaving you black and blue and barely able to walk.” His sharp comment hit home and automatically she went in to defence mode; defending Dale and not really stopping to think.
“Cole, come on..that’s not fair, it’s not always like that. We have our good times.” She made her voice deliberately chirpy. She knew that she wasn’t fooling anyone, but maybe if she told herself enough times that everything was going to be OK, perhaps she would eventually start to believe it. Cole remained silent – she knew that he didn’t believe her. He would never believe her.
“Let’s change the subject.” She said, keen to get things back to normal between them. “Fancy a soppy movie?” She jumped up to go and check out the selection.
“How could I resist? What’ve you got?” Cole sounded relieved. His unintentional disclosure of a few moments before had clearly taken him by surprise too and he obviously recognised that they needed to get back onto safe territory.
Elise selected a DVD and poured them both another shot as they snuggled together on the sofa, content with each other’s company and the safety that it gave them both. Many times Elise had wondered what Cole actually got out of their friendship as she seemed to be the one always doing the taking, but whenever she asked him, he just smiled and said he enjoyed being with her and that that was all that he needed.
As the movie reached its conclusion, Elise stretched, yawned and turned her tired blue eyes on Cole. He was watching her with a curious expression on his face, and she could tell that he wanted to say something but seemed unsure how to say it.
“You OK? What’s wrong?” she asked.
“It’s nothing, it’s just.....well something happened today.” Cole turned away from her and
Elise rested her hand on his arm to get him to look back at her.
“What? Besides getting the shit beaten out of you, you mean?” He suddenly seemed really serious and Elise wanted to relax him a bit.
“Yes, Elise. Besides that.” He sighed, clearly seeing little humour in her comment and she suddenly realised that this was something big. His voice had become deep and solemn and Elise felt her heart go cold, fear running through her veins.
“What, Cole? What happened? Why the hell didn’t you say something earlier? Oh Christ, I forgot, you got arrested, didn’t you? Don’t say they are going to press charges! Is that what this is about? Shit!”
“No, Elise,” he said cutting her off “It’s not that. Thankfully, they let us both off with a caution but I need to be more careful in the future – despite how much I may want to beat your husband up again.” He laughed humourlessly.
“What is it then? Come on Cole - you can tell me anything, you know you can.” Elise pressed her hands into his and turned to him, her face earnest and imploring. “Baby, I’ll help you, whatever it is, you know I will.”
“I’m not sure you can help me with this one, sweet-cheeks” Cole turned away from her, hiding his eyes as if afraid of what she might see.
Silence descended and Elise struggled with how to break it. His hands had become clammy where she was holding them and she could feel them shaking slightly. She had no idea what was going on with Cole or why the sudden seriousness and the change in him. He knew that she was always there for him, didn’t he? She just had to hope that that was enough and that he would open up to her eventually. She waited patiently, calmly rubbing his hands as he had done for her so many times; soothing him, reaching out to him.
Just as she had given up all hope of him saying anything further, he shrugged and turned back to face her.
“You know today when I was fighting with Dale?” she nodded, “And you know when Vaughn arrived and he pulled me off him?”
“Yes...” she said carefully, not sure where this was going.
“Well..., when Vaughn pulled me off, something happened. I felt something.”
“OK....” She said, not really understanding. “If he made you angry, I totally get that. Believe me, I’ve known him less than twenty four hours and he is already seriously stretching my boundaries!”
“No, Elise, you don’t understand.” Cole hesitated again and then shook his head. “He didn’t make me angry – far from it. He made me feel something – something that I shouldn’t feel. He made me feel.....” he swallowed. Whatever he was about to say was clearly a big deal for him and Elise just continued to rub his hands while she waited. Eventually he spoke again, quietly this time, and she almost had to strain to hear him.
“It was attraction, Elise. I was, in that instant, attracted to him. And all the while he was holding me back, all I could think of was how good his arms felt around me and how good he felt pressed up against my back. I didn’t want him to let go. It scared the shit out of me.” Cole took a breath and turned to face her, not quite meeting her eyes.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it this afternoon.” He continued, still unable to meet her eyes. “First of all I thought it was a one-off, you know, the adrenalin pumping with Dale and the fight. I told myself that all the way to the hospital, and had nearly got myself convinced that it hadn’t happened at all - until I arrived. They showed me into a small cubicle and I had to wait for an eternity for a doctor to come and see me. When he did it was a young doctor - a registrar I think he said - and all of a sudden, it was like the blinkers came off. Suddenly I was looking at a man and I was attra
cted to him and, Jesus, Elise, that is seriously fucked up.” He took another breath and this time he did look at her as he finished talking.
“I realised then that it was nothing to do with the fight, nothing to do with the adrenalin and it seriously made me think. I’ve always loved girls, Elise - I know I have. I’ve always chased girls, bedded girls every which way possible and I’ve always loved every sordid minute of it. But today for the first time ever, I began to think about having a man, bedding a man – wondering what it would feel like, and I felt myself getting aroused. I was aroused at the hospital, Elise and shit, I am so scared. I don’t understand this; I don’t understand why I am feeling like this or why it is happening now. I need you to help me, I have to work this out. Christ, Elise, I think I may be bi.”
As Cole’s words sank in Elise struggled to comprehend them and to think of the right thing to say. Hell, he had just landed something on her that she would have sworn she would never hear him say. Cole was renowned for his endless flirting with the women in the office, however harmless it usually was. Never once, in all of their years of friendship, had she ever heard him refer to men in that way at all. It wasn’t an issue for her - she was nothing if not open minded - but the gravity of what Cole had just told her meant that she had to make sure she had well and truly switched her brain on before responding. Damn tequila!