by P. G. Van
“I am sorry about Nandana…Reyan told me about the accident,” I said empathizing with her.
“You are the only reason I was able to pull through after losing your sister and your father in one accident,” she said softly looking at me.
“I’m sorry I did not know about your husband,” I said, my voice trembling at the memory of losing my loved ones.
“You are all I have, Vinnie.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know if I feel the same way about you. To me, my parents died in an accident when I was ten, and no one can take their place,” I managed to say in a firm tone.
“Vinnie…” Reyan started to say and then paused when she looked at him.
“I understand Vinnie. I am just grateful I could see you and am able to talk to you. I do not expect you to change anything for me. I just need some of your time so I can move along,” she said looking into my eyes.
“I can’t promise anything Mrs. Singhal knowing I was given up for adoption,” I said anger powering my voice.
“There wasn’t a choice sweetie,” she said weakly.
“What was the need to give me up for adoption?” I asked the million-dollar question, the question that had been burning me for the past two months.
She took a slow and long breath and said, “Twins, especially girls born into the Singhal family in the past generations, have killed each other before they turned sixteen.”
“What?” I thought I screamed but my voice was barely audible.
“Your father’s sisters died on the same day when they fell off the balcony fighting over a doll. Similar incidents that had happened made the family believe it was best to have the girls brought up in different homes until their sixteenth birthday.”
“I don’t believe it.” I shook my head.
“I did not believe in the superstition and was completely against it before I had you and your sister but...”
She broke down into sobs holding on to Reyan.
I scooted closer to her and put my palm on her shoulder as an uncontrollable pain took over my body. I could not see that woman in pain, she was a complete stranger but it broke my heart to see her weep. I made eye contact with Reyan and gave him the ‘I got this’ look, and he gently let go of her as I put my arm around her.
She hugged me tightly as if I would disappear if she let me go. “I am just glad Reyan found you, you don’t need to accept me into your life.”
“Why did you choose my mom and dad to give me away?”
“You were never meant to be given away. Your mom and dad were asked to raise you till you were sixteen but...”
“But what?” I urged.
“One month after you were given to them, they left the area without telling anyone.”
“What?” I gasped.
“You may find all this hard to believe, but your mom and dad were childless for many years after their marriage and wanted you for themselves,” she sniffled.
“I dealt with the pain by publishing stories that portrayed the burning heart of a mother who lost her child.”
“I’m sorry…” I uttered as she continued to speak.
“I had names picked out for both of you and when I was told I lost you, I started writing under your name.”
“Wait, is that not your name?” I asked in shock.
“You are my Nandini Singhal sweetie, and your sister’s name was Nandana. When she was six, she asked me who Nandini was, and I told her about how we lost you and she told people that her name was Nandi from that day, a shorter form of your name in your memory.”
“I…I met her friends at work one day, and they were shocked to see me.”
“You are very identical, except for your eyes. Nandi…Nandana had her dad’s eyes and you have mine.”
I smiled at her, my questions were answered, but I did not feel any special affinity towards the woman. She was still my favorite author.
“How did you get my books? I don’t have a lot of sales in the U.S.,” she asked softly.
“My mom used to read your books and would not stop talking about them. She would end up crying just talking about the stories,” I said looking at her and added, “I think I understand the reason behind the sadness whenever she read your books.”
“I freaked out when I saw one of the books in your room the first time we met at your place,” Reyan said smiling and added, “I knew then that the best way for me to have you two meet was at a book signing event.”
“You did well!!” she cheered, smiling at Reyan and asked “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I needed to make sure Vinnie would believe me if I told her everything I knew…your daughter here is one tough cookie.”
“I am happy to hear that...Vinnie, you are doing really well for what you were put through today,” she said smiling at me.
‘Well, that’s because I knew about the search and about my parents adopting me a few weeks ago. We met Reyan’s parents at a restaurant and his mom recognized me,” I said softly.
“Seema knew all along?” she fumed looking at Reyan.
“Vinnie, you got my mom into trouble now.” He laughed, leaning back on the couch as she reached for the phone.
“Mrs. Singhal, please don’t...” I stopped when she looked at me with the eyes that were way too familiar and said, “I would love for you to call me mom or by my first name, but please don’t address me like a stranger.”
“What is your name?” I asked weakly.
“I am Preethi.”
“Pri…”
“You just need to say it like you say pretty,” Reyan chimed in.
“That’s a pretty name,” I observed.
“What’s your real name?” she asked surprising me.
“Vinitha…Vinitha Raj.”
“I like Vinnie better,” she smiled, putting her arm around me and added, “I need to ask you something.”
“Yes...”
“Can you spend one week with me? I know you don’t feel anything for me, but I do. I want you to myself for the rest of my life, but I know I can’t ask for that.”
“A week maybe…” I paused when Reyan interrupted me and said, “Baby, remember ‘whatever Reyan wants time’?”
“Reyan, stay out of this and let her decide,” she growled at him.
“I need to figure out my schedule at work, but I will confirm in a few days. Is that okay?”
“Yes, absolutely. What do you do for work?” she asked cheerfully.
“I used to be a bartender, and now I work as a day manager at the same bar.”
“That is definitely something you got from your dad, he was an expert with liquors. He would know what drink each one of our guests preferred even before they told him,” she beamed.
What the fuck? I thought it was a skill I developed.
“She does that too,” Reyan told Preethi.
“That’s just unbelievable!!” She laughed making my heart flutter.
“She is full of surprises Aunt Preethi!!”
“I believe you, Reyan, and she is so much like Nandi, yet so different.”
“I have to go, I am meeting my friends for an appointment,” I said looking at Reyan.
“That’s right, the girls are going shopping for the wedding.”
“For Rahul’s wedding?” she asked with excitement.
“Yes,” I said smiling back.
“I am here for Rahul’s wedding too,” Preethi said laughing and added poking fun at Reyan, “Did you not tell her?”
“She didn’t want to talk about you, and I didn’t tell her anything about you,” Reyan shrugged.
“I understand and thanks for bringing my daughter to me. I still need to talk to your mom.” She hugged Reyan and looked at me as if she was trying to read my expression. I reached forward and put my arms around her and told her I would let her know when I could take a week off.
“Oh, hang on. I have something for you,” she said, walking back into her bedroom. She came back a few seconds later
with a thick sealed envelope in her hand.
“This is from your father. He wanted me to give it to you when I found you.” She handed me a thick sealed envelope and added, “He had one of the nurses at the hospital write it for him.”
I took the envelope and put it away in my tote. I found a biological mother that day and a letter from my biological dad.
What’s next?
*****
“How well did you know Nandana?” I asked Reyan as he got into bed next to me later that night.
“I knew her pretty well. We vacationed a couple of times as a family.”
“What was she like? Was she anything like me?”
“She was very friendly, smart, a bit nerdy.” I could tell he was trying to be very objective with what he told me about my other family.
“You don’t have to be diplomatic baby,” I teased putting my arm around him and resting my cheek on his chest.
“I am not, that’s all I can think of.”
“Did she write also?”
“Nope, but she was extremely smart. She got into Stanford for a Masters and PhD program.”
“Wow!! That’s awesome,” I said looking up at him and saw the looming sadness in his eyes.
“Yes, she was going to be on the plane heading to California in less than forty-eight hours when the accident happened,” he said, shaking his head.
Cold shivers ran through my body, and I tightened my hold on Reyan. He put his arm around me and gently stroked my back.
“She and her dad went for a drive in the middle of the night in her new car and never came back. Her dad was in a coma for almost a month and when he regained consciousness, he wouldn’t stop talking to your mom about you,” Reyan said softly.
“She is not my mom, Reyan,” I said adamantly.
“Sweetheart, you need to give this a chance…” I didn’t let him complete.
“Reyan, you have no idea how badly I want to give this a chance, but I don’t feel the connection. I admire the woman for what she is. I feel for her loss and it hurts me to see her in tears, but she cannot be my mom.”
“Baby love, I don’t mean to push you, but you need to let it happen...”
“What are you suggesting?”
“I want you to go spend time with her, know her better. An afternoon with the two of you in the same room, I saw so many similarities.”
“Having things in common is not unique. Annie and I have more things in common than I probably would have with my twin. No one can take Annie’s place in my heart and no one can take my mom’s or dad’s place,” I declared.
“I understand baby, and I am not asking you to replace people. I am saying there is more room in your big heart.”
“Not funny,” I snubbed.
“What is holding you back to embrace your new family?”
“Well, it’s just her and not really a huge family,” I shrugged.
“Vinnie, Preethi aunty may be the only person here for you, but you have a huge family back in India that is currently looking you up online,” he grinned.
“I don’t care, I really don’t.”
“What’s bothering you baby?”
“Nothing, it’s just too much to handle,” I whined.
Reyan put his palm on my cheek and asked, “You need to tell me what is bothering you.”
“I…Why is it that people I am associated with or related to die in car accidents? Was there a reason why a father would choose one baby over another to give away? Am I the unlucky one? The evil twin?” I sobbed.
Reyan shushed me gently and sat up pulling me up into his arms.
“I need you to stop thinking about such things. All these incidents were independent and nothing to do with you.”
“How can I not put them together, and I am shit scared about…” my words dove back into my mouth as I broke into sobs.
“Vinnie, don’t please. It kills me to see you like this,” he said kissing my forehead.
“I’m scared that you will…”
“Hey, I already had my accident and you know who rescued me?”
I buried my face in the softness of his t-shirt and took deep breaths taking in his sweet scent.
“I want you to spend the week with her, Vinnie, and at the end of he week if you still feel the same way as you do today, then nothing needs to change,” Reyan said firmly.
“What can happen in a week that would change my opinion?”
“You never know baby, it may not bring you closer to your...Aunt Preethi, but you may get closure on a few things.”
“What do you mean by closure?”
“Well I don’t know, but you told me once that you would give up an entire year to spend a day with your mom and dad. Look at the week as an opportunity to know a mother, the mother that gave birth to you.”
“I will think about it, Reyan. I don’t know what I want from all of this.”
Chapter 23
“Reyan, I can’t do this, let’s go back,” I pleaded looking at Reyan from the passenger seat as he held the door open for me. He had pulled up into a massive circular driveway of a behemoth house where I was going to spend a week with my favorite author.
“Vinnie, you can’t back out now, and it’s only for a week.” Reyan’s voice was soothing, but I could not get myself to step out of the car.
“I don’t know what I was thinking when she showed up at the bar. I should have stayed strong.”
“She didn’t go to the bar to corner you. Now get your tight ass out of the car,” he chuckled.
“I can’t deal with all those people who travelled from India,” I said shaking my head.
“Sweetheart, those people are your family who took the first flight they could find to see you. You don’t need to be best friends with them, be polite and smile at them.”
I complied and grabbed my tote and stepped out of the car.
“Why can’t you stay here with me?”
“I had to give up my room for my girlfriend,” he said brushing his lips on mine.
“This is your house?”
“My parents’ house,” he corrected, nuzzling my ear.
“Oh shit…I can’t do this,” I said turning around to walk in the opposite direction.
“You’re not going anywhere,” Reyan was too fast for me and grabbed me by my waist from behind.
I wiggled to get out of his hold and quit fighting when he started to speak in a soothing tone, “Baby, listen to me. It’s three days at the house, and we all go to Santa Cruz for the wedding. You and I can have connecting rooms just like at Neel’s brother’s wedding.”
“Oh shit...Neel’s parents will be at the wedding, and I have to go back to being his girlfriend?” I asked in horror.
“Good point, but we have time to deal with that. I need you to get into that house now.” His voice was firm.
“Reyan, please don’t leave me.”
“I will see you on Thursday morning,” he said softly.
“Three full days before I see you?” I whined.
“I need to take Rahul to Vegas for his bachelor party, and you will have all the events the women folk have before the wedding, and I am told it’s a lot of fun.”
“I won’t make it Reyan, I know I won’t,”
“Give it two days, and I will have Annie come stay with you.”
“Okay fine. Please call me and don’t kiss strange women with that mouth, its mine,” I said bringing his lips to me.
“You do own me baby,” he said against my lips.
*****
“Chloe won’t stop texting me,” Annie grumbled looking at her phone.
I was changing into my third outfit of the day for one of the gazillion pre-wedding events taking place that week.
“Why?”
“Eddie is in Vegas for the boys’ thing, and she is running high on all hormones.” She rolled her eyes.
“Poor thing, you should have brought her here with you.”
“Oh no, you do not want her here
. She is bloated and she would not want to be around so many people showing off their beach board mid-sections,” she giggled pointing at me.
“Aargh, don’t even get me started. I blame Reyan for this.”
“What? Why?”
“Well he talked me into coming here, and then Mrs. Singhal talked me into wearing all these outfits and on day three, I am shamelessly showing off my belly button.”
Annie laughed and said, “You’ve got the body for it girl so it’s not too bad.”
“Whatever, I can’t wait for the week to be over.”
“Wait…you feel nothing for your biological mother?” Annie asked curiously.
“I feel overwhelmed, Annie. This whole family thing is not for me.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I felt suffocated when all the so-called relatives gathered around me and just stood staring at me in disbelief. I probably shook hands with a hundred people and every single person wants to check out my left hand when I am stretching out my right hand.”
“What the heck? That’s so weird.”
“It is weird, and the couple that met me at Starbucks months ago did the exact same thing?” I scrunched my nose.
“I think your twin had a questionable choice of ink art,” Annie winked.
“I doubt if she was into tattoos,” I said shaking my head.
“You never know.”
“Well, I don’t know who to ask.”
“Would Reyan know?”
“I don’t know, and it really doesn’t matter. I am sure it was some kind of a birthmark.”
“Oh...Oh…I know, were you conjoined twins joined at the hand and separated at birth?”
“That’s a ridiculously horrible theory Annie!!” I mocked her laughing.
“I have a theory, do you have an alternate theory?” she retorted.
“I am so glad you were able to make it, Annie. I went nuts the past couple of days.”
“Why? How bad can it be?”
“Well for starters, I felt lonely without you and Reyan around and all these people…”
“It’s very sweet that you missed me too but what’s up with the people?” Annie was curious.
“The people. It’s just odd that they were so happy to see me, a complete stranger they never met and know nothing about. It’s not just ‘my’ aunts and uncles, it’s their kids too.”