by Jean Oram
“Oh, I just thought maybe you’d be around.”
“I’m not sitting here pining for you, Todd,” she said lightly. “You were busy and I have a life. Adventures to lead.” She held her head up even though inside she felt like crying. Why couldn’t this be easy? Why couldn’t they just…do this while being themselves? “We’re single and free, remember?”
He was silent for a long moment and she had a pretty good feeling he was reading between the lines and hearing exactly what she didn’t have the courage to say.
“Fine. Talk to you later,” he said tersely before clicking off, ending the call. Nicola stared at the black screen for a moment, confused. She’d given him what he wanted, so why did it feel as if she’d just made a colossal mistake?
Chapter 7
Nicola had caved. She needed Todd to know she was invested in their relationship and that she was committed, even if it might be more than he was currently ready for. As far as she was concerned, the last thing the two of them needed was space.
So on Thursday she’d made the trek to the city to be with him after work. She was tired, but she desperately wanted to get their relationship on what felt like more solid ground. They were subtly pulling in different directions and she knew it wouldn’t be long before that overrode the strength and history that made them click, that made them good together.
She laced her fingers through Todd’s and stood in line for the movie, hoping she didn’t fall asleep when the lights dimmed.
“Thanks for coming,” he said, giving her a kiss on the temple. “Life doesn’t feel right when you’re not around.”
“I know. I’ve got my aunts working on a way to convince you to move to Blueberry Springs. So far their best plan is to kidnap you, and then brainwash you into believing it’s always been your home.”
He chuckled, his eyes crinkling with delight. He turned to her, gently sweeping a thumb down her cheek and sending tremors of excitement through her body.
“It would be nice to be closer to each other,” he said. “And your aunts’ town has this really cute woman who looks stunning in hiking shorts that I like to follow up hiking paths.”
She smiled as he lowered his lips to hers and she wondered why on earth she’d ever tried to act aloof. This was where she was supposed to be. Right here. And there was nothing aloof about the way she reacted when he was near.
She’d been an absolute bear all day yesterday—to the point where Devon had shoved her off her zip-line platform when she’d started beaking off at him for not pointing out the moose he’d seen in the first section.
“What are you up to this weekend?” Todd asked.
“Well, tomorrow I plan to put the finishing touches on Saturday’s event. Then Sunday is chill-out time. Which really means cleaning my apartment and doing laundry.” She leaned against his arm, smiling up at him. “And hanging out with you?”
“Can’t you wing Saturday? You must already be prepared and then some.” He gave her hips a gentle tug, drawing her closer as he made his plea. “Tomorrow night I want to show you this little Asian restaurant I found. They have an amazing buffet on Fridays.”
The idea of not having everything planned sent nervous whirlwinds through her. She still had a lot of details to finish up, including scheduling the weekend’s social media campaigns and sending out email reminders to participants. She’d be lucky to get through it all at work—especially after leaving an hour early yesterday to go zip-lining.
“Can’t we go tonight?” she asked.
“We already ate.”
“I’m free Sunday.”
“I have to fly to Cuba.”
She stepped away from him. “You’re always leaving.” Her words sounded like an accusation.
“And you’re always planning for work,” he replied mildly.
She frowned, turning to shove money through the window opening so they could get their tickets.
“You okay?” Todd asked, as they skipped the concession and went straight to the theater.
“Yeah. Fine.”
“You seem ticked.”
“I’m frustrated we can’t coordinate more time together.” How were they supposed to become more comfortable with increasing commitment if they never saw each other?
And honestly, she was a little jealous that his work came first. Which was silly, since hers came first, too. But hers didn’t take her out of the country for days at a time and that felt different. She was always only two hours away—not ten or more.
No wonder he hadn’t run off when they’d hit the month mark; he hadn’t been around long enough to develop the itch to leave.
Nicola sucked in a deep breath. She hated feeling insecure about their relationship. She needed more from him, but was too afraid to ask.
She leaned against Todd’s arm, determined to chill out and enjoy what they did have and not fuss over what they didn’t. Commitment took time and he was the one person she was willing to wait for. “Sorry, I haven’t been myself lately.”
“Too much stress?”
It didn’t feel that way, but maybe she’d just been going too hard for too long and it was catching up with her. Coming home from their travels was supposed to be a break, but it no longer seemed like that, as she often fell asleep on the couch after work. She’d be there with a notebook, making lists and organizing things, and the next moment she’d wake up with drool running down the side of her chin.
Maybe she needed to chuck the day job and follow in Todd’s shoes. Traveling rarely felt as complicated as her life did right now. And yet she still enjoyed it, even though it was a challenge sometimes. There was something deeply gratifying about seeing people make new friends, greeting each other like long-lost buddies as they met up at another of her events. The events were starting to work in the way she’d hoped, and that meant her hard work wasn’t in vain. And soon she’d be able to put the activities on autopilot, as well as turn some of them over to the host businesses, such as Brew Babies.
She hugged Todd’s arm. “It’s probably stress and lots of changes, but mostly I just miss hanging out with you. It feels like we rarely have time anymore and that’s the one thing we used to have oodles of.”
“Adulthood sucks sometimes, doesn’t it?” he said, choosing seats for them in the middle of the theater as the lights dimmed for the trailers.
She sighed, sinking further into her seat. “Tell me about it.” Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” played for an upcoming drama. “Ugh. I’ve never liked this song,” she whispered.
“Why?” he asked, turning to face her, the changing light from the trailer dancing across his features. “It’s romantic.”
“It’s depressing. The whole song is a parting shot designed to make the other person feel bad.”
“You’re so jaded.” He looked at her with amusement. He twined his hand in hers, squeezing it. “She knows she’s undeserving of his love.”
“Shouldn’t her lover be the one who gets to decide that?”
“And so she’s making the ultimate sacrifice by leaving,” he said, ignoring her remark, “even though she loves him with all her heart. She’s doing it so he can have a better life.”
“Selfish, and still a parting shot.”
“She’ll always love him,” he sang along, changing the words, his voice warbling as he tried to hit the high notes.
Nicola laughed as his voice cracked and someone behind them booed. She leaned closer and murmured, “The song is wrong. You don’t leave someone you love. You stay. You work it out. It should be a mutual choice, not one person making an executive decision because they believe it’s for the best.”
“I disagree.”
She pulled her knee up so she could angle herself to face him. “Make your argument, counselor.”
“Who wants to drag down the person they love?”
“Nobody, but that’s not my point.”
“What if you could prevent heartbreak? What if you could ensure the person you lov
ed had a better life—the life they deserved and wanted?”
She sighed. “Let’s change the subject.”
“Because I win.”
She stuck out her tongue and faced forward again. “What are you looking forward to most on your next trip?” she asked as the movie started.
“Coming home to you,” he said, leaning over to kiss her.
“You lie,” she said, delighted.
“Do I?” He tipped her chin up, kissing her lightly.
“How much do you actually want to see this film?” she whispered, when they finally came up for air.
“I’m sure I could be convinced to change my plans.”
“Well then, what are you waiting for? A handwritten invitation?”
He sat forward, studying her. “You were yawning a minute ago.”
“So wake me up.”
He grabbed her hand, hustling them out of the building, and Nicola giggled, loving the spontaneity of the moment and his desire to be with her instead of a glowing screen, even though they’d shelled out what felt like an exorbitant amount for tickets.
Out on the street, a man waved to them. “Hey, Todd. I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I thought you and your wife lived out in Muskoka?” Todd dropped Nicola’s hand in order to shake the man’s, then rested his arm around her waist afterward.
“We do. I’m in town for a business meet-up. How about you?”
“Live and work here.” He turned to Nicola. “This is Nicola Samuels. Nicola, this is Connor MacKenzie. We worked on a project together a few weeks ago. He was our funder.”
“Nice to meet you.” The man had a commanding presence, intelligence highlighting his gaze. “If you’re ever out my way let me know. I’ll set you up with a place to stay on this little island that’s in the family.” He gave them a wicked grin full of mischief. “Honeymoon, maybe?”
Nicola felt Todd’s grip on her waist slip.
She let out an awkward laugh. “We’ve barely been dating a month.”
“We’re still in the friends with benefits stage,” Todd added. “Taking it slow.”
Connor winked at them. “Okay.” He pointed at Todd as he took a few steps backward. “Call me if you need anything. Don’t be a stranger.”
“That was weird, huh?” she asked as they started walking back to Todd’s place. Was this the icebreaker to talk about their future? “He must know about that ring you keep promising me at thirty.”
Todd laughed at her joke. “Nah. We’re just at that age where everyone assumes everyone’s on the marriage track.”
“Most are,” she said quietly.
They stepped aside to allow two chatting moms to power-walk their strollers past them. Nicola found herself watching them go by, wondering what their lives were like. How they’d managed to navigate from friends to lovers to married? Had it been a natural progression to family? To happy and satisfied, their lives settling in—just as it should?
Todd followed her wistful gaze. “You want kids?”
“Someday. I was just wondering what their lives are like.”
He slung his arm around her, pulling her close. She used to tell him everything about her wishes and dreams, but this one felt off-limits in a way she hadn’t expected.
“Probably full of diaper changes and feeding schedules.” He gave a shudder along with a joking smile.
“I’m sure kids mix it up enough to keep it interesting.”
“I’m sure they do. I’m just not quite ready for that adventure yet.”
“Me, neither. Plus,” she said lightly, “I have to pin you down first. Get that ring you always promise but never deliver.” She opened her eyes wide and lunged toward him as though about to attack.
He fake screamed and ran ahead two steps before turning and walking backward. “I’m the last guy you’d want playing dad or giving you a ring.”
She felt her heart drop. “Why?”
He shrugged. “I’m like a big kid myself. Peter Pan.”
“That sounds more fun than my dad ever was.” Her father sat in his chair nursing his identity as a man, talking about all the things he used to do, instead of doing what he still could. He’d never taken her anywhere, never played, never done anything but sit there and complain.
She sighed, thinking how her aunts had mentioned a few weeks ago that she was like her father. They’d just been referring to her expression—or so she assumed—but the idea that she might eventually settle into a persona as boring as his―never going anywhere or doing anything―bothered her. She knew it was irrational, but the urge to bust out of her sudden claustrophobia by doing something impulsive and unplanned was overwhelming.
“When this work chaos is over let’s take a trip,” she said, her spirits buoying again. “I’ll bank my overtime as days off and we’ll just go.”
“Yeah?” Todd’s interest piqued. “Where to?”
“Where do you want to go? It’ll probably be January before I can finally get away—maybe right after New Year’s—but that’s only two months from now. How about you?”
“I’ll quit if I have to. Where are we going? Hawaii? I loved that little hostel across from the beach, and by January I’m sure we could use some sunshine.”
“Deal.” She grinned as she pumped his hand up and down. This was them. The Nicola and Todd she knew.
“Did you just shake my hand?”
“Yup.” She crooked her little finger and held it out. “Pinkie swear, too.” He laughed and complied. “So the hostel? One week?” She could do a backpack trip for a week. Especially to one of her favorite places on earth.
“You’re on. We could make it a belated birthday trip for you.”
She crinkled her nose. “No way. My birthday’s in less than two weeks and the trip is, like, two months out.”
Secretly, she was pleased that he wanted to make her special day stand out like he always did. Every year since her sweet sixteen he’d found a way to make the day shine.
“We’ll do something in Blueberry Springs for you then. Something fun.”
“I’m in.”
“Of course you are, birthday girl.” He pulled her close enough to plant a kiss on her forehead.
She smiled and rubbed her hands together, already mentally packing her bag for Hawaii, booking Janet to take care of Twiggy and submitting her request for time off. “We don’t need shots to fly there. The best deals for flights will probably come up in a few weeks but I’ll start watching now. Is there anything you want to do while we’re there? I might be able to find some deals online.”
“You know, maybe we should get a hotel.” He pulled her to him, kissing her forehead again. “The privacy would be good.”
“Hmm.” She tipped her head back so his next kisses landed on her nose and lips, warm and soft. “I like the way you think.” She snuggled closer, feeling cherished and protected in his embrace. “Package deal?”
“I love that you plan my life,” he said, his voice low.
“I love that you love that I do.”
“I love that you love doing it.”
“I love you—your smile,” she amended quickly, unwilling to say the words that had been resting on the tip of her tongue, ready to be left hanging, unreturned once again.
* * *
Todd had left for his latest work trip days ago, this one lasting at least a week—possibly longer if the meetings didn’t go well. Nicola slumped lower on her futon, feeling glum that she hadn’t heard from him since before he’d left. Didn’t he have email in Cuba?
She sighed, digging into the bag of candy drops before tossing them aside, her appetite gone. “I miss Twiggy.”
Another stupid mistake. She’d come back from Todd’s after they’d made their Hawaii plans, and called Scott, letting him know that her lifestyle didn’t suit fostering a dog any longer. Adventuresome women weren’t tied down by an animal that needed them to come home and let them out so they didn’t pee on the carpet.
But h
onestly? Having a dog hadn’t tied her down that much, especially with Janet so good about helping out with walks and pet sitting.
Nicola thumbed a message on her phone asking Scott how Twiggy was doing.
I think he misses you.
Her eyes dewed. She missed him, too.
Is he getting along with the dogs at your place?
The poor thing had to stay with Scott until a new home could be rounded up for him, and Twiggy had been run over by Scott’s territorial Great Pyrenees within seconds of entering the door. Her heart went out to the poor pup. He’d stayed in a lot of homes since Gwen had given him up, and he deserved more than being bounced around from place to place.
Amber spoils him. She took him on a road trip to visit her sister.
His next text asked if Nicola was reconsidering her decision to give him up.
Yes. No.
Yes.
Would it be crazy if I changed my mind? she asked.
Not at all.
She paused, holding her breath for a moment before typing out, I’d like to become his forever home if it’s not too late.
Her thumb hovered over the send button. Was she really doing this? Really signing up for a dog? Intentionally choosing something that might keep her at home?
But she needed Twiggy. He was someone to talk to, he ensured she walked daily, and he kept her crazy stress levels at a tolerable I-don’t-need-medication level. And judging how her body felt like it was breaking now that Twiggy was gone, she had her answer.
She hit Send and closed her eyes, tossing the phone onto the cushion beside her.
It dinged immediately and she tilted the device to peek at the screen.
Not too late.
The tension in Nicola’s heart eased and she bit her bottom lip, ridiculously excited by the prospect of being pinned down by the little munchkin.
He’ll be home tomorrow night if you want to pick him up and make it official.
I’ll be there!
Too excited to stay put in her apartment, but knowing it would be ridiculous to drive to the city to retrieve her dog from Amber, instead of waiting until tomorrow, Nicola put on her light down jacket and headed out for a walk in the cool fall air.