"You are still my Jenny," Josh said, holding her to him. "I haven't been myself, either. My Dad is dead right, we need to get back to basics. We need to make the decisions on what is right for us and the kids, no one else should be in the equation.
"If at all possible, I don't want you returning to work. I want you home with the kids while they are little when they need you the most. Besides, it doesn't actually pay for you to work. Once we cover the childcare costs, your salary would be gone and you would still be worrying yourself to death about the kids all the time. No. It is my responsibility and I will figure it out. The word is spreading that I am available for freelance work. Unfortunately, those jobs will only hold things together for the short term."
Jenny nodded as they turned and went upstairs together. At the top, she turned right toward their bedroom. He automatically turned left towards his office. They stopped, turned, and looked at each other.
"Stay with me," Jenny whispered.
"If I do, I won't leave again. I don't want to give up on us, Jen, but we have to take some steps backward, go back to the way it was at the beginning. We were happy with our decisions and how we had structured our lives together. It might be old-fashioned, but it worked for us. We must stop letting outside influences eat away at our relationship. We have to go back to following our plan and our marriage vows to each other."
Jenny nodded. "We were happy then. I hate what we have done to each other. We are ripping each other apart. I don't want to lose us either. We need to be happy with ourselves and each other, again."
"All right," Josh agreed. He walked to her and put his arm around her waist. He kissed her deeply, and the hunger in his lips reminded them both of what they had missed. "This is our goal. We will work our way back to happiness. Are you ready to make changes? Both of us have to go back to basics.
"Do you trust me to take the lead in putting our lives back on track? We will make as many decisions together as possible, but I lead. I am the financial backbone of this family; I have to set things in motion to turn this mess around."
Jenny looked to the only man she had ever loved and nodded. "Yes, I want it back. I want you back."
"You have always had me, but we have had a wedge between us for quite a while. Both of us have to get tougher." Josh led her into the bedroom and surveyed the king-sized bed, which originally had appeared in their room without his approval. "One of the first things we are getting rid of is this monster bed. I want you next to me, close to me, where I can touch you and make love to you. You are my other half and I will not lose you again. I won't give up on us."
* * *
Jenny opened her eyes and snuggled into her husband's arms. Her body still felt a residue of their lovemaking from the previous night. It had been a long time since they had let go of the resentments and petty problems between them. As had everything else in their marriage, lovemaking had become routine. Last night had been magical. Josh had made her feel beautiful, cherished and lusted after. They had always been a physically lustful and daring couple. She had missed his dominance.
She had left home to pursue an education in Art and Fashion Design with the goal of becoming a textile artist. She had been living independently, supporting herself with a partial scholarship, student loans, and part-time jobs. She met Josh in her third year of college when she was twenty, but still inexperienced in relationships. He was the older man at twenty-four, already working toward his master's degree in architecture. Only three weeks after they met, she was living with him in his tiny two-room apartment. They married six weeks later to the elation of Josh's family and the horror of hers. Neither her father nor mother understood why she wanted to marry then, or why she would choose a young man with no social standing or wealth. Josh did not have anything, and although it was not important to Jenny, it was to her parents. There were three things imperative to the Marsden's… wealth, position, and power.
Jenny did not care about those things, so they had been happy. Getting used to Josh's old-fashioned ideas of marriage where the husband was the head of his house was strange at first. His belief in domestic discipline was even harder to accept, but she had. In Josh's ideal marriage, honesty was paramount, and he would not tolerate deceit. The concept was easy enough to understand. If she lied to him or tried to hide something from him, she paid for it with a sore bottom.
Still, it had been an adjustment. Her parents' marriage and lives were full of lies and deception. Her mother said or did anything to get her way, and she always managed to get away with it. She was a shrew to her daughters and husband, but a beloved member of the country club set. Her father was loud, yelling and swearing in their home, but always appearing as a perfect 'gentleman' in public. Jen grew up witnessing the duality of selfish, non-caring parents in private, and doting parents in public who were pillars of the community.
With Josh, she had learned to be honest for the first time, all the time. She had no need to grovel for his attention or feel she was not worthy of his love just because she might disagree with him. He loved her freely and expressed it to her daily in both words and actions. He was also her biggest supporter as he encouraged her talent.
There was not a day or night when they were not eager to make love. A lack of a social life did not bother them when they were using their time to enjoy each other's bodies. They both walked around in love and sexually satisfied. Josh's dominant side appeared the most during their sexual life and she enjoyed every second of it.
His architectural designs, even as a graduate student, were already winning awards. With his master's and her bachelor's in hand, they moved to New York City, found a tiny apartment in Queens, and settled in. Josh took a job with a giant in the architectural design industry. She worked several jobs before landing one as a tailor for an up-and-coming designer. They had been on top of the world until external circumstances crushed their little part of it.
First, the housing bubble burst, then the economy tanked, and the recession followed. Josh took a pay cut to secure his job. Several months later, her employer eliminated her position altogether. She worked for temporary agencies doing clerical work, but even those jobs were hard to come by. They were surviving, but on far less income. They set their hopes on a quick economic turnaround, but it did not happen. Then her father suddenly had died of a stroke.
Her mother, Denise Marsden, was a socialite and a corporate wife. Her life revolved around her husband's position in his company and their society and country club communities. Jenny had gone to try and help her mother since Denise had resisted any and all advice from her lawyers and financial experts. The estate attorney finally stepped in and it had taken him months to straighten out Stanley Marsden's estate. As the stock market took a dive, so did his wealth. There were debts to be paid and the estate attorney did his job well. Her mother was not destitute by any means, but her wealth was considerably diminished. Denise blamed her husband, her attorney, and at times her daughter, for not fighting for her and against the estate trustees. She thought it unfair her husband's debts had to be paid out of her share of the estate. It was then that Denise began her campaign to have her daughter move back to Waterbury, Connecticut.
Josh resisted the idea until two cataclysmic events collided. He was laid off from his job in Manhattan and Jenny announced she was pregnant. As a young couple, they were thrilled with her pregnancy and at the same time terrified of their prospects. Career choices were scarce. Josh finally took a job at Pugh and Barkley with another pay cut, but the job came with benefits. Meanwhile, Jenny was bedridden for the last two months of her pregnancy with Emmie. She had to stay at home and not work on her art. It, like her job, went by the wayside.
Jenny knew exactly when their marriage shifted off its foundation. She hated to face it, but she was the one who had steered them off the cliff. She and Josh had decided to borrow money from their 401K accounts and use it as a down payment on a small starter home. They spent months searching for the right house at the right price. T
hey found one needing a little work and repair, but since Josh had worked with a home-repair service during college, he could make the repairs himself.
A week before closing on the house, Josh had to go out of town on business. He gave Jenny authorization to sign the closing documents for the purchase of the house. While he was gone, Denise took her daughter through newer, better houses until their little house looked shabby in comparison. Jenny allowed her mother to talk her into purchasing a brand new home. It was more than three times the size and price of the home she and Josh had agreed on, but in a neighborhood her mother approved and pricey enough to impress her mother's friends.
When Jenny picked Josh up at the airport and took him to their new home, Josh had been furious. Then he discovered his mother-in-law had given Jenny a sizeable amount of money to cover the increased down payment so she could spend their down-payment savings on furnishings for the new house.
When Josh started yelling, Denise interceded telling him about her gift. She told him he was unappreciative of her selfless act to make sure her daughter and granddaughter were taken care of decently and not living in a hovel.
Jenny had seen hurt, humiliation, and defeat in her husband's eyes. She had experienced those same feelings many times herself in her dealings with her mother. She damaged their marriage that day, and Josh had never forgiven her for it. Their constant tension and disagreements about Denise's influence over Jenny had harmed them and their relationship. Nevertheless, neither one of them had been able to escape Denise's clutches. Jenny was caught in the guilt her mother heaped on her every time she wanted something. Josh had grown to despise Denise. When she entered a room, he walked out.
* * *
"Good morning," Josh whispered into her ear as he nipped it. "Was I too rough last night?"
Jenny turned over to face him. "Never, last night was spectacular."
Josh glanced at the clock as he reached her. "We have time enough…"
The high-pitched screams were so loud they seemed to echo. Josh and Jenny jumped apart.
"Emmie!" they both gasped scrambling out of bed.
Jenny was ahead of him by a few steps. "Put your shorts on!" she yelled as she ran out the door, pulling on her robe.
Josh scrambled looking for his boxers and jumped into them before running down the hall behind her.
Jenny was on her knees in front of Emmie, holding her, but the child's screams had not stopped. She was at the open door to Josh's office, fighting Jenny and screaming repeatedly.
"Emmie," Josh exclaimed falling to his knees in front of his baby girl. She whirled around and her screams changed to barely discernible words as she burrowed into him sobbing, "Don't go! Don't go!"
Josh hugged her, carried her back into their bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed holding her tightly in his arms to comfort and settle her down. The noise had awakened Adam, who now was screaming his displeasure. Jenny went into the adjoining room to care for their son.
"Daddy's not going anywhere, Emmie," Josh promised as he rocked his little girl. "Daddy's not going anywhere."
Fifteen minutes later, Emmie had calmed but was back to being silent. Jenny came into the room carrying Adam.
"Emmie, baby, go get dressed, pick up your room, and we will have breakfast together," Josh said gently. "Today is no different from yesterday. Daddy is going to work in his office. I will be right here, and you can sit on my lap while I work. I know you couldn't find me, but Daddy is sleeping back in Mommy and Daddy's room. I'm not going anywhere."
Emmie nodded as she scooted off the bed, and then she turned and wagged her finger three times, frowned, and went down the hall to her room.
Josh smiled. "She still gets her point across, doesn't she?"
Jenny sat down on the bed letting Adam crawl into Josh's lap. "Something we said terrified her into thinking you were leaving. She must have overheard us arguing at some point. I will call Dr. Strickland's office as soon as they open. At least Emmie spoke some words."
"She did, but they were words that shame us," Josh said, his eyes meeting hers.
Jenny nodded. "We should be ashamed. What is on your agenda today?"
"First, reassuring my little girl I am not abandoning her. Then, finding out how much Dad gave us, and sitting down with the bills and seeing where we stand."
Jenny bit her lip. "There are probably a few you still don't know about," she whispered.
He took a deep breath. "I will find out about them this morning. As of today, your habit of hiding things from me is over. I know where you learned it, and it stops as of this second."
* * *
The kids were napping. Josh had gone out earlier and taken Emmie with him to the bank. When he returned, he handed Jen cash telling her it had to cover their groceries and incidentals for the next two weeks. Until their credit and charge accounts reported zero balances, they would only use cash. He was unusually stern and warned her if she could not control her spending, he would take over all the shopping.
Next, Josh retrieved the new credit card bills he had recently discovered, and Jenny handed him a few more from various independent department stores. She had not wanted him to know about those at all and had been cheating on the grocery money to pay on them. Not ten minutes later, a high-end department store in the mall called. The credit department wanted to know if Denise Marsden could charge $427.87 to Jenny's credit account. Jenny said no. She heard her mother in the background protesting. Denise came on the line berating Jen for embarrassing her in public. This time Jenny held firm. "I said no, Mom. I mean no!" Jenny repeated, and she disconnected the call.
Jenny went to their bedroom and pulled out her journals from the last five years. She didn't log every detail of her life in her journals, but she tried to write in them nearly every day. Her entries were a reasonably accurate account of her activities, her spending, not to mention a chronicle of her frustrations when dealing with her mother. She was reading her second journal when Adam's crying interrupted her.
She came to some hard realizations while diapering the baby. Her journals verified what she had suspected for a long time but had been afraid to admit. In only two years of her journal notations, her mother had pressured her into buying merchandise that more than equaled the original amount her mother had supposedly gifted them for the down payment on the house.
Jenny knew she had been avoiding and ignoring major problems for a long time. She now comprehended the enormous power her mother's gift had given Denise over their lives. Something snapped inside Jenny as she recognized that by appeasing her mother, she had nearly destroyed her marriage. Why? Denise Marsden had never been a loving mother. She had left the raising of her two daughters first to a nanny and later a housekeeper. She had always been distant and cruel with constant expectations of perfection from Jenny and her sister, Mila.
She picked up her now fresh smelling son and went to her husband's office.
"How is it going?"
"Dad was generous," Josh said. "Thorough too, I should have expected it. Tyrell has already called three times, each time calling me an idiot."
Jenny laughed. "Tyrell always calls you idiot. It's his nickname for you, there's nothing new there. He declares it is his privilege as your big brother."
Josh smiled thinking of his closest and most competitive brother. "I know. He is going after Pugh and Barkley. He has already slammed their HR department with numerous subpoenas for information. He says they are skirting gray areas of a dozen labor laws, most of which he could and would argue in court if he's given a chance. I gave him a list of all the people caught in the original layoff, and those of us hired back as contractors. He is looking into all of it."
"Which means he will threaten to sue them and try to get a settlement," Jenny guessed.
"More than likely," Josh agreed. "He knows his stuff. Pugh and Barkley are part of a billion-dollar international corporation now. Barkley may be dead, but Pugh pocketed hundreds of millions through the company purchase
. Since then, the working conditions for the employees have steadily deteriorated. I thought Barkley was a tough old goat, but now I believe he was the ethical one in the partnership. David Pugh has no moral code at all."
"Actually, I came over to ask about the bill paying. Is there enough left over to pay Mom back?"
"I put it at the top of the list," Josh answered, motioning for her to come nearer. He put Adam on the floor to play and pulled her into his lap. "It's not me and you as separate entities anymore. It is we… together. Dealing with your mother will be difficult. Your usual response is to buckle to her requests rather than standing up to her. Remember though, I have your back on this. Denise may be a grown woman, but everyone has spoiled her for her entire life. She is still a child… see it, want it, get it. She lies and manipulates to get what she wants. She preys on you. It has to stop now."
"I know, but I realized something else this morning," Jenny said honestly. "My mother is not to blame for my actions. She is the instigator for sure. I grew up knowing she lied to my father all the time. She explained they were 'little white lies hurting no one'. Dad would yell and scream at her about the bills, but it never stopped her. Now, I know even her little white lies hurt. We need to get out from under the obligation of her gift."
"We will do it," Josh agreed. "I should have put my foot down long ago. We have to face both our parts in this mess, accept it, forgive it, and move on. We can do it, but Denise will not relinquish her hold on you easily."
"You don't have to convince me," Jenny exclaimed. "I have harbored a dream of a perfect relationship with Mom, but I have finally acknowledged it will never happen. She will never be the loving mother I wanted as a child or a loving grandmother to our kids. What little she has to give comes with constant disapproval, criticism, and a price tag. I can't afford to pander to her anymore or allow her to manipulate me. I will not sacrifice my husband, my marriage, and my family for her.
Broken Vows (Domestic Discipline Romance) Page 4