by Reese, K. R.
She watched as his face fell and his anger went away. “I thought… well, I don’t know what I thought.”
“Be honest with yourself, Michael. Be honest with me.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “You weren’t planning on staying in Wilson Creek. This thing, whatever it was, wasn’t your long-term plan. This was just a pit stop, a nice change of events to your already fulfilled agenda.”
His ice blue eyes were trying to drag her in. “Tell me I’m wrong, Michael. Tell me that wasn’t what you had planned when you came back here to be with me.” She sobbed. “Prove that to me and we’ll work this out.”
Ashlee waited quietly, staring intently at him. The longer it took for him to answer, the tighter her stomach clenched and went into full-on panic mode. Michael pulled her into his arms and knocked her equilibrium off balance. “I’m not going to deny that when we first met, I had no intentions of staying here. Hell, my plane ticket was for the day after Trevor and Ella’s wedding. It was just supposed to be one night. One night of no strings attached. We had agreed on that, and I know that I’m the one who broke the rules first, but there was something about you that pulled me in.” She felt his chest rumble as he cleared his throat. “And I’m sorry, I can’t pretend that I know what we’re doing here. Because I don’t have a clue, Ash. You’ve changed who I was, you’ve made me feel like a completely different person.”
She shook her head. “You’re not different, Michael. You may be more open minded to what it means to love someone, but that hasn’t changed who you are underneath, who you’ll always be.” There it was. Ashlee put it out in the open and held her breath. They had different views and ideas when it came to what love was.
“I’m sorry, Ash, but you knew when we started this that I wasn’t looking for anything. Hell, I don’t know if I am now. A baby doesn’t change that about me.”
She’d broken it down to nothing. Got to the root of the problem. She wanted him to be rooted here, with her, with their baby, but he couldn’t give her that because it wasn’t who he was. She had a disturbing feeling deep down, like she knew that this was it. Dread. Instead of voicing those thoughts, though, she said something else. “I think I’m going to stay at Ella’s for a few days. You’re welcome to stay here, if that’s what you want.”
She untangled herself from his arms. “You may not be able to fully accept that I do love you, and I’m not trying to replace Nathan. But you have to understand that he will always be a part of my life, no matter where that life leads me. I can’t change that and I’m sorry.” She wouldn’t chase him across the country, it wasn’t her way. That was all him.
“That doesn’t work for me, Ash.” There wasn’t anything she could do about this situation, though, it just wasn’t possible to forget. Ashlee knew that she’d never find herself without Michael here, but she had to let him go. How was she going to do this alone? “Then this is it, Michael.”
Chapter Sixteen
Michael sat in his office, staring at the all too bright computer monitor. He was expecting a call from Ella in about five minutes and couldn’t sit still. He’d left Wilson Creek shortly after Ashlee said that they were done. Those weren’t her exact words, but they had the same context. That had been eight months ago, and he hadn’t been this miserable in his entire life. Ashlee kept him updated with what was going on with the pregnancy and the baby. Their baby. The thought made his stomach twist. He knew he was being a horrible person for not being with her through this, but until Ashlee was ready to work things out, ready to compromise, he planned on staying away.
The Skype on his screen lit up and registered that Ella was calling. His hands started to sweat as he clicked to answer it and her face appeared on the screen. Her face was flushed and she looked like she had just run a marathon.
“Hey, Ella. How’d today go?” His question was pure curiosity, trying to get any tidbit of news he could about the doctor appointment he knew Ashlee had gone to about two hours ago.
“You know, if Ashlee knew that we’ve been telling everything, she’d hate us. She doesn’t want you to know much of anything since you left and haven’t even came back. Not once. Honestly, Michael, I can’t say that I blame her. I understand that you were afraid and not ready for everything that was thrown at you, but that is still your child she’s carrying, and you’ve done nothing to try and make things right between you guys.”
“Why don’t you tell me how you really feel? What’s up with you today?”
She hmpfed and started digging around. Finally, a black and white image appeared on the screen. It was another ultrasound, much like the first few, except this time it showed feet, toes and… Michael had to clear his throat a few times.
“It’s… It’s a girl? We’re having a girl?” Michael could hear the pride in his own voice, even though he had no right to feel anything.
“Correction. Ashlee is having a girl. And if her labor is anything like mine, she’ll be having that girl in about eight to ten hours.”
He was speechless, unsure of whether Ella was being serious or not. “Wait, she’s having the baby today? Why didn’t she tell me this last week or something? I could’ve planned to fly in.” Michael started looking around for his keys, wallet, anything he may need.
“Whoa, Michael, slow down. I’m not sure Ashlee’s going to be very happy if you just show up at the hospital. She couldn’t tell you a week ago because normally these things aren’t planned. When we went to the doctor, her water broke. They took her in an ambulance and I told her I’d be back in about an hour. Trevor’s there with her right now. So are your parents.”
He sat back down in his chair and put his head in his hands. “I need to be there Ella. I don’t give a damn what Ashlee wants. I need to make this right. It’s my… daughter, too, even if Ashlee doesn’t like that.”
“Suit yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. See you soon. But I’d try for no layovers or you won’t make it here.”
Michael shut down his computer, cancelled the rest of his meetings and scheduled a flight that left in a half hour. He’d buy new clothes in Wilson Creek; he didn’t have time to go home and pack. This is happening. Ashlee hadn’t wanted him involved much, that was obvious, but something told him he had to be there. They were having a girl. What was he going to do?
Where are you at, bro? It’s getting closer and you’re going to miss it. Ashlee is asking for you and I don’t know whether to tell her you’re coming or not.
The text message from Trevor had Michael’s nerves going haywire. He had got out of the airport and had a rental in less than twenty minutes, but the entire flight he was afraid he would be too late. Using voice control, he sends a quick text back to Trevor.
Five minutes out. Don’t tell her I’m coming. See you soon.
Pulling into the parking lot, he let valet park the rental car. Walking to the elevators, he dialed Trevor. The ringing was going to cause him to go insane if he didn’t answer soon.
“Michael, where are you? They’re getting the doctor now.”
His feet froze. “I’m downstairs. What floor, Trevor? I’m not waiting for this damn elevator; I’ll take the stairs.”
The scream that he heard through the speaker could’ve splintered wood. Those were sounds no one should ever have to hear. Michael wasn’t ready to face childbirth, but he needed to be there for Ashlee.
“Fourth floor. Doctor just went in. You may want to run.”
Michael put his phone back into his pocket and sprinted up the stairs. When he pushed through the door on the fourth floor, Trevor was waiting for him. “Where is she?”
Trevor was standing there with his arms crossed. “She’s down the hall. Ella’s in there with her. I got kicked out. But, we need to talk first.”
Michael threw his arms up in the air. “Why the hell do we need to talk right now, Trevor? I want to be in that room and unless Ashlee tells me no, you aren’t going to stop me.”
He pushed past his brother and started down the hall. He
realized he had no idea which room she was in. Turning around, he seen that Trevor was still standing at the end of the hall. “Which room, Trevor?”
“Four-oh-nine.” Michael barely heard him, but he started walking faster down the hallway. When he reached the door, he wasn’t sure whether to knock or just walk in. before he could decide, the door opened and Ella came out. Michael could hear Ashlee crying.
“Ella, what’s wrong? Why is she crying? Can I go in?”
Ella apparently hadn’t seen him because she almost ran into him when he spoke. “In case you haven’t heard, childbirth isn’t beautiful. The end result is. Afterward. I’d rather not go there again. I had to get out for a minute. You’re welcome to go in, but she is moody and being a total bitch right now. Have fun.” With that, she patted him on the back and walked towards Trevor.
Taking a deep breath, Michael put his hand on the doorknob. “Aaaaaa, it hurts! Son of a bitch!” He twisted the handle and walked in. The nurse stopped him from going around the curtain.
“Who are you? You can’t be in here.”
He wanted to push her out of the way, but he kept his cool instead. Stay calm for Ashlee. “I’m the baby’s father.”
Ashlee heard the nurse talking to someone, but between contractions it was hard to concentrate on the voice behind the curtain. She only picked up on the last line in the conversation.
“I’m the baby’s father.”
Ashlee pushed up on her elbows, trying not to scream about the contraction that hit her. “Michael?”
“Ma’am, is he allowed in here?” The nurse asked before allowing him around the curtain.
Ashlee nodded, trying to breathe through the pain. It had been so long since she had seen him, that she couldn’t wait. She wanted nothing more than him to be here with her, to comfort her and hold her. What are you talking about! He hasn’t been around in months! The thoughts got pushed away because she wasn’t letting her consciousness ruin this moment for them.
“Ash, I’m here.” Michael leaned down and kissed the top of her head, grasping her hand and squeezing a little. She stared up at him. She wanted to talk, but a hard contraction started and she squeezed his hand tighter.
“Oh, God, here we go again,” Ashlee’s voice came out as more of a grunt than an actual statement. She watched as Michael looked at the nurse for some sign as to what to do.
“Okay, she’s going to start pushing. Do you get sick at the sight of blood?” He shook his head no. “Good. You’re going to hold her leg. Like this. Just follow my instructions.” She switched her gaze back to Ashlee. “You guys ready to meet your baby?” The monitor started beeping loudly behind Michael.
“What is that?” Ashlee heard him ask, but she couldn’t answer because she had heard it for the past few hours. The nurse answered for her.
“Those are her contractions. She’s going to push when they hit. Be ready for the next one.”
Chapter Seventeen
A scream tore through Ashlee, making the hair on Michael’s arms stand up and his stomach rolled. Why did you put her through this? Michael loved kids, but he never imagined it would be this hard on the mother.
“Push!” The nurse shouted, and Michael kept a tight hold on Ashlee’s leg. Another scream from Ashlee and he looked down at her face. She was sweating, but the look that remained, even with the pain, was pure determination.
“It shouldn’t be much longer now.” The nurse looked down between them and smiled. He hoped it wouldn’t be too long. Michael was ready to let Trevor come into the room and take over. He’d been through this once, he knew what he was doing. Everyone should learn some time.
“You’re doing fine.” The nurse gave him a nod. How did she know what he was thinking? When the beeping started this time, he was prepared and just watched. It was gross, disgusting and like nothing he had ever seen before. The nurse was ordering Ashlee to continue pushing, screams pouring out of her mouth, and Michael’s stomach was tightening up like he’d eaten something bad.
The beeping and screaming stopped. A baby’s cry filled the small confines of the room, and the doctor was handing him a pair of surgical scissors to cut the umbilical cord. This wasn’t his comfort zone. Michael sighed in relief, and leaned down to Ashlee, putting his forehead against hers. When her hand landed on his cheek, he opened his eyes to stare at her.
“You came. How did you even know?” Her words were a whisper, but he smiled anyways.
“Don’t be mad at them. I kept nagging them every day until they finally gave in. You sugar coat everything when we talk. They’ve kept me updated the entire pregnancy. I thought you wanted space, so I tried not to bother you too much. Maybe I needed it, too. I don’t know, Ash. But when Ella called me today and said you were in labor, I got here as fast as I could. Please forgive me.”
A shrill cry startled them both and they laughed. The nurse came over and handed the baby over to Michael. “Congratulations. She’s a beauty.”
Michael wasn’t even sure how to hold a baby. He wasn’t around when Will was born and he’d never been around children when they were this small. Somehow, though, his arms knew exactly how to hold his daughter.
“She’s beautiful, Ash.”
Michael’s heart was working overtime. She looked fragile, wrapped in a little pink blanket. He couldn’t move his eyes from her face. “Here, Ash, you should hold her.” He leaned down and placed their daughter in Ashlee’s arms. Michael carefully sat down on the bed beside them, staring at Ashlee and keeping his hand on the baby. When her hand grasped his finger, a lump formed in his throat. “What’s,” He had to clear his throat before he could continue. “What’s her name?”
“Lillian,” Ashlee answered.
He repeated the name, eyes fixed on her little hand wrapped around his finger. That’s right, sweetie, hold on to me. Tears pricked at his eyes, but he couldn’t pull his hand away. He didn’t want to pull his hand away.
“Just like her mama. Beautiful.” He whispered to Ashlee when he leaned down to kiss the top of her head again.
Ashlee wasn’t sure how long they sat there alone. She couldn’t get over the fact that Michael was there, staring at their daughter in awe. She bit her lip, looking up at Michael. “I’m glad you’re here,” she said loud enough for him to hear. “I was going to have Trevor call you after Lillian was born, but it’s so much better this way. I think I was stressing Ella out anyways.”
He laughed a bit. “Sweetheart, you stressed me out a little. I didn’t know what I was doing.” Ashlee scrunched her face up slightly. She seen the panic cross his features. “Are you okay, Ash? Do you need anything? Do you want me to do anything?”
“Just sore, Michael. I need food. I wasn’t allowed to eat after the admitted me and I’ve been here for eight and a half hours now. I think the cafeteria is already closed, though.” She pouted her lip out at the thought of not eating until morning.
“What do you want to eat, Ashlee? I’ll run and grab whatever you want.” Trevor’s voice came from the doorway. Ella rushed around to her side to see Lillian.
“You can hold her. I need to adjust and sit up a little bit anyways. Hi, Trevor.” She gave a small smile as Ella took the baby from her arms. She went to sit more comfortably and flinched at the soreness throughout her body. Michael automatically put his arms underneath of her and helped her, then pushed the button on the bed to help her lean up some.
“Thank you,” she said. “I want a cheeseburger, some fries, and a damn sweat tea. I have gone without caffeine for almost nine months and I can’t wait for something that tastes sugary and delicious.
Everyone in the room laughed. Michael tried to cover his mouth so she wouldn’t see the smirk there, but she had caught it anyways.
“You go with him. You took a flight here and probably haven’t ate either.”
Michael’s face flushed some. He squeezed her hand and turned to leave with Trevor. “Michael,” He turned back to her. “Make sure you come back. We have a lot to tal
k about.”
The smile disappeared off his face and she watched his back stiffen. He nodded and walked out the door. Ashlee turned to Ella.
“Are you made that I kept Michael in the loop this entire time?”
Ashlee thought about it for a minute. “I want to be mad at you, I really do. Trevor, too, but I can’t. I was going to have you guys call him after she was born, but it was better having him here with me. I know there’s a lot to talk about and a lot we need to work out, but he’s here. We may not be together, we may never be together, but I want him to be in her life. She deserves that.”
Ella nodded and looked down at Lillian. “You know, I regret never telling Trevor about Abigail. He’s all I wanted when I went into labor. After she was born, I sat and cried for hours. She looked just like him. The nurses didn’t know what to make of it. They asked me a million times if I wanted to call somebody, but I didn’t have anyone to call. You were mad that Michael ran away, and I can understand why, but don’t be too harsh on him. I understand where he’s coming from. I was him once. I ran away, too.”
Ashlee reached out to comfort Ella who had tears glistening on her lashes. Before she knew it, they were both balling like babies and laughing at the same time. Trevor and Michael walked back into the room with takeout bags, stopping at the doorway when they see the tears.