The Celestial Sea

by Marina de Nadous

  I receive a phone call from Adrian. He is a little shocked that I have challenged him, but on reflection it is good. He admits that he can easily change his whole life and spin along down a sidetrack. He had walked around Lois’ land and imagined his new caravan there as a workshop. Perhaps he could even live on site? The need to disengage from the ever-challenging Big J. is on his mind. The land there is more sheltered; close to the bay and very quiet. I notice he likes the peace of hidden places. I sense our Mountain is too exposed; too elemental for his need to be held and nurtured in a tranquil environment. “Andy swapped the caravan for a favour,” he tells me. “It’s a bit grotty inside, but I’m sure we could do it up.”

  P.m. Mouse: Let’s fool about and play, My Friend. Think we have done enough soul-searching for now. Want to chase you through The Forest and tickle you in the long grass; limbs entwined and mouths laughing. Love you so much. Your Little Mouse——X

  Wednesday 1st November 2006

  A.m. Adrian: I’m thinking of you——

  Mouse: In her mind’s eye they lay together this night in close coupling, completely entwined from top to toe. Rolling as one——stroking and kissing——dancing and playing——knife-edged then naughty, not minding their mood anymore because they know they are so in tune. They go with the flow, and flow it certainly does. They feel so free that The Garden Gate opens completely without them noticing. And then they sleep——as babes in arms.

  Today we have a Workshop outing. Cordelia and I have organized exciting games and challenges for everyone. We are off to the local waterfalls with the whole group, to the place where we found the wandering cockerels——Kopiro Falls. One family lives nearby and they have invited us to lunch. They are enthusiastic home-schoolers and very friendly. Deirdre is part Maori although like many, you wouldn’t know by her looks. “Make sure you lock your cars and take any valuables with you,” she warns as we park at The Falls. “We have some interesting locals up here; known in the neighbourhood for their pilfering. They can see the car park from their house and wait for the coast to be clear.”

  Adrian: I’m coming to the Workshop day after all. Just for a short time when class finishes. Will join you all at The Falls. Choosing to keep the connection with the children, if only for a snatch. See you around 12.00 noon.

  Mouse: Thank-you. See you then. You will delight many little people——and big people too——X

  Our special day begins in glorious sunshine. The children and adults clamber over rocks, singing songs and chatting merrily together. Two of the families have returned for a special ‘one-off’ session. We make little vessels out of whatever materials we can find and sail them in a friendly competition. One serious child creates a long canoe out of bamboo and flax leaves with exotic, floral decoration. The flax leaf strands are criss-crossed along the length of the boat in surprising precision.

  We melt ice-cubes in the rock pools to understand that as individuals we make up an entity; that we are all a part of each other. And then we share our morning tea beside the crashing water. Neither Cordelia nor I had considered the difficulty of issuing instruction alongside the perpetual noise of the waterfall, but we muster everyone into some sort of order. The children are excited by the ‘sunbows’ filtering through the leaves into the deep ravines as we reach the bottom pools. The shafts of fairy light tickle the water, lighting the riverbed with golden rays. We stop in a reverent hush; we scoop some of the water into our hands and bless the golden magic. The child who made the elaborate canoe crafts a ‘wishing stick’ and we collect water in its top to flick across the pools as private intentions. We know The Angels race to catch the Rainbow wishes. You can imagine the content of mine.

  Midday, Adrian: I am approx half an hour away. Where will you be?

  Mouse: My Friend, we are down at the bottom of The Falls——just on our way back up. Five families today! We are going back to Deirdre’s house for lunch. Some have already left for there. Hope you are okay? ——X

  Deirdre’s wooden house is lovely; a traditional, bungalow villa. Historic buildings are less common in this newly developed area, although older houses are often moved from different locations and placed in a new ‘section’ of land. I have seen one or two being transported on huge, oversized trucks. Auckland and Wellington have an abundance of older buildings. High ceilings, solid woodwork throughout and friendly, family chaos, this particular home is always a pleasure to visit. In true Kiwi manner nobody stands on ceremony. The table is hardly laid, miss-matched chairs are pulled up and the meal begins organically. I am still getting used to the happy scruffiness and lack of ritual that I meet everywhere in New Zealand. Having said that, in many of the suburban homes everything is ultra modern and minimalist in total contrast, although the same informality presides.

  Corn chowder for lunch is good. We are all hungry. The children demolish the goodies on the laden table; we have all contributed to the meal. Halfway through lunch Adrian arrives. His entrance is quiet, yet dramatic, his figure appearing through one of the side entrances as if he is on stage. Everyone is pleased to see him. He hasn’t been present at the recent Workshops. I smile quietly as our eyes meet. How proud I am to belong with him. We follow Cordelia into the sun-drenched garden after lunch. We sit under the shady trees where she teaches us to make needle-felted figures. The pet chickens are carried about, bikes and trampoline are challenged and the adults enjoy cups of tea beside a flamboyant display of pink roses. Dense fir trees surround this property; we came here in June, before Adrian left for Europe. I remember we raced trolleys through the forest tracks that day. The property lies up in the hills, to the east of our Mountain range.

  Adrian only stays a short while; the weekly teachers’ meeting awaits his input. There is time to chat with the mothers and play a game with the children. Looking at his watch Adrian walks to his car, asking me to join him in the lane for a moment. A large stag in the deer farm bordering the property watches as my Swallow Man kisses me passionately, telling me that he is so well, and so in love——

  P.m. Mouse: My Darling, how was the meeting? Are you free this early evening? I could slip away between 5.30 and 7.00pm, but perhaps you are out or needing quiet. Just let me know. It was so good to see you earlier; sublime in the sun-drenched afternoon. Mmm——X

  Adrian: Sure, My Sweet. Meet me at 6.15 at The Everglades car park, eh? I’ll take you to Sherwood Forest. Can you bring a snackerel?

  Mouse: Of course. I’ll text if I’m going to be late. Love you——X

  The clock reads six p.m. The family is organized. Supper is cooked and the animals fed. I am on time and deliriously happy.

  P.m. Mouse: Nearly there. Dashing Mouse——looking forward to your calm and balm.

  Adrian: I’m just leaving home.

  We quickly find ourselves a secluded spot between the Casaurina trees in the Everglades, abandoning the Sherwood Forest visit as time is limited. We tuck into soup, salad and dips from my fridge raid. I have left The Scowler in charge of the younger two. I have to say, I am rather good at this double life. A pretty, sloping meadow meets the tree line under which we shelter. The meadow reminds me of home with its scattering of wild flowers amongst the long grasses. The sun is beautifully warm this evening and we lie against each other, watching the clouds and brushing cheeks in elfin tenderness.

  “This is just as lovely as kissing,” says Adrian. “What a delectable picnic and catch-up.” Prayers and a greeting process before we eat mean that our balance and integrity are intact. We are perfecting the art of being sacred. We chat quietly; acknowledging the precious moment while stroking each other gently. It is so peaceful here. I speak of the strongest sensation I felt last night; a tangible, physical union as we wrapped each other up in imaginative embrace. A woman walks past with a little terrier; “Oh, how romantic,” she comments. For a dreadful minute I think she is a parent from School. I turn to face the meadow while Adrian responds amiably.

  P.m. Adrian: Thanks for your beautiful text from this
morning. Just reread——yum. Lovely catch-up——feel complete again. Back on track. Sleep well. No molestering me in the night——well, only if you must! See you later. You working tomorrow? Class 4’s play is at 12.15 & 2.15p.m. I’m going to the 12.15 performance. I harvested plenty of bows after you left this evening. I feel like making one. Bye—X

  Mouse: Your Lady views her day. A God-filled, sun-drenched delight from start to finish. Emerging from the tunnel into sparkling Angel arms, with blessed time to love and care. Workshop reunions——a beautiful Lover’s entrance——bath time——cooking with my boys—a lovers’ picnic in long grass; so perfect——candlelit supper with all present——sleep on sofa——music——happy Laird——cosy toes in roomy socks. She loves him deeply——her Prince——X

  Thursday 2nd November 2006

  A.m. Adrian: Gurgly guts, smelly futs, endless wees in a bottle. Mellow mood, healthy food, thinking about Aristotle!

  He imagined taking her to bed last night, more conscious than normal. His shirt was off——new sensations——woolly dreams——a long evening playing recorder. Time to process——generate his esteem. He could hold her now——against his chest, his belly——cheek to warm cheek——breath for breath——heart and soul——safe and sharing——fully. What will this day bring? He is quiet.

  Mouse: She dreamt she lay still and calm with him all night, letting him touch her when he felt ready, when he felt whole. Her passion present, but resting, he could find his way more easily. Delicate musical notes washed into her, his calm a complete blessing. They are deeply in love, and growing everyday. Gratitude——Grace——Gifts.

  Hope the guts are feeling better? Thank you for your beautiful message. I shall be at School helping with the Go-Getter’s play at 11.30a.m. I need to stay until the end of the day, unless I can escape to The Leafy Glade at 2.15 once all the players are dressed. Are you at home then? Depends on how many costume changes are needed. Laird and Cedric are coming to the first performance. Lots of special love to you, My Darling Adrian. Your Little Mouse——X

  Our Go Getter is a star in the play today. To the amazement of his family he leaps onto the stage and delivers his lines as Thor, the terrifying God of Thunder. We are completely taken aback! Under the leadership of their new teacher Martha, Class 4 has been studying the Norse Myths this term. The subject is aligned with ‘where they are at’ in their tenth year. With a smoke machine, weaponry and general gore the whole Class rises to the challenge of entertaining The School. The smaller children are kept away though, much to the delight of Class 4——far too scary for them!

  I am kept busy with Lois; our stage wardrobe mistress and all-round creative heroine. She gives a lot of time to each class. I don’t know how the teachers would cope without her. Each class puts on a play every year in line with the Main Lesson programme. She is also the stage director and Festival Group Leader. I enjoy working alongside her in the latter, where the vital essence and celebratory impulse of the school is held. Together, we work speedily with the various Nordic attires. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Adrian is being brave and making conversation with The Laird.

  When the family has departed Adrian and I steal time together in The Leafy Glade. We are so close——and getting closer——when Big J. arrives home. Her car pulls up by the basement windows and Adrian jumps up in nervous agitation. He feels that he should go and greet her, leaving me to duck under the duvet at the back of his room.

  “I think the time’s coming when we should tell her, don’t you?” He says, hurriedly pulling on his clothes. “I’ll say we are very close friends, almost lovers, and that your husband knows. I can’t go on feeling guilty and uncomfortable all the time.” “Almost lovers?” I laugh. “Goodness, if we are almost Lovers, how would we cope with the real thing?” Coming back to bed after a quick hello upstairs, my Fine Sir stops to look at himself in the mirror. “Do you know, I am beginning to feel a new man. I see a dignity, some elegance, and——oh, what is the word? It escapes me. How surprising!” Feeling a rising excitement I tell him that I have always admired those qualities in him. “I will forgive myself for not believing in myself,” he adds, before returning his attention to his Lady upon the bed.

  Adrian removes his shirt and we lie close together. I place my hand over The Greenstone that hangs around his neck; a gift from the teachers when they thought he was leaving last year. It rests comfortably on his chest. Greenstone is very significant in the heritage and culture of the Maori people. The sacred stone is found in the South Island and has long been associated with protection. The jade-green stone is carved into many shapes. Adrian’s piece is a heavy, smooth pendant about five inches long and one inch wide. You must always be given Greenstone; it would go against the culture of the land otherwise. It is often presented as a gift at parting.

  Placing my whole hand over the stone, I tell Adrian that when I need to feel him close I imagine myself doing this. “Yes, I have felt it,” he says. “Yesterday, as I spoke a Maori verse to the children in class, I was aware of a warm tingle that crept over me. So, that was you, was it, My Little Mouse?” Hmm—

  Hmm——Indeed. Our connection is reaching extraordinary heights. Oh, how we flow and move; with the curtains closed we glide across the room in our Rhythmic Dance. Limbs and hands in fluid movement, our fingers find those private realms in semi-clad wonder——lovers, so complete. “I want to wait until The Laird is away at Christmas and you are all mine,” Adrian tells me. “Then I will be able to make love to you properly, without looking over my shoulder all the time.” As he holds me I sense——I sense that things are changing. I notice a different strength and standing in Lord Swallow; an understanding that he can be at peace with his new dignity, that he can meet the truth he has discovered in our love. He has acquired a considered maturity that suits him. We chat for a long time. I hear about his childhood dreams where English forests and flower-filled meadows often featured. He has been waiting all his life for our love.

  P.m. Mouse: My, my, Lord Swallow. My, my——elegance, nobility and passion. Your Lady might melt right away——X

  Adrian: Warm recollections on this summery evening. Working with wood——successfully. My new woodwork pupil happy. Peaceful feelings. Very, very tired. Sweet woman, you are filling me. Deep luscious feelings——Mmm. Sad to leave. See you later; under the stars.

  Mouse: XxXxXxXXXXXX

  * * * * * * *

  Late P.m. Mouse: Goodnight, My Noble Lord——‘refined’ was the word we were looking for earlier, along with all the other fitting titles. Take me to your bedchamber this night and we can complete our lovemaking in long, imaginative hours. Kissing you with such tenderness——your Lady in velvet.

  Friday 3rd November 2006

  A.m. Mouse: Mouse is dashing, pumpkin splashing, into pots of soup so full. Onion chopping, juices flying, Mousey eyes are filling, crying. Carrots peeling, and she’s feeling, gentle love for him, her Man. He is off to foreign pastures, any self-doubt thoughts he’ll spurn. New truths for them all he’s gleaning, quick to see, to feel and learn. A King now, he will don his jacket, she, his Lady, home will stay, tending all the Castle’s Inmates while her Men-Folk are away——

  Adrian: Nice——splash on Good Lady——order your kitchen by the fire. This Roaming Squire honours your work. I woke with your hand on my heart——dreams of party——the crush of impending tasks and time-slip creates tension that disturbs the sanctuary. Over-excited——stimulated by a full life. Help me slow with your softness——your touch——your poetry——your noticing eyes——your womanly gasps——your call to connect. Keep me balanced where the rabble of activity outside can be acknowledged but the refined dignity and integrity within The Court can be held——

  Just changed to a new top-up plan to one number for only $6/ month! I am being picked up for the weekend course at 11.30 from home. Chance to see you?

  Mouse: Darling——I have had my hand on your Greenstone much of the night and morning. I am here f
or you, by you, with you. Keep centred——keep strong——adopt a measured, considered manner. Keep the spontaneity but give it a slow burn. I have just looked into the new phone charges too——great minds. Will certainly see you later. Big Love——M——X

  The Laird is packing his bags for a ‘Duke of Edinburgh’ weekend away with College students, leaving today. He is in a bad mood. He has too much on his plate as usual; {mainly chosen commitments}. The morning chaos of lunch-boxes, sports kit and Cedric’s perpetual, teenage grump adds to the negativity of the household. I manage to get them all to School without heart failure and make my way to Big J.’s cooking facilities. I shall complete the café soups down here. I can catch Adrian before he takes off and still be part of a Parent-Liaison meeting that is happening in the room adjoining Big J’s kitchen——most convenient.

  All goes according to plan. I slip away from the meeting for a few minutes to fall into Lord Swallow’s eager embrace before he is away, thinking how shocked the coffee drinkers upstairs would be. Returning without too much dishevelment I continue note taking as we design a formal outline for this important role in the school. I am the Class 1 Parent-Liaison this year. I phone people when needed, organize lifts for swimming lessons and instigate a phone-tree, ring around when required. One lovely custom is to provide a cooked meal for ten days to any family with a new baby, or similar, life-changing event.

  I continue with the cooking when the meeting is over. And then I head to the happy courtyard for this regular, Friday slot. I ladle out soup, chatting and listening to little voices, my thoughts with my Love as he speeds away to Christchurch on the South Island. He held me especially tightly today; I can still feel his arms about me. We are getting closer every time we are together. “Thank-you, oh thank-you, dear Powers that Be. I always knew this joy was possible.”