For now, it was more than enough. It was more than he could have possibly imagined.
With careful pressure, he came inside Ana, fully aware of his size in the sex department. She closed her eyes at first, making an O shape with her mouth as they slowly met hip to hip, holding her breath in surprise, and for a moment, he let her adjust to him.
Then once he was certain she was ready for more, based on the fact that her body relaxed and her eyes lit with excitement, he slipped out and then thrust into her. More firmly this time.
She moaned loudly, the sound so erotic he could have lost it right there.
He’d have to kill anyone else if they heard her like this. So vulnerable. So hot. So his.
Riker didn’t even have time to be surprised by his own thoughts, as he became entirely caught up in the feel of their bodies together, the feel of her surrounding him as he thrust into her over and over. And the faster he went, the harder he pushed, the more they writhed against the side of the tent, the harder her nails dug into his shoulders, holding him as he quickly moved into a fevered pace.
The tent was like a tiny microcosm, a bubble containing all their pleasure, as he continued to thrust, his muscles straining as she uttered his name more loudly with each fevered connection they made.
The slick heat. The friction. The closeness. Her pale skin and half-exposed breasts. The sound their bodies made as they came together. The feel of her hands on him. The way her neck arched, so kissable, more with each passing second. The vibrant, verdant green of her eyes as she tried to watch him, overwhelmed by the ecstasy.
All at once, Ana tipped past her limit. And wanting to make it as good as possible, Riker slipped a finger between them and rubbed over her clit intently, pushing her past the indescribable middle point between rising and falling and over the edge.
With total abandon, Ana orgasmed, crying out in release as she clenched around him. A moment in, his body was pulled with hers into the frenetic free-fall, coming with her with incredible force.
Riker held them together as overpowering sensation coursed through him. Liquid electricity lighting up every nerve and cell inside him. Pressure so tight that only release revealed how powerful the build was.
For many long moments, they rode it out together. Until it was done, their bodies spent and finally satiated.
Except, rolling over and looking at Ana, glowing and stretching and looking at him with unmistakable care in her eyes, he knew he would never be satiated. Never have enough of her.
His heart was still beating harder than it ever had in his life. And one word kept echoing through him, first so deep inside he was barely aware of it and then louder and louder until it was ringing in his head.
Mate. Mate. Mate.
Mate.
But that was impossible. He wasn’t meant to take a mate. If his father had proven one thing, it was having a family here was a disaster. His brothers could have mates. Find them out in the world and keep them away from Bear Canyon and its dying town and dangerous traditions.
But someone had to stay, and that someone was him.
And he’d sooner die than see Ana stay up here and wither away from lack of people and a nursing career while being constantly in danger, once a year at least.
He ran a hand through his hair and sat up, aware of the sweat on his body, the exertion from sex, the heat in the tent. He slightly pulled down the zipper, letting some air in, and peeked out. No one there.
He sat back and draped his hands over his knees. He had no idea what to say to her. She was looking at him like the stars began and ended in his eyes, and he felt like he’d just made things more complicated for them.
He should have known better. Humans liked shifters. They were naturally attracted. He should have been the bigger person, the one strong enough to walk away.
But even now, when he wanted to run from the knowledge that she was his mate and it could never work, he couldn’t leave her. Could only stay next to her as if it soothed the bear inside him.
A bear he wasn’t very in touch with thanks to his tumultuous childhood.
His head lowered, and he felt a soft, feminine hand caress his shoulder and then lift his chin, making him look up at Ana.
“Hey,” she said. “What’s wrong? That was wonderful.”
“Yeah,” he said gruffly, pulling on his clothing, trying not to look in her eyes.
“Why are you doing this?” she asked, rummaging around for her clothes as well. He was glad he’d resisted tearing any of them off, because she’d need them to get back to the cabin without looking suspicious or drawing more attention than she already did.
Hell, the sooner he got her out of there the better.
He felt foolish for not being able to hold off for even a week.
“Doing what?” he asked, smoothing his shirt.
“Locking up,” she said. “For a moment there, when we were together, I felt like I could see inside you. You weren’t hiding anything from me. We were together. Why are you always hiding?”
“I’m not hiding,” he said. But he knew that was wrong. He was guarding. Something he’d learned to do from a young age. Hide what you care about and no one can hurt you over it.
She shook her head and finished getting ready, running a hand through her hair a few times and smoothing the curls there. “I guess we should finish up and get back,” she said, and he appreciated her willingness to let it be.
Right now, he needed time to sew his heart back into his chest and let it recover.
Not that he knew how to do that with her constantly around, reminding him of just how much he wanted what he couldn’t have.
8
Ana sensed Riker needed her to lay off of him, so even though she was profoundly disappointed to see him put up an invisible cage around his emotions immediately after making love, she didn’t bother him.
What he was doing wasn’t healthy, but you couldn’t undo thirty-plus years of repression in a day, not even with the most loving, accepting words in the world.
But she wished she could draw him out, show him his feelings were safe out here, that he was free to be him, that she wouldn’t hurt him.
It was baffling.
He was businesslike and calm as he helped her pack up the camp and insisted on carrying everything by himself as they walked back.
She tried to ask him a few questions about the Brawl, but he had only short, one-word answers, and the longer the silence stretched between them, the more she felt a coldness taking root in her heart.
She’d already been with one emotionally unavailable man, hoping he secretly cared about her more than he showed. That had gotten her dumped in the woods.
So even though she didn’t need Riker to start declaring love immediately, she did need some sign from him that what had happened between them wasn’t a mistake, something that just bothered him.
Had he not been attracted? Had she been so caught up in her own pleasure that she’d just imagined him feeling great, too? No, she remembered it vividly, his face in the throes of passion, his huge body tensing, pure pleasure rippling through his powerful muscles. The most beautiful sight in the world.
There had been none of the hesitation he had now when they were making love. He’d been one hundred percent with her. And she had vainly thought maybe that would lead to him being more open to her after. It was making him more closed.
When they got back to the cabin, he said he needed to talk to his brothers and made sure she was settled before leaving and locking the door behind him.
Shit.
She had underestimated how much it would hurt to see him leave her like that so soon after sex. Echoes of Corey’s abandonment struck her, making her stumble back toward the stairs to her room. She took them two at a time and threw herself on the bed, burying her face in the pillow.
Why was she so stupid? Things had been going well between them, and she had to go pressuring him, and now he was mad at her, wasn’t he? She’d taken advantage
of a moment, seducing him, and now he probably hated her for it. Now that the orgasms were gone.
She rolled over, balancing one hand on her forehead as she studied the ceiling and its roughhewn wood beams.
She’d said she could live in the moment. Take pleasure with him and not think of tomorrow. Perhaps she could have if he’d rolled over after, given her a kiss, and told her that was wonderful and fun and they should do it again sometime.
A little voice inside called her a liar, but she ignored it. Even if it would have hurt a little for it to be just a fling, it would have been worth it to have him at all. And he was right; their lives were complicated. They couldn’t just say it would work out. She had a life back in Oregon, and he had responsibilities here.
He didn’t want her to stay there, and he didn’t seem willing at all to entertain the idea of leaving.
But did that mean he had to act like a petulant child about this?
No, it was more that after sex, he’d started to slowly look as stressed as if death were looming over him.
Just what a woman wanted after making a man orgasm.
Nothing compared to what he’d done to her, making her body feel completely owned by another person’s feelings for the first time in her life.
Her cheeks heated just at the thought, and she flopped over on her side.
She looked out the window and then at the clock. It was a few more minutes until the men came back for dinner. The thought of facing him again made her nervous. She didn’t want to see more of the distance in his eyes.
But she wouldn’t run from him. That wasn’t in her nature. She was the one who hung on until she got abandoned, not the one who left afraid.
She got up to change into a loose tee and pajama pants and picked up her phone to open a book.
Maybe it was just time to escape for a while. Into a world where things were less complicated, where men didn’t shift into bears or lock up their feelings.
“Are you okay?” Rock asked Riker as the two of them stood, watching the event. “You look wrong.”
“Pale,” Ryland corrected, coming up behind them with a clipboard in his hands. A pencil was tucked behind one ear, drawing a wry grin from Riker.
“You know, if you didn’t look like such a pencil pusher, you’d draw a lot more respect from the men here.”
“I don’t care what they think,” Ryland said with a snort, pulling his pencil down and jotting a note before replacing it. “Where’s Ana? Should one of us go find her?”
Riker ignored the ripple of jealousy that was becoming ever more common whenever his brothers mentioned wanting to be with her. Was it just the jealous bear in him, or did they seem just a little bit too eager to go see his mate?
He groaned, leaning on the fence beside them. It surrounded the small platform where he and his brothers sat to judge most matches. But right now, the fighters were just warming up.
“That doesn’t sound good,” Rock said. “What’s up?” He scented the air, and a smile curved his lips.
Riker fought the immediate urge to knock it off with his fist and cracked his knuckles instead. “Don’t say it.”
“Fine,” Rock said, raising his hands. “Fine. Fine. We’re animals, though. It’s fine.”
“I told her bears don’t play around,” Riker said. “Now look at me. Maybe I shouldn’t be around her at all.”
“Hey, we play around, but when we commit, we commit,” Rock said.
“Ana is the type that deserves commitment,” Riker said. “Just not from someone like me.”
Ryland frowned. “Why not you?”
“Look at this,” Riker said. “This is my future. Unless either of the two of you want to take over. Not that I’d want you to. Not that I’d let you. You two can take mates. I have to stay here.”
“Whoa, who said anything about mates?” Rock asked, a twinkle in his eye as he shoved dark hair off his face.
“No one,” Riker said, starting up the stairs to the platform where he could watch the fight.
Rock followed, undeterred. “You thinking about mating her?”
“I don’t know,” Riker snapped as he took his chair, and his brothers sent each other curious glances.
“Then why are you here with us and not with her?” Rock asked, taking his chair beside Riker. “You aren’t going to figure it out here. The only people who know less about this than you is us.”
“Right,” Ryland said.
“I just need some time to think,” Riker said. “I’m getting overwhelmed, and I need to focus on the tournament. In fact, maybe it’s better if she goes with one of you two tomorrow so I can do this instead.”
Rock and Ryland exchanged another inscrutable glance. “Sure, but—”
“No buts,” Riker snapped. “I need a break, and you can give it to me. You decide between you.” He studied Rock’s leer and shook his head, pointing to Ryland. “No, you do it.”
“And you want me to just stay home with her?” Ryland asked, a slight blush coloring his face. “What am I supposed to do to keep her entertained?”
Riker fought back his anger, scratching the back of his neck to distract himself. “Just be safe. Use your judgment. You don’t have to stay locked in the house, but you shouldn’t go anywhere with other shifters.”
Ryland nodded, clearly turning inward to think about it, and Riker tried not to groan.
Was she just the type that every bear fell in love with? Why did she have to be so funny, so sweet, so thoughtful and kind and brave and silly and helpful?
“Are you going to tell her?” Rock asked, leaning in while Ryland muttered to himself. “Or just let him do it?”
“Like at dinner?” Riker asked as the match in front of him started and a large bear threw a devastating punch.
“Yeah,” Rock said. “That’s gonna be fucking awkward.”
Riker hadn’t even though of that. “I think I’ll wait until morning. Just put the conflict away and keep the peace.”
“You can’t just put conflict away when it comes to women,” Rock said. “In my experience, which I admit is limited, it just makes them angry.”
He was bound to make her angry anyway. He could just imagine her stewing now, wondering how he could just leave her like that after what they’d experienced.
“You’re falling for her, aren’t you?” Rock asked quietly so no one else could hear.
Riker looked at his brother, disturbed at how accurate that description was. “How did you know?”
Rock leaned back, his arms behind his head, dark hair falling back to reveal the severe scar at the edge of his hairline he usually sought to hide. “Just kind of obvious with the way you look at her.”
“Mind your own business,” Riker said grumpily.
“Fine,” Rock said. “I need a break anyway. Think I’ll head to Ros’s place.”
“Behave,” Riker said.
“Do I ever not?” Rock asked with a grin.
Before Riker could answer that utterly stupid question, Rock had hopped off the platform and out of sight.
Sometimes he really didn’t understand his brother or any other people on the planet.
He definitely didn’t understand what was going on between him and Ana.
So he did what he always did when thoughts and feelings were too much to deal with.
He shoved it all away and tuned in to the fight.
When Riker and Ryland headed back to the house for dinner, the sun was setting in the distance and Rock was nowhere to be seen.
Riker was pretty sure he knew where he’d gone.
Seasons Bar was a tiny dive bar on the edge of Bear Canyon, and contestants liked to visit. It was part of Rock’s job to follow them when socializing and make sure they weren’t getting into trouble.
They’d all grown up with Ros, the owner’s daughter. Her father, Rick Morton, was a tough son of a bitch and a former Brawl champion who the fighters around here mostly respected and feared. And Ros was country stock, unafraid to c
ock her shotgun and point it at the least sign of trouble.
“Did you see where Rock went?” Ryland asked, finally taking out his headphones and sticking them in his Chino pockets.
Riker shook his head. “He didn’t say. You know he has a lot of places to be at any one time.”
“He likes it like that,” Ryland said. “You know, he came home drunk last night. He’s good at hiding it, so I don’t think Ana noticed, but I’m a little worried about him.”
“He’s fine,” Riker said, not really believing his own words. “It’s hard for all of us to be here. Rock especially. I don’t blame him for trying to escape.”
“Except we need him,” Ryland said.
“If it’s at the end of the day and doesn’t interfere with his ability to help when we need him, I have to let him do what he wants.”
“That’s right,” Ryland said bitterly. “That’s how this family works. Let each other self-destruct because we’re too afraid to say anything.”
“I think we’ve done all right,” Riker said unconvincingly. “But we’re all adults. We have to remember that. We all make our own choices.”
“Right,” Ryland said. “Like you keep making the choice to stay here when you don’t need to. Hiding up here from the world like it’s doing someone a service.”
Riker turned sharply to his brother. “You know why I stay here.”
“I know, but I don’t understand it,” Ryland said, letting the topic go in the face of Riker’s obvious anger. “Forget I said anything. Let’s just get back to Ana.”
Riker’s irritation, which had been building all evening as he’d been away from her, threatened to bubble up and get away from him.
She wasn’t his. She couldn’t be his. Maybe in a different world where he hadn’t been so damaged. The thought made him furious, and he paused, letting Ryland walk ahead a few steps, taking deep breaths and fighting back the curtain of red behind his eyes.
This was another reason he should be here, alone. What if the monster that was his dad was inside him, waiting to break out if he ever had a family? What if that anger inside him always threatening to burst out finally did one day?
Sheltered by the Bear (Trapped in Bear Canyon Book 1) Page 7