I took a deep breath and opened my locker, immediately spying the small white piece of paper that had fallen to the floor at my feet. In a rush, I unfolded it and read the note.
Dear Eliza,
Some girls are pretty, but when you get to know them, they become less so. With you, it’s different. I find that the more I get to know you, the harder it is to keep myself from thinking of you and wanting to spend more time with you. You are beautiful inside and out. I hope I can find the courage to tell you this in person someday, but until then, know you are always in my thoughts.
Your Secret Admirer
I looked around to make sure Jason was nowhere in sight, and then read the words again. It was the sweetest note I’d received so far, and while half of me cringed, feeling like I didn’t deserve these words of praise, the other half of me was deeply flattered. Although I knew Jason liked me, I couldn’t believe anyone could really think I was that beautiful. He made me feel like I was special—and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to be more than friends. I felt like kicking myself.
“Hey, sorry I’m a little late. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”
I folded the note and quickly stuck it in my pocket, my fingers touching the glass vial as I did so, and turned around. Jason’s eager face was almost too much for me to handle.
“No, I just barely got here.” I smiled. “Are you ready?”
We walked down the hall in silence, neither of us seeming to know what to say. I tried to act casual, pretending to be interested in watching the people around us. The halls were always crowded during lunch, and as I looked around, I noticed something that I’d never paid attention to before. Everywhere I looked, people were holding cell phones. I struggled to find someone, anyone, who didn’t have a cell phone or earbuds in their ears, but I couldn’t.
I was aware of my own phone in my back pocket, and my thoughts instantly turned to Grandma’s warning about distractions. The more I looked around, the more I felt like I was in some kind of sci-fi novel. Were we so attached to our technology that we didn’t even notice it taking over our lives?
I briefly toyed with the idea of shutting my phone off, but the very thought made me panic. I’d be completely cut off, and besides, what if Jill needed to get ahold of me or there was an emergency at home or something? No, I definitely wasn’t ready to disconnect myself from the human race just yet. I began to feel uncomfortable and silently wished I’d never noticed the whole phone thing.
Jill and Nick were waiting for us in their usual spot, in their usual cuddly positions. Jill seemed to have forgotten about the tank top episode this morning, because after glancing at Jason, she flashed me an impish smile that said exactly what she was thinking: So, eating lunch with Jason again, eh? I knew I’d never hear the end of this, and I glared at her. Jason and I were starting to look like a couple, and if we kept eating lunch together, that’s exactly what the gossip around school would be.
After collecting our various lunches—Jill and I dutifully sticking to our salads—we set out for the courtyard. Now that the warm weather had officially arrived, the courtyard was more packed than ever. As if programmed by radar, I instantly caught sight of Luke. My heart sank as I saw two girls sitting on either side of him. One was Chelsea Andrews and the other was Whitney. The rest of the table was completely full, as were all the other tables in the courtyard. We noticed some people sitting in the grass with their backs against the wall, so we found our own patch of turf and did the same.
Even from where I was sitting, I could see Chelsea was pulling out all the stops when it came to Luke. With prom less than two weeks away, her flirtations were borderline desperate. She was sporting a tight-fitting top with a deep V-neck and a short denim skirt. She had on strappy sandals that showed off her impossibly perfect legs, and every time she laughed, she flipped her long blonde hair so that it caught the sunlight and shone like gold. She was tan, she was gorgeous, and she looked like she belonged on a magazine cover.
I felt depressed and angry as I looked at her. No one should be allowed to look that good—it’s not fair! I was ready to give up and head back to the cafeteria for some real comfort food, but then I noticed Luke. He seemed uncomfortable around Chelsea. He turned more toward Whitney, and I could see he would talk to Chelsea only when necessary.
He seemed to be hurrying through his lunch, and I watched in growing amusement as Chelsea seemed to slowly deflate, then pout. It was obvious that she wasn’t accustomed to being ignored. After a few more minutes without success, she flipped her hair one last time and stood up to leave.
Once she was gone, Luke’s relief was unmistakable, and he immediately seemed to transform back into his usual self as he chatted with Whitney.
“Wow! I think Queen Chelsea has finally given up on trying to get Luke for a prom date,” I whispered to Jill.
She nodded and giggled. “Yeah, isn’t it awesome? I don’t think she’s ever been rejected before.” She grinned maliciously.
I should have known Jill had been watching the exchange as intently as I had been. She never missed an opportunity to mock Chelsea.
I tried to focus on eating my salad, but I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes away from Luke and Whitney. From the way they were talking so easily, it was plain to see that they were friends. But could it be more than that?
I thought about how sweet and down-to-earth Whitney was. Although she wasn’t annoyingly pretty like Chelsea, she still had nice features, and her personality seemed to make her shine.
I sighed as I gazed at Luke, and he must have sensed that someone was looking at him, because just then he looked up and our eyes met. I felt my face flush, and I hurried to look away, but there was no way I could hide that I’d been staring at him, and I knew that he knew it. I willed myself not to blush deeper, but as always, that only made my face get hotter. After a few moments, I glanced up from my salad to see if he had resumed his conversation with Whitney, but to my surprise, he was still looking at me. He gave me a half-smile that made his dimple stand out, and our eyes locked again. I felt that dizzying sensation like everything around me had disappeared and it was only the two of us here in the courtyard, sharing this moment together. My heart began thumping wildly.
“So, Jill says you guys are going dress shopping tonight.” Jason’s voice snapped me back to reality, and the spell was broken.
“Yeah, we’re going right after school,” I said offhandedly.
I felt Jason’s eyes on me, and I knew it would be rude not to look at him while he was talking, so I reluctantly pulled my gaze away from Luke. Jason smiled and I smiled back, but I couldn’t resist another quick glance back at Luke. He was getting up to leave.
“You’ll have to be sure to tell me what color your dress is so I can get a corsage that matches.”
“Okay, I’ll let you know.” My eyes trailed Luke as he walked through the door and disappeared. Seconds later the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Jason stood and held out his hand to help me up. I took it hesitantly and did my best to put most of my weight on my feet so he wouldn’t think I was heavy.
“Wow, you need to start eating something more than salads. You’re light as a feather!” Jason looked at me in concern. I was secretly elated by his comment, feeling like maybe all this dieting was paying off after all, but I wanted him to stop looking worried like that. I got enough of those looks from my mom.
I laughed lightly, but he still looked unconvinced.
“No, really, Eliza, I’m worried about you. You’re really thin, and you don’t seem to eat very much.” He put his hand around my wrist as if to emphasize his point, and I tried to ignore the immediate impulse to pull away. “I think I better take you out to an all-you-can-eat buffet and try to put some meat on your bones,” he said half-jokingly. While I was glad that he was lightening up, I sensed another date invitation coming on.
Feeling a stab of guilt, I pulled my arm away and said, “I better go. I have choir next, and I don’t want to be late. Ta
lk to you later.” I didn’t look back as I headed for the door; I didn’t want to see his crestfallen expression.
After returning my tray to the cafeteria, I realized I needed to use the restroom and worried that maybe I’d be late for class after all. I absolutely hated being late. I hated the dirty looks the teacher gave me, and I hated having everyone’s eyes glued on me when I was the last person to walk in the room. Vowing to be in and out of the restroom in record time, I pushed past some people and tripped on something. I heard an irritated “Ouch! Watch where you’re going!” and realized that the something had actually been a someone. I looked down to see who I’d accidentally stepped on. The first thing I saw was the nose ring, and then the spiky blonde hair. I realized it was Keira Davis, the new girl.
What is she doing, always sitting here by the bathroom? I wondered in annoyance. I mumbled a quick apology and continued my mad dash to the restroom. Before slipping through the door, I looked back at Keira. She was sitting by herself with her earbuds in and was bent over a notebook, doodling.
Chapter Seven
Okay, guys, I want to try something new today. I’m concerned that some of you might not be making time to read your scriptures every day—do you remember the goal we made at the beginning of the year? Now I know you all have busy schedules, what with your favorite TV shows and video games and all,” Brother Carlton, our seminary teacher, said sarcastically. This earned a collective moan from the class. “Just kidding. I know you have homework, extracurricular activities, work, and other important commitments you have to fulfill. So I’ve decided to take ten minutes out of our class time every day to let you study the scriptures on your own. And don’t worry if you forgot to bring yours, we have plenty of extras here.”
There was an excited shift to the mood that filled the room. Ten minutes of study time translated into ten minutes of free time during seminary!
“The one catch,” Brother Carlton continued, “is you have to spend the time stud-y-ing.” He stretched out each syllable for emphasis. “If I catch people talking or sleeping or doing homework for other classes, then the deal’s off. And of course, the same rule applies as always with cell phones. If I catch you with it, then what?”
He held his hand up to his ear expectantly and we all droned in unison, “Then you take it away.” The note of exasperation was unmistakable.
He ignored the collective lack of enthusiasm and smiled cheerfully. “That’s right! I just want you guys to realize the power the scriptures have to change your lives for the better. It’s not easy to make time for them when there’s so much else you could be doing, but there is little else that will have such a great impact on your lives. And there’s a big difference between casually reading a few verses while your mind wanders and actually diving in and studying the words. Give it a try, and you’ll see what I mean. Now if everyone’s ready”—his eyes swept the room to make sure we all had our scriptures in front of us—“we’ll begin.”
Normally, I would have yawned at this assignment and spent ten minutes pretending to read while daydreaming, but today I felt excited. As soon as Brother Carlton had mentioned our study session, I’d had an idea.
I opened up my blue scripture quad and breathed in the familiar leather scent, then quickly flipped to the Bible Dictionary and searched for “mustard seed.” I found an entry for “Mustard” with a brief explanation about how the seed grew to be ten feet or more and something about birds in the branches that ate the seeds. There were three scripture references in the New Testament, but after flipping through each of the verses, I felt slightly disappointed. The references were basically the same parable that compared the kingdom of heaven to a mustard seed and that, although the mustard seed was the least of all the seeds, it became the greatest among herbs. I thought about that for a few minutes, but even though I found it interesting, it still didn’t turn on any lightbulbs for me.
Deciding to take a different tack, I flipped to the Topical Guide and resumed my search for “mustard seed.” Again, I only found the word “Mustard” with the same three scripture references, but then there was another reference at the bottom that caught my eye. In excitement, I flipped to Matthew 17:20 and read: “For verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”
I felt goose bumps on my arms, and a warm feeling rushed through my entire body. As I stared at the word faith, I knew I had found my answer. I pulled the tiny vial from my pocket and stared at the seed inside for a moment. I read and reread the verse again, the glass vial warm in my hand.
I remembered the scenes from Emma’s life, and I could hear Grandma’s voice telling me that Emma had been a faithful woman, that it had been her faith that carried her through her trials. I read the last line of the verse again: “And nothing shall be impossible unto you.” A new wave of chills came over me, and I felt tears come to my eyes. This was a special moment—a moment I knew I’d never forget. I closed my eyes and said a prayer of gratitude, thanking Heavenly Father for allowing me to have this experience and promising Him that I’d do my best to have faith—no matter what.
After closing my prayer, a thought came to me, and I flipped back to the Bible Dictionary and looked up the word “Faith.” After reading through the definition once, I felt like there was so much to absorb that I started to read it again, but before I could finish the second time, Brother Carlton’s voice interrupted my thoughts like a splash of cold water.
“Okay, time’s up!”
I felt disappointed, but promised myself I’d study the definition before going to bed tonight. I placed the vial back in my pocket, keeping my hand over the tiny lump it made in my jeans.
The bell rang, and as I gathered my things, I felt someone’s eyes on me. I turned to see Luke waiting for me by his desk. When our eyes met, he smiled, and my heart skipped a beat. Everyone else had filed out of the room, and I tried to act casual as I approached him.
“Mind if I walk with you?” His eyes held that searching look again, and I tried desperately not to get lost in them—and to remind myself to keep breathing.
“Not at all,” I said, trying to sound calm, but I was already so nervous that my throat was dry. We walked a few steps together, and my mind raced to think of something clever or funny to say. Why couldn’t I be more like Jill? She always knew the perfect thing to say to make a situation comfortable.
I was clamming up. I could feel my palms getting sweaty, and I was sure Luke would notice my awkward silence. He probably thought I was quiet, boring, and sweaty. It didn’t get any worse than that!
“It seemed like you were pretty into your scripture study today. What were you reading about?” Luke asked.
I felt a huge rush of relief. He didn’t seem annoyed or disgusted by me. In fact, he seemed friendly and sincerely curious. And his question meant that he’d been watching me in class. I tried to brush off the implications of that realization and focused on answering his question.
“I was reading about faith. Have you ever read the definition of it in the Bible Dictionary?”
“I don’t think I have. What made you so interested in that topic?” There was a mild sparkle of curiosity in his eyes.
This was the tricky part. I knew I wasn’t ready to share my experience last night with anyone, but despite that, I felt oddly comfortable talking to Luke. I felt like if I were to share it with him, he would believe me. I hadn’t gotten that feeling from Jill, and when I realized that, I felt sad in a way I couldn’t explain.
“Well, I just felt like it was something I didn’t know much about. It’s pretty fascinating actually. You should read the definition sometime—it really makes you think.”
He gave me that famous little half-smile. “I will.”
We had walked across the parking lot from the seminary building to the school, but he stopped a few paces before the doors and turned to face me.
> “You know, I thought I was doing pretty well with my scripture study today. I mean, at least I was reading and trying to concentrate on the words, which was more than most of the class.”
I laughed. Even in my deep study, I’d noticed that most people hadn’t been reading at all.
Luke took the tiniest step toward me. “But then I noticed you, and I was completely humbled. You were totally into it. You looked like you were getting so much out of what you were reading. Almost as if ten minutes wasn’t enough time. Watching you made me think, ‘I want to be like that.’” He shook his head. “You’re different from other girls, Eliza. What’s your secret?”
My feet started tingling as I took it all in. Luke was standing mere inches away from me, and his eyes were locked on mine. I was about to answer that there wasn’t any secret, that I wasn’t different or special, except that deep down I really wanted him to believe I was.
“Luke, I—”
“There you guys are.” Jason came striding up to us with a smile pasted on his face. He was acting like he’d expected to find us together, but it was obvious from his posture that it was a surprise—and not a welcome one.
He walked straight up to me and put his arm possessively around my shoulder. I noticed Luke stiffen slightly as he casually stepped back. Jason’s message to back off was a little too obvious, and it irritated me.
“Jill was inside looking for you,” Jason said to me. “She said she had something to tell you and wondered if I knew where you were. I was about to send you a text, but then I spotted you guys through the window.”
Ah, just the opening I needed. I wriggled out from under Jason’s arm. “Sounds like I better go find her then. See you guys later.” I braved one last glance at Luke, but his eyes seemed to be trained on the sidewalk.
“Bye, Liza. Don’t forget to call me when you find out about the dress!” Jason called. I waved and nodded at him, and then made my way past the exiting crowd to the nearest open door. Feeling like a fish swimming upstream, I glanced back at Jason and Luke. Their postures were more relaxed now that I was gone, and they seemed to be talking as friends. I tried not to notice all the girls who were checking out Luke as they walked by him. Standing there in the sunlight, he looked like some sort of model-superhero. I sighed in agony as I realized I’d never look good enough to be his girlfriend. With that depressing awareness in mind, I began my search for Jill.
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