“It sounds rough,” Avery said sympathetically. “It’s always hard when one person pulls away before the other is ready.”
“Yeah. That would have been hard enough—Reese dumping me, however gently he tried to do it. But there’s more. It gets worse.”
Worse than cruelly using random guys for your own amusement? Avery thought, but didn’t say. Hank was no longer that man. “Tell me,” he encouraged.
“Oh, god,” Hank groaned. “You’re going to totally hate me.”
Avery took Hank’s chin in his hand and forced Hank to look at him. “Listen to me, Hank. I might hate what you did, but I could never hate you. I know this is really hard for you to confess, but right now all you’re doing is clearing the air, and giving me the understanding I need so I can help you to let go. Whatever you did back then, it’s no longer a part of you, but as long as you keep it hidden and festering, it will never heal.”
“Okay,” Hank finally agreed. “I’ll just tell you.”
“Thank you,” Avery said. “Thank you for trusting me.” He let go of Hank’s chin.
Hank lowered his gaze, again staring at the floor between his knees. “I used to record the terms of the bet with my cell phone, in case Reese would try to wriggle out of it later. I don’t think he was aware I was recording our conversation that day, but I had the audio of his agreeing to seduce Luca for money. We were joking around and not talking in the nicest terms about the guy, as you might imagine.”
He sighed again. “So I had the audio, and I tracked down this Luca guy at his apartment while Reese was out of town on business, and I gave him the audio and I—I lied and said that Reese was still with me, and had made a video of them having sex, which he’d given to me in exchange for cold, hard cash. I claimed that Reese was just stringing Luca along because he was a sick, twisted bastard. I pretended I had Luca’s best interests at heart. I was trying to save him from big, bad Reese.”
“Jesus,” Avery breathed, shocked in spite of himself. “You did that?”
Shame was etched on Hank’s face, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “Yeah. I was such an asshole. Now that I’ve found you, I get it. I get the connection they had, and it makes it all the worse, what I did to them. It’s no excuse, but I’d been drinking way, way too much for several days prior. I was terrified of losing Reese. Of having to face myself alone.”
“But it didn’t work, huh? What you did, or tried to do. I mean, they’re still together, right? He still left you.”
“Yeah.” Hank managed a rueful smile. “I couldn’t even do that right. But I guess that’s a good thing. I didn’t totally fuck things up for them. Somehow, they patched it up, figured out I was lying, whatever.” Hank shrugged. “I don’t know. I saw them a few months ago at a place we used to hang out. They were in a booth, heads touching, clearly in love. It was nauseating.” He looked at Avery, shaking his head. “It wasn’t nauseating. It was beautiful, but it was heartbreaking for me, because it really highlighted how badly I’d miscalculated. How much I’d fucked up. They weren’t together because of me, but in spite of me. And I was alone.”
“And now you’re not,” Avery pointed out. “And I repeat, you’re not that man anymore. But they don’t know that. They still think you’re the same flaming asshole.” Avery grinned to soften his words.
Hank barked a bitter laugh. “Don’t sugarcoat it, Avery. Tell me how you really feel.”
“How I really feel,” Avery replied, taking the remark at face value, “is that you owe it to them, and to yourself, to let them know that’s no longer true. You need to make amends. To both of them.”
Hank looked alarmed. “I need to what?”
“You need to tell them both you’re sorry. And I’m not talking about a text or an email. You need to do it in person, face-to-face.”
“I couldn’t,” Hank whispered. “They would never even agree to see me.”
“That may be,” Avery acknowledged. “But you have to try. Not just for them, but for yourself. And for me.”
Hank nodded slowly. “Okay,” he finally said. “I’m willing to give it a shot.” He managed a grin. “What’s left to lose?”
Chapter 15
“This really is delicious, Avery,” Hank said, draining the last of his beer. “It’s so cool you actually brewed this and here we are in a pub, enjoying your Colorado Mule from their taps. You’re on the map!”
Avery smiled. “It is pretty sweet. They’re interested in some of our other flavors, too. Now with some cash flowing in, we can really expand.”
“That’s so great,” Hank said. “I’m so proud of you.” He signaled for the waitress. “I’ll have another, please,” he said, pointing to his empty beer mug. Though Avery’s beer was excellent, he would rather have had a scotch on the rocks, just to steady his nerves. Waiting for Reese and Luca to show, he felt like jumping out of his skin.
“Slow down, kiddo.” Avery placed his hand over Hank’s jiggling thigh. “It’s all going to be fine. I’m sure of it.”
“Where are they? They said they’d be here by now. Maybe something happened.” Hank glanced anxiously again at the glass doors of the restaurant.
“Let’s see,” Avery said with a smile. He glanced at his watch. “They’re about 90 seconds late. Maybe we should give them a little more time before we call 9-1-1?”
Hank managed a weak grin. He was being kind of ridiculous. He just wanted the whole thing to be over and done with. He was frankly surprised Reese had even agreed to come. Reasonably sure Reese had blocked Hank’s cell number and email back when all the shit was hitting the fan, he’d sent an actual handwritten letter to Reese’s office. He hadn’t included a return address on the envelope, afraid Reese might throw it out unopened if he had.
Dear Reese,
I hope things are going well for you and Luca. Things in my life have changed a lot. My dad got into some financial trouble and, long story short, I no longer live in Cheery Creek and I got a job. I also have a Dom. No, you are not going blind. I have discovered my submissive orientation at the hands of a wonderful man named Avery Thompson.
Avery and I have agreed that I have some amends to make to you and Luca. I know the odds are probably good that you would prefer never to see my face again after how badly I fucked everything up. But if you were agreeable, Avery and I would like to meet with you and Luca so I can apologize in person for what I did to you both.
All I can say is, I’m a changed man. And I’m sorry—truly sorry for how badly I behaved, not just at the end, but all the way through. If you do want to get together, just shoot me a text and we’ll coordinate. If you don’t, I totally get it.
Best, Hank
He wasn’t entirely sure if he was glad when Reese actually reached out and said they’d be glad to meet. He’d been half-hoping he’d get off the hook with just the letter. But he also recognized that Avery was right. This apology wasn’t just for Luca and Reese. It was also for himself, and for Avery. He needed to show them all that he really was a changed man, a man who stood by his convictions and did the right thing.
“Is that them?” Avery asked, gesturing toward the glass doors as two men entered the small restaurant.
Hank’s heart did a somersault in his chest. “Yeah,” Hank replied, his leg again jiggling uncontrollably under the table. “That’s them.”
Reese still looked better than any guy had a right to, with his broad shoulders, honey-blond hair and those deep blue eyes. Luca was just behind him, his hand proprietarily on Reese’s shoulder. Hank waited for the horrible stab of pain seeing his lost lover would cause, but instead, he felt only regret and a little sadness. There was no going back to what they once were. But he no longer wanted to.
As the waitress set down Hank’s second beer, Reese made eye contact with Hank and murmured something to Luca. Hank lifted his hand in a wave, feeling ridiculous and nervous as hell. As the pair made their way to the booth, Avery and Hank rose to their feet. Hank’s heart was beating so hard he was r
easonably sure they all could hear it.
“Hank,” Reese said, a half smile lifting his lips, his eyes questioning. Hank held his breath, waiting for the snarky, damning comment that was bound to follow. But instead, Reese simply said, “It’s good to see you.”
“You too,” Hank said. His voice came out as a croak and he cleared his throat. “And you, Luca,” he managed. Luca, who had every right to hate his guts, just nodded and smiled.
Grateful for Avery’s comforting presence, Hank managed to smile, in spite of everything. “This is Avery. Avery Thompson.” Glancing at Avery, he added, “Reese Armstrong and Luca Hartman.” They exchanged greetings and everyone sat down.
Hank noticed Reese was wearing a thin, braided black leather choker with a silver Celtic knot heart hanging from it. Was that a sub collar? Hank reached into his shirt to stroke the triskelion medallion against his heart. He could do this. He was doing it.
The waitress appeared a moment later to take Reese and Luca’s drink orders and hand them menus.
“If you’re in the mood for a beer, you guys should try the Colorado Mule on tap. It’s really good.” He flashed a grin at Avery.
“That sounds good,” Reese said. “You want one, Luca?”
Luca nodded.
After the waitress left to get the beer, Reese said, “So, I have to say, this is quite a surprise. But you’re looking well, Hank. Much better than last time I saw you.”
“Thanks.” Hank felt himself coloring. He didn’t even want to think about the miserable wreck he’d been back then. He lifted his beer mug and took a long swig while he tried to compose himself.
“We appreciate your taking the time to meet with us,” Avery said, placing his hand again on Hank’s thigh under the table to still his nervous jiggle. “Hank’s doing great but he felt he had some unfinished business with you guys. How about let’s order some dinner and then we can talk?”
“Sounds good,” Reese agreed. The stuttering Luca still hadn’t said a word.
They perused the menu. When the waitress returned with the drinks, they placed their orders. When both Reese and Luca had tasted their beer, Hank said eagerly, “So, isn’t it great?”
“It’s really good,” Reese said sincerely. “There are so many craft beers out there now, it’s hard to know what to pick. How did you discover this one?”
Hank beamed at Avery. “It’s Avery’s brew,” he said proudly. “He and his partner have this microbrewery, and they make all these cool beers. This one is Avery’s recipe, and it’s really getting popular locally.”
“Wow,” Reese said, clearly impressed. “That’s so cool.”
“We’ve yet to turn much of a profit,” Avery said. “But things are going well. It’s a tough business, but it’s fun.”
They talked a little more about the microbrewery business. Hank was glad for the temporary reprieve, but it was only a matter of time before he’d need to deal with what he’d come for. Reese was the one who brought the conversation around to why they were all there.
“So, let’s talk about what’s going on with you, Hank. Sounds like a ton has happened since we parted ways.”
“Yep,” Hank agreed, his gut tightening. “You could definitely say that.”
“I’m still trying to get my head around what you wrote in your note,” Reese said. “You lost the house and your dad’s in trouble? That sounds like some serious shit. But even more shocking, you actually have a job?”
Hank’s cheeks grew hot again. But he’d promised both Avery and himself to just tell the truth, without trying to clean any of it up. “Yeah.” He took a breath and forced himself to go on. “My dad is in trouble with the IRS. He took back the house and the cars and basically kicked me to the curb. I got a job at”—he cleared his throat and forced himself to continue—“at a Snappy Lube. I’m a lube technician.”
Reese’s eyebrows rose so high they disappeared above the golden hair flopping over his forehead. Hank stiffened, waiting for the barbed comment sure to come. But Reese only said, “That’s really great, Hank. I’m super proud of you.”
Avery’s hand rested comfortingly on Hank’s thigh under the table. “Yep. Hank’s done really good. He came up with a way to modify a strap wrench, and now he’s one of the most productive workers they have.”
Hank sat up taller, proud in spite of himself. “It’s nuts, right? But it’s a start. I’m thinking about maybe going into commercial banking. I’ve got the degree, and Chase Bank downtown has this really good training program for entering loan officers.” He shrugged. “No idea if I’d get the job, but Avery’s been helping me get my résumé together. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?”
“Right,” Reese agreed, looking a little stunned. “Absolutely.”
“Just like Reese,” Luca said, finally piping up. “He’s kicking ass now at Strata Systems. That’s our firm,” he added as an aside to Avery. “We design and sell computer applications for robots used in the manufacturing industry. Reese is now one of our top salesmen.”
Where was the stutter? This man seemed confident, relaxed and comfortable, nothing like the gibbering mess Hank had last encountered.
Well, Hank thought, I’ve changed. Why not him?
Reese looked at Luca with a smile. The love in his eyes would have broken Hank’s heart once upon a time, but now it only made him smile, too. He leaned into Avery as Reese gushed, “And Luca is the top programmer. Robert, that’s our boss, lured him away from MIT. All the other guys come to him when they get stuck. He speaks fluent binary computer code,” he added with a laugh.
“Robert has been talking about setting up an Austin location because business is growing so fast down there,” Luca said excitedly. “He’s asked both of us to consider making the move.”
“That sounds pretty terrific,” Avery said. “I’ve heard Austin is a cool place.”
“Totally,” Reese agreed. “We’ve spent some time there and we love it.”
The waitress returned and placed their meals before them. When she asked if she could get anyone anything else, Hank glanced at his beer mug, which he’d emptied a second time. The old Hank would have asked if they had anything stronger. But he found he no longer needed that crutch. He didn’t want it. “Can I get a Coke?” he asked instead.
They made small talk as they ate, asking more about Avery’s business. Nolan had just made Avery a full partner, now that they’d acquired several potentially lucrative contracts with local restaurants and pubs. Avery had quit his jobs at the escort service and construction company, for which Hank was quietly grateful. He no longer judged Avery for that particular choice, and indeed had come to appreciate Avery’s way of looking at his former role of sex worker as a kind of social service more than anything. But he no longer had the erratic hours such a job entailed, and it gave them more time to spend together.
When the plates were cleared and dessert and coffee ordered, Hank knew it was time. As he girded himself to speak, his throat tightened as if steel planks were squeezing it on either side. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes and took the plunge.
“I need to say something,” he managed. “It’s why we’re here tonight.”
They all stilled, a heavy silence falling over the table. Everyone’s attention was fixed on him now. Avery reached for his hand under the table, and Hank gratefully squeezed it. “There’s no easy way to say this. I can’t clean it up. I can’t fix what’s in the past. But I can apologize.” He met Reese’s and Luca’s gazes in turn, his heart pounding.
“Luca, first to you, I’m so sorry about what I did, trying to break you two up like that. It was unforgivable. I was a total fucking asshole because I was terrified of losing Reese. What I didn’t understand was that I’d already lost him. I was hanging on to an illusion. He’d moved on, while I’d remained stuck in the mire of my miserable, entitled, fucked up existence. I tried to ruin what was special and beautiful for you guys. I’m so sorry. And I’m so glad it didn’t work,” he added with a sma
ll, sad laugh.
“It was fucked up,” Luca agreed, his face grave. But then he reached across the table and put his hand lightly on Hank’s arm. “But we figured things out, with a little help from Julio, and everything’s really good now.”
“Julio,” Hank exclaimed, confused. “My Julio? My houseboy?”
“Yep,” Reese agreed. “He saw what was happening and he sent Luca an email explaining what was really going on. He’s doing good, by the way. Enrolled in community college and with a nice guy.”
“No kidding,” Hank said, shaking his head. “I was so pissed off when he quit, but in retrospect, I’m really glad he reached out to you. It was a horrible thing I did to you both.” Hank’s voice cracked with emotion as he struggled to keep himself together.
Shame momentarily robbed him of the ability to speak. Things were going way better than he’d had any right to expect. But he wasn’t done yet. The hardest part was still to come. He almost wished Avery wasn’t there to witness this particular apology, because he was still so ashamed. But it was right that he be there, too. Not just because he was such a steadfast, stalwart support, but because he was Hank’s partner. He was witness to the better man Hank was trying to become.
“Reese,” he finally managed, his heart once more in his throat. “It’s almost too big to say. I mean, how do you apologize for a lifetime of bad behavior?” He pressed his lips together a moment, then forced himself to continue. “But I’m going to try. I’m sorry, Reese. I’m sorry for how I treated you. I’m sorry for all the years of keeping you around like some kind of pet, and then trying to destroy your relationship with Luca. I’m sorry for being such a shit.”
Turning the Tables Page 18