by Ace Gray
“You know that’s not what I meant.” I stepped toward him and Ari and Laura reappeared at our sides.
“I told you earlier to stop questioning my motives. Why the fuck can’t you do one thing I ask?” Nick asked, exasperated.
My mouth fell open. I couldn’t believe he’d just said that to me.
“What the hell is your problem Bryant? I’m not asking for the world, I’m suggesting you stop playing games with me and take care of your mother.” I threw up my hands.
“You’ve forgotten what it’s like to respect your mother and her choices. It’s been so long since you had one. Since you had to give a damn about a family at all…”
He stopped short when my face contorted. My body staggered back and slumped against the wall like Nick had punched me with a very real, leaden blow. My breathing became forced, my shoulders slumped, and my knees quaked. The small part of my brain that was still functioning noticed his whole posture had changed, and his hand reach out for me. I would have batted it away if Laura didn’t beat me to it.
“You’re a bastard!” she bellowed as she stepped in between us and reached to steady me.
“You really are a fuckface. That was uncalled for,” Ari scolded.
"Kate, I didn't..." Nick was trying to find a way around Laura.
"Don't touch her!” Laura shouted again.
The racket was creating a low level ringing in my ears and contributing to a severe headache.
"What's going on down here?" The cacophony had finally attracted Jaime, Gemma, Gabriel, and Ari's friends from upstairs.
"You should hear what this asshole..." Laura started in and her voice seemed amplified in the glass box that was our apartment.
"Shut up!” I shouted. “Everyone shut the hell up!”
The room went silent except for the thundering of my heart. Every pair of eyes stayed fixed on me but I couldn’t bring myself to meet any of them. Not even the disasters that had to be Nick’s.
“Kate, come on. We’re going home,” Laura said as I wordlessly pushed away from the wall.
My body was numb, dead even, as tears pooled in my eyes. But even here, even now, I wouldn’t cry in front of everyone. I shuffled toward the stairs.
Laura’s “Kate,” Ari’s “Jesus,” and Jaime’s “What the hell is going on?” all piled on top of each other. I didn’t know what to say or who to say it to, I just slowly waded through the people toward the stairs.
“Sweets?”
I was half way up the stairs when Nick’s pained question rang through the apartment; his voice made my insides twist. I froze but couldn’t bring myself to turn.
“Sweets, are you leaving?”
“Of course she’s leaving. You just called her an orphan, you diminished her pain, her loss!” Laura’s succinct summary was sucker punch number two. Orphan sat pretty damn poorly on my shoulders.
“Kate, I didn’t mean…I didn’t think.” Honesty and terror were thick in Nick’s voice.
The very fact that he was scrambling publicly spoke volumes, but I couldn’t bring myself to reassure him. Or any of them for that matter. I started back up the stairs.
“Kate. Sweets, please.” Nick’s heavy footfalls pounded up the stairs after me.
“Stop.” At my command, he froze.
“Kate, get your things, we’re going,” Laura said shrilly from below us.
“We’ll have pizza or tequila or something,” Ari agreed.
“Please…” Nick’s voice was only a whisper, barely audible above the rest.
I took the biggest breath I could manage but my shoulders wouldn’t relax.
“You.” I turned and leveled my finger at Laura. “Cannot continually assume the worst of Nicholas.” She sputtered but the look I gave her clammed her up quickly.
Nick’s hopeful, “ Sweets?” followed a moment later.
“And you,” I shifted my gaze and my pointed finger to him. When I noticed it was shaking I shoved it in my pocket instead. “Don’t you dare follow me.”
“I’ll escort you if you’re leaving the building, Kate.” Jaime fell into duty without anyone having asked.
“I’m just going to bed.” I narrowed my eyes in Nick’s direction. “Alone.”
Sound erupted behind me but I started moving, completely unconcerned. I barely made it to a second floor guest bedroom before tears streamed down. I tucked in and slammed the door behind me so they could fall unashamed. I’d been battling the memories and emotion all day, Nick’s shitty comment and Laura’s orphan jab had cut extra deep.
I slumped down against the door and let my head fall into my hands. My tears rolled across my palms and down my wrists. Maybe five minutes passed before Laura came and hammered on the door. I didn’t even flinch. When Ari followed her, I stood and walked away from the wood all together to collapse onto the freshly made bed.
Piece by piece, I shrugged out of my clothing then slid under the sheets. I wasn’t even remotely comfortable, the mattress was foreign, lumpy even. I started counting panels on the ceiling to relax and dozed off around 82, a pool of dampness beneath my cheek.
4.
The faintest moonlight shimmered in through the windows when my eyes fluttered open. The floor to ceiling glass was familiar but the view was off, the bedding too. I turned and stretched, feeling achy in the way only whirlwind emotions could leave me. With an exaggerated groan into the dark, I rolled over.
Dark eyes caught my attention and my breath. Nick was awake and watching me intently from a bedside chair. For a moment neither of us spoke. Or even moved. I didn't know what to say, and I guessed he didn't know where to start.
Nick finally let out a deep sigh. “It’s not even remotely sufficient, but I’m sorry. So sorry. I was such an unbelievable bastard." He lowered his head into his hands for just a second. When I stayed silent his hurt, swirling eyes shifted back to meet mine. "I can't believe you stayed. I thought I’d finally blown it and you’d be leaving for good. I would’ve deserved it.”
His tone was so broken, cracked even, that I couldn’t help myself when I reached out for him. His eyes went wide when my finger crooked as a signal to come to bed with me. He crawled in quietly, watching me as he did. I still didn’t know what to say, but I hated watching his heartbreak in the sliver of shimmering moonlight.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into the sheets as he snuggled into bed. “Please tell me you forgive me. Please, please, please.”
It was harder to see his eyes now, my shadow obscured his face, but I was certain they were inconsolable. Before I gave it much thought I reached for him. My fingers itched to touch his skin; knowing it would ease the emotion bubbling in my stomach. No matter how angry I was, Nicholas Bryant was my talisman. I yanked at the hem of his shirt and used it to pull his muscular frame toward me.
“Kate,” Nick whispered as he slid across the sheets. “Do you forgive me?”
I didn’t have an answer. I didn’t really forgive him, but I didn’t want to fight either. Or talk at all for that matter. I wanted his lips on mine, and to forget about the crappy day, the family stress, Christopher, Victor…
God damn that list.
Nick was speaking again—probably begging forgiveness—but I didn’t even bother listening. I just cut him off mid-sentence by swiftly straddling him and locking my lips on his. His hands flew to my naked hips and squeezed as he tried to keep talking. My tongue threaded between his lips and tangled with his, effectively ending any apology.
My hips started to roll against the soft fabric of his sweats, coaxing his erection to grow in the notch between my thighs. My hands slid to his and I laced my fingers in to pull them up beside his head. The cotton encasing his cock was slowly growing damp with the arousal spreading between my thighs. I hadn’t let his lips leave mine, and I dug my nails into his hands where I held them. He growled at me. I snarled right back but let go of his hands and sat up swiftly.
“Kate?” Nick questioned as his hands found my hips again.
> I shushed him, making my first sound since waking up. My hips kept their rhythm, I was fully focused on gentle gyrations.
“Talk to me. Tell me you forgive me.” His breathy plea was a wholly tortured sound, and my compulsion to comfort him almost took over.
Almost.
I shoved his tone to the back of my mind and made the conscious choice to surrender to the ball of lust now thoroughly churning inside me. I reached under his waistband to explore the familiar contour of his sculpted hips that led to his perfect rock hard cock. In a swift move, I shoved the fabric aside and positioned him beneath my slick slit.
“Kate, please,” he groaned and this time I didn’t know if he was asking for forgiveness or to take him. I barely hesitated to figure it out.
I had to bite my lip as I guided his shaft into me. I wanted to cry out, something loud and mangled, but I didn’t want to give Nick the satisfaction. My breathing hitched anyway as I sat still, him buried deeply inside, while I tried to calm my body. I shifted slightly and he slipped in deeper; I had to choke back another delighted gasp. My hands moved to his chest and flexed as I started rolling my hips against his.
I purposely moved along the length of his shaft, testing his resolve by almost letting him slip out then slowly gliding back down. His hands gripped at my hips in a way that would bruise, and his pleasured cries rang out into the night, but he didn’t take control.
The longer I kept up the painfully slow rhythm, the more Nick trembled beneath me. My legs ached and my fingers were uncomfortable where they dug into his chest. The feeling had begun as exquisite but now…
I wasn’t anywhere close to coming.
“Sweets,” he gasped beneath me. “Please let me apologize.” He moaned at the end of his sentence. “Forgive me and let me apologize.” His words were truly agonized and I honestly didn’t think it was from pleasure.
He was biting his lip and trying desperately not to squinch his eyes shut. Every single muscle in his forearm was rigid from how he held onto my body. Even his chest was fully flexed, rock hard beneath the bright red angry marks my nails had made on his flesh. His misery was a fully formed, living, breathing being in bed with us. He needed my forgiveness, and control, probably even my moans of pleasure and hammering heartbeat against his.
It was how we communicated best.
When he let his lip fall from between his teeth and I saw he’d broken skin, I caved. My sharp intake of breath sounded different than just a moment ago; softer, more sensual.
“Please,” he whispered, sensing the shift.
“Nick, I…” My voice trailed off then stilled but he waited for me to speak. His hands changed from vices on my hips to tracing small, familiar circles. “You hurt me,” I managed, “in a way only you can.”
“I was the worst kind of bastard. I’ll do anything to make it up to you.” He nudged his hips against mine. “Anything.” Bright blue—my bright blue—was slowly overtaking the sad color his eyes had been since I woke.
My body trembled as I sat above him. It had already forgiven him. My heart thudded once when he murmured, “Please” again but this time in a husky, deeply sexual tone.
Before I thought much more about it, I eased down along his chest and gently took his lips. I sucked ever so slightly and tasted the saltiness of his broken skin where there were welts from his teeth.
“I forgive you,” I murmured, brushing his lips with mine as I spoke.
He didn’t say anything in response but his demeanor shifted instantly. His intense grip on my hips returned and he used it to flip me. I winced when he slipped out of me. His fingers quickly took his cock’s place. I couldn’t help but roll my hips up to meet his hand where it teased my slit.
Nick’s other hand slowly wrapped up and around my leg. His fingertips dug into my inner thigh as he pulled my leg up and over his shoulder. He slunk down my body, kissing every inch of skin before his face disappeared.
His nose brushed against my clit just before his tongue started to explore my quivering sex. My whole body shuddered when his tongue pressed inside and lingered, slowly exploring every inch he could reach. Nick’s breath was warm against me, and I used my grip on his shoulder to buck against his face. His grip grew tighter on my thigh, and I knew it would wear bruises that matched my hips. The image made me groan desperately into the quiet night.
His nose, lips, and tongue were working overtime to touch and tease everything between my thighs.
“Nick,” I gasped after a particularly naughty nip.
I felt his answering smirk as he lapped against my arousal like it was some kind of life blood. I was pretty far gone but I noticed when one of his fingers brushed along my thigh. Desire coursed through my veins and only ratcheted up at the idea of him swiping across my G-spot.
I jumped when he traced his finger lower and pressed it against the pucker of my backside.
“Fuck,” I whispered the expletive when his tongue assaulted me at the same time his finger pushed inside.
Nick knew how to massage me gently, hitting spots that made me twitch and jerk. The hand that wasn’t inside me slid up to pin my hip bones. His nose and teeth still alternated at the apex of my thighs, nudges and nips driving me crazy. I cried out and my heel dug into the flexing muscles of his back. My hands scrambled against the sheets below me. The finger in my ass was slowing making me crazy.
I was about to burst. My whole body tensed, every muscle bunched, and Nick noticed, pulling back slightly to watch. My hands flew to his gorgeous hair and I brought him back against me. His finger kept thrusting, his tongue lapped leisurely and I swore he smiled against my skin when I yanked a little too hard.
There was an extra burst of wetness between my thighs when the waves of an orgasm finally took my body. I jerked on Nick as I shrieked and ground my hips against his face. That feeling of satisfaction slowly spread from my stomach and filled my limbs like thick, warm honey. Then everything in me, every piece of me, melted to the sheets below.
Nick sat back when I lost control of my fingertips, just enough to watch me fall apart completely. The second I stopped violently shaking, he leaned in and kissed my clit. My body trembled as his lips travelled up my body, my arousal glistened on his chin and cheeks. He tenderly took each of my nipples and sucked before gently flicking with his tongue. My back arched off the bed in response. I was still breathing hard when his lips locked on mine. I could only gasp for air in between his passionate kisses.
“Why didn’t you leave?” he murmured between lip locks.
“Ahhhh.” I wasn’t ready to make sentences.
“I need you.” He sighed. “And I want you.” He nudged his still rigid cock against me. “But I don’t know why you stayed. Why you forgave me.”
He kissed my chin and cheeks and eyelids before pulling back to look me full in the face. He sat there, waiting for me to catch my breath and answer. Part of me didn’t want to break my silence, reveling in the sex, and the sensation was enough for me. But I couldn't override the desire to comfort him any longer.
“I said I’m not going anywhere and I meant it, Nick. I love you.”
He folded down beside me, nuzzled into my neck, humming a pleased sound.
“And you’re not angry with me despite the fact that I’m a fucking asshole?” He sounded completely unsure. And, honestly, it was totally appropriate.
“I never said I wasn’t mad at you.” I was still trying to catch my breath as I shoved my hands through my tangled hair. “I said I forgave you, that I love you, but I never said I wasn’t pissed.”
“Sweets?” His tone and the way he almost swallowed his voice said he hadn’t expected that answer.
“Nick, I love you but a good orgasm isn’t always going to fix our problems.” I sighed and turned over in bed. I was staring out the windows when I continued. “I mean, thank you. I do, in fact, feel better, you’re fucking phenomenal in bed, but it doesn’t erase what you said.”
There was a heavy silence in the room
when I stopped speaking. It was almost stifling when Nick broke it.
“I don’t know how to do this part, Kate.”
I didn’t respond and after a while Nick fidgeted behind me.
“Kate?” he murmured, “can I hold you? I need to hold you right now.”
“I guess.” The words were barely out before he pulled my back to his front and cocooned me. His fingers started to circle on my skin but they had an unsteadiness to them. I sighed a loud exasperated sigh, and his hand froze and dug in instead.
“Please don’t hate me,” Nick breathed, rustling my hair.
“Oh for fuck’s sake, Nick, I don’t hate you. I’m just not very good at this part, either.”
“I wasn’t thinking when I said it. I’m trying to get everyone to understand without laying everything out there. I’m trying to protect all of you at the same time, and it feels like so many balls are up in the air that I’m bound to drop one. At least one.” He sighed and kissed the back of my head. “I dropped a ball tonight, and it’s not an excuse, I just want you to understand. I hate myself for what I said.”
My body was moving before I even thought about it, turning in his arms. My lips brushed his chest and I stopped to kiss above his heart.
“It’ll be okay, Nick, but tonight, just stop talking.” I sighed again and tangled my legs up in his so I could burrow deep into his chest. “You wanted to hold me, so do that. Hold me.”
He didn’t utter a word but let out a deep breath just before he adjusted his grip on my body, squeezing a little too tightly.
5.
The light shone in from the wrong angle in the spare room. Everything was off just enough to remind me of Nick’s stupid, shitty words, and our stupid, shitty fight. He was still asleep, wrapped tightly around me, but his brow was creased and appeared to deepen as I watched him.
That crinkled face bothered me. Not only because he looked troubled, anxious even, but because the urge to make it go away was so strong that a very large part of me was willing to forget about last night completely. And I didn’t want to sweep it all under the rug. At some point, we’d have to face our sharp, stinging issues head on.