by Nella Tyler
I set her down on her booted feet, and she grinned up at me. I could see how happy she was, and that made me like Abigail even more. She cared about my daughter and, after Saturday, it seemed like she might care about me a little, too.
I watched as Sophia walked to the other side of the lot with the help of the crossing guard and went into the side entrance of the school. She turned to wave at me before she went all the way in, and I waved back.
I drove to work after that, my mind humming with quickly-moving thoughts, every single one of them about Abigail East. I’d talked to her briefly on Sunday just to let her know how much I’d enjoyed myself the night before. We were planning another date for the following Saturday. I’d love to see her more than that, but I didn’t want to upset Sophia’s schedule. She was used to me being home at night on the weekdays, and I meant to keep it that way. Because Abigail already loved Sophia, she understood all of that and never seemed jealous of the attention I gave my daughter.
I walked into the office to find Brian already at the coffeepot. Karen wasn’t in today, so I braced myself for the shitty quality of the morning beverage that he had prepared. Sophia could do a better job of it.
“You never texted me back Sunday,” he said, grinning his toothy grin. I’d gotten in so late on Saturday, that we hadn’t done much more than tell each other goodnight before he left to go home. The following day, he messaged, but I avoided responding, not in the mood to share anything about my special night with Abigail. It still seemed like something that needed to stay between her and me. I wasn’t the kind of guy to kiss and tell. That cheapened the experience, in my opinion.
“Soph and I stayed busy all day long.” That wasn’t really a lie. We had gone out all day, not stopping until dinner and bath time.
“How was the date with the hot teacher?” he asked.
I turned my back to him and took my time filling my coffee cup and mixing in a single bag of sugar, not answering until I turned to face him again. “It went really well.”
“Is that all you’re going to say? I need details! Did you finally manage to get some, or what?”
I didn’t let my expression change at all, just took a long sip of my coffee as he watched, barely able to contain his rampant curiosity. And then I said, “We had dinner and great conversation. I’m not sure what else I can tell you. We plan to go out again on Saturday. I’ll know more about that when we speak tonight or tomorrow.”
Brian threw his hands up in disgust, his face darkening with overdone disappointment. “You are absolutely no fun. I’m not dating, so the least you could do is let me live vicariously through your relationship.”
I chuckled at that, and he smiled, but I could see it bothered him that I wasn’t being more forthright with juicy details. There was certainly plenty that I could tell him, but I wanted to keep all of that to myself. I liked Abigail a great deal. I didn’t want to risk that growing feeling by trying to impress Brian the way I might have a buddy in high school.
I went to my desk and sat down. I moved my mouse and the computer screen came to life after a long night’s sleep. “Are we on track for the meeting this afternoon?”
Brian hesitated, watching me for another few beats before sighing and returning to his own desk. “Yeah, I emailed you the completed presentation.”
I navigated to my inbox and clicked on the attachment.
Chapter 20
Abigail
Tuesday
I’d been riding a persistent high for days, ever since the amazing romp on Saturday night. I woke up with a smile on my face and went to bed at night thinking about Drew’s powerful body on top of mine, his thrusting hips bringing me to shivering climax. I didn’t just wake smiling. I woke with a deep need aching in my bones and between my legs, an itch that only he could scratch. I couldn’t wait for the weekend when we could see each other again.
For now, after school pickup in the afternoons would just have to tide me over. I fully understood why he didn’t go out during the week — keeping Sophia’s schedule consistent was the most important thing he could do, especially since she’d suffered through the emotional upheaval of her mother abandoning her — but I wished I could go over there. I understood that part, too; it was way too soon for me to become a staple at the Reid household. It was better to wait until after the academic year came to a close because it was unrealistic to expect Sophia to keep quiet about me dating her father. Right now, I was her teacher and that needed to be my only role.
I greeted the students in the morning, ushering them to their desks to begin the day’s lessons. Everyone was cheerful and talkative — maybe a little too talkative — except Sophia. She’d come into the classroom dragging her feet, her tiny heart-shaped face pointed to the ground. Throughout the morning when the rest of her classmates were barely-contained bundles of giggly energy, Sophia seemed locked tightly inside of her own thoughts, her face wound stubbornly into a pensive expression. She kept her eyes from meeting mine, and I didn’t get an opportunity to talk to her before it was time to line up and walk to the lunchroom.
I made sure all of my students went through the lunch line to retrieve their trays and made it back to our assigned table. Sophia sat down glumly in her place and began to poke at the macaroni and cheese, not seeming very interested, at all. I sat next to her and started to unpack my own lunch that I’d brought from home.
“Sophia, what’s wrong?” I asked her in quiet voice.
She looked up at me, her brown eyes dark with worry and what looked like sadness. I wanted to give her a hug right then and there, but she cut her eyes away again, focusing on her lunch tray.
“I have to miss school tomorrow,” she said and didn’t sound happy about it.
I furrowed my brow, waiting for her to go on. But she just stayed slumped over the table, not taking a single bite of her lunch. I’d never seen her like this. I hoped everything was okay at home. I was sure Drew would tell me if they were having serious problems. Well, I hoped he would, at least.
“Do you have an appointment with the doctor or the dentist?” I asked. “That’s nothing to be upset over.” Right after I said it, I cursed myself for how stupid it was. What if something serious was going on? Kids suffered through serious illnesses all the time. I shouldn’t make promises to her when I didn’t even know what was happening. I made a mental note to text Drew while I was outside monitoring the kids at recess to make sure everything was okay with Sophia’s health.
She shook her head. “We’re visiting my mommy tomorrow.”
I was too shocked to speak for several long, tortuous seconds. I had to process what she’d just said a few times before I could understand the meaning behind the words. She was seeing her mother? That just didn’t compute, not after everything Drew had said about her. From what I understood, she was completely out of the picture. Now, all of a sudden, they were taking an entire day to visit with her? I didn’t know what the hell Drew was thinking…unless he was considering getting back together with her for their daughter’s sake. But Sophia didn’t seem very excited about this visit. She looked like she was only a few short steps away from bursting into tears.
“Why don’t you try to eat something, honey?” I said and watched as she obediently took a tiny bite of her macaroni. This conversation couldn’t continue, no matter how much I desperately needed to hear more information. Sophia wasn’t the one I needed to talk to about this. My insides were boiling over. I was furious and helpless at the same time because I had to continue with the rest of my day before I could do anything about this. I needed to talk to Drew face to face. Texting wouldn’t satisfy me, and it also might give him a chance to come up with a convincing story before I was able to confront him in person. I wondered suddenly if this visit meant that Drew wouldn’t need me to sit with them at the Valentine’s Day lunch.
I led the kids back to the classroom to collect their coats, hats, and gloves, and then took them out to the playground, angry tears burning in my eyes that
I had to keep blinking back. I couldn’t believe the Drew would toss me aside like this. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but what else could be going on? To hear him tell it, Sophia’s mother had left and never come back. Not that he spent much time talking about her, but from what little he did say, she was completely out of the picture. Now, all of a sudden, they were spending the day with her? And the visit was so important that Drew was pulling Sophia out of school? The more I thought about it, the angrier I became.
We went back inside for our reading time, and I kept the better part of my attention on Sophia as I read through a chapter of our latest book. She was sitting cross legged in her place, elbows on knees, and eyes staring hard at the colorful carpet. The more I watched her, the madder I was at Drew. How dare he upset his daughter this way? How dare he lie to me…and after what we’d just done together on Saturday?
I made it through the rest of my day with the children by falling into the tasks I’d laid out weeks ago. Thank God for detailed lesson plans. It allowed me to coast through even while my mind stayed occupied with the anger incubating inside of my skull. By the time the final bell rang, I felt ready to explode in a shower of molten hot fury. Still, I had to keep it under control. Even when I eventually crossed the parking lot to confront Drew, I’d have to be mindful of Sophia right there. If I wanted to yell at him or accuse him, it would have to wait until a phone call later tonight.
I watched the students run to their parents’ cars that were idling in the car loop without feeling the usual lightness in my chest at the sight of them so happy. Sophia stayed close to me, her small hand in mine. Drew hadn’t arrived yet, which wasn’t like him. My mind roamed, conjuring pictures of him spending the afternoon with Sophia’s mother, both of them laughing at how stupid I was. If he showed up with her in the truck, I’d never speak to him again outside of my duties as his child’s teacher.
He finally pulled into the parking lot after all of the other students were in their parents’ cars and driving away.
“There’s your dad,” I said, glancing down at Sophia. But she didn’t really react. She drew in a deep breath and watched as he climbed out of his truck and waved at her with a big grin on his face. She waved sadly back, but it seemed to take a great effort.
“I’ll walk you over there, honey.”
She didn’t question this change in our normal routine. I walked across the lot with her while Drew smiled at us. Just the sight of that grin made me want to slap him across the face as hard as I could. How dare he? I thought. At least there wasn’t another woman sitting in his truck. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t at his house right now, waiting on a family reunion.
“Hi,” Drew said. He leaned to scoop Sophia into his arms and carry her over to her side of the truck, so he didn’t notice my stony silence. I reminded myself to keep cool and calm.
When he came back around the truck, still smiling, I couldn’t help how my body reacted to his chiseled good looks and the prickly stubble covering his cheeks and square jaw. Goddamn, the man was striking. But he was also cheating. Well, he could be. I needed to find out one way or the other. Now.
“Sophia told me she was missing school tomorrow to visit her mother,” I said in a tight, clipped tone. “I didn’t think she was in the picture anymore.”
Drew’s smile fell, and my stomach turned. Here came the bad news. He knew he’d been found out and wasn’t even going to bother with keeping up with the lies. I was grateful for that, even if everything else was infuriating.
“Sophia’s mother is dead,” he said bluntly. The words knocked the wind out of me. My stomach twisted again, and my knees felt week as the strength of the anger just dissipated like smoke on the wind. “We visit her gravesite every year on her birthday, which is tomorrow.”
I didn’t even know what to say to that. Or what to feel. I thought about the inferno of anger and suspicion that had been consuming me all day and wanted to sink through a crack in the asphalt beneath my feet. How could I have thought such terrible things about this man? What kind of monster did that make me?
“I’m so sorry, Drew. I didn’t know.”
His light brown eyes stayed locked on my green ones. “I don’t talk about her much.” He watched me for another few seconds. My cheeks were bright red and tingling. He had to see how stricken I was and connect the dots as to what I must’ve been thinking. I felt like complete shit.
“I have to go,” he said. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay,” I replied. I watched him get in his truck and leave the parking lot, my heart sinking as he drove out of sight. I walked back inside with my head down, my mind working furiously to find a way to make this up to him.
Chapter 21
Drew
Wednesday
I didn’t sleep well and woke up with a headache pulsing at my temples. I went to the bathroom, filled up the glass sitting on the sink, and took three aspirin. Today was going to be a challenge. I could feel Chelsea the most on her birthday, like she was hovering right over my shoulder. Not that it was a bad feeling, but it took its toll.
We didn’t visit the gravesite often, and it was always a struggle when we did. For the most part, Sophia was a happy, well-adjusted child, and I didn’t want to put that in jeopardy by dragging her to the cemetery all the time. But I also wanted to make sure she remembered her mother and kept her spirit alive. It was hard to balance my desire to keep my daughter happy with my desire to make sure her mother wasn’t forgotten. It was another one of those times when I wished Chelsea was here to help me figure this out. She would know just what to do, the way she always did.
I showered and dressed, letting Sophia sleep in a little past the regular time since we weren’t running on the school’s schedule today. She’d been really down all day yesterday and instead of taking her usual reading time, she said she’d rather just go right to sleep. I snuggled in next to her and we just lay there together, not speaking. This time of year was hard for her, and it made me question if visiting the gravesite was the right decision. Nothing I did seemed right at these times.
And, there’d also been something off with Abigail yesterday afternoon. She seemed really upset at the idea of Sophia missing school. I hadn’t talked much about Chelsea with her. Maybe that was a mistake. But today wasn’t the day to figure all of that out. It was about Sophia and me remembering our love for Chelsea, who would have turned thirty years old today. It was devastating to think about how many years had been stolen from all three of us.
I turned on the light in Sophia’s room and her eyes opened immediately. I could tell she hadn’t been asleep, at all.
“Good morning, monkey.”
“Morning, Daddy,” she whispered. “Are we still going to see Mommy today?”
I nodded. “Yes, unless you really don’t want to.” She was getting to the age where I’d respect her decision not to go. It would sadden me, but I’d understand.
“She was in my dreams last night. I want to see her.” She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and then jumped off of the bed.
I gave her a hug and smoothed her crazy bed head. “Do you want to get doughnuts this morning? You can have hot chocolate, too.”
She nodded seriously, like this was a matter of life and death. “I want the one with sprinkles.”
“You got it.” I smiled down at her. She looked so much like Chelsea sometimes that it hurt. I was perpetually excited and terrified to see the woman she would one day become. If she was even half as strong as her mother, she would be just fine. “Get dressed and we’ll go get doughnuts before we visit Mommy.” I left the room to give her the privacy to get dressed and went downstairs to start a pot of coffee.
I picked up my tablet while I waited on the coffee, and read through a bit of that day’s paper. Sophia came downstairs a few minutes later, clad in jeans and a fluffy teal sweater — another gift from my mom, who was busy living her dream of one day having a girl through Sophia.
“Did you brush your teet
h?” I asked.
She nodded.
The coffee was done, so I poured it into a travel mug. “Let’s go, kiddo.” We paused in the hallway to put on our jackets and hats and then went out to the truck. It wasn’t as bitterly cold as it had been on Monday morning. It was supposed to get a little warmer later in the week, but the temperature should be tolerable for us to stand by the gravesite for however long we needed.
We drove to the doughnut shop and went inside. I watched Sophia demolish her chocolate doughnut with white and pink sprinkles and down a hot chocolate. My stomach was in knots, and I still had traces of a lingering headache, so I didn’t order anything to eat, choosing to sip on my coffee instead. Once Sophia wiped away her chocolate moustache and went to the bathroom, we piled back into the truck. I tried to keep light conversation going, but we were each locked inside the maze of our own heads, dealing with the impending visit. I didn’t want to push her. Today was heavy and I knew it. She was good at reaching out when she needed to, but she was also the type of kid who needed to process her thoughts without too much outside influence.
“Do you miss Mommy?” Sophia asked, her brown eyes lifting to meet mine. We were stopped at a light about twenty minutes away from the cemetery. The day was as gloomy as the mood inside the truck, with heavy gray clouds blocking out the sun. That felt right, too. I never liked the days we went out there and it was sunny. It just seemed wrong, like we weren’t really honoring Chelsea’s memory and the hold her absence had torn into our lives.
“I miss her all the time,” I said. “But I’m glad we have each other.”
Sophia’s lips twitched into something just short of a smile. “Me, too.” She turned to stare out of the window as the light turned green, and I was forced to pull my gaze away from her.
We drove in silence the rest of the way, leaving the city and entering rolling land that was green in the summer, but covered in a light dusting of snow this morning. I pulled off of the main road when we reached our destination. From what I could see, we were the only ones visiting the cemetery today. It wasn’t a great time of year for it, but I’d rather celebrate the beginning of Chelsea’s life than the day she was taken from us, which was in the summer.