Need

by Becca Jameson

  Emily gasped.

  Rider shook his head. “That didn’t come out right.” He reached across the table to take her hand.

  She pulled away and dodged him. “Don’t.”

  He lowered his tone and his voice. “You weren’t supposed to fall for me. That was never my intention, baby.”

  Emily stared at him, her heart pounding, her hands shaking at his audacity. “Rider Henderson. You may be able to control every aspect of my body, including my reactions to you both emotionally and physically, but there’s one sacred thing about me that you cannot and will not ever control, and that’s my mind. I own my feelings. They’re not yours.

  “You can command me to my knees and make me long to suck you off until I salivate. You can climb between my legs and torture me until I beg you for release, but don’t for one second think you can crawl into my head and tell me how to feel about you. If I fell for you, that’s on me, and it’s mine.”

  She scooted from the table and stood to her full height, her stature so much smaller than him, it was absurd next to him even seated. But she didn’t care. “I’m leaving. I’ll have Harper get my bag from your locker. Don’t move until I’m gone. I won’t hesitate to cause a scene. I can’t face you anymore tonight.”

  Emily strode across the room toward the front entrance using every ounce of strength she had to make it to the door. She hated she would have to wait for Harper to retrieve her belongings, and she hated even more she didn’t have a car. But neither could be helped. She was strong enough to hold it together for a few more minutes.

  Harper consented readily without asking a single question. She figured it was his job.

  He returned with her bag in less than a minute and had Frank get her a taxi in no time.

  Before she completely melted inside the club, she was safely ensconced in a cab, traveling down the road to her condo.

  She stared out the window, willing herself to wait until she was home before she cried.

  It wasn’t that she was particularly angry with Rider, or Dave for that matter, but she was emotionally drained. And after the intense sex she’d had before entering the main part of the club, she barely had the energy to haul herself from the car to her front door. She did it though, tipping and thanking the driver.

  The second she shut the door behind her, she slipped to the floor and cried. She cried for so many reasons she couldn’t list them in her head.

  She cried for the sister she’d lost who had taken too many drugs and died alone in her apartment with no one to save her. If only Emily had been there that night, or that day, or the day before. Would things have gone differently? Could she have stopped her sister from doing the last line of coke that ended her life? Her guilt was a weight pressing on her chest and adding ten pounds to her small frame. No one could understand why she needed answers. She couldn’t sleep properly until she did something. Anything.

  Dave had a point though. She’d never stopped to consider how dangerous it was for her to snoop around looking for a drug dealer. She’d only pictured coming into a bar, asking around about Claire, figuring out who she hung with and determining which of those people sold her drugs. It wasn’t that she intended to face the guy herself. She just thought if she had the ammo, she could hand it to the cops.

  The idea was preposterous, and besides, whatever her sister was involved in, it hadn’t happened at Extreme. Harper was indeed diligent about who was admitted. If Claire came to Extreme regularly, as her calendar suggested, then her sister simply had a submissive side. It had nothing to do with her drug addiction.

  Emily hadn’t gone back to Extreme over and over again because she was still looking for answers about Claire. She wasn’t stupid enough not to recognize she truly fell for Rider and wanted to experience everything he had to offer.

  She winced as she thought about Rider. He hadn’t done anything wrong. Yelling at him because she fell for him during the process had been counterproductive. Like he said, he’d been up front from the beginning.

  Emily hauled herself off the ground and made her way to the bedroom. She paused to strip off her clothes, brush her teeth, and wash her face, and then she slipped between her cool sheets naked. She told herself she’d grown used to the idea. It had nothing to do with some misplaced desire to please a temporary Dom.

  She needed to pull herself together and get on with her life. Pining over a man who didn’t want her was idiotic. Especially since she’d been only marginally less adamant than him. Introducing him to her parents or anyone else she knew was out of the questions. That was no way to start a relationship, even if her heart screamed in protest.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “What happened to you last night, man?” Gage asked as Rider dragged himself into the gym and dropped his bag next to the weights. “I saw you come in with Emily and disappear into a private room and then I never saw you again.”

  Rider took a deep breath. “We were there, but we had a fight, and she left.”

  “She left?” Gage stepped closer. “You didn’t take her home?”

  “Nope. She made it very clear she wanted to take a cab. So I let her go.”

  “Wow. I’m sorry. That sucks.”

  “Yeah. It’s probably for the best.”

  “Why? I thought you two were…cozy.”

  Rider rolled his eyes. “Can you not use the word cozy in the same sentence with my name?” He smiled as he picked up a set of weights.

  “Hey, you looked like your cock was about to leap out of your pants the way you wormed your way through the club into a private room.”

  “Well, that part was true.” Rider did smile at that memory. “And Emily is a fantastic sub. She never needed any training in the first place. She is a natural. The role suits her perfectly.”

  “But?”

  Rider exhaled and turned toward Gage. “I was an ass. I’ll admit it. I’m not interested in a long-term thing with anyone. I tried to make that clear, but…”

  “But she fell for you anyway.”

  “Yes. It appears that way.”

  “Is that so bad? I mean you like her. Why not try the dating scene?”

  Rider shook his head. “Not interested. And besides, Emily probably wouldn’t have me after the way I treated her anyway. I deserve everything she dished out.”

  “I don’t believe that for a minute.”

  Rider shrugged. “Doesn’t matter what you believe.”

  “Are you just going to drop her? End of subject?”

  “No. That would be rude. I’ll give her a few days. She was really pissed. But I do need to see her again. I was training her. We need closure if nothing else.”

  Gage chuckled again. “Give her a few days because she needs to cool off? That’s hilarious, dude. You really don’t know women, do you?”

  “Don’t need to,” Rider said as he put the first set of weights down and picked up another. “That’s the whole point.”

  Gage stepped in front of him. “Listen. I know you don’t want to hear this, and you can roll your eyes all you want and cuss at me if it makes you feel better, but hear me out. You’re probably right. Emily does seem to be a natural submissive. I don’t know what you two fought about, but consider this from her angle. Until a few weeks ago, she had never set foot in a fetish club. Everything in your world is new to her. Fuck, she’d never been to a fight either, and she loved it. You probably need to cut her a bit of slack if she’s struggling to come to terms with so many things at once. Be patient. I know you like her. You can deny it all you want, but it’s obvious to all of us. Make nice. Say you’re sorry. That’s what women want.”

  “She said some choice things too, dude.” Rider set the weight he’d been holding on the rack. “And she has some fucking secret she won’t talk about.”

  Gage nodded. “Step back and give her a chance. Nobody suggested you had to marry her next weekend. Take it slow. She’ll come around when she gets to know you better.” Gage leaned forward. “The look in her eyes tells
all of us you hang the moon for her. Don’t fuck this up.”

  •●•

  Emily picked up her phone on Wednesday afternoon and rolled her eyes. It was the third text she’d gotten from Rider. She was growing tired of seeing his name show up on the screen. She could tell by his word choice he didn’t get her at all. And it was just as well. She needed to move on. So, she ignored him again.

  By Friday, she was exasperated. She called Virginia and made plans to go to the movies with her. Anything to avoid being at Extreme or her own condo.

  Rider’s last text said he really wanted to see her. They had unfinished business and would she please come to the club that night. He never said he was sorry or he cared, just that he needed to see her.

  Emily ignored him yet again and tried to enjoy an evening with Virginia. When she got home, she was exhausted. She hadn’t slept well for the entire week and she fell into bed rereading Rider’s texts as if she hadn’t punished herself enough.

  While she held the phone, it pinged again. She flinched.

  Please text me so I’ll know you’re okay, Em.

  There he was using her nickname again. He had no right to that name.

  Tears welled up in her eyes and fell to her pillow. She flopped onto her back and stared at the ceiling. She wasn’t even naked this time. She’d given that up by about Wednesday. It had seemed absurd to follow the rules of a man she wasn’t talking to.

  She tried to visualize a life with him in it. V liked him. What would her parents think? He was certainly nice enough. It wasn’t like he would embarrass her in front of anyone. As long as he was his normal public self, anyone would like him. But what if he wanted her to submit in front of other people?

  Ugh. No way. She couldn’t bring that out from the privacy of her home or the club. Anywhere else would never be acceptable. And dominating was his way of life.

  She flipped her pillow over and tried to sleep.

  She tossed and turned for over an hour, beating the pillow several times to fluff it up. Her tank top twisted around her waist as she flipped from side to side.

  It was after midnight when a knock sounded at her door.

  Emily bolted to a sitting position. What the fuck? No one came to her home in the middle of the night.

  She froze. And then her phone pinged again.

  Rider.

  Emily, it’s me. Open the door, please.

  Shit.

  No fucking way. It was a bad idea.

  She texted back.

  Are you crazy? Do you know what time it is?

  Of course. And if you would have returned any of my texts, I wouldn’t be standing at your door now. I was worried.

  He was worried?

  Did it ever occur to you I didn’t want to text you back?

  Open the door, Emily.

  Oh. My. God. She had to put an end to this. The man was driving her crazy. She flung the tangle of sheets off her and stomped to the front door. Maybe if she faced him, she could make herself clearer. Ignoring him and arguing with him by text didn’t seem to get through to him.

  Emily yanked open the door so fast, she never paused to consider her attire. Until she saw his face.

  Rider stared at her with his mouth open, his gaze traveling the length of her from top to bottom and then back up again.

  Emily decided to play it off. She rolled her eyes. “Oh come on. You’ve seen me in far less clothing that this.” She opened the door wider. “Come inside. You’re letting the air out.”

  Rider stepped in and let her shut the door before he spoke. When he did, he carefully changed his face from shocked lust to a smirk. “Panties? Really? You still have some in your drawer?”

  Emily stomped away and plopped onto the couch. “What do you want, Rider? I was in bed. Some people sleep at night.”

  Rider sauntered over to her and sat next to her on the couch. He pointed at her chest. “Sleeping? In a tank top and panties.” He tsked. “I’m so disappointed. Have I taught you nothing?”

  She gave him an evil narrowed stare with her head cocked to one side. “Ha ha. I thought it was clear you were done with me. Since I haven’t submitted to another particular Dom yet, I believe I can make my own rules.”

  He cringed. “Ouch.”

  “Yeah, well…”

  “Look, I wanted to apologize. I said some things the other night that were…unnecessary.”

  “Ya think?”

  She curled her legs under her and closed herself off from him by crossing her arms over her chest. It wasn’t much, considering she was wearing so little. But it was something.

  Rider eased onto the floor and kneeled in front of her. “Emily, I’m sorry.” He set his hands on her legs and gently tugged her body square with his. “I’m sorry.” He kissed her forehead.

  She held her breath. This wasn’t supposed to be happening like this. She was so angry with him. She needed distance. Not this.

  He kissed her cheek. “I’m sorry, baby,” he repeated. “I’ve been an ass.” He set his forehead against hers and forced her gaze to meet his. “I was insensitive and rude to you repeatedly. I should have considered your feelings.”

  Emily forced herself to ease away from him and lean back. “Rider… This isn’t going to work.”

  “What isn’t going to work?” He gripped her thighs tighter.

  “This.” She motioned with one hand between them. “Us. I can’t.”

  “Can’t what?”

  “Can’t let you control me anymore.” She pulled her feet up under her farther and backed away from him. “I can’t submit to you, Rider,” she whispered. “It hurts too much.”

  “Baby…”

  “Don’t.” She felt her body caving to his words. If she didn’t free herself from his clutch, she would regret it. “Did you hear a word I said the other night?”

  “I heard all the words you said. I’ve done nothing but think about every single one of them for the last week.”

  She wiggled free and got to her feet, stepping away from him and jumping off the couch. “Then you remember the last part.”

  “Of course. I can’t control how you feel.” He stood and stalked toward her as she backed away. “What if I’ve decided to accept how you feel?”

  “What does that even mean?” She ran into the wall, out of space. “I can’t let you dominate me, Rider. I’m not strong enough to disassociate. You will hurt me.”

  He closed the last few inches between them and touched her cheek with one finger. “Look at me.”

  She lifted her gaze to his, unable to deny him anything.

  “You’re mine.”

  She held her breath. What did he say?

  “You’re mine, Emily.” He stepped closer, straddling her legs with his and setting his hands on the wall on both sides of her head. “Mine, baby.” His voice dipped lower that time.

  She shook her head slowly. “Don’t say things like that.” Her voice was barely audible.

  “I was wrong. I know that now. I couldn’t sleep for the last seven days. I told myself it was because I was worried about you on a professional level. I told myself it was because you have a secret you won’t share with me. I told myself I didn’t want you anyway, that I didn’t want any woman, that you were out of my league, that you would never be able to accept me fully into your life if I did want you. I tried all sorts of things, but in the end all that was left was raw emotion and a very tired Dom.” He grinned at her.

  She stared at him, blinking.

  He set his hands on her shoulders and slid his palms down her arms until he entwined his fingers with hers. He lifted them over her head and flattened them against the wall. “I missed you.”

  She still stared, her mouth opening, but nothing coming out. She had no idea what to say. And her damn body betrayed her a little more with each passing second. She squeezed her legs together to alleviate some of the pressure.

  He kissed her forehead again. “I’m sorry.” He kissed her lips then, even though she did
n’t respond. “Em, I’m sorry.”

  And then she melted. One tiny little word, a nickname that sounded so personal when he used it, and she was a goner. She licked her lips and sucked in a long deep breath.

  Rider touched her lips again, gently, watching her, holding her gaze hostage while he nibbled around her mouth.

  When she responded, it was on a long sigh that sounded more like a moan.

  Rider changed from gentle to rough in less than a second, pressing his body into hers and gripping her hands tighter against the wall. He zeroed in on her mouth and deepened his kiss, stroking her tongue with his in desperate moves that made her pussy clench and her nipples abrade against the cotton of her tank.

  While he consumed her, he released her hands, grabbed her hips, and lifted her off the ground.

  She wrapped her legs around his waist by instinct when he turned and headed toward her bedroom.

  She had no idea how he got there without seeming to look anywhere but in her eyes, but before she knew it she landed on the bed, him on top of her.

  Rider’s kiss was filled with the same desperation she felt. His teeth collided with hers. His tongue licked her everywhere. The shadow of his beard abraded her face.

  It was too much and not enough.

  He gripped her waist and yanked her tank up and over her head, breaking the kiss for less than a second to free her breasts. And then his mouth was back on hers and his hands molded her breasts hard. He nudged her legs apart with one of his and nestled his knee at her crotch.

  She couldn’t think beyond the need consuming her, threatening to overtake her entirely until all that would be left of her was a sex-crazed nymphomaniac. And she didn’t care.

  Rider released one breast and lowered his hand to cup her pussy. He groaned into her mouth and broke the suction. “God, Em. So fucking hot and wet for me.” He held her gaze while he grabbed the side of her panties and ripped them from her body. “I won’t have to worry about that pair any longer.” He didn’t smile as he spoke. He wasn’t kidding. Underwear annoyed him that much.