My physical is thorough, everything from an EKG to urine and blood samples. They even wire me up and have me do a treadmill stress test. If there were a way to test my emotional stress, I would fail miserably and not be hired. But the most powerful intangible is the very thing that can’t be measured on their charts. I’m relieved when it’s over, and I scurry to the elevator to start my journey back to the gallery.
In the silent hallway, I press the elevator button, becoming impatient when it takes several minutes to arrive. Stepping into the car, I lean against the back wall, hoping we don’t have too many stops on the way down. I groan when we stop at the thirty-second floor. Damn, could this thing go any slower? I’m anxious to get back to work.
When the door opens and the new passenger steps inside, I look down to avoid eye contact and notice he has very nice shoes. Suddenly, I realize that there’s a strange tension in the air.
“Ava.” My name is half whispered, and there’s pain and hope mixed into the tenor of the voice.
Oh no, I know that voice.
I slowly lift my eyes to find none other than Jonathan Alistair in living Technicolor. We haven’t seen each other since our farewell conversation in Santa Fe. I’m momentarily speechless. We’re trapped, descending in an elevator for thirty-two floors. Life is unbelievably cruel. I mean, really . . . What are the odds?
“Jonathan.” I don’t know what to say beyond that. I desperately want to punch the button for the floor we are about to descend to and get the hell off. But if I do that, it makes it seem like I am really affected by seeing him, and I can’t have that.
“How are you, Ava? Are you well?”
I realize that he may be wondering since I’m in the medical tower. Of course, I can wonder the same thing about him.
“Yes, I’m fine. I was actually here to get a physical for my new job.”
“Yes, I heard. Congratulations. This is such a fantastic opportunity for you, and I know you’re going to be amazing.”
“Thank you.” I’m curious. Does he have eyes and ears for every little thing that happens in the art world? I mean, how does he know about my job when I’ve barely told anyone?
I study him for a moment. He looks much better than last time I saw him. He even has a tan.
“So, why are you here?” The words escape my mouth before I’ve realized how inappropriate a question that is.
“My psychiatrist’s office is here. I just had a session.”
“Oh.”
“He’s helping me get through my divorce.”
“Oh.” Too much information, thank you. That’s what you get for asking, idiot. Maybe I should get off now. I can say I need to use a bathroom.
He squares his shoulders and clears his throat. “I’ve made a lot of progress.”
He’s trying to provoke me, and it isn’t going to work. It’s selfish, but I don’t want to know he’s getting his personal life together while mine is falling apart. It’s small of me, but I can’t help it.
“That’s good.” I look up at the light panel. We’re only at twenty-one. I can feel an edge of panic in my chest, and I remind myself to take a deep breath. I look down at my shoes, suppressing a groan when the car stops at twenty. An old woman in a wheelchair is backed in to the elevator by a caregiver. The large man in a medical-aid uniform pushes the button for the sixth floor.
Instead of quieting Jonathan, the inclusion of other people near us spurs him on. He’s never been one to miss an opportunity. He takes a sharp breath, steps toward me and says softly, “I miss you, Ava, terribly.”
I look at him, dumbfounded, as I press my back tightly against the elevator wall. Eighteen, seventeen . . . deep breath . . .
“Look, for whatever reason, we were meant to run into each other like this . . . it gives me a chance to tell you how I feel. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but—”
I cut him off. “Then please don’t.” The caregiver cocks his head toward us.
“But, I really miss your company. Can we at least be friends?”
“I don’t think so, Jonathan. It’s not that simple. Besides, I’m moving to New York.”
His expression gets dark and unreadable. “What does Max think about that?”
“I’m not talking to you about Max.” I fold my arms over my chest.
He exhales and lightens his tone. “You know, I’m in New York at least a week every month. There’s an amazing John Currin show opening in October at the Whitney. Why don’t you let me take you to the pre-opening private party?”
The door opens and the caregiver gives me a wide-eyed, knowing look before he pushes his client out of the elevator.
I shake my head firmly. “That’s not a good idea.”
His face falls. “Okay, maybe not.” We remain quiet for the rest of the descent.
Thankfully, the door opens and lets us off in the parking garage. We both walk toward the valet. When he speaks up again, his voice is more neutral.
“Have you enjoyed working with Nick?”
I stop in my tracks and turn around to him. “I never got a chance to thank you for that. I appreciate that you recommended me to him. It’s been a great experience.”
His expression lightens. “I’m so glad it worked out. He’s very impressed with you, but I knew he would be. Has he been too tough on you?”
“Well, not too tough. I’ve learned a lot from him, as I did from you.” I smile, remembering the way Jonathan gently guided me through our project.
“Don’t be afraid to stand up to him. He has a lot of bravado, but he can be open-minded too.”
“Okay, thanks for the advice. I hope to still be able to work with him, even though I’ll be busy on the show.”
Jonathan turns and faces me. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but I’m so proud of you, Ava. You have risen to all the potential I saw within you from the beginning.” He pauses as if he wants to say something, but stops himself.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
He sighs and continues. “I hope you know that I wish you all the best.” He squeezes my hand, and it feels really weird, but I’m grateful he didn’t try to hug me.
I give him a soft smile before I hand my ticket to the valet.
He pulls out his valet ticket. “Well, please let me know if I can be of any help. I know all kinds of real estate people in New York. It can be brutal finding a place if you don’t use the right people. You know, come to think of it, a one bedroom just opened up in my building. I could put in a good word at the co-op board.”
“Jonathan . . .” I moan.
“Okay, okay,” he insists, smiling sheepishly as he pushes his sleeves up. “But you have my cell number. Please call me if you need anything at all.”
Sean’s truck pulls up, providing my escape. “Thanks, again.” I pause and look at him, and in that moment, what I remember is how he always took the time to look out for me and make me feel special. There was a side to Jonathan that was pretty wonderful, and it is nice to remember that after all the fury. “Take care, all right?”
He gives me a warm smile before I pull away.
“How many floors?”
“Thirty-two. I wanted to die when I realized it was him.”
“Oh, wow, how awkward,” Riley commiserates.
We’re on our way to Malibu because, clearly, my life doesn’t have enough drama.
“He even asked if we could be friends.”
Riley huffs. “You mean friends with kinky benefits. Like that guy could actually last through one evening without trying to get in your pants.”
“I’m sure you’re right . . . and I’m not going to give him the chance to find out.”
We lapse into silence while I imagine what Max would think if he knew I’d been trapped in an elevator with Jonathan. I realize we’re already on PCH.
“Thanks for driving me all the way out here, Riley.”
“No worries . . . you’d do it for me. That’s what friends are for.”
&
nbsp; “Is Dylan sure he isn’t going to be there?”
“Yeah, when he called Max last night to tell him why your car was there, he warned him not to talk to you until he got a grip. I think he had a double session booked with his shrink today, and then he’s supposed to attend some type of function this evening at one of the galleries in Bergamont Station.”
A sharp pain shoots through me. Our lives have never felt so separate. I look out the window and watch the waves roll toward the shore. A couple walks hand and hand across the sand, and I turn away.
As Riley drives her car down the private road off the highway, I note that Max’s house looks dark. She pulls up next to my car, and I feel a wave of panic. Somehow, knowing that my car was here left a warped connection to Max. When I pull out of his driveway, it’ll be one more way that we’re no longer together. I grit my teeth and fight back my tears as I step out of the car.
“Are you okay?”
I try to reassure her. “Yeah, I’m tough. Thanks, Riley.”
“Okay, I’m off to Dylan’s, but if you need anything at all, to talk or whatever, just call me.”
She gives me a sympathetic smile, and once I’m in the seat of my car and fire the engine, she backs up and heads up the road. I’m about to follow her when a movement catches my eye. My eyes scan the scene before me to no avail, but then when my vision lifts higher, I see something. I squint. The darkness is falling, and I can’t be sure, but I could swear that I see Max in the upstairs bedroom window watching me. It’s so dark that I would have missed him if it weren’t for a dim light behind him, rendering his silhouette.
“Max,” I whisper, as I turn off my ignition.
I sit for a moment, silently watching him, but he doesn’t move an inch. He’s frozen in place, and if I didn’t see the glint of his eyes blinking, I’d think he were a statue.
My heart thunders in my chest, but my instincts can’t be denied. I get out of my car and, with each step through the garden, my resolve strengthens. I’m going to find him, and when I do, I won’t leave until he gives me something to hope for when all hope seems lost.
When I grab the handle to his front door, it’s locked, but unlike the scenario in my nightmare, my key opens it easily. I step into the darkened foyer.
“Max,” I call. “Max!”
Deafening silence surrounds me as I step further inside. Perhaps he can’t hear me all the way upstairs. But if he’s watching, surely he knows I’m coming in.
I run up the stairs two at a time and rush down the hallway until I face his bedroom door. I take a deep breath and push it open.
“Don’t come in here, Ava!” His voice hits me like a brick wall.
I freeze, my fear letting his words control me. He wants me to leave. He doesn’t want me here. But as I start to falter, my determination takes over. Damn him. I’m not leaving. I take three long strides into his lair.
“I told you not to come in,” he groans with exasperation.
“Why can’t I come in, and what’s with this dramatic stuff? Why are you watching me creepy-like from the window, and why is the house dark?”
I glare at him and shove my fists down on my hips as another question hits me. “Hey, where’s your car?” I’m angry and it feels good.
“In the garage. I didn’t want you to know I was home. I don’t want you to see me like this,” he says quietly with his eyes focused on the floor.
“Well, too bad. Here I am, and I’m not leaving until we’ve talked about what’s going on. I can’t keep waiting to hear from you. Do you even care what you’re doing to me?” My legs are shaking, but my voice is strong and clear.
His hands tighten over the clothes in his arms. His lips make a straight long line as they purse together in frustration. It suddenly occurs to me that his bedroom has changed, and as my gaze wanders from one corner to the other, my chest tightens. It’s as if his closet exploded. Clothes and shoes are tossed across every surface and scattered all over the floor.
“What’s this?” I ask, sweeping my hand across the mess.
“Cara told me that if I put my closet back together, it would be a step in my healing.”
“And this is you putting it back together? It’s not going so well—looks like you could use some help.”
He stands silently and watches me with wary eyes, as if I’m a stranger in his home. The lost look on his face softens my temper.
“So, what are you healing from?” I know the answer, but I want to hear it fall from his lips.
“The fact that you’re leaving me.”
The beautiful tux he wore in Barcelona is crumpled up on the floor. I walk over and lift it by the hanger, brush it off, and carry it into the near empty closet. I ceremoniously hang it up and step back out while calculating my next move. I decide to go for broke. I point to an area of the closet.
“So, see this section? Can you keep this open for when I stay with you? Then, when I’m done with filming and I move in, I want the rest of my space back. But, meanwhile, if it makes you feel better to put your stuff back, I understand.” I take a pile of sweaters and carefully set them on a shelf on the far end.
“When you stay with me?” He repeats my line awkwardly, as if he’s a foreigner just learning our language.
“Of course, yes. I’m going to be here as much as humanly possible. I’m not leaving you, Max . . . Do you really think I am going to let you push me away because I want to take this great job opportunity? Seriously?”
His mouth hangs open, and his hands clutch the clothes in his arms so tightly his knuckles are white.
I take another step, standing a foot away as I speak softly.
“I am never giving up on us, Max. You need to understand that this can work. You are mine, I am yours, remember? I know you’re horribly upset about the New York move, but we have our entire life together to consider, not just the next twelve months.”
He closes his eyes tightly with a wince.
I step even closer.
“Are you really done with me, Max? You’re going to give up that easily? Don’t you think we are worth fighting for?”
“Fuck, Ava!” He tears his hand through his hair and some of the clothes fall out of his arms. His eyes look wild, but at this point, agitated Max is preferable to the vacant automaton I’ve been talking to.
“What? What?” I’m equally frustrated, but I’m not backing down.
“Of course you’re worth fighting for. Just tell me what to fight and I’ll beat it down, blow by blow. But this is intangible, like I’m fighting shadows. You know how I get, Ava, no matter how hard I struggle. I’m a crazy fuck, and just the idea of you living in another city and building a new life where I’m on the outside edge is killing me, one paranoid thought at a time.”
“Max . . .” I reach for him, but he backs away.
“And I’ve tried to convince myself to follow you, but I’ve already had three full-blown panic attacks just over the idea. The peacefulness and constancy of this place is what helps me through the stress when I leave here. I’m afraid I’d go nuts in New York. You and I both know that me visiting for a few days at a time when your schedule will be constantly changing isn’t going to work.”
“But, Max, if you stay here and I go, it doesn’t mean we can’t stay together as a couple. It’s just a year, and I’ll come home as often as possible.”
“But the way you’ve handled this . . . all I’ve been able to think is that I don’t matter.”
“God, no, I’d never want you to feel that way. I must be an idiot because I assumed I could have it all. I knew it would be hard, but it never occurred to me you wouldn’t be willing or able to wait for me.”
He holds up his hand and gestures wildly. “Every time I convince myself I can get through the year, every time Cara goes over how it can work, the hope sparks . . . but then my mind starts to reel with fears, and I’m worse off than when I started. It feels like everything is ruined.”
Ruined.
His words
are a kick in the gut. “Ruined? Really? So, what the hell, Max . . . The solution is to push me away?”
“Maybe,” he says softly without an ounce of conviction.
“And what about the thread that holds us together and always pulls me toward you? Even now, as angry and disappointed as I am, even with you not wanting to see me, it takes everything I have not to grab you and never let go.”
“Ava, don’t.” He’s white as a ghost.
“So, you don’t feel it anymore . . . Is that what you’re telling me?”
He’s silent, his mouth pressed shut, and his eyes closed.
I hesitate with a risky idea echoing in my head before deciding it’s worth a try.
“Why don’t you let me kiss you so you’ll know for sure?”
His eyes suddenly open wide. I hope he’s remembering the moment after Ojai when he challenged me to kiss him to see if we still had the magic between us. I have him. He can’t deny me, and he knows it.
Never letting my eyes fall from his, I pull the clothes from his hands and let them drop to the floor. I gently frame his face with my hands, and I move toward him slowly as the electricity sizzles between us, the silent sparks of fire lighting the darkened room.
I skim my lips against his and I pause, desperately wanting him, but determined to make my intentions clear. I sigh, wanting to push the words into his parting, waiting lips so they go straight into his heart. “I love you, Max. You’re everything to me, and I’m never letting you go.”
He doesn’t fight me as my lips press into his. A jolt from my want overpowers me, followed by the weight of my regret for unintentionally hurting him. My fingers run across his scalp and weave through his thick hair. I pull him closer, running my hands across his chest and over his shoulders. He lets his guard down, and when he finally kisses me, my heart beats again.
“Max,” I whisper with longing in my voice as he pulls back and looks at me intently. His skin is flushed, but his expression reflects a mix of adoration and sadness.
Work of Art ~ the Collection Page 61