In an instant, he gathered me to him, bent his head close to mine. “I am Ryan. But I am Szerain.” He drew a deep and shaking breath as he clung to me and I to him. “Do it,” he told Zack. “Do it now.”
Immediately, Zack put a hand to his head. I held Szerain close, fucking hating this with my entire essence.
“Kara,” Szerain said with burning urgency, “tell Mzatal we were wrong.” He shook harder as the submersion began, weeping against my neck. “Remember me.”
Wrong? About what? I wanted to ask, but I could feel his face shift subtly where it pressed against my neck and knew it was already too late. “I’ll remember you,” I said, crying and sickened. “I swear.”
He still shook, but now it was more a shudder of reaction than of pain. He made an urrk sound and lifted his head. I looked up. He was all Ryan now.
I fought to pull myself together and smile. “Hey, big guy,” I said, doing my damnedest to keep my voice steady. “Glad to see me or something?”
Confusion flickered through his expression, then he gave a shaky smile. “Yeah, ya think?” He straightened, scrubbed a hand over his face self-consciously.
“Summonings do that to me too.” I quickly wiped my own eyes. “Missed you.” I gave him a hug, then looked around the room. Zack looked both queasy and relieved. Tessa still stood pressed against the wall, eyes on Ryan and me. I grimaced inwardly. Forgot all about her. Crap.
Yeah, Tessa and I were definitely going to have a long talk later on. About many things. I met her eyes, held my hand out while silently urging her to not ask, to not shatter this fragile Ryan.
Tessa swallowed visibly, then pushed off the wall and straightened her shoulders, settling her usual confidence and attitude about her like a mantle. She moved to me and took my hand, and I pulled her into a tight embrace.
“Thanks,” I said, voice suddenly hoarse.
“Always,” she murmured. “Now take care of your other business here.” With that she gave me a proud smile, then turned and headed up the stairs.
I exhaled, then looked back over at Ryan. “So, did you bring donuts?” I asked, trying to restore some sense of normalcy.
He blinked, still trying to get his bearings. “Yeah, upstairs.” Ryan’s shaky smile spread into a grin. “You think I have a death wish? Get you back from the demon realm and not have any donuts for you?” He rolled his eyes. “You’d kill me.” He lifted a hand to my face. “You’re really back. God, I was so worried.”
I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. “Yeah, I’m back.”
“Ryan,” Zack said, fully back into his easy-going surfer boy/FBI agent persona. “I need to talk to you for a few minutes after you give Kara her donuts.”
Eilahn chimed softly. “And Kara has had a very long and trying day,” she told both men. “She needs to bathe and to rest.”
“Yes, mom.” I rolled my eyes, yet at the same time a deep relief speared through me. I was exhausted, and I needed time to process everything before facing Ryan again. I also doubted that Zack truly needed to talk to Ryan. More likely he wanted to make sure that Szerain was fully locked down. My mind shuddered away from that thought as I tucked my arm around Ryan’s waist.
“C’mon, bitch, gimme my donuts,” I told him.
He laughed, draped an arm over my shoulder in an unsettling echo of Mzatal’s gesture. “My god, you’re cranky. I knew I should’ve had them waiting down here.”
“Yeah, thought you were smarter than that,” I said, then made a tsking noise. “Forgot. You’re a fed.”
He laughed again and gave me a squeeze as we climbed the stairs together.
Chapter 43
Eilahn bundled me upstairs and bandaged the gash on my arm, though the bleeding had long stopped, and it already looked as if it was closing on its own. Once that was done she helped me into the bathtub and kept an eye on me as well, which was a damn good thing since I ended up falling asleep. Would’ve been an ignominious way to die, especially considering all the shit I’d managed to survive thus far. But she got me out, dried off, and into bed, and by the time I woke up late the next morning, I felt almost coherent enough to make all the decisions I knew I needed to make.
One thing I knew for sure was that I had to get back to the demon realm as soon as possible, which meant summoning Mzatal tonight. It was only a matter of time before the hunt for me began—whether to kill or capture—especially now that I had Vsuhl. I wasn’t safe here, and none of the people close to me were safe either. I needed the shikvihr and everything else I could absorb so that I could become the badass I needed to be and return here as soon as possible. I had a pretty strong feeling that Earth was where I’d be able to make the most difference with the shit coming down. Therefore, I was going to be working and studying as if the fate of the world depended on it. Which, y’know, it did.
However, a planned visit to the demon realm meant I could actually take some of the stuff with me that I missed while there before. I spent the next couple of hours running errands and shopping with Eilahn—now in human form—and Zack. Both stated quite firmly that I was not to be more than five feet away from either of them at any time, and I was to complete my errands as quickly as humanly possible and then get my ass back behind strong wards.
Around noon I headed home to discover that Tessa, Carl, Jill, and Ryan had taken over the place and were deep in the throes of readying a Welcome Back celebration. Eilahn and Zack didn’t look the least bit surprised, which led me to believe they’d been willing accomplices.
I was surprised to find a handful of presents for me, held patiently from Christmas, a month past. The best was my lovely leather coat, which had been either thoroughly and professionally cleaned or replaced outright. I apologized for not having anything to give to anyone, and everyone lovingly teased me for my failure to do any shopping before Christmas, so it was all right.
Jill gave me a fierce hug as soon as she got me alone. “If I start bawling it’s only because I’m pregnant and hormonal and has nothing to do with how worried I was about you.”
I grinned and hugged her back. “Of course not!”
She pulled back, then narrowed her eyes as she searched my face. “You’ve been well-fucked within the last couple of days.
Mouth agape, I stared at her. “How do you do that?”
Jill snorted. “It’s my only superpower.” She leveled a frown at me, but I saw the dark worry in her eyes. “Bad shit happened to you, didn’t it.”
I simply nodded. I had a sweater on that hid the sigils, but Jill had a way of seeing beyond the physical.
Her jaw tightened. “Rhyzkahl?”
I nodded again.
She glowered. “Fucker. You can tell me about it later. Come on. Let’s eat cookies until we burst.”
After presents and cookies I went hunting for Tessa. I finally found her on the back porch, sitting in the porch swing with her boyfriend Carl, their hands entwined. As I stepped out he leaned over, kissed Tessa on the cheek and stood, then surprised the hell out of me by taking my shoulders and kissing me on the forehead before heading inside. I blinked, nonplussed at the utterly unprecedented and unexpected show of affection, then sat in Carl’s spot beside Tessa.
“I’m so glad you’re okay, sweets,” Tessa said, then turned a piercing look on me. “You are okay, aren’t you?”
I thought back to all the shit that had happened—the escape, the betrayal, the torture. But she hadn’t asked if I’d had a lovely time. She wanted to know if I was okay.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling, knowing it to be true. “I’m really okay.” A comfortable silence fell as we gently rocked. Snatches of voices came back to me; the voices I’d heard in the seconds before I was summoned—Ryan and Tessa.
Are you sure it’s the right time?
“How’d you figure out how to do the storage diagram and get me back?” I asked. “And for that matter, how did you know when?” The chances of me accidentally being at a hotspot if she was trying randomly were approximate
ly zilch.
“Would you believe me if I said it was a dream?” Tessa asked. She gave me a soft smile.
I chuckled. “Actually I think I might.” I’d had enough dream sendings to know that some could be very real. I thought back to my corny wish. I want them to know I’m safe. Well, they sure as shit knew it now. How the hell did that work?
“So,” she said after a brief silence. “Ryan’s a demonic lord.”
“Yeah.” I grimaced.
Her mouth pursed. “Well that’s just damn weird.”
I burst out laughing. Yep, that about summed it up.
She told me that Ryan and Zack had all but moved into my house, which I’d rather suspected from the contents of the fridge. I was more than fine with it. I told her about Katashi and his treachery, and my tutelage under Mzatal. I also told her that Rhyzkahl had turned out to be a colossal dickknuckle, but I didn’t go into detail, and she didn’t ask. My sweater covered the sigils, but I had no doubt she’d seen them when I’d arrived.
“Aunt Tessa,” I said, “I know this is going to sound like a really off-the-wall question, and I hope you don’t get mad at me for asking, but…”
“What is it, sweetling?”
Sheesh, there was no diplomatic or easy way to ask this. “Have you ever had a baby?”
A shadow of old grief passed over her face. Her hand tightened briefly in mine. “Oh, goodness, what a question.” She gave me a sad smile. “Not long before your father died I had a baby, but he was stillborn.”
A weird chill stole through me. The blond hair, the grey eyes. “I’m so sorry,” I said, since that was the expected response. “Um, was Katashi…?”
She let out a peal of laughter. “Oh, dear heavens, no!” She smiled, shook her head. “It was a brief fling with an American living in Japan. He left before I even knew I was pregnant, and when the baby died I saw no reason to contact him and let him know.”
Something seemed off about the way she said it, as if she was reciting a story instead of drawing from memory. I was willing to bet a year’s paycheck that her baby hadn’t been stillborn, but I had too many questions of my own to begin to poke at her version of things.
“And now I have you,” she said, patting my hand. “The daughter of my heart.”
“Goddammit, Tessa,” I muttered. “Now you’re making me cry.”
She laughed and pulled me close, and we rocked in easy silence until the others called us in for dinner.
When evening came Tessa and Carl took their leave, and Jill and Zack went to the guest bedroom to take a nap. I found Ryan doing cleanup in the kitchen, took him by the hand and tugged him out to the front porch. He followed without question, but concern darkened his eyes.
I sat down on the steps, waited for him to do likewise. The night was cool and humid, and a mosquito buzzed nearby. “I have something I need to tell you.”
The worry on his face deepened. “What is it?”
I exhaled. He was not going to take this well. I didn’t have to be a mind reader to know that. “I have to go back.”
Ryan stared at me. “Are you insane?” He shook his head in denial. “Kara, you’re not going back there. Really, that’s crazy talk.”
Yep. That was about the reaction I expected. “I’m not safe here, Ryan. Not yet.” I met his eyes. “They’ll come after me, and come after the people I love.” The Szerain in him would understand that part. “Mzatal is training me.” I paused. “We’re working together.”
A liquid keenness touched his eyes. He drew breath to speak, then released it. “Shit.” He ran a hand through his hair and shifted. “There’s so much I don’t know. Tell me what happened.”
There seemed to be a faint difference in him. Or was I simply imagining it? Maybe it was pure delusion on my part, but I thought there was a touch more Szerain to him.
I gave him a quick and dirty rundown, not going into much detail on the parts that could possibly upset him, such as the torture. Or the bit about my profound connection—and really great sex—with Mzatal. I suspected Szerain would be pleased for me and completely unthreatened, but I wasn’t sure if Ryan would handle it as well, and I didn’t want to say anything that could hurt him.
And, holy shit, but it was weird to think of them as two separate people. Which they weren’t, I knew. Which made it even weirder.
I told him about the fight at Szerain’s palace, and how everything went to complete shit, and how I damn near destroyed the world. I debated telling him that the west tower was pretty much gone, taking with it Szerain’s studio, chambers, and all of his memories of humans and demons captured in sculpture—and decided against it. Nothing he could do about it submerged, and it would likely hurt like hell. “And then Tessa summoned me.”
Ryan let out a low whistle. “Wow, so when you left, every thing there was still falling apart?”
“It’s part of why I need to return. I chalked the patterns for the ritual and fed power into the storage diagram this morning,” I told him. “I’m going in a few hours.”
His brow still creased with worry, but he gave a slow nod. “It’s weird. When you first said it, I was like, fuck no. But now it feels like the right thing to do.” Then he frowned and gave me a sharp look. “Wait. How the hell will you get there?”
“I’m going to summon Mzatal,” I told him. And I knew without a doubt that I could.
I almost laughed at the shift of emotions on his face. Ryan seemed relatively nonplussed about that, but Szerain was surprised. “Summon Mzatal? On your own? As simple as that?”
I grinned. “Yeah. ’Cause I’m awesome.”
Ryan laughed. “Yeah, you are.” He shifted to face me. “I missed you,” he said, voice suddenly rough. “I was worried sick.”
“I missed you too,” I said, reaching for his hand to give it a squeeze. “I’m working out a system to send messages back and forth. I’ll probably have Tessa summon a particular demon periodically who could carry mail for us.” I gave him a rueful smile and shrug. “It’s better than nothing, I figure.”
“Wait.” Comprehension flared, and his eyes narrowed. “How long are you going for?”
I hesitated, grimacing. “I don’t know,” I told him. “Probably not until I do the shikvihr initiation, which could be about six months.” Or more, I added silently.
“Six months!” Shock and grief etched lines in his face. “Kara, you can’t be gone for six months. What about your job, and Tessa and…and everything?”
“And you,” I said quietly. Sighing, I dropped my head into my hands. “I—” My throat tightened. “I’m submitting a letter of resignation to the police department.” That had been the most difficult decision, but I knew I had no choice. At least this way I stood a chance of perhaps getting my job back someday. “And I’ve already talked to Tessa and Jill.” I didn’t have to tell him that the conversation we were having right now was me saying goodbye to him. He knew that.
“Wait.” I lifted my head and looked over at him, frowning. “Hasn’t anybody wondered where I’ve been for the past two months?”
Ryan gave me a faint smile. “Tessa covered that. She told everyone you had a family emergency and had to be away for a while.” He paused. “I also talked to your Sergeant, Cory Crawford. I filled him in since I figured it’d be easier to tie up all the loose ends with his help.”
I raised an eyebrow. “That must’ve been an interesting discussion.” Cory had found out about my arcane connections by accident, and had never really been able to wrap his head around the idea. He tolerated and accepted it, but it was damn clear he was never going to be comfortable with it.
Ryan gave a low chuckle. “He actually surprised me. He only had one pained look, and then…” He sobered. “He was worried about you. Like we all were.”
“I tried to get a message home, but it never worked out,” I said quietly. “But I promise I’ll keep in contact as often as possible this time.” I looked up at him. “I’m sorry. I wish I could do more. I don’t want to
leave you, any of you,” I said, voice cracking. “But I don’t have a choice. If I stay here someone will come after me.” I pulled the collar of my sweater down and touched the sigils on my chest. “I’m a weaponized summoner. And they’re not going to let me roam freely.”
Ryan shifted to look down at my chest. He lifted a hand, touched the sigil near my throat with the tips of his fingers and went very still. For a brief instant his eyes flickered with ancient potency. Then he blinked, and they returned to normal. “Kara,” he murmured, fingers still on the sigil. “I am so sorry.” The words echoed in my mind, and I knew the sorrow came from Szerain.
I leaned in and kissed him. He returned the kiss with a gentle passion, lifted his hand from my chest to the side of my face. Where our other kiss had been desperate and fierce, this one was tender and spoke more to the hope of a future yet to come than a fear we might never see each other again. I slid a hand up to his neck, deepening the kiss before gently breaking it.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I said softly.
He held my face cradled between his hands as he looked into my eyes. “You will come back,” he replied with the faintest undercurrent of potency.
“No power in the ’verse can stop me,” I said, smiling.
He chuckled. “I’ll make a nerd out of you yet.” He stroked his thumb along my cheek, gazed at me as if trying to memorize my face. “They know not what they have done.”
“They fucked with the wrong bitch,” I said. I kissed him again then sighed. “I need to prepare.”
Pain flickered behind his eyes, but he gave a nod. He stood, gave me a hand up, and together we headed inside. “Do you need any help?” he asked. “Packing? Anything boring like that?”
“I’m pretty much already packed,” I said. I’d done most of that earlier in the day. I knew I really didn’t need to bring any clothing—which felt strange—though I did pack new running shoes, a couple of sports bras, and my favorite pair of jeans. If the zrila could duplicate any of those I’d be happy. But once those were in the duffel I proceeded to fill it with more esoteric items like coffee, fashion magazines, feminine supplies, sunscreen, and more coffee. “I’m bringing an absolute buttload of coffee,” I said with a wry smile.
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