by Alisha Cole
Chapter Five
Feelings
Lyly
What the hell was I thinking? Normal people don’t show up and throw themselves at someone, and yet, I can still feel my lips on his. I claimed his mouth, and our tongues collided in a heated moment. Then when my hand had a mind of its own and slowly crept up his thigh . . . Whoa. Out of anger, I tried to sleep with Ethan, and I couldn’t deny it. But seeing Jesse with her—again—forced the jealously to burn in me.
As we pull into the diner, for the second night in a row, I feel at ease. I don’t know what it is about Ethan, but his presence makes me feel true happiness and comfort. If I’m honest, it’s like Jesse doesn’t exist. After being with him for so long, I’ve gotten sick of the same old love and it’s become clear—he has too. As usual, Ethan opens my door, extends his hand to help me and helps me down from his truck. He never breaks his grasp, and holds my hand the whole way to the door, at least until we scoot into a rear booth.
We seem fine, but then our night takes an awkward turn. We’re in a silent staring contest—until he clears his throat. “There’s a carnival in town . . . What would you say about going with me, after we eat?” He surprises me, but his plans are exactly what I need. A break from everything will be great because having fun tonight, by ignoring Jesse, sounds even better than worrying about my broken heart. “Do you still want to eat here or would you rather we eat at the carnival?” I love the way he thinks. “Mmm . . . junk food, please.” His face lights up as I tug on my jacket and stand up quickly. We didn’t order anything yet, but when he tosses a five on the table—I swoon over his generosity. Ethan’s firm hand rests on my lower back as he guides me out of the dinner, and then helps me climb into his truck. His dimples crease as he grins, shuts my door and then walks toward the driver’s side.
*
It cools down as we arrive at the carnival. The field parking lot illuminates with colors from the rides’ flashing lights. Funnel cake and cotton candy scents swirl in the wind, making my mouth water and my stomach growl even louder. “What do you want to eat? There’s plenty of choices. We have the greasy cheese steaks over there, pizza, funnel cake, and my favorite—popcorn,” he asks, pointing to each place. “Popcorn?” I wrinkle my nose, and he smirks at me. “How about we have hot dogs, then I can kick your ass at balloon darts?” I grin as I pull him towards the food, and then huff out, “I’ve been craving these goodies—all day long!”
After we buy our food, he leads me to a tent that houses seats and tables. “So what are your plans after school?” he questions, taking a big bite of his hotdog. I can barely hide the smile creeping across my face. “I’m not really sure yet. I’m hoping to get a nursing position in a small doctor’s office, nothing too extravagant. You know?” He smiles and then finishes his food. “What about you?”
“I’m going back home to Happy Endings Resort; it’s a small resort where I grew up. I have an architect job waiting for me there. I will be designing buildings and homes, which is something I’ve always dreamed of doing,” he beams. His life plans excite me, and it makes me want to know everything about him. “Do you want a family and kids?” I blurt out, and throw my hand over my lips as soon as the words leave my mouth. My question doesn’t scare him; he just smiles and answers, “Actually, I want two: a boy and a girl.” Wow. Two babies? “I know we aren’t on a date or anything, so ignore me if my questions are too personal . . . I’m just nosey.” I nervously laugh as my cheeks blush. “Oh, but we are on a date, and if I remember correctly—you’re supposed to be kicking my ass at a game.” He playfully pulls me out of my chair and then leads us towards the game booths.
“Five dollars for four darts—and you can win that beauty there a teddy bear.” An old man calls us towards his booth, and then takes Ethan’s money and replaces it with the darts. Ethan rolls his shoulders back and winks at me. He lines up his shot; and I giggle next to him, hoping to mess up his first try. He throws it with the flick of his wrist and nails it, popping the balloon. My distraction didn’t work, and I pout as I take the next dart. I flick my wrist just the same and it hits the wall above a blue balloon, which falls to the ground. He laughs and points, making fun of me. “You throw like a girl.” He playfully bumps into me.
“Hey, don’t be mean to her—you big jerk!” A little boy shows up out of nowhere. “Ow. What the hell?” Ethan shouts, hopping up-and-down on one foot, “That little shit just stomped on my foot.” I can’t hold back my laughter, and I laugh so hard that I can’t catch my breath. He hands the darts back to the old man, slips him a twenty and grabs the biggest bear off the rack that’s above him; and then he hands it to me.
His shoulders slouch as he limps with his gaze on the ground. “Are you okay?” Catching up with him, I try not to laugh. “I’m good, but damn that kid had some kick behind that assault—Jesus.” I help him limp his way back over to the tables, to sit, then slip his shoe off and note the damage. I know it sounds mean but, I can’t fight back the impulse to giggle. “I’m glad this is funny for you,” he pouts, pulling his sock off and props his foot in my lap.
“He was just defending me from a big meanie.” I smirk as I place my hand on his foot, and the air changes: I caress him lightly and check for bruising. This feels too intimate, and he feels it too. He quickly removes his foot and puts his sock back on and then his shoe. “I’m good, you good? Want to go to the Ferris wheel?” His quick change of subject, tells me that he shares the same feelings. It was intense but awkward, in the sexiest way.
Chapter Six
Mixed Emotions
Ethan
Man . . . In a matter of seconds, it went from funny to serious. Her touch does things to me and her smile makes me weak. Oh—and her laugh is like electricity. Why did I sign up to do this? My emotions are mixing and that’s never a good thing. Not when there’s another man in the running. However, if I’m diving into this, I might as well put all of me on the line.
After a short wait in line, she grips my hand as we step into our Ferris wheel pod. Lyly inches closer, as the ride climbs higher. I look out at all the lights over the side of the Ferris wheel, and my stomach twist into knots. “You’re a tad pale—are you scared of heights?” she questions. Lyly will never know . . . but I’m scared shitless. I panicked and named the first ride I saw. And now I’m paying for it. “No. I just get nervous. Did you know that these pods are attached to the rim of this thing, and are only kept upright by gravity? But what if . . . gravity fails us—and we die?” Her eyes and mouth widen; and then she causally punches my arm. “Why would you tell me that—after we’re riding it? Are you insane? I should have let that kid beat you up.”
Laughter burst from our lips, and then I continue with what history I know about the ride. My knowledge impresses her. “How do you know all of this?” she questions, scooting closer to me. “When I was little, I wanted to build rides. But the Ferris wheel . . . it’s always been such a tricky machine; and I’ve never been able to map it out correctly.” She leans into my side and places her head on my shoulder. “Maybe you didn’t try hard enough,” she whispers. For some reason I read deeper into that response, but it’s probably all in my head. She’s sneaking into my heart, and she doesn’t even realize it. She’s more than just a pretty face; she’s effortless to be around. I have to tell her how I feel, but as I’m about to tell her our revenge plan is a bad idea—she jolts up from my shoulder. “Is that him?” I look to where she’s pointing and sure enough, it’s Jesse with another girl.
At this point, my temper is boiling. Who does this guy think he is? I know it’s rough for her to see it, and I can see the rim of her eyes start to swell with tears. “Don’t you dare shed another tear over him. Tonight, you’re here with me and we’re gonna make that known starting—right now.”
When the ride stops, we climb out and I place my hand in hers and pull her to a cotton candy stand. I plan on tasting the sweetness off her lips. Again. That’ll show him what he’s missing. “I see him . .
. right behind us. I need you to play along okay?” She nods her head, but her face creases with worry. “Lyly?” Jesse questions. “Yeah, Jesse. What’s your excuse—now?” She scolds, taking a step towards him. Lyly’s even cuter when she’s mad and holding a giant teddy bear. Her bluntness causes his stare to darken. I grip her hand tighter, and offer, “Let’s not do this here, Ly—okay?” She leans into my shoulder and whispers, “Let’s go.” But I can’t let it slide this time: I gently run my fingers along her jawbone and then lift her chin to look at me as I bend in to tenderly kiss her. I hope he’s watching me take her breath away. Fucking jerk.
After I break our kiss, she doesn’t say anything more to Jesse. She briskly turns and drags me towards the truck. “Wait. We aren’t letting him fuck up our night. We’re gonna go back over there; I’m gonna buy you some popcorn, and then we’re gonna ride some rides. Put the bear in the truck—let’s do this shit.” She doesn’t argue, but laughs as she throws the bear in the passenger seat and then takes my hand in hers. “I want to take you into the Haunted House of Mirrors, it’s fun—I promise.” Being inside a dark and eerie place would be the perfect distraction from the asshole outside. After a short wait in line, we step in but she’s anxious and smothers her face in my back. “I thought you said this was fun?” she squeezes my sides. “We can make it fun.” I offer as I turn her around and pin her to a mirror. The only light, in the dark room is the neon strips that lace around the mirrors, but it’s just enough to see her sultry reaction. Our eyes lock and the air around us rips away. It’s just the two of us, face-to-face with our noses touching and our faint breathing. She licks her lips and waits for me to make my move. I reach up and brush a strand of hair off her face and then tuck it behind her ear. “Kiss me,” she whispers. I lean into her until our lips ignite a fire that abruptly burns into my heart, and I don’t know if I can stop it—but I do.
“Again, we forgot to do this in front of your ex-boyfriend,” I joke, leading her out of the maze. “Yeah, about that, I think we’re really bad at this game. I like you and your kisses, Ethan . . . but I don’t want to hurt you. Since my emotions are everywhere, please avoid getting too close. Can you just be my friend for right now?” Woah—I didn’t see that coming. “Anything you need, I’ll be it for you, just say it and I’m there.” I mean every word I tell her, even if it pains me to sit in the friend-zone. “Can you take me home?” she asks, turning and walking out the gates of the carnival.
*
We drive back in silence, and I feel bad. I shouldn’t have kissed her in private. When we pull up to the light at the campus, she turns to me and says, “No, I meant take me home with you.” What? She’s so confusing; and yet, I can’t say no. We drive back to my place and park. “I know what you’re thinking: Oh, she needs to get her shit straight. I know, and I will. But tonight—can you just do me a favor? Just hold me, please? I need you to hold me and make me forget about the spiraling emotions in my head . . . just for tonight.” I can feel her sadness as it consumes her. I reach towards her and press my palm against her hand. Our gaze locks until she jerks away and steps out of my truck. “I can do that.” My hopes deflate as I follow her out of the truck and towards my apartment door. Once we’re inside, I lead her straight to my room. “Make yourself comfortable; here’s a t-shirt to sleep in and a pair of basket-ball shorts. I will give you a minute to change, and I’ll be right back.” I lie the items neatly on the bed and step out of the room, shutting the door behind me. When I return, she’s snug under the covers. But the shorts are where I left them. This isn’t good. “It’s okay, Ethan. I don’t bite—it’s just underwear.” It’s not her I worry about . . .fuck me. I pull off my shirt and then slide my pants down to my boxers. Her eyes rake over my chest and stomach as her gaze lingers below my waist. “It’s just underwear,” I smirk, and I’m pretty sure she gulps. Lyly scoots over to let me climb into my bed, and her blue lace panties show. I’m not gonna lie: it’s gonna be a long night. “Put your arm around me tight, and hold me close.” I do as she says, and it feels right. A minute later, her heavy breathing fills the room, and I hold her close until I fall asleep.
*
I wake to the soft hum of her snore. Watching her peacefully sleep in my arms is incredible. Everything feels real, too perfect, which is usually the moment everything goes to shit. She doesn’t know what she wants: and I’m holding on for dear life, as she tries to figure it out. Right now . . . in this moment—I want her. I need all the strings tightly in place and for her to feel the same. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.
Maybe it’s her contagious laugh or the way she looks at me when she needs me to comfort her. Whatever it is . . . I want to be hers. I threw myself into this head first; all it took was seeing her at a party, two years ago. The night she walked through the door, she had an aura around her that halted the world. Time froze when I saw her smile, but she was with Jesse—and I never had a chance.
She stirs and presses against me until she shifts to look at me. And of course, the corners of her mouth raise into that sexy smile. “Hi,” she greets me. “Lyly. . . I want you.” It slips out before I can stop it, and she freezes next to me. “I know. . . I can feel it. And it’s the most terrifying feeling, Ethan. I . . .” she stutters, closing her eyes. I know change is hard for her. “Breakfast?” I ask, changing the subject. I can’t make her choose; I can’t force her to forget her first love. No one forgets their first. I have to wait it out, and I will hold on until she tells me to let go.
Defeat sinks me into the cushion, as she climbs out of bed. Between the morning wood and her tight ass, my dick is so solid that at any moment—it might just snap. I wonder if she knows that she’s teasing me. In order to hide my excitement, I tell her to head to the kitchen without me. “I need a quick shower.” If she only knew my truth.
Chapter Seven
Change
Lyly
I’m safe in Ethan’s arms, but my developing emotions frighten me. I’m juggling my feelings like a circus clown. Nothing makes sense anymore; and each choice I make is confusing. Ethan has feelings for me, and I don’t know how to respond to them. I’m not sure if forgetting my first love, so quickly, is normal. But my bond with Jesse became a puzzle with missing pieces.
My stomach growls, pulling me out of my thoughts, so I peek inside Ethan’s fridge to see what I can whip up for breakfast. It’s basically empty, only a few beers and old take out. I guess when he said breakfast—he meant out. Laughing to myself, I shuffle through the cabinets with no luck. I’m restless, so I take a detour into the living room. I never really got a good look of anything, since I usually showed up in tears. The room is small and definitely a bachelor pad. Plain grey walls, no decorations, and only a few pictures on a mantle over a small gas fireplace. My eyes land on a picture frame of him, in front of an old trailer, with a bunch of women. Weird . . . One I can spot as his mother; he looks just like her: dimples, same eyes and hair color. Then I notice the resemblance in all the others. “Those are my sisters—I swear,” Ethan says, right behind me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snoop, it’s just . . . you have no food,” I confess, placing the frame down. He grins and reassures me it’s okay. Ethan’s acting strange, more quiet than usual. He leads me to the kitchen, and from the one and only cabinet I didn’t check—he pulls out a box of pancake mix. Remaining silent, he goes to work and makes us breakfast. Something changed this morning. It’s awkward and a big elephant in the room.
Why does this keep happening? “So . . . You have five sisters?” I break the tension. “Yes, five sisters. The two youngest are twins and I’m their hero. You’d love them. My dad left us when I was little, so some of my sisters are free spirits. But I plan to move back and help my mom keep them in line. I’m pretty protective of all of them.” He continues to focus on our pancakes. That explains his tenderness and why I feel so at ease with him. I can’t help but compare Jesse to Ethan. Jesse has never been tender, self-less, or trustworthy. He
’s been my rock, but in such different ways; and as the years have transitioned, so has his personality. Jesse changed from the twelve-year-old boy I fell in love with—he used to be my hero. But now, he’s a villain. He stole my heart when we were younger, and hasn’t returned it.
I know he’s taken me for granted: he’s cheated and hasn’t given any sense of regret about any of his hurtful decisions. I should be well aware that he’s not in love with me anymore. But it’s scary to think about life without him.
Ethan places my food in front of me and interrupts my thoughts “What’s the plan for today?” he asks. “I’m not sure; it’s Friday and I’m already late for class. You decide,” I offer, shoveling the sweet deathtrap of calories into my mouth. “Do you hike trails? Or have you ever tried it?” He smirks. I forget what he says when his dimples make their appearance—he’s so hot. “So have you?” Shit—focus, Lyly . . . for Christ sake. “No. Lately, I never really do much besides go to parties. I don’t think I’ve done real activities outdoors—since I was like . . . fifteen? And that’s because I lived on a Missouri farm, and my daddy wouldn’t allow me to sit around all day,” I laugh, finishing the last bite of my food.
“Then it’s settled—Lyly Denvers is going on her first hike in the woods,” he gloats with excitement. It takes seconds for it to dawn on me that I’m not in shape. I have always been naturally thin, no workouts needed. I just hope I can climb hills—without dying. He offers me a pair of his sweat pants and a hoodie. And I mosey to his room to throw them on, but the pants are too loose. How in the hell am I gonna do anything without them falling to my ankles? I come out of his room, holding them in a bunch around my waist. “I don’t think they are going to hold up,” I quip with a crook in my smile. “I can fix that.” He approaches me, and gently grips my hips before his fingers toy around the waist band. I inhale sharply from his touch. It sounds strange, but the electrifying pull heightens each time he touches me. Maybe it’s hormones or possibly my imagination—but I feel it bolt right through my body like lightning.