by Ian Ayris
I ask Kenny what happened.
He's nibblin a Rich Tea and don't answer. Just keeps on fuckin nibblin. Shakin, he is, and it ain't just cos he's got nothing on his feet. I grab him round the shoulders.
'Kenny, mate,' I says. 'Look at me.'
It's like he still can't hear nothing. So I start shoutin at him.
He lifts his head up. Stops nibblin. White as a fuckin sheet. Can only be one thing put him in a state like this. It's all in what he does with his eyes. He looks at me, full on. Then he shuts em slow. It's like they don't shut, more sort of close over. Like a light goin out.
That's when I know his mum's in trouble.
Mum and Dad weren't gonna be back for ages, and Mrs Jessup, she weren't gonna be no fuckin use.
I check round the settee, see if Becky's all right, and leg it out the front door . . . SMASH.
Straight into me Uncle Derek. Big old bastard, me Uncle Derek. Six and a half foot. Built like a fuckin brick shit-house.
‘Oi, oi, son,' he says, pickin me off the street. 'Where you off to?'
Weren't expectin to bump into him, but I'm fuckin glad I did. Hard bastard. Twenty years on the docks before they shut em down. Done a bit of bare knuckle in his time an all. I tell him about Kenny and Kenny's old man, and he tells me to go back inside and look after Kenny while he sorts out the old man.
But Kenny was always gonna be all right. We had a whole cupboard full of biscuits.
The heavens open up again. Can't hardly see for the rain pissin down. Uncle Derek pulls up his collar and goes over to Kenny's. And I got this idea to follow him. Dunno why. Sort of wanna make a difference, you know, for Kenny. Couple of steps and I'm soaked to the skin. Gotta go a bit slow so Uncle Derek don't see me, then I speed up when he gets in the house.
Front door's wide open. Uncle Derek's bent over Kenny's mum all twisted up at the bottom of the stairs. There's blood all over her face and her leg's fucked, all twisted up under her. She's breathin, though, so that's one thing. Uncle Derek's talkin to her close, right soft. Heart of gold, me Uncle Derek. You don't mess with that fucker, like I says, but heart of fuckin gold.
Uncle Derek hears me come in, but he don't turn round.
'Reckons she fell down the stairs,' he says. 'She said they ain't got a phone. Go back over and give the hospital a bell, son.'
Fell down the stairs? My fuckin arse. No way she fell down the fuckin stairs.
Can't see the old man nowhere. Then I hear this noise come out the front room. Uncle Derek's back talkin to Kenny's mum. Got his head right close to her, so he ain't heard nothing. I sneak me head round to where the noise is comin from.
And there he is. Fuckin bastard. Sittin there in his shitty armchair cryin his fuckin eyes out. Just like the last time I see him. Cunt.
Mum's voice comes out the hallway. Fuck. Must've come back to see where Uncle Derek's got to. And she's doin her fuckin pieces. Turns out my mum and Kenny's mum had got pretty close, you know. Women and all that. I go out in the hall. Mum's fuckin fumin. Her eyes is all big and swelled up and she's gone sort of purple.
'Where is he, Sandra? Where is that cunt?'
Ain't never heard me mum swear before, or since. Fuckin terrifyin. Then she clocks me.
'John, what are you –? Get back over and phone an ambulance. And hurry yourself about it.'
Loud sobbin from the front room, and Mum steams in there. Me and Uncle Derek look at each other. Then SLAP. I go in and the horrible bastard's on the floor coverin his head with his hands, screamin like a baby, and Mum's leanin over him, beatin the shit out of him with one of her shoes.
Uncle Derek shouts at me to get the ambulance, so I leg it back over home. After I've phoned em, I go in the front room to check on Kenny.
Kenny's watchin cartoons.
'She's all right, Kenny,' I says. 'She's all right.' I tell him the ambulance won't be long.
He looks round at me for a couple of seconds then sticks another biscuit in his gob.
I go and sit next to him.
Without takin his eyes off the telly, he tells me she fell down the stairs, and gets himself another biscuit.
I'm lookin out the window when the ambulance turns up. Mum's talkin to Kenny's old girl as they put her in the back, and she goes with her to the hospital. Uncle Derek's gone back in Kenny's, shuttin the door behind him.
***
When Mum comes back she does us some tea. What with Grandad bein a regular down the boozer, Tony the Governor's layin on a big old fuckin spread, so Dad was gonna be there ages yet. Uncle Derek's knuckles are all cracked open and I can't help starin at em as he's bitin into his cheese sarnie.
Mum's got it all sorted.
She says for me and Uncle Derek to go over Kenny's after tea to get Kenny's things so he can stay over ours till his mum gets out the hospital. Kenny don't leave off watchin telly while we're havin tea, won't even get off the settee, so he don't hear none of this. When I tell him what we're doin, he sort of jumps up really quick, like he can't wait to get over there.
Uncle Derek's got hold of a key and lets himself in Kenny's gaff like he's lived there his whole fuckin life. Kenny's run straight upstairs. I follow Uncle Derek in the front room soon as we get through the door. Kenny's bastard of an old man's sprawled out on the carpet. Ain't dead or nothing, I mean, he's just lifted his head up and he's lookin straight at me, so he can't be. But he's in a right fuckin mess. Holdin his ribs, blood smeared all over his face, and crusted up round his nose and ears. Breathin's fucked an all. Sounds like he's got his lungs in a fuckin vice. Like I said, you don't mess with me Uncle Derek.
And Kenny's old man's givin me this look like he's so sorry. Sort of pleadin. Throws me for a bit. But then I realise he thinks I'm Kenny. Can't see proper through the blood in his eyes, I reckon. Tries to spread his arms out to me but it hurts him too fuckin much, what with his ribs, and he starts cryin. Uncle Derek stays with him, sits on the seat by the door like a fuckin jailer, and tells me to go after Kenny.
When I get to Kenny's room, he's sittin on his bed, this scruffy little book in his hand. It's like one of them exercise books from school, other than Kenny's is yellow and ours are blue. Lookin at his face, I can see he ain't gonna be no fuckin use. So I start fillin the carrier bags Mum's give us. Turns out I only need a couple. Poor bastard's got fuck all. And the smell of piss, fuck, I just wanna get this done and get out of here quick as I fuckin can.
Mum empties the bags out when we get back over home. Nearly breaks her heart, lookin at her. Couple of school shirts, trousers, that flowery fuckin tie of his, and some shoes. All school stuff. That and about five grey socks and four ropey lookin pairs of pants. Nothing else at all.
Funny, I been sat next to Kenny all year and I never see how shit his stuff really was. The couple of shirts he's got is all odd buttons and grime stains, and the trousers are too short even for me, and I'm a couple inches shorter than Kenny. The tie's shit, fallin to pieces. As for the pants and socks, Mum chucks em straight in the bin. She turns the shirt collars inside out, and shakes her head, really sad. I sneak a look at what she was lookin at afterwards. Some other kids' names in em. Poor bastard. And the trousers. Second-hand shit. Fuckin all of it.
As for toys, there ain't none. Just that tatty yellow book. Kenny brought that over himself. Wouldn't let me touch it. Uncle Derek gets Kenny's bed over, and puts it in mine and Becky's room and moves Becky in with Mum and Dad.
***
I'm sittin on me bed first night Kenny stays with us, lookin at him scribblin in his book. And as I'm wonderin what's goin through his head and what he's writin, what the fuck he must be thinkin, he gets up and turns the light out. Not a fuckin word, just up and turns em out and sits back on his bed.
And that's how he stays. Just sittin. I know he's awake cos I see his outline and his eyes wide in the dark. And he's sittin with his legs crossed.
Starin at me.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Mum and Dad ain't flush or nothing, not by a
long fuckin way, but it weren't like we was brassic neither. Every now and then Mum gets in a load of ironin or does a bit of cleanin, and Dad stays late at the factory, so either way, if they was a bit short Becks and me, we never feel it, just hear em shoutin about it sometimes. So when Kenny moves in, first thing Mum does is take him out and get him a load of new clothes.
And when they come home, Kenny's loaded up with bags of stuff. Pants, socks, shirts and trousers for school, and new shoes – turns out his other ones got cardboard stuffed down inside to cover the holes and Mum chucks em out. Then there's T-shirts, jeans, trainers. And he's got himself a new tie, not the ones with the elastic round neither. A proper fuckin tie. All of it up the cheap end, mind. All of it. Off the market mostly, but for Kenny, had to be like winnin the fuckin football pools.
After Mum's sent Kenny upstairs to try his new clobber on, she asks where Dad's gone. He's down the boozer with Uncle Derek, and when I tell her she ain't best pleased. Shakes her head and tightens her mouth, then goes in the kitchen and puts the kettle on.
A while later, Kenny comes down with his new gear on. And, blimey, you'd have thought he was off to see the fuckin Queen or something. Shirt tucked in, tie all done proper, shoes shiny as fuck. But he ain't sayin nothing. Not even a fuckin grin. I look at Mum and she's got a tear comin down her cheek. But she don't see Kenny like I do. She don't know the bleedin half of it. All she see is a boy in new clothes. And like I says, that ain't the half of it. Not with Kenny.
We go to bed early that night. Eight o'clock. First day back at school next day, and I can't wait. Love school, me. Not the lessons, they don't mean nothing, but knockin a tennis ball about in the playground with me mates, I could do that rest of me fuckin life. Mum has to take the pins out her mouth to kiss me goodnight. She's got all Kenny's clothes piled round her, sewin in name tags, and stuff. She don't kiss Kenny. She knows he ain't the sort.
And Dad still ain't home.
***
I hear the airin cupboard door go about midnight. That's where Mum keeps the spare blankets. Dad's on the settee again, then. Don't happen much, but after Grandad passed Dad's started drinkin loads, and Mum's proper fed up with it. Feel sorry for Dad. Feel sorry for em both. It's like they're losin each other and they don't even know it, just pushin each other away. Breaks me heart to see it. Can't say nothing, though. Dad's never in no state and Mum just shouts. Glad to be goin back to school, tell the truth, cos it's a fuckin nightmare round here.
***
Couple days at school and Wilkins is back after Kenny. I'm playin football with the lads in the playground at the time. Kenny ain't far off. Up against the railings, he is, watchin the cars go by. That's where he always stands. Whole playtime, sometimes. Out the corner of me eye, I see Wilkins go in Kenny's direction. Couple of the other lads see it an all, and we stop playin. I go over.
'Hello, Fatty,' Wilkins says. 'Have a good Christmas?' Kenny don't turn round. Just keeps watchin cars.
'Hear you got a new mum and dad.'
Little shit. Kenny turns round slow, and Wilkins starts takin the piss out of Kenny's new tie.
'Very nice. All wrapped up in a bit of newspaper, was it? Open it all by your fuckin self, did you? Lovely. Well done.'
Kenny's lookin at Wilkins, starin at him with those blank eyes of his. And he ain't sayin a word. I can tell Wilkins is shittin himself. Kenny's twice the size of the little fucker. Could lay him out in one hit, if he had a mind. But he don't. He just stares. Like I says, it's really shittin Wilkins up. Tell the truth, don't do much for me neither, so I step in. Tell him to fuck off.
Wilkins spins round.
'Fuck off yourself, Sissons. Just talkin to your little boyfriend here, that's all.'
I bang him in the face hard and he goes down like a sack of shit. Weedy little fucker. Blood's pissin out his nose and it looks like he's out cold for a second. Straight after, Kenny's back watchin cars and Wilkins crawls off to grass me up. Week’s detention. Worth every fuckin minute.
***
Mum helps Kenny every night with his homework and does a bit of readin with him before bed, you know, help him along. And he's doin a bit better at school cos of it. Not much, I mean, even Mum must've got the idea by now Kenny ain't right in the head, but she's well chuffed when he's got a new word right, and stuff. Don't seem to make no difference to Kenny, though. Not as you could tell, anyway.
And you just can't keep him off the biscuits. Must've thought he'd fell into a fuckin biscuit barrel when he moved round our gaff. Fuckin gettin bigger and bigger, he is. Fuckin huge. And what with Mum's massive dinners, he ain't likely to get no fuckin smaller neither.
Wilkins never goes much near Kenny after I sorted him out, but I still kept me eye out for him, the little bastard. And then Jimmy Lawson starts goin mental. Losin the fuckin plot, he is. See him bangin his head against the school wall so hard once, cuts himself right open. Then he goes and tells Miss Felton he fell over. Natterin away to himself all the fuckin time an all, he is. I steer well fuckin clear of him. I tell Kenny to do the same.
***
So, I'm thinkin things is gettin better, but I know, deep down, Kenny ain't happy. He ain't happy at all. Never says a word to me, he don't. Not one fuckin word. Nod's about as much as I get out of him. Goin to school, comin home, in class – fuck all. Even at home, he never wants to play with me or nothing. It's not like he's horrible an that, it's more like he sort of don't even know I'm there. In his own little world, he is.
And he don't ever wanna go football with me and Dad on a Saturday neither. Dad does his best, but all Kenny wants to do is sit on his arse and watch cartoons. Mind you, the Hammers are doin fuckin rubbish this year, so I don't fuckin blame him.
Kenny's always much better with Mum than with Dad or me. She fusses round him like anything and when she's about, he sort of softens up. Colour comes in his cheeks, you know. She goes up with him on the train to the hospital most nights, see his old girl. And when he comes back, he goes straight to bed. Lies there with his eyes open or scribblin away in his little yellow book. If he ever cries, he does it bloody quiet, cos he never makes a sound. And his eyes always look the same anyway, so you can't tell nothing from that.
***
Kenny's still with us come Easter. Near on four months. And guess what? It's fuckin snowin. Dad builds a snowman out the front of the house. Put his Hammers scarf round it and one of me Grandad’s old pipes in its mouth. Becky loves it. For the couple of weeks the snow's about, Dad takes the scarf off the snowman Fridays so's Mum can dry it for him to wear at the football Saturday. Then soon as he gets home, even before he comes in the door, he wraps that scarf back round the snowman's neck. Says it'll keep him warm. Silly sod.
So everything's lookin up. Loads of snow, and chocolate just round the corner. And the Hammers, bloody hell, we've just got through to the Cup Winners’ Cup Final, like we did in sixty-five. We got Anderlecht this time. Come from Belgium, Dad says. He's talkin about me and him goin over on the ferry to see the game, but I know by the look in his eyes it's just the dreamin part of him sayin the words. Just like it always is.
Easter Sunday, we're all us kids in the front room. Dad's sittin in his chair readin the paper. Becky wants Swap Shop on the telly, but I can't stand it. Fuckin hate Noel Edmonds. We all do. Even Mum. Dad goes out the room cos he can't even stand to look at the cunt. Then Mum comes in.
'Kids?' she says, and we all look round.
Easter eggs. Three of em. One each for me, Becks, and Kenny. First one Kenny ever got, I reckon, seein his face when Mum's give it to him. Nearly fuckin falls over, he does.
So, me and Becks, we're layin on the floor in front of the telly, start breakin into our eggs straight away, like you're supposed to. After a minute, I'm wonderin why I ain't hearin no munchin behind me, I mean, fuck me, it's a chocolate egg, and it's Kenny, but I don't hear nothing. I look round, and he ain't even unwrapped it yet. Lookin at it, he is. Bloody lookin at it like it's made of fuckin gold or so
methin. I mean, it is made of gold, the wrappin, you know, but it ain't fuckin gold gold.
'Go on, Kenny,' I says. 'It's only chocolate, mate.'
But he just sits there, starin at it.
Me and Becky do ours in no fuckin time. Faces covered in chocolate. Mum sits next to Kenny and says to him he can put it in the fridge if he likes, have it later. But he don't wanna let go of it and says he's takin it upstairs. He don't ask, just sort of tells her. That's Kenny all over, that is. You think he's the quietest, shyest kid in the world, but really, he does whatever the fuck he wants.
We swap comics and sweets what me dad brings home on a Friday, and stuff, but that's about it. And all this time, the one thing I wanna find out is what he's writing in that bloody book. But he keeps it with him all the time. Don't let it out of his fuckin sight.
Like I says, Kenny don't have nothing to do with me, but Becky, Becky fuckin loves him. He plays with her for hours, he does. Runs her little wooden train round for her, sets up her bricks, makes her doll make funny noises, reads her books to her – about his level, to be honest. And he'll do anything to get a laugh out of her. Tickles her till you think she's gonna burst. Holds her up by her ankles and swings her about till she's gonna fuckin die laughin. He's fuckin great with her. Soon as we get home from school, even before we've had our biscuits, she's jumpin all over him. 'Ken Ken! Ken Ken! Pway bwiks, Ken Ken!' she says, and she runs up to him and he picks her up and they giggle and laugh like a pair of fuckin two year olds. Soon as I come along, his face turns to fuckin stone. Can't bleedin work it out for the fuckin life of me.
She's gonna be three in May, Becky, and Kenny, he's near on eight year older. Thought there was something wrong with him at first. You know, sort of mental, like. I mean, he's slow, Kenny, not right in the head, but there ain't nothing wrong with him in that way, you know, the way he plays with her. Just wants to make her happy. That's all.