The family decided that Sarah should stay with Davis and Rebecca in London where she could receive better care. Michael and Susanne left for Elysian Fields the day after their wedding to gather their belongings and return to Michael’s London flat and began the search for a suitable home.
Tristan remained behind, alone, in Tundle.
Chapter Thirteen
Johanna saw William Somers more often than she expected. After their initial meeting, she saw him at the theater, a dinner party or a poetry reading, at least twice a week. He made a point of spending time with Johanna at these occasions, but no more than any other lady.
She was only mildly surprised when he asked to visit her at Martha’s home. Davis and Rebecca were still in Tundle; Michael sent her a note informing her of his marriage to Susanne. The wound to her pride was still fresh enough to sting a bit at the news.
When William arrived for tea he was clearly flustered by the opulence of Martha’s home. From his description of Somerlynn, she knew the Belgravia mansion dwarfed it. But even after a tour and minutes of stilted conversation, Johanna sensed that there was more to William’s discomfort.
“Mr. Somers,” she said, “You seem a bit distracted. Is there something I can help you with?”
He looked relieved and said, “As a matter-of-fact, there is.” And Johanna’s heart sank at the door she’d just opened. “Lady Johanna, I know that we have not known each other for very long. I have grown very fond of you in this short time.” Johanna’s gaze was fixed on his earnest, ordinary eyes. He did not try to take her hands, but she unconsciously drew them closer to her. “When one reaches a certain age,” William continued, “there seems little reason to play games and instead be more direct. I wonder, Lady Johanna, if you would consider becoming my wife?”
She said nothing, afraid to say the wrong thing. But she didn’t know what the wrong thing was. Yes? No?
He rescued her by saying, “I don’t expect you to answer me today.” His smile was gentle and honest. “I am asking you to give up more than I can give you. I don’t believe that you love me, though I hope in time you could. If all we have to build a marriage on is friendship, I believe we have sound foundation for that. For I do consider you a friend, one I have greatly enjoyed spending time with.”
William sat back, patient and relieved he was finished speaking. She started to speak, finally, but he stopped her, saying “Please, just think about this. I will leave my card with your footman should you desire to speak with me.” He rose and began to leave.
Johanna rose also. “No,” she said. William stopped. “That is, please don’t leave, Mr. Somers,” she added in a soft voice. William Somers was not the sort of man that women chased. He did not inspire passionate longing. But he was intelligent, kind and seemed to genuinely care about her. “Yes,” she answered. “I will marry you.”
*************************
Johanna’s announcement caught everyone completely off-guard. As soon as Davis, Rebecca and Sarah returned to London, Johanna came over one evening after supper to tell them her news.
“He’s a tobacco planter. His farm is between Williamsburg and a place called Yorktown. He was born in the colony, but his father was a merchant not a farmer.”
A year earlier this sort of announcement might have been met with a concerned and patronizing silence from her family. But event after event in the Edderle home had made them grateful for any news that was not obviously unpleasant. Nevertheless, Davis and Rebecca couldn’t help but be concerned at the suddenness of Johanna’s life-altering decision.
“Of course we will want to meet him,” Davis said.
“You will; before the wedding,” she answered.
“And when is the ceremony?” Rebecca asked.
Johanna smiled brightly, but her eyes were flat. “A week from today.” Before anyone could respond, Johanna added, “Our ship leaves for the colonies in two weeks and we would like to have some time alone before we sail. Once we are on board I am sure that we will have no peace.”
“Yes, I’m sure you are right,” Rebecca murmured.
“And I don’t know how I will fare on a sea voyage; I’ve never been on one,” she added with false brightness.
“It could be frightful,” Davis said. “But I imagine the waters are calmer now than they will be in a few weeks.”
“That is all I’m praying for, Davis,” Johanna said. “Some calm and peace.”
They absorbed the news in silence. Sarah broke it by suggesting that she retire to bed. “If you can help me, Rebecca,” she pointedly asked.
“Of course, Mother.”
When they had left the room, Davis asked Johanna “Are you sure this is what you want.”
“If I could have whatever I want, no. But life doesn’t always work out the way we want, Davis. We can’t all marry for love.” There was no sarcasm or bitterness in her voice, only sadness.
Davis sipped his wine while he carefully considered his words. “You don’t need to marry; you have your own income and I will always be here for you.”
“It isn’t a matter of money, Davis. I am lonely. I don’t like wondering if I will be without a companion for the rest of my days.”
“It isn’t too late for you.”
She smiled wryly. “He’s a decent man. He comes from a decent family. There may be no love between us, but he is kind. I am willing to take only his kindness now rather than hope for more and never find it.”
“As we get older, we do find it necessary to adjust our expectations,” Davis commented.
“Are things good between you and Rebecca?” she asked, happy to change the conversation.
“As well as can be expected given her mother’s illness,” he answered. He was impatient and Johanna knew that he was not finished with her. “So you will be living in the colonies with the wild men.”
She chuckled. “I am sure that there are some civilized people in the colonies.”
“At least it is Virginia. They are less troublesome than those folks from Massachusetts.”
“William may have been born in the colonies, but he does support the Crown.”
“Well, at least there is that.”
Michael was less assured. The note from Davis prompted him to return to London sooner. While Susanne settled in their tiny flat, Johanna made time to see him alone.
He was agitated because he believed that he had some responsibility for Johanna’s rash decision to marry a stranger. Had he been the introspective type, he would know that his mood had less to do with Johanna and more with the reality he faced now that he was back in London. His publisher had accepted a book of poetry and paid an advance on the second novel Michael was finishing. The manuscript should have been completed, but once he left to care for his father, he hadn’t picked it up. And when he finally did, he allowed himself to be distracted by Susanne. He could have borrowed money from Davis to pay back the advance, chucked the book and played house with Susanne, but for the bombshell she dropped as they were leaving for London. She was pregnant.
He was excited, happy, scared and somewhat depressed. When he sat down to write, the words dried up in his head before they reached the paper. The little house that he and Susanne found felt cramped already with only the two of them. He wasn’t choosy about his living arrangements, but it wasn’t only about him anymore. He was annoyed, then guilty for feeling annoyed. He was drowning and he feared that he was taking the woman he loved with him.
But here was Johanna about to marry a man she’d just met. She smiled, but her eyes contained the same look of resignation he saw when he looked in the mirror.
She refused to meet him privately. She was afraid she would become too emotional if they were alone. Still, he held her hand in the discrete tea house she chose, far away from Belgravia and Mayfair. He hated the taste of tea, but it was tolerable with a shot of scotch. She shook her head when he offered her some.
“You finally found someone to love,” she began, a simple statement,
not an indictment.
Michael averted his eyes. “I don’t really know how it happened. It just felt right.” He looked back and Johanna’s expression was softer.
“It’s alright, Michael. I’m not angry. And I’m not marrying William because I feel rejected.”
“Do you love him?”
She hesitated. “He is kind. Kindness is a lovely insulation against loneliness.”
He sighed. “So it is not a business arrangement?”
She laughed and answered, “No. Michael, I want a family, I want children, I want to grow old with someone I don’t have to pay to keep me company. And he is kind,” she stressed.
“So you say.”
“He is. My God, given all the hatefulness from my father, how can you not see how much that would mean to me?”
He was quiet for a moment. “I have a wedding gift for you,” he said, digging into his pocket. He placed a pistol, small enough to fit in Johanna’s pocket, on the table and met her bewildered expression. “You’re going to a dangerous place, Johanna. I’ll accept it better if I know you are safe.”
She smiled, unable to keep the tears from falling. He wiped the tears from her cheek with his handkerchief and handed it to her. After she was composed, he took her hand and placed it on his heart. “Be happy, Johanna.”
“You, too.”
A week later, in the drawing room of Davis’ Mayfair home, Johanna became Mrs. William Somers. Her wedding was as simple as Rebecca’s had been extravagant. Martha and Rebecca had placed roses of every color on every surface they could find. Johanna was radiant in a slate grey dress, the color of her eyes. Davis kissed her on the cheek and gave her hand to William. She looks like Mother, he thought, smiling while his heart broke at the thought of Johanna leaving.
William had booked two rooms at an inn outside of London. The couple left in a carriage shortly after the ceremony. He had arranged for supper to be served in their sitting room. When supper was over, Johanna slipped into their bedroom to change into the nightgown Martha had given her. She was suddenly shy as she sat on the bed, brushing her honey brown hair, and wondering if William would come to her. When he didn’t knock, she went into the sitting room. He had taken his boots off and was stretched out on the sofa. She thought he was asleep, but his eyes flew open at the sound of the door.
“I didn’t know…” she began as he sat up. “That is—“
He started toward her, but only took her hands. “Johanna, I know this is not the wedding or marriage or life you dreamed of.” She started to protest. “I know. You forget, I was married before. I remember…well, anyway, I know that this is all hard enough for you without me…forcing you to do anything you might be uncomfortable with.” He sighed and said with a chuckle of embarrassment, “What I’m trying very badly to say is that I will sleep here on the sofa tonight. And until you feel comfortable with me.”
“But you don’t want to…”
“Oh, very much!” he said smiling. “But I want more for you to feel…safe when you are with me. I want us to have a long and happy marriage.”
His eyes are so kind, she thought. She lifted his hands to her lips and kissed them. “Mr. Somers-William,” she corrected, “I want you to be happy also. And I am your wife now.” She placed his hand inside her nightgown and on her breast. Her breath caught at the sudden rush of arousal she felt.
“Are you sure?” he asked.
“Say nothing more,” she whispered and led him into their bedroom.
Chapter Fourteen
Even with the help of a nurse, Rebecca had not counted on how completely exhausted she would be caring for her mother. It was partly physical, but also emotional as she watched Sarah become weaker and more pain-ridden every day.
Susanne had helped some when she and Michael first came back to London. But before too many weeks, she was preoccupied with settling into her home and dealing with her pregnancy.
Still, Rebecca remained outwardly strong and found it easier to cope by not complaining. She saw it as her duty to shield Davis from the ugliness of her mother’s cancer. Despite this, he saw how devastated she was. He tried reaching out to her, to draw her closer to absorb some of his strength, but she kept him at arms length to preserve what little she had. She balled up her frustration, pain and fear into a cold superficial display of congeniality that she could control.
The doctor in London concurred with the Tundle doctor that the only treatment appropriate for Sarah was to cut out both her breasts and anything else he might find suspicious. Sarah refused. When she couldn’t sleep, she took laudanum. Most days, though, she suffered in painful silence, determined to focus clearly on what little life she had.
Rebecca was supposed to be presented at Court this Season. It would have been a pleasant distraction, but when the time came, it was easier to shelve it for the next year. Many things would be postponed because of Sarah’s illness, postponed until…no one wanted to finish the sentence though everyone knew how it would end.
Davis dealt with his feelings of insignificance at home by absorbing himself in business. A lot of investors lost money when the rabble in Boston had destroyed East India’s tea. Revenue had to be made up somewhere and crimes could not be tolerated. Like many others, he believed that imposing further sanctions on the Massachusetts colony was paternalistic, not malicious. After all, wouldn’t a father clamp down a little harder on an unruly child?
He was frustrated with MP’s and Lords who argued that the Crown was going too far. He silenced critics by pointing out the sacrifices of the British army in the Seven Year’s War in protecting her colonies from the French. That Davis’ sacrifice included a brother gave him a pass for the time, but only until he was out of earshot.
Johanna was gone and Michael and Rebecca were focused with their own challenges. Davis missed the simplicity of autumn, before he and Rebecca were married.
One evening in June, Davis and Michael met at their club. It was the first time since the day of the old Earl’s funeral that they had an opportunity to leave family behind and reconnect as friends. It was a break they both needed.
The night began with drinks and cards with fellow schoolmates, then a late supper. When their companions retired home or other pursuits, Michael and Davis relaxed into the familiarity of old friends.
“So how are you enjoying married life?” Davis began.
Michael’s eyes softened at the thought of Susanne. “Who would have thought I would find contentment with one woman?” he mused.
Davis laughed and took a drink. “Certainly not me. But I’m happy for you.”
“There’s something to this primitive instinct to protect what we love. When I see her, I just want to hold her and push out the rest of the world.”
“She completes your heart,” Davis declared. The words caught in his throat.
Michael looked at his friend, but Davis avoided his gaze. “How is Johanna?” he asked to change the subject.
“She should be in Virginia by now. I suppose I’ll have a letter from her soon when she’s settled. I hope she will be happy.” Davis took another drink. “He does not complete her heart.”
Michael knew better than to ask if Rebecca completed Davis’ heart.
“Will you consider moving back to Elysian Fields?” Davis asked.
“I don’t know. We’re quite settled here, especially with the baby on the way and Sarah.”
“Of course; I wouldn’t expect you to make any change until after…once everything is more, um, stable,” he finished, choosing his words carefully. “But you would be doing me a great favor by living there, helping to manage it, and you would have plenty of space to write and raise a child.”
Michael did not know how to explain that it was not the lack of space that made him claustrophobic. Elysian Fields was large and wide open, but its ghosts made it confining for Michael. If Davis didn’t understand this already, there was nothing more Michael could say. “Of course, we will consider it, maybe next spring,” he a
nswered knowing that he had just agreed without actually stating it. He consoled himself with the knowledge that Susanne loved the estate.
“You know this whole business of the title can be taken care of,” Davis offered.
Michael was confused. “Title?” he asked, wrinkling his brow in thought. “You mean the earldom,” he said as he realized what Davis meant. The title of Earl had not automatically passed to Michael; the Crown was considering retiring it given the old Earl’s behavior and Michael’s less than stellar reputation. Michael didn’t care, but it meant Susanne would not be received in Court as a Countess and for some reason that bothered him. But he did not have the money to “assure” the title and refused to make political connections that could smooth the transition. “Are you offering to buy me the earldom, Davis?” he asked, only slightly jovial.
Davis was not too drunk to hear the sting in Michael’s tone. “Of course not. I just thought that if it meant something to you, or Susanne,” he added pointedly, “I am sure the right decisions could be encouraged.”
Davis drained his glass. Michael finished his drink as well, trying to drown the feeling of suffocation.
*************************
Davis’ carriage stopped at Michael’s house first. It had been a pleasant evening for the most part. Michael was actually coming home with more money than he had left with, thanks to his luck at cards.
“We should make this a weekly event,” Davis said, completely drunk, but still enjoying himself.
“I agree,” Michael said. “Especially if you continue to play as badly as you did tonight.”
Davis laughed. “Well, what’s a little money between friends? Seriously, I am glad that you are happy with Susanne. And the baby, the future Earl of Wickingham.” He took Michael’s hand to shake, but Michael pulled him into a friendly embrace.
“That means a lot to me, Davis. Your friendship is what has kept me sane all these years.”
Davis pulled away, but kept hold of Michael’s hand. “How do they know?” he mused, his thumb stroking the top of Michael’s hand. “How do women know that they do not have our whole heart?” He did not look at Michael.
Laura Carroll Butler Page 14