Judged By You
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Copyright 2013 Patricia Voois
Published by Patricia Voois, February 2013
Judged By You is fiction. All names, characters, places and events portrayed in this book either are from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, establishments, events, or location is purely coincidental and not intended by the author. Please do not take offence to the content, as it is all fiction.
Books in this series
Judged By You (Judge Me Series #1)
Guilty For You (Judge Me Series #2)
Summoned To You (Judge Me Series # 3)
Acknowledgements
I would like to thank all the people in my life that have supported me throughout my journey in writing this book. It means the world to me to have such incredible family and friends. You all believed in me, when sometimes I didn’t believe in myself. To my wonderful husband Brendan, you are my world, and I love you so much. To my beautiful children, mummy loves you more than the stars in the sky.
To Nikki and Jaime,
I love you both. You are my rocks, and without you telling me that I could do this, I would have given up and walked away. But you both told me never give up, and that I would succeed. Thank you…….
To Bec,
You are one of the most kind hearted people I have met. You have shared your knowledge with me and supported me through my journey. You told me always that you believed in me, and for that I am grateful.
Thank You from the bottom of my heart…….
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my brother and my sister. I am so proud of you and I love you with all my heart. You have both grown into two wonderful, successful, smart, loving and kind hearted adults. Words will never be enough to tell you how much you mean to me. Fenella and Lachlan, this one is for you! Xoxo
Chapter 1
Today is going to be different. I always tell myself that before I visit the cemetery. Today it has been six years since I lost my parents. Remembering it every day is hard enough. I need today to be different if, not for anything else. I have made myself suffer enough, and I can’t do it anymore. I need to start living my life like everyone tells me too. My brother will be home soon, that’s something I have to look forward to.
“Come on girl; get up and out of bed. Coffee’s hot!” Nicole shouts.
“I don’t want to do this today; it’s the same shit every year. I put flowers down, have a cry and walk away feeling sorry for myself. Then to top it all off, I hide in my room for the rest of the afternoon.” I complain as I get out of bed.
“It’s perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do, they raised you, and you loved them, even after six, years it's ok to cry.” Nicole said with tired eyes. She was just as emotional as I was.
I don’t know what I would do without Nicole. I have known her for five years, and she has been my rock, always there when I need a chat, or advice on what to wear for an interview. Someone to party with and fight with when I’m in a mood. At twenty five, you always picture your life differently. I always thought I would be married, have kids and an excellent job. But nope….. Here I am, twenty five, studying, no kids, and certainly no man in my life. In fact, I’m so far from married, I haven’t had a boyfriend in four years, and sex? Well gee; it's been such a long time, sometimes I wish I could forget who the last person was……..
Cameron. He was half the reason my brother was not with me, but instead he’s held up in a jail cell. I hated him for that. He left my life when my brother did, and I have felt that empty hole since. I have not forgotten him, I don’t think I ever will, but I will never forgive him. As strong as the feelings that I had for him were, it will still never mask the pain he caused me.
Anyway, I don’t think I would have the time or energy to keep up with anyone; I can barely keep up with myself. I have planned to be a lawyer my whole life, and with the death of my family and the circumstances around that, it made me want this so much more. I abandoned those old memories and headed to the kitchen.
Nicole came strolling into the kitchen with such confidence. She is thin, blonde hair, blue eyes and the delicate tanned body. “So what are your plans for today?” I asked her with a twinge of jealousy. She always looks hot.
“I’m off to see Stan, than I will meet you at the cemetery at midday, then maybe we can go out for drinks in the evening. I think you need a break from all this Sav.”
She was right, I did need a break from all this. Study, working to make ends meet, visiting my brother in jail. It’s all too much sometimes, but I hated going out. Drunken people, who smelt, stuck up bitches flirting with anything that walks and as for the men, they like those nasty whores hanging off them.
“I will see how I feel when the time comes.” I could see the disappointment in her eyes.
She knew that I would bail like I always do when we plan things. As I walked back upstairs to get dressed, I thought about my life before all the heart break and tragedy. I was just an ordinary girl than, 19 years old, Living with my parents, and my brother. I wanted to be a lawyer so bad that when I wasn’t studying I would watch criminal shows and shout out “guilty” when I knew damn well that the murderer or rapist was guilty. My brother Stephen would always tell me I was a nerd, and that when I was rich, I had to give him a loan. “Oh how times change,” I said to myself before picking up my phone. I noticed a text from Derek.
Thinking of you today Sav, TXT me if you want to catch up later.
Derek always knew how to make my heart flutter. I text back;
Thanks will do.
Derek was the kind of friend that always knew what to say. But most men are like that right? He and I have been friends since we were five. His parents and mine used to run a business together. They always used to say that we would end up married with lots of babies. But that never happened. Derek was always hooking up with chicks, and I was left to cover for him. He was more like my brother than a friend. He was my brother’s best friend also which made it awkward. It killed Derek just as much as it killed me to see my brother go to jail. It killed a lot of people, Cameron included. Maybe that’s why he left and never said good bye?
I still remember holding Derek’s hand during the court hearing. I noticed his white knuckles when they said my brother was guilty. As for me, I remember shaking, and not being able to stop the screams when they hauled him off. That’s the day I stopped feeling so much, all I felt was numb. Just Like the day my parents died.
“Are you going to get dressed or go in your nightwear?” Nicole said from the door.
“I am getting dressed, I was just thinking about Stephen and when he went to jail. It’s all so exhausting, keeping up with everything.” I had to look away from Nicole, or I would have burst into tears.
Too much has changed in six years and I don’t know where I am from day to day. Nicole came and sat beside me on the bed, then put her arm around me for comfort.
“You’re one of the strongest people I know Sav, don’t ever forget your courage and determination.” All I did was smil
e.
“I better get in the shower and get ready, or I am never going to get to the cemetery.” I said with a half-smile. Nicole just nodded and started to walk out.
“I’m off to Stan’s now, but I will catch you in a few hours.” Nicole called back to me as she walked down the stairs.
She knew I wasn’t the most open person when it came to sharing my feelings, so we left it at that.
I jumped in the shower and immediately felt better. I didn’t linger long because I knew if I did, then I wouldn’t get out at all. I had to pull myself through this, and I knew I could. I dried and headed back to my room wrapped in just a robe.
Today was going to be different, I continued to say to myself as I went through my closet, I was looking for my white blouse and black pinstripe pencil skirt. When I finally found them I got dressed before quickly adding some make up to my pale face. I was in desperate need of my hair cut, my black hair shaped around my face, and I could see old highlights growing out. My brown eyes stood out on my face, but they suited me. My mother always called me her brown eyed girl. She would say she had never seen eyes as dark as mine. I quickly put on my black boots and grabbed my keys, I was ready to head out to face the one day I dreaded every year.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I contemplated going directly to the cemetery but decided I should get some roses to take with me. Mum always liked roses and dad would usually get them for her. I remembered this market place down the street from our house. There were all different kinds of shops including a cafe and florist stall. I had often passed them on the way to college, and I always seemed to admire the flowers. It’s a busy little stall; there is always a line up. I remembered the last time someone brought me flowers; I got flowers six years ago when my parents died, ironic huh? I pulled up across the way and admired the Aston Martin parked on the curb.
“I must take the classic for a spin again soon,” I said aloud to myself. Dad loved his 1970 Dodge Charger; it was fire engine red with white leather interior. That monster was his baby, all this spare time went to this car, and I was lucky enough to inherit it. My brother Stephen hated the fact that I got it, and he ended up with dads Harley Nightrain. For a man, Stephen hated motorbikes. But since Stephen was in prison It ended up parked next to the Dodge in the barn.
I jumped out of the car and headed across the road. I could smell the scent of the flowers when I exited my car. The fragrance melted into the wind. Several people stood in front of me, so I waited patiently until they moved. I had been admiring the huge teddies, when the gentleman in front of me offered for me to move into his space, so I stepped up. He said something about waiting for his son to arrive to help pick out the best bouquet for his wife.
I bent down to smell the scent of the wild roses that looked so beautiful in front of me. The bunch had a dozen red roses with vibrant buds blooming. I thought it was a sign that these were the flowers I was meant to buy. I quickly grabbed the bunch and turned to pay for them when my eyes caught this handsome man, he was talking to the lady selling the flowers. I stopped in my tracks, tall, handsome, light brown hair, blue eyes and the sexiest smile. He grinned and spoke to the women in his deep sexy voice; she laughed and was blushing bright red.
“Excuse me.” A voice came from beside me. I turned to see an elderly woman pushing in beside me to take a bunch of white roses. I stepped forward to give myself and her some space and ran into the guy who I had been staring at. He turned when I ran into him and grabbed me by my waist.
“I’m so sorry.” I said with a shaky voice.
His eyes were gorgeous, they reminded me of the ocean.
“No need to be sorry Beautiful.” He said with a mischievous smile touching his lips.
Oh my, what I could do with those. For a moment, everything seemed to stop. It was just me and Mr mysterious staring at each other, his hand on my waist and my hands holding his upper arms for support. It was the moment every girl dreams about in a love story, were the man and woman stare at each other and they always end up kissing. I steadied myself and let him go as he released my waist from his hands. My skin felt hot where his hands had touched me. I felt like my side was on fire, and his hand had burnt my skin. I shook my head and gathered my bearings. I looked up to see this guy staring at me with a trace of a smile of his face.
“You smell lovely, what are you wearing?” He asked.
“Umm I think it's Dolce and Gabanna and thank you.”
What do you say to some hot guy telling you, you smell lovely? He bent forward and smelt my neck, I could feel his breath on my neck, and my breathing quickened. He smelt sexy as sin, I wanted to do the same thing to him, but that could be embarrassing. I cleared my throat to get out of this now awkward position.
“I’m sorry, I am running late for a meeting, I have to go.” I reached into my bag and pulled out money for the cashier. I couldn’t look at him any longer or have him so close to me, the sexual tension I was feeling was obvious. I could feel it, and I swear he did to. The clerk passed me my change, and I headed for the car. I didn’t bother looking back to see if he was staring. Because I didn’t know if I had just imagined the whole thing.
Once I got into familiar territory, I let out a loud groan of frustration. Truth be told, I tend to make things complicated for myself in this day and age. I might actually meet someone charming if I stop with the wallowing and go out with Nicole. I shake my thoughts and head to the cemetery.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When I arrive Nicole is not here yet. So I sit in the car patiently waiting for her arrival. I reached into my purse and pulled out my phone. I texted Derek;
Going out tonight for a few drinks, would love for you to join us. Will let you know more when details have been sorted. Would love to see you ; -).
Within 2, minutes he replied;
Sounds great Sav await your details.
I sat grinning at the thought of Mr mysterious I had just encountered. I could still smell him, and hear his breathing. He was probably married or had a girlfriend, why else would the worlds sexiest man be buying flowers? It may have made my day seeing him. I would never see him again, but I would see him in my thoughts when I went to bed that night. Just then Nicole tapped on the window taking me out of my perfect moment.
“You look beautiful Sav, my shirt certainly does suit you.” She said with a giggle.
“Oh, I know it suits me, that’s why I’m keeping it remember,” I threw at her with a grin. “Alright let’s get this over with for another year, and then have a few drinks at the bar.”
Nicole shot me a look, and I could feel her eyes searching my face, I turned and responded “That’s if you still want to go, I’m happy to stay in if you have changed your mind.”
Nicole bounced around on the spot than hugged me, “It’s going to be a fabulous night, you will see.” She said, before taking my hand and walking down the stone path.
We stood and stared at the stone that highlighted my parents’ names. Tears began to well in my eyes, and I was flooded with memories of them. Nicole held my hand and whispered “It's ok, I am here for you,” into my ear as I put my head on her shoulder. I gathered myself after what seemed like an eternity and laid the bouquet of roses in front of their final resting place. I said the Lord’s Prayer and told them how much I missed them, and how I was doing in life. It was the same thing I said every year, along with how many times I have been to see Stephen, and I told them that he was coming out soon. I finished my speech to the stone and stood. Nicole handed me a handkerchief. Wiping my face, I tried not smudging my once perfect makeup. We walked in silence back to the parking lot. I still felt numb, even after six years the pain never seemed to ease.
“You want to have some lunch before we go home?” Nicole asked.
“I’m not actually hungry, lost my appetite sorry Nic, but I would love a coffee.”
“Okay we can meet at that cafe, near the market place down the road from home?"
“Yeah sure,” I
said “I’m in need of caffeine to keep me going.”
We met up a short time later at the small cafe. It was charming and extremely busy as always. We waited in line for almost twenty minutes before we were served. The cafe was decorated in modern furniture, in pastel greens, pinks and white. There was a table next to us where a young woman sat with children. Each of them eating muffins and drinking juice. I smiled at the thought of having children one day. But for now I just wanted to finish law school, and go from there. Sorting out my brother was also one of my main goals.
Our coffees arrived in half the time as it took to order them.
“So what’s the plan for tonight?” Nicole asked
“I was thinking a few drinks down the bar, and maybe some dancing. I told myself today was going to be different Nic, and I want it to be.” I stated, nervous about the words I had just spoken.
“And different it will be Savannah, trust me. Let your hair down and have some fun. It’s time we celebrate life.” Nicole looked at me waiting for me to burst into tears. But the tears had stopped. I felt at ease at this moment.
“Well I am going to text Derek, and let him know what we are up to, he wants to come to and why not make it a group gathering right?”
“Good idea, I will call Stan and tell him to come to ours on the way home and we can get him to take us.” Nicole said with a smile. Stan was like me, not much of a drinker and would rather make sure we all got there and home safely.
“I think I want to go and get a new dress, would you be so kind as to come spend some money with me?” I knew she wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to spend some money. Nicole was the queen of shopping; she always knew latest trends and fashion. I swear she had shares in the fashion industry.
“Do you even have to ask me that Savannah? You should know me well enough to inform and not ask when it comes to shopping.” Nicole said, with such attitude and a hint of sarcasm.
Judged By You (Judge Me Series) Page 1