“Kennan?” my voice was barely above a whisper.
“Done so soon?” his icy response chilled me.
“We need to talk.” I finally found my voice. I wouldn’t be treated like some sort of wayward child for something that was so wholly out of my control. “Now," I said, pointing to the interior of the office.
“I’m not sure what there is to say, Izzy," He mumbled as he made his way in.
“Well, if you don’t have anything to say, you can just listen to me.” I closed the door and locked it before turning back toward Kennan. “Sit, this is going to take a while.” I motioned towards the chair with my head.
“Fine, I’m sitting. What do you want to talk about?” Kennan threw himself into the chair looking at me defiantly the whole way down.
“Really, Kennan? What do I want to talk about? I want to talk about us. I want to know what in the Hades is going on between us. Besides the obvious stuff, the unfixable stuff, something has shifted. Do you not want to be with me anymore?” My eyes brimmed with tears I refused to shed.
“Of course I want to be with you. Don’t be ridiculous. It’s just…," Kennan trailed off.
“What, Kennan? I’ve been going crazy these past two months. With everything going on, the one thing that was my constant was always you. Until lately, that is. So, please, just tell me. We can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep having to worry that I’m doing something wrong.”
“It’s just, him. He is always there. He just pops in whenever he feels like you need something and you never once turn him away. But that isn’t all, Izzy. I’m starting to wonder if you would rather have this life than the one we had back at the farmhouse. I feel like I’m losing you - losing us.”
“I would rather have this life? Really, Kennan?” I could barely keep the anger and hurt from my tone. My chest felt heavy. I couldn’t understand it, how could he be so completely wrong? I choked back a sob as I continued, trying to get every word out around my uncontrollable tears. “You think that I would rather be here, getting branded by some invisible force? I didn’t choose this life, Kennan. I don’t know if you remember this past year all that well, but at no point did I say, 'Gee, saving the world sounds like a terrific new hobby.' I don’t want this anymore than you do, but this is where we are. I refuse to let more people get hurt just so that I can be selfish. If you ever knew me at all, you would know that.”
“Of course I know you, Izzy!” Kennan shouted, raising from his seat. “I just feel like you took all of this on without any thought to what you were giving up.”
“Every second of every day, I think about what that life would’ve been like. So don’t accuse me of not missing it, of not knowing what I’ve lost.” Sobs racked my body as I let everything I’d held back for the past months pour from my mouth. “I miss it. I miss waking up to you in the farmhouse, of feeling safe and blocked out from the world. I miss us. But there is absolutely no way I could ever live with myself if I chose that life when it means letting so many other people suffer.” I folded my arms around my stomach, trying to keep the gaping chasm from ripping any wider. I missed Kennan. I missed our old life, but I knew that it was gone.
Kennan moved toward me wrapping his arms around me. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t think I would ever have to give you up. I never imagined you would be the girl from the prophecy, Izzy. I’ve just felt like you’ve been plowing forward and leaving me behind with your old life, as if you don’t need me anymore.”
“Don’t need you? Have you lost your damn mind, Kennan O’Malley? I will always need you. Always.” I wrapped my arms tightly around him, trying to hold on to the only anchor I had in this chaotic world.
“What about him? It seems like you need him more.”
“Seriously?” I pushed away from him, anger replacing the hurt that had just been there. His jaw clenched as he stared back, unmoving.
“Yes, seriously.”
“First, you should be nicer to him. I wouldn’t even be here if he hadn’t saved me.”
“You wouldn’t have died if he had taken better care of you. I think he did it intentionally, Izzy.”
“You think that he let me die so that he could change me? That is the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard quite a few whakadoo things this past year. He saved me, Kennan. And like it or not, that means that part of me is changing. If I want to understand what is happening to me, I have to understand him better. To understand him better, he has to be around. Would you rather my eyes light up unexpectedly in front of the Council?” My anger began coursing through me in discernable waves, traveling down my arms in rapid succession and ceasing at my fingertips.
“Umm, Izzy, maybe you should take a deep breath.” Kennan’s voice was on edge as he slowly backed away from me.
I looked down at my arms to find little flickers of electricity tracing down them only to culminate at a spark at my fingertips. That explained the wave feeling. Son of a butternut squash.
“Seriously, lightning when I get angry!” I shouted at the ceiling. “I’m going to kill him myself. How the hell am I supposed to hide this?” The angrier I got, the more sparks seemed to fly.
“Maybe try not to think about it right now, Izzy. Go to your happy place.” Kennan said, half teasing.
I tried to take deep, calming breaths to get myself centered again, the way Ian had been trying to teach me. I’d always been an overly emotional person; up until now it hadn’t been a problem. Unfortunately, a tricky little side effect of this new “change” that was happening was that any time my emotional state became unbalanced a fun new ability would pop up. Breathing in slowly, I mentally wiped away the anger as if it were written on a dry-erase board. The sparks finally quit coursing down my arms.
“I can’t do this without you," I breathed out, almost near tears once more. “You’re what I need to survive this, Kennan. Without you, I can’t make it.” I could feel the anger leave my body, only to be replaced by a gut wrenching sadness.
“You don’t have to, Izzy. I know I’ve been acting crazy lately, but I feel like I’ve been playing catch up since we got here. I just need some time to adjust. Just don’t expect me to ever like Aberto. He is up to something where you are concerned and I don’t trust him.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do.” Kennan leveled me with his eyes.
“Then listen to me when I say that not in a million years could anything ever tear me from you. You are my home, Kennan. You are my shelter from this raging storm. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever change the way I feel for you. Even should I live to be as old as Aberto, which now seems possible, I will always love you more than I could ever love anyone. You are my other half, the part of my soul that has always been missing.” As the last words left my mouth an image of Aberto danced through my mind. I brushed it to the side, refusing to acknowledge that I literally had his soul inside of mine at the moment. This was a figurative ideal, not literal. Yep, that was my story and I was sticking to it.
“I’ll try to be more patient, but I can’t guarantee that I will ever be friends with him. I think I might learn to tolerate him. I know that you’re where you need to be, I just miss the life I thought we’d have. I am still playing catch-up.” Kennan pulled me back against his body, almost smothering me.
“I’m all yours, big guy. No matter what is going on in this insane world that will always be true.” My response was garbled by the mouthful of t-shirt I was trying to talk around.
“I wish that we could make-up. Those damned runes are going to be the death of me.” Kennan leaned in to gently kiss me, reminding me of everything I was missing thanks to these God forsaken doodles.
I pulled back with a raised brow. “I think you can find some creative ways to avoid them, if you really think about it.”
The wind was knocked from my lungs as Kennan pinned me to the couch. He hungrily kissed down my neck, careful to avoid touching any part of me that may have a rune. As he moved
over me, a single thought crossed my mind. No matter what he’d said, I knew things wouldn’t be getting better any time soon. The more I changed, the more things would continue to shift between us. If he couldn’t accept what was happening, I wasn’t sure anything would ever get better. I shook the thoughts from my mind and turned my focus back to Kennan’s wicked lips. There was no harm in focusing on the present.
Just as Kennan began unzipping my dress, a knock sounded at the door.
“Damn," Kennan breathed. “It never ends.” He buried his face in my stomach for a second before getting up and moving across the room.
“What is it?” I choked out, trying not to sound as out of breath as I felt.
“Milady, the Council members are getting ready to depart, and they wish to bid you a proper farewell.” Conall’s voice sounded strained, as if there were a thousand other things he wished he could be saying about the Council.
“I’m on my way.” I stood and smoothed out my rumpled dress trying to rearrange the disarray. I looked up to find Kennan staring at me. “Are we okay?”
“We will be," Kennan promised. “Now, go be the terrifying Council leader I know that you are.”
“Pshaw. I wish. Is there some sort of proper way to send off Council members, other than flipping them the bird? Because, that is really all I want to do to them.”
“No, just go stand out front as their cars leave. That’s what Isadora always did. Oh, and look bored. That always seems to annoy them.” Kennan moved toward the door and opened it, waiting for me to pass.
As I entered the hall, I was immediately flanked by Conall and Kennan. We moved through the halls quietly as people paused to bow their heads in my direction. I nodded back to each of them, knowing that I would never truly get used to this sort of attention. I felt like a fraud. As we reached the front of the house, Kennan and Conall fell behind me, allowing me to exit in front of them.
“We bid you farewell," Brutus shouted. I needed to find out screamy-pants’ name.
“May God bless your journey. I expect to hear from you soon regarding the darkness. Until then, be well.” The words poured from my mouth without thought. It was as though I was channeling Isadora.
“And you, milady," Damali said through clenched teeth.
With that, the four Council members piled into two black sedans and were off. I wasn’t sure if I would hear from them or not, but their absence was a relief. The breath returned to my lungs, and the weight lifted from my shoulders. Shaking off the oppression their presence brought with them, I reveled in the fact that I would no longer have to hide what was happening to me. Other than the contacts, I was free. Well, maybe the sparky thing would have to be hidden. I should really talk to Aberto about that one.
“What is on the agenda for the rest of the day, Milady?” Conall asked, never looking away from the departing cars.
“A nap. Some food. Maybe a little research?” I swayed on my feet slightly, only to be caught by Kennan.
The runes were still taking a heavy toll on me, even with the extra protection that Aberto had applied. I felt tired all of the time, yet I was terrified to go into the dreaming for fear of being marked more. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take before I ended up like Cait, Conall’s would’ve-been Seer. The memory of her approaching that monstrous beast skirted through my mind, before disappearing.
“I need to lie down.” My voice came out a mere whimper. I had to maintain a strong façade for the Council members, but now that they were gone, I felt the toll the strain had taken.
“Let’s get you to bed.” Kennan reached around my side to support the majority of my weight as we moved inside the house and up toward our room.
Chapter Five
My feet were lead bricks dragging beneath me as I sluggishly made my way to our room. Exhaustion pulled at me, beckoning with the promise of peaceful rest that I knew was a mere tease. I really wanted to get this whole prophecy thing over with. Maybe in death I would find some rest. Perhaps that was a bit too melodramatic, but at this point, death was definitely starting to have an upside.
“Do you need help getting your contacts out?” Kennan shut the door, pulling me from my dour thoughts.
“Yuck! I don’t want your fingers in my eyes.” The very thought of it caused my stomach to churn. “I think I have enough energy to handle it. But if you could undo my zipper, that would be awesome.” I turned my back towards Kennan. As his hand brushed down my spine, trailing the zipper with it, chills rushed through my body. His lips brushed my neck and traced the line my zipper had just made, causing my toes to curl.
“Kennan, I don’t think I can right now. I am so….” I collapsed to the floor leaving the words unspoken. Consciousness had once more eluded me, a circumstance that was unfortunately occurring more and more frequently. Perhaps the runes were to blame, or maybe my body couldn’t cope with Aberto’s soul residing inside of me, either way, it was annoying. Nothing like a narcoleptic leader to save the day.
Awesome, I was once more in the dreaming. How I’d arrived there was beyond me considering that I’d been doing my durndest to avoid the place. Staring out into the fog, I knew. The menace that lurked within the dark shadows was growing. The darkness beckoned, whispering promises of pain, of unimaginable torments. Shivers travelled down my spine.
I looked around, half searching for Ren’s spirit. I’d grown so used to her company in the dreaming, no matter how unpleasant, it seemed strange to no longer see her here. Though I wouldn’t wish an eternity in the dreaming on anyone, I selfishly missed the companionship.
I moved through the fog with no real purpose. I’d been pulled into the dreaming for a reason, eventually it would show itself. Here’s hoping it wasn’t for another rune attack. Yep, that’s what I’d dubbed them, much to everyone’s chagrin. Rune attack sort of sounded like it should be a punk rock band. Maybe I could get some Guardians together and form one. I moved along, with my ridiculous train of thought for company, for a small eternity. What came before my eyes pulled me to a stop.
I was looking out at myself, a mere image of my childhood form. It was almost transparent, but I was there. I was huddled in a ball crying out for the nightmare to end. I could remember this, I didn’t know how, because I thought I’d never been in the dreaming until last year. I was a child, I shouldn’t have been here. How could I have forgotten this? I moved toward myself, but as I drew near, another figure appeared causing me to draw in a sharp breath.
Aberto moved towards the weeping child and bent before her, me, whatever. I was starting to get really confused. I moved closer to hear what he was saying. I drew as close as I dared, which seemed to draw his attention. He began to turn and look in my direction, as if he knew that I would someday be there, seeing this exact event. But just as he began to shift, he turned his attention back to the child version of myself. I moved closer carefully; I needed to know what was happening.
“Izzy, please look at me," Aberto pleaded softly.
“Where am I? I want to go home," my child-self cried out.
“You are safe. I will always protect you, no matter where you are.” Aberto smoothed the little girl’s silken, red hair from her face.
“Who are you?” the child asked.
“Someone from your future. Someone you will someday meet. For now, I am the Guardian of your dreams. I am here to protect you from these memories until you are ready. You won’t remember any of this when you wake up. You will only remember the sweet dreams that follow. Now take a deep breath and think of the most lovely thing you can imagine.” Aberto’s voice was gentle as he spoke to the child. He continued to smooth her hair away from her face as he whispered words to send her out of the dreaming and into a restful sleep.
As the image of the girl disappeared, Aberto stood and looked straight into my eyes. I knew then, like I had always somehow known, he’d always been there. But why? What was I to him? As I began to ask him, he reached an arm out pushing a wave from his fingertips that thrust me
from the dreaming.
Gasping for breath, I struggled to orient myself. The force of being shoved from the dreaming, along with the implications of what I’d just witnessed, overwhelmed me. My mind began to shift, making space for the memories long forgotten. What else had been taken from me? Were there more memories? Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to draw myself back to the present. I was bone achingly tired, yet I didn’t want to fall asleep again. I wasn’t sure what else might be waiting for me.
“You okay, Iz?” Kennan moved towards me, concern radiating from his body.
“Yeah, just a weird dream, I think. I mean, it must’ve been a dream, because it wouldn’t make sense otherwise. I’m just really tired. Can you whammy my brain? I need to sleep for a while.” I took in the sight of my Guardian, tall and strong, everything that had brought me comfort through the past year of upheaval. He’d been my rock for so long, I wondered how he could stand it. Just the thought of having to leave him tore me apart inside. I choked back on the tears that threatened to burst forth. For the zillionth time, I wondered if I were truly strong enough to survive what was coming, or if I would be strong enough to do what needed to be done.
“Hey, Red. Look at me.” Kennan sank to the bed reaching out for me in the process. My body curled into his, seeking out his heat, searching for the refuge that had been there all along. I couldn’t look him in the eyes, he would know everything just with one glance. “Izzy, look at me.”
I turned my face toward his as the tears came unbidden. There was no stopping them, there was no hiding my fear. I wasn’t strong enough for this. These runes were slowly killing me, and I could feel it with every breath I took. I wanted to end it all, the darkness, the pain, the suffering, it all had to stop.
“Izzy, what is it? Talk to me, please," Kennan pleaded.
“I’m not strong enough. I can’t do it. I can’t be the person everyone needs me to be. I could barely hold myself together today, and then I got angry and lightning bolts shot from my fingers. I’m so tired, Kennan. I just want to sleep, but I am too afraid to even do that. I don’t know if I can fix this mess, this darkness that seems to be looming, but never clear.” I choked back a sob as the words poured from my mouth. Every fear I’d been repressing for the past two months came rushing to the surface at once.
See How She Falls Page 3