by G. A. Rael
"The thought had crossed my mind," he said wryly, watching her for a moment. "I know things ended badly between us, but that doesn't mean I want to see you get hurt. Believe it or not, I still care about you."
Jordan scoffed louder than she intended.
"What?"
She blinked away a few stinging tears. The only thing that could make the night even worse was giving Darren the pleasure of seeing her cry. "I've learned to live with you hating me and even pretending like I don't exist. I'm not sophisticated enough to pretend like it doesn't hurt, or even that it's gotten any easier with time, but I'll survive. What I can't handle is you treating me the way you do and then, when I finally think it's safe to let my guard down, pretending like you give a damn about me. That's crueler than whatever Allison is trying to accomplish by throwing your wedding plans in my face."
"Hate you?" Darren frowned, grabbing her hand so she couldn't turn away. "Is that what you think? That I hate you?"
"Of course you do," Jordan said, shirking away. She stumbled again and this time it was all the way into his arms. Her attempt to shield her watery eyes from him was undone as a tear slipped down her cheek and she found herself staring up at him, their faces barely an inch apart.
Darren held her firmly no matter how she tried to pull away, his fingertips digging into her shoulders. He clenched his jaw as he always did when he was about to let her hear it, but he finally righted her again and took a purposeful step back, letting his hands fall to his sides. "I don't hate you, Jordan. I can't," he said in a defeated tone. "It's not you. It's not anyone. I've just been...off these past few months. At first I thought it was because of the breakup, and that if I avoided you as much as possible things would finally go back to normal, but they haven’t.”
"What are you saying?" Jordan asked shakily.
He hesitated and finally shook his head as if he'd succeeded in talking himself out of something. "Nothing. All you need to know is that I have been avoiding you, but it's not because I hate you. Not that it's working anyway." He looked off into the woods, running a hand through his hair as he sighed. "I don't know, maybe now that we're both seeing other people we could try to be friends. We've never really done that."
"No, we haven't," Jordan said, watching him warily. Darren was right about one thing, something was going on with him. He hadn't even finished his glass of wine--or touched his food, for that matter--so she knew it wasn't the alcohol. Something was just...off. "I'm not sure Allison would like that, though."
"Allison doesn't get to decide who I'm friends with," he said in a curt tone. "Besides, it's not like you're the only woman in Cold Creek I've dated."
Of course not, Jordan thought with more bitterness than she would have liked to admit.
"I guess it's up to you," she said. The idea of having him be so close without being hers seemed almost as painful as not having him in her life at all--almost.
"It's settled, then.” Neither of them seemed to know what to do with the long pause that followed, but Darren was the first to break it. "You still haven't brought that cat in for his shots."
"I found a vet up in Boston,” she said dryly. "I figured there was less of a conflict of interest."
He cracked the first smile she had seen from him in months. "Fair enough."
"What's his name?"
"The vet?"
"No, the cat."
"Oh," she said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Hermes."
"Like the god?” he asked, tilting his head.
“He certainly thinks so.”
Darren chuckled.
The door to the veranda slid open and Jordan's relief at being rescued was short-lived when the sound of high heels clicking across the floor signaled Allison's entrance. "There you are," she said, looking between the two of them in what Jordan could only read as mounting panic. "Both of you. How nice."
"I dropped my phone in the pond and Darren came out to help," Jordan said, holding the damp phone up as evidence.
Darren gave her a grateful look before he went to join Allison. "I've got an appointment in the morning, so I'll go pay the bill and we'll get going."
“Chase already took care of it," said Allison. "Before you get mad, he said it was an engagement present."
Darren's nostrils flared in anger. "Dammit, Allison," he muttered before stalking inside, likely to wrestle Chase for the check.
Men.
And just like that, Jordan found herself alone with Allison. She could think of any number of venomous, predatory creatures she would have preferred to spend time alone with and the list grew longer as the woman walked toward her. Tarantulas, wasps…she had even seen a rattlesnake at a tent revival once in Mississippi that looked much friendlier than Allison did.
"I know what you're doing," Allison said in a knowing, almost patient tone. "And just so you know, it's not going to work."
Jordan stared blankly at her. "I'm sorry, what?"
"The innocent little girl act?" Allison folded her arms. "Darren might have fallen for that once, but he's with a real woman now. Grown-ups don't have time for all your little hocus pocus slumber party games. Darren thinks you're a joke and the only reason he hasn't pursued fraud charges against you is because he feels sorry for you. Stick with Chase and thank your lucky stars he's willing to put up with you, even though it's probably only because he has a chubby virgin fetish."
The rest of her words rolled off Jordan's back--she had grown up hearing far worse from her own mother on a daily basis--but the last two pierced straight through her heart. "Excuse me?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, was that a secret?" Allison asked in a baby voice. "Don't worry, Darren found it more sad than funny."
"You're lying," Jordan said through gritted teeth. "Darren would never have told you I was…”
She couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence. Not because she was particularly ashamed of being a virgin, but because she didn’t want to believe that Darren was capable of betraying such an intimate secret to a woman who obviously despised her.
"Oh, but he did," Allison said in a mockingly sympathetic tone. "Not that he needed to. You reek of desperation, sweetie. He's just glad he dodged a bullet. He said you were clingy enough when you were dating and he couldn't imagine what you'd be like if he actually took your virginity. Guess it's a good thing you didn't stick around for the double feature, hm?"
Jordan could no longer see through the tears of rage and hurt in her eyes. So he had told her. How else would that night at the theater have come up? All the hope of reconciliation her talk with Darren had inspired in her was dashed in an instant.
Jordan stalked down the stairs and took off running. She knew she was just proving Allison right by acting like a child, but she didn't trust what she would do if she stayed on that veranda one more second. Power was surging from her core out through her fingertips like she hadn't felt since raising Darren from the dead. She didn't know where that power would go if it was allowed to escape or what the consequences would be and she wasn't inclined to stick around the crowded restaurant to find out.
Thirty-One
Jordan had only intended to run to the parking lot, but her legs kept going without her input. Before she knew it, she was so deep into the forest that she couldn't even hear cars passing on the road anymore. By the time she stopped running, she was far enough away that there was no longer any need to hold back her tears.
Her heart felt like it was going to explode, but it wasn't from the physical exertion. She fell to her knees and if she had been in a different frame of mind, she might have noticed the grass that was singed by her fingertips as they dug into the earth.
So that was all she was to Darren--a joke. She had exposed all of herself to the man, let him see and touch places no one else had, and he had turned that secret and who knew how many others into a joke to be shared with the woman he really loved.
Jordan hoped the two of them had gotten a good laugh, because it would be the last one Darren St. Clair wo
uld ever have at her expense.
"Jordan!" A man's voice echoed through the forest and she heard the tree leaves rustling.
The grass beneath Jordan's hands sizzled but her pulse was rushing too loudly in her ears to hear it clearly. As the voice grew closer, she realized it was just Chase. Her anger began to subside, but only slightly.
"Are you hurt?" he asked, rushing to Jordan’s side and running his fingers through the veil of her tousled hair to get a better look at her face. Darren could think whatever he wanted about the man, but if the concern Jordan found in his gaze wasn't real, nothing was. "What happened?"
"I'm fine," she said robotically, wiping her eyes with the back of a grass-stained hand.
"You don't look fine," he said worriedly. "Did something happen with Darren?"
"Don't say his name," she snapped. Even she was surprised by the venom in her tone, but she couldn't quite bring herself to apologize for it. She had run as far from herself as from Allison and she could still feel the energy burning under her skin. Usually it only surged like that when Hermes had her work a spell, but this time, there was nothing to siphon it off. "I don't want to talk about him."
"Alright," Chase said calmly, helping her to her feet. "It's fine if you don't want to tell me what happened, but I should at least get you home."
"Not yet," Jordan murmured, draping her arms around his neck to pull him closer. Her lips hovered a fraction of an inch away from his. Touching him eased the burn and when they were close, she felt a little less in danger of being consumed by the blaze. "There's no reason to head back so soon. It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"
Chase hesitated, following her gaze through the trees where the moonlight was gently sifting through the branches like fingers through a lover’s hair. "It is," he agreed, "but you're obviously upset."
"I'll be less upset if you just kiss me," she murmured.
"Jordan --"
She grew tired of waiting for him and stood on her toes to do the job herself. As expected, the intimate contact quelled the flames even further. Jordan found herself drunk on desire once more, but even though it only muted the sting of betrayal, it was a much stronger craving than what she’d experienced in Hermes’ arms. It wasn’t just her that desired Chase anymore. Her energy itself had chosen him, and even if he didn’t yet recognize the bond between them, Jordan knew that solidifying it was the only way she was going to be able to put out the fire. Or keep her sanity.
She felt more than a little guilty about using him as a distraction from her heartache, but the hunger to merge his energy with hers swallowed up all other emotion, guilt and pain included. It was an escape and she needed it so desperately.
Chase’s hesitation faded as soon as their lips met, but when he reached to draw his arms around her waist and pull her closer, she broke off the kiss and took a step back. Crooking her finger with a mischievous smile, she beckoned him to follow her toward a carefully concealed clearing. The anger that had overtaken her moments ago blended so seamlessly with lust that she had to wonder if the line between them was all that solid.
When Jordan's fingers tugged at the knot in Chase’s tie, he said nothing, but once half the buttons on his shirt were undone he grabbed her hand to stop her. "Jordan, whatever happened between you and Darren --"
She pressed a finger against his lips to silence him. "This has nothing to do with him. This is between you, me and the moon."
His blue eyes showed a war between his nobility and his desire. This time there was no questioning that it was there. Chase Wilde might not have been a killer, thought Jordan, but he was still a man. Her mother had warned her that it was only a matter of time before a man's facade of chivalry gave way to his base nature. The warning had once inspired a deep mistrust of the male of the species in Jordan, but that night she found herself hoping it was true.
Chase’s internal conflict proved to be an opportunity and Jordan seized it, peeling off her shirt to cast it aside in the grass. The self-consciousness that usually plagued her seemed to have vanished with the last traces of hope that things between she and Darren would ever be the same. Maybe it was the energy or the moonlight or simply the fact that it didn't matter what Chase thought of her because no amount of rejection from him could ever come close to the pain of Darren's betrayal.
Chase stared openly and a million different emotions seemed to flicker across the usually placid mask of his face, but not one of them bordered on rejection. Curiosity, anticipation, lust in abundance--perhaps even a bit of guilt—but certainly not rejection.
"Jordan," he began hoarsely, "this probably isn't a good idea."
"Who are you trying to convince?" she asked, reaching for the hook of her bra behind her back. Once the clasp was undone, she took her time slipping it off and let one of the pink straps dangle enticingly from her finger before letting it fall to the ground. She cast a glance over her shoulder to find Chase standing where she'd left him, frozen. "You or me?"
His Adam's apple bobbed.
Jordan sank to her knees and knelt in the soft grass, letting her hands pass over the wispy blades in admiration. "No offense to that hotel room, but I think this is the real honeymoon suite."
The rustle of footsteps was immediately followed by firm hands on her shoulders as Chase dropped to his knees behind her. He swept the hair away from her neck and she moaned as his lips found the crook between her neck and shoulder. He tasted her flesh like a man who hadn't known sustenance in a hundred years and slipped his hand around her to cup her breast. His other arm wrapped across her neck, keeping her pinned to his mostly bare chest as he left a trail of increasingly aggressive marks along her burning skin.
"Chase," she murmured, her tongue struggling to form the right name as she reached behind her to stroke his hair. His hand roved down her side and disappeared only to resurface at the hem of her skirt. It trailed up the inside of her thigh and his fingertips brushed over her panties as if seeking entrance. She shivered at the feather light touch and was caught off guard when his hand slipped inside the confines of the silky fabric. He worked a finger just inside her entrance as he continued nipping lightly at her neck but she let out a small gasp of pain when he tried to push another finger inside of her.
His hand quickly retreated, and when Jordan turned to face him, his gaze was full of worry. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, I…” She trailed off, realizing she should probably let him know what he was in for. “I’m technically still a virgin.”
His eyes widened. “Oh.”
"Um, yeah," she said, realizing that she wasn't magically immune to self-consciousness after all. "Is that a problem?"
"No, it's just that I didn't expect--" He cut himself off, hesitating. "It's just that your first time should be special."
"I'm kind of tired of hearing that," she admitted. All her life, Jordan had been told that her real power as a woman was between her legs and that as soon as she gave it up, men would be free to use her however they liked. As far as Jordan was concerned, they had already been using her for her entire life. She decided that she would rather be judged for what she had done rather than have her entire identity based on what she hadn't. "I'm tired of waiting for the perfect time."
She was tired of waiting for the perfect person, too, but Chase didn't need to know that. The perfect person was taken and, as she had so painfully figured out, he was kind of a jerk.
Chase seemed to be at war with himself again. The battle came to an end at long last and before she knew it, he had her pinned to the ground and his lips crushed hers with a dizzying amount of force. Jordan decided she liked this new side of the usually reserved lawyer. He was so hesitant, but it seemed that once he’d made his mind up about something, he was as insatiable as she’d become. When he kissed her like that it was impossible to care about much of anything, including Darren. His kiss, his touch seemed capable of making her forget all the things that haunted her, even if it made her forget her better judgment in the process.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and moaned her approval as his hand crept between her legs. He slipped her panties off and pushed her thighs open before settling between them. A few minor adjustments and she felt his hardened shaft pressing against her.
"I'll try to be gentle," he murmured, gradually settling his weight on top of her. Jordan nodded, her breath shallow as she felt her energy surge in response. She had tried to push the horror stories she had been indoctrinated with out of her mind, but they all flooded back at once now that the experience she had only ever heard and fantasized about was about to become a reality.
Chase kissed her again and laced his fingers with hers, pressing her hands into the earth. The gentle touch was enough to distract her from her mild apprehension and as he guided himself into her, the slight pain fell far short of her expectations. The pleasure of his body pressed to hers and his tongue exploring her mouth was more than an adequate distraction until the pain faded entirely.
He kept his promise about being gentle even though she could tell that it was taking a great deal of restraint. The deeper he pushed inside of her, the more intense the pleasant warmth became. Jordan's fingertips dug into his back, begging him to come closer. Once he was all the way inside, he stilled for a moment and Jordan felt like he was filling all of her, body and mind. How he seemed unaware of the swirl of energy between them was beyond her. He was in her lungs, her pores, her soul itself. It was the most dizzying, intoxicating bliss she had ever experienced.
"Are you alright?" Chase asked huskily, searching her face for any sign of distress. Jordan thought his eyes looked a bit strange, but it was hard to tell under the moonlight.