by Lesley Crewe
Matt did as he was told. Ashley looked to him for reassurance and he gave her a thumbs up before she disappeared behind the closed door. A couple of minutes later both she and the nurse reappeared and they continued down the hall. Ashley knew she looked ridiculous in the horrid green robe that was ten times too big for her. She hoped she didn’t run into anyone she knew.
The nurse opened another door and led the two of them into a darkened room. “Matt, you sit here, and Ashley, you make yourself comfortable on the examination table and the technician will be right in. Did you drink the required amount of water before you came?”
“Yes. I’m not going to be able to hold it much longer.”
“Everyone says that,” the nurse laughed. “She won’t be a moment.”
Once she left, Ashley looked at Matt. “I’m nervous.”
“They say it doesn’t hurt.”
“It’s not that. I’m afraid to see the baby on the screen.”
“Why?”
“Because then it will be real.”
Matt nodded and looked at the floor.
The technician walked into the room and greeted them warmly. “There’s nothing to be afraid of,” she said. “I’m going to put some jelly on your belly…sorry, hospital humour…and then you’ll see your baby. Look at the screen and I’ll show you when I have something. If you’d like to get closer, Dad, feel free.”
Matt looked confused for a moment. Then he rose from his chair and went over to the other side of the table, taking Ashley’s hand in his own. They watched in silence as the blurry black-and-white images flickered on the screen.
Ashley couldn’t make anything out. “I don’t know where to look.”
The technician kept her eyes on the screen as she pressed against Ashley’s abdomen in a circular motion. “Look right in the middle of the screen. Do you see the pulsing? That’s your baby’s heart.”
Ashley’s own heart skipped a beat. “Look, Matt! Do you see?”
A grin broke out on Matt’s face. “Yes, I see it. That’s cool.”
“And here’s the baby’s head.” She pointed with a finger on the screen. “And look here, you can see the fingers.”
The young parents were speechless. They looked at the screen in wonder.
“I don’t think I want to know what the baby is,” Ashley said. “Do you?”
“It doesn’t matter to me. We’ll call it Fred.”
“Fred? After your dog?”
“I love Fred.”
“What about Merlin?” Ashley laughed. “He might get jealous.”
“Don’t tell him.”
“All right, Fred it is.”
A sudden peace came over Ashley. This pregnancy had been nothing but anxiety, fear, and remorse until this moment. As she watched her baby’s fingers open and close, she was filled with an overwhelming love for this tiny being, brought into the world by her and Matt’s love.
When Matt dropped her off, he took another look at the picture the technician gave them before they left.
“I wish I could take this home and show Mom. Maybe she’d change her tune.”
“If you’d like to take it, you can.”
“No, you show it to your mom first. She deserves to see it.”
“I better go. I love you.”
Matt kissed her and then put his hand on her belly. “Bye, Fred.”
Ashley got out of the car and practically skipped into the house. Her mother was waiting for her at the kitchen table, a worried expression on her face.
“How did it go? Are you all right?”
“I’m more than all right. Do you want to see Fred?”
“Fred? My God, is it a boy?”
“We don’t know. We just named the baby Fred. It’s better than calling it Bump.”
Bay held out her hand. “Oh, gosh, let me see.”
Ashley sat beside her mother and handed over the picture. Bay looked at it closely. “What am I looking at?”
Ashley pointed out the round shape of the baby’s head. “This is a side view. Look closely and you can see the nose.”
The vague image suddenly became clear. “Oh, my, look at that. That’s your nose!”
“Is it?” Ashley squealed.
Bay shook her head, as if in disbelief. “Isn’t that something? Dear little soul.”
“Is this what you felt when you had me? Suddenly feeling so happy?”
Her mother didn’t answer her. She stared at the picture.
“Mom?”
“Yes, honey. I was very happy.”
The back door opened and Tansy walked in, coming home from work and looking done in as usual.
“Look, Tansy, come and see Fred.”
“Fred?”
“My baby. They gave me a picture to keep.” Ashley held it up for Tansy to see. “This is the head and there’s the nose. Mom says Fred has my nose. Isn’t that amazing?”
Tansy stared at the picture. When she didn’t say anything, Ashley looked at her. “What do you think?”
“It’s overwhelming…” She handed back the picture. “Sorry.” She walked out of the kitchen and went upstairs.
“What’s wrong with her?”
“I think she’s tired.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Gertie knew she shouldn’t bother Bay with trifling matters when Bay had so much going on, but she was starting to have second thoughts about her blind date. What if he was a lunatic? She showed up at Bay’s one night at suppertime. Bay was delighted. She was trying to get rid of her endless supply of zucchini. She filled a plate and placed it in front of Gertie.
“Thank you. So what should I do?” Gertie asked.
“Don’t go to an out-of-the-way spot, for one thing,” Ashley said between bites of breaded haddock.
“I know,” Tansy said. “Take him to the diner for coffee. That way I’ll be there and if he does anything inappropriate I can brain him with a frying pan.”
Gertie made a face. “That dive?”
“I’m only offering a suggestion. You’re the one who’s worried about going somewhere alone.”
“That’s a good idea,” Ashley said. “Do it on Saturday. That way Matt and I could sit in the next booth and size him up.”
“If that’s the case, I can come too,” Bay added. “We’ll give you our opinion.”
“I’ll be too nervous with all of you there.”
“Make up your mind, woman,” Tansy almost shouted.
“Okay, okay. The diner it is.”
The big day finally arrived. Peter Sullivan agreed to meet Gertie at Sonny’s Snack Bar. Gertie arrived a whole hour before the appointed time and Tansy ended up serving her four cups of coffee, which wasn’t such a hot idea. She was high on caffeine and had to go to the john every five minutes. Bay, Matt, and Ashley showed up ten minutes before Peter was expected to arrive. They sat in the booth across the aisle, all of them smirking and giving Gertie thumbs up.
“How do I look?” Gertie whispered.
They whispered back, “You look great!”
And she did. She’d been to the hairdresser’s earlier in the day and had on a new pantsuit from the Sears catalogue.
They counted down the minutes. Peter was arriving at four o’clock, so Tansy served Gertie another coffee and put a plate of French fries in front of the other three, who sipped their soft drinks, making them last.
At twenty after four the coffee, fries, and soft drinks were long gone. Everyone looked at their watches. Gertie turned a brighter shade of red as time went on.
“This is stupid,” she hissed at them. “He’s not coming. I never should’ve done this.”
“Maybe he got lost,” Bay said.
“How can you get lost in Louisbourg? There’s only one Main Street.”
At four-thirty, Gertie started to rise out of her seat. “That’s it, I’m going home.”
Just then, the door of the diner blew open, bringing in with it a giant, overweight Harry Potter. He filled the doorway, his dark hai
r on end and his round black glasses askew. His trench coat looked as if he might have slept in it. He looked around in a panic.
“Is Gertie here?!” he boomed.
Tansy, Bay, Matt, and Ashley were too surprised to speak. They pointed at Gertie, who was frozen in her seat.
“Gertie!” Harry Potter gave her a huge smile and produced a manhandled bunch of daisies from behind his back. “I’m sorry I’m late. I had to take my mother to choir practice.”
The five of them fell madly in love with him at that moment.
The worst part of Dermot’s day was going to the post office to pick up his mail. He had a knot in his stomach every time he walked up to the door and opened it to get to the mailboxes. For weeks Bay made a point of not looking in his direction, and it was only as the summer was drawing to a close that she’d nod or give him a quick wave.
Then came the day when he had to mail off a money order, meaning he had to go into the main part of the post office and speak to Bay across the counter. He gritted his teeth and did just that.
“Hi, Bay.”
She glanced at him and then down at her feet. “How are things?”
“Okay, I guess. Can I get a money order?”
“Sure.” She went about official business and had it done in no time. “Is that all?”
Dermot passed her the money and took the receipt. “No.”
She looked up at him and brushed her hair off her face. “What else can I do for you?”
“You can start speaking to me again. We were good friends, and I miss that.”
She surprised him. “I’ve missed you too.”
“I feel as if I’ve been cut off and set adrift. I don’t know how to approach you, because of…well, you know why.”
“You can say her name, Dermot. I’m not going to throw another stapler at your head.”
They smiled at each other.
“How’s your summer been?” he asked.
“Long and hot. But one good thing has happened.”
“Oh?”
“I’ve started seeing a therapist. I remembered what you said, and I needed someone to talk to since…”
“I wasn’t available.” He finished her sentence for her.
“Yes,” she smiled. “A lot of the things I had to get off my chest weren’t stuff my sister or daughter needed to hear.”
“No, I don’t imagine. How is Ashley, anyway?”
Bay frowned. “You’ve heard the rumours, then.”
“What rumours?”
“I forget you’re a man. Men don’t gossip as much as women do. I might as well tell you, since everyone knows anyway, thanks to Matt’s bigmouthed mother.” She paused. “Ashley’s pregnant.”
That was the last thing he’d expected her to say. He tried to hide his dismay but didn’t do a good job.
“I know,” she sighed. “She’s had a rough go. We all have.”
“I’m sorry, Bay. That must be a terrible worry. Do you know what you’re going to do yet?”
She shrugged. “What can we do? She doesn’t want to give it up for adoption and I wouldn’t want her to anyway. It’s not quite the stigma it was years ago. People aren’t going to stone her in the street, although Matt’s mother might. That woman refuses to even discuss it. Apparently, it’s our problem and we can deal with it.”
“That must be hard on Matt.”
“Ashley tells me he broods about it. His mother’s harping at him to go to university and forget all about it, as if he didn’t have anything to do with it. What a woman.”
“Often anger is fright.”
“You sound like my shrink,” Bay laughed.
“Is he going to university in September?”
“No. His uncle suggested he keep working for him until he can figure something out. Who knows what’s going to happen? Even if they don’t stay together, Matt will always be the baby’s father, so I know he’ll be in our lives. But he’s a good kid. It’s just too bad his mother is part of the package.”
At that point they were interrupted with other customers coming through the door.
“I’d better go,” Dermot smiled. “Perhaps we can meet for coffee one of these days?”
Bay smiled back. “Okay. See you later.”
Dermot walked back to his truck feeling a whole lot better about everything.
Tansy had to get rid of the Porsche. She’d delayed long enough. Every time she went to put an ad in the paper, she’d chicken out. Luckily Bay never asked her when she planned on getting rid of it, but maybe she should have. It might have been the shove Tansy needed.
To sell that car was to turn her back on her old life once and for all. She’d never be able to escape if things got bad. And she knew that things could get bad very quickly if she wasn’t careful. It wasn’t about losing a car. It was about losing everything.
“Quit daydreamin’,” her boss shouted. “Table four needs cleanin’ up.”
She didn’t know where she was for a moment, but the mess at table four soon brought her back to reality. Was there anything worse than picking up someone else’s dirty napkin? She needed to get herself another job. Maybe she could be a chambermaid—but that involved grimy tubs and filthy sheets. She wrinkled her nose in disgust.
When Dermot said, “Don’t be so glad to see me,” she nearly jumped out of her skin. He stood only a few feet away from her with a bemused look on his face. She was aware of her heart pounding too fast.
“Lord, you scared me. What are you doing here?” She grabbed a handful of dirty dishes and walked by him.
He sat down at the lunch counter. “I could ask you the same thing. Do you work here?”
Tansy looked down at her non-descript black slacks, white cotton blouse, and sensible shoes. “Do you think I’d be wearing this if I wasn’t?”
“But why here? Surely you can find a better job?”
She took the cutlery from the plates and wiped off the leftovers into a trash pail. “Let me know when there’s a fashion shoot in town. I’ll apply immediately.”
He didn’t say anything and she was sorry she’d shot her mouth off. His dark eyes met hers and he didn’t look away.
Stop that.
She wiped the counter in front of him. “Do you want some coffee?”
“Yes, please.”
Taking a cup and saucer from a plastic tray, she put it in front of him. She poured the coffee into his cup, spilling a little as she did.
“I saw Bay last week,” he said. “She actually talked to me.”
“How nice. Can I get you anything else?”
“I’ll have a cheeseburger, no fries.”
Tansy turned her head to the back of the shop. “One cheeseburger, solo.”
“She seems much better,” Dermot observed. “Said she’d go out for coffee with me someday. I think she’s forgiven me.”
“Don’t bring her here.”
There was a long silence. “Why not?”
Tansy kept her mouth shut.
Dermot took a sip of his coffee. “You don’t want to see us together?”
She continued to putter around behind the counter.
“Admit it.”
She was desperate to change the subject. “Will you sell my Porsche for me?”
He frowned. “What?”
“You heard me. I need to sell my car and I don’t know how much to ask for it. I figure you know more about it than I do.”
“Are you sure you want to part with it?”
She stopped wiping. “We need the money, okay? Can you do it?”
“Sure. I can ask around.”
“Thank you.”
A bell went off. The cheeseburger was done. She went over, collected the plate, and passed it to Dermot. He grabbed her hand. “Are you okay?”
“Let me go.” She pulled her hand away and went to serve another customer.
Ashley spent the summer as a camp counsellor in Mira. It kept her busy, and being busy was vitally important, because then she could sto
p thinking. She’d had it with thinking. If she never had another thought in her head for the rest of her life she’d be okay with that.
All her friends were busy with their summer jobs, so no one got together as often. Thank God Maribeth went out of her way to go shopping with her from time to time. When they hung out in each other’s bedrooms, Ashley almost felt normal. But the few parties that she did go to were awkward affairs. Some girls only wanted to talk about what it was like to be pregnant, and others didn’t say anything, just gave her pitying looks. The guys steered well clear of her.
The first time she waved her hand to get rid of the cigarette smoke around her, she could tell the smokers were annoyed, and when she said no to a beer, she felt like a freak. It was more than obvious that she wasn’t much fun to be with. Matt wasn’t available all that often either. He worked every hour he could to make money for them both, and while she appreciated his efforts, she still missed him a lot.
And then it was September and everyone was going away. Maribeth came over to say goodbye. She was leaving for St. Mary’s in the morning. Ashley sat on the bed and tried not to cry at the thought of her best friend leaving her. Maribeth handed her a small gift wrapped with ribbon.
“What’s this for?”
Maribeth shrugged. “Something I want you to have.”
Ashley smiled. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
She tore off the wrapping paper and opened the little box. Inside was a baby-buggy charm for her charm bracelet.
Maribeth reached over and hugged Ashley. “Remember when we bought our bracelets? How happy we were? I always want you to be that happy.”
They held onto one another for a few moments before Ashley pulled away. “It’s so cute. Thank you, I love it.”
“Good.”
Ashley put the charm to one side and leaned back on her pillows. “I can’t believe you’re leaving tomorrow. I’m already lonely.”
“You have Matt.”
“What if he leaves me? What if he finds some skinny girl and dumps me?”
Maribeth got up from the bed and wandered over to Ashley’s makeup table. She sat down and started opening eye shadow containers and then clicking them shut. Because she didn’t say anything, Ashley got worried. “You think he will?”