by J. S. Finley
“Awesome.” Chris slapped him on the shoulder. “Follow us. If you get lost, we live off Westminster. Do you know the area?”
He shook his head. “Um, not really.”
“Okay, I’ll send you the address so you can find it if you get lost in traffic. Give me your number.” Chris pulled out his phone and typed in Jake’s number. It was weird finding guys he could be friends with. The military had changed him too much to go hang out with most college guys. Maybe his perspective was skewed since he was in college and the guys here were young. It seemed the students’ struggles were incredibly petty. He wanted to punch them in the face instead of listen to their worries. It didn’t work out well for any of them.
Before taking off, Jake shook their hands then waved before he started his car. His stomach flipped at the thought of hanging out with people who were older, not so immature. It wasn’t the college kids’ fault Jake couldn’t connect with them. The war had hardened him. Maybe going to Chris and Will’s house was a huge mistake, but he needed someone to call friend.
Chris and Will intrigued Jake. He’d heard talk about gay men, and he’d heard the stories of how disgusting they were, but he’d never really spent time with guys who were gay—or had he? Chris looked like everyone else. Last night, when he had confronted Jake on campus, he’d assumed the guy was straight. Hell, he assumed everyone was straight. It was weird knowing someone was gay. On the other hand, maybe it wasn’t so weird and he’d known gay guys all along. Confusion swirled through him as he dissected his beliefs on what gay men should look and act like.
He followed behind Chris, crossing over the freeway without issue. There was little traffic, so driving through Midtown wasn’t bad. He saw few people out on the streets; mostly it was people in cars on the highway.
They ended up in a nice neighborhood, one he’d never been in before. Chris pulled to a stop outside a green house, which looked similar to one his grandmother had lived in. He got out of his car and stretched his arms over his head as he glanced around. The area was quiet, and all the houses were decorated with lights, which were beginning to shine as the sun dipped low behind the trees. A few lawns had white-lit reindeer, and one had a sleigh full of bright presents. It was the type of neighborhood families with money lived in.
Will and Chris hopped out of their car, their smiles wide. Jake still felt odd, but being with this pair made him feel almost normal. He wasn’t as irritated and his headache, which had been with him for the last few months, calmed a little.
Chris and Will’s house was nicely decorated with colored lights framing the roofline. They didn’t have any other decorations in their yard though. It was obvious one or both of them had money. Living in this neighborhood on a cop’s salary would be tough, so it had to be Will who made the money. They stepped into the house, and Jake was blown away. Though the houses were older, inside, this place was modern.
“I’ll be right back,” Will said before he disappeared.
“Restroom is through here,” Chris pointed down a hall.
“Thank you.” He was a little self-conscious and wasn’t sure exactly what to do. It had been a long time since he’d been to someone else’s house. It was almost like he’d forgotten how to behave on his own after being in the military.
Will reappeared and had changed into sweats and a ratty T-shirt. He grabbed a sweatshirt from a closet and tugged it over his head.
“Will is a slob,” Chris said.
“I am, but Chris still loves me.”
Chris gave him an indulgent smile and nodded. “I do.”
Will grabbed three wine glasses from a cabinet. “Do you have a preference for wine?”
“No, honestly, I don’t drink much wine.”
“That’s okay; I’ll go with something smooth.” Will looked like a kid in a candy store as he pulled bottles from a refrigerator under the cabinet. “I found it,” he declared as he lifted a bottle.
“He’s really into wine.” Chris moved closer to Will and patted him on the shoulder before leaning in to give him a lingering kiss.
The sight of them kissing made Jake’s stomach twist. He looked away, staring out into the back yard. After his brain cleared a little, he noticed his cock was starting to wake up. Why was he having such a weird reaction to two guys kissing each other? Maybe it was just the thought of sex. He hadn’t gotten laid in a long time, not that he wanted to hook up with some random woman. But being so close to two people who were obviously into each other was turning him on.
He pushed away thoughts of sex and turned back to the pair. They were a cute couple, even if they were two guys. He took the glass of wine Will offered and took a sip, surprised by how good it tasted.
Chris took a sip then smiled at him. “I’ll put out some crackers and cheese to snack on. We have a pizza for later. Please stay as long as you like, Jake. We’re happy to have you here.”
He gave a tight smile and tried to relax. “Thanks. I do feel a little weird being here on Christmas.”
“Don’t,” Will said. “This is what Christmas is about. Inviting strangers in, welcoming them to your house.”
Jake laughed. “I’m hardly pregnant, and this house is a far cry from a manger.”
Will chuckled and handed him a plate with cheese and crackers. He took a bite and moaned. “Thanks, this is good.”
“My favorite cheese.” Will cut more cheese, placing it on a tray. “We were lucky. My grandmother owned this place, and she practically gave it to me when I was twenty. It needed a lot of work, and I’ve spent the last few years updating everything.”
Chris laughed. “When we met, it was ugly inside. He’s done more than update the place; he’s made it into a beautiful home.”
Will bumped Chris’ shoulder and smiled. “It was a labor of love.”
They moved into the den, which was decorated warmly with overstuffed couches and rich woods. He took a seat in an exceedingly comfortable chair while Chris set up the movie. It was nice to relax with these two guys. He’d been missing the companionship being with men brought. He liked women, but there was always an edge there, something brewing in the background, like he was a piece of meat on the auction block. With Chris and Will, it was comfortable.
He must have fallen asleep at some point. When he sat up, neither Chris nor Will could be found. He stood and stretched, realizing the sun was down and a half-moon was shining through the windows. He’d stayed way too late.
Will came into the room and gave him a brilliant smile. “You were out fast. Slept through the first movie. We have pizza.”
He felt weird. He’d been a terrible guest. “I should be going.”
“Don’t be silly.” Chris came in and handed him a plate with a couple of pieces of pizza. The food smelled terrific, and the guys were being nice. Maybe he could stay.
“I need to use the restroom.” Jake set his pizza on the table and Chris led him down the hall to the bathroom.
After finishing up, he washed his face and felt better, more alert. He made his way back into the den where they were set up and glanced at the screen, breaking out in a cold sweat. The scene was of the desert and something blowing up. He couldn’t handle watching a war drama, not yet.
Chris came in and their gazes met. Panic flared through Jake, and he wanted to run. Chris turned to see the screen as an action sequence previewed. Jake’s stomach twisted.
“Sorry about that; we’ll change to something else.” Chris moved to the cabinet under the TV and bent, pushing eject on the DVD.
“Hey, are we—” Will stepped into the room and froze.
Jake felt out of place with both guys staring at him. An uncomfortable edge filled him, twisting through his guts, making him sweat. The last thing he wanted was for this to be weird, and he’d made it incredibly weird. Watching war in movies still got to him. Eventually he might be able to watch some heavy action fighting, but for now, it hit too close to home. Memories of the friends he’d lost, their bodies shredded, were too fresh
“I-I need to go.” Jake turned, but Chris stepped in front of him, placing a hand on his chest.
“I can’t let you run out like this. I’m sorry. Will didn’t know you were a vet.”
Will sucked in a quick breath and moved close. “Oh gosh, I was trying to pick something other than a chick flick.”
Jake gulped in a breath and shook his head. “It…it shouldn’t bug me.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” Chris removed his hand and took a step back. “Have a seat and we’ll find something else.”
Jake slowly moved back to the chair he’d been occupying. He picked up the plate of pizza and took a bite, wondering how long he had to stay before Chris thought he was stable enough to leave. He wasn’t crazy, not like someone who needed help, but he wasn’t like he’d been before he left for war. Maybe he did need help, but asking was difficult.
They put in a movie about a blond chick who wore pink. Half the movie was over before he could pay attention to what was happening on screen. He was on edge, exhausted, and needed to be alone. If he took off now, maybe Chris wouldn’t stop him.
Jake stood and Chris paused the movie. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I just…I need to head home.”
Chris stood but didn’t move close. “Okay. You have my number, call if you need anything.”
Jake nodded and moved to the front door, ready to escape. He wasn’t used to being with other people for extended periods of time. This had been fine, but it was too much. Pressure built and he missed his guys.
“Thanks for everything. Bye.”
Jake controlled his breathing until he got to the car. Once inside the quiet sanctuary of his vehicle, he blew out an explosive breath. His hands shook as he shoved his key into the ignition. He drove on automatic pilot, paying no attention to anything other than seeking out his own place. He entered his shitty apartment, not even turning on the lights before sinking down on the tattered couch he’d bought off Craig’s list.
Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten out of the Marines. In the military, he knew what to expect. However, he’d hated the crap he’d had to deal with. He’d wanted freedom, but now, he had too much time to himself to think.
Somewhere along the way, darkness had crept in. He could handle other people in small doses, but too much and he freaked out. Watching war movies and fireworks exploding got to him, but his dark humor made it difficult to deal with people who’d never served in the military. His buddies understood him, but they weren’t here. He felt differently about life than most. Chris and Will were fine, but they were older. Will hadn’t known he would have an issue. He didn’t want them to cater to him, but he couldn’t take watching military stuff, not yet.
He’d lived a lifetime of hurt and pain while deployed with the Marines. Now he had to figure out how to survive out here among the people he’d been trying to protect from the dangers in the world.
Why Can’t I send these emails?
It’s been a while,
Some days are better than others. You get that, don’t you? I mean if you were at a ballgame and the fireworks started going off, you’d hold my hand and keep me safe, right? I feel a little lost and alone.
I’m desperate and depressed. Maybe not desperate, but I have these moments of panic. I feel something I’ve never felt before, and it might be about you. I’m obsessed. I know that.
I can’t send this note now, there’s too much to it. Maybe I should say what I’m thinking since I know you’ll never see this. I want you. There, now I’ve said it. Was it too much? Maybe I should tell you, but I can’t.
Still me…
5
Brent spent his time studying. Christmas hadn’t gone as planned. He and the guy he’d been dating ended their relationship after a huge fight over food. It was stupid. After the fight, he realized he was the one at fault, but he didn’t even try to make it right. He needed to focus on school and not some guy who was temporary at best.
When Jake had sent his phone number, he’d wanted to call, but there were too many weird feelings about the man still floating through his thoughts. He worked harder, concentrated on school, and ignored everything else. It was tough living so focused, but the sooner he finished, the quicker he could get a real life.
The guys continued to send notes of encouragement to each other. Everyone was progressing. Thomas had found a new job, which was great, and he was able to save even more money working on an upscale boat, which catered to the rich.
In May, Brent graduated with honors and secured a job contracting with a computer company writing code. It wasn’t exactly where he wanted to end up, but for now, it would get him money while he built his client base for his computer security firm. Being a virtual unknown wasn’t a positive, but he’d solved that issue when he identified the Chinese hackers who’d breached the FBI. His digging had earned him a name in the business and his first major contract. To make enough money to survive, he needed two more clients, which would come in time.
More emails came from his friends, and he spent his evenings reading and rereading their updates. It helped him stay connected, though he really wanted to see his friends.
Thomas lived the closest to him since they were both in Florida, but he hadn’t had time for a visit, and Thomas was working hard, taking every charter he could, and working doubles, weekends, and holidays. Thomas said he almost had the money to get his fishing charter off the ground, which was a very good thing.
Jake was close to finishing with school and only had a few classes. Lane was taking longer since he had to do his nursing rounds. Mike was the first to open his own business, a security firm, which specialized in working with celebrities. Clay was happy being a police officer.
None of them had huge news, and it sounded like life was coming together for his friends. He was happy for everyone, but something was still missing from his life.
A month after graduating, he traveled to Virginia. Since Clay lived nearby, he set up lunch with him. It was weird going to see one of the guys and not the rest. He arrived early to the restaurant and settled at a table, waiting anxiously to see his friend. When Clay stepped in, his heart lurched. He’d missed the guy.
“Clay.” Brent stood and waved in excitement.
Clay moved quickly, wrapping his arms around Brent. “God, it’s been forever. I miss you. It’s great seeing you.”
Brent’s eyes started to sting as he clung to his friend. He’d missed his men, his buddies. Life without these guys at his side was different. “Fuck, you’re going to make me cry.”
“Good, serves you right for having this meeting in a public place.”
Brent laughed, slapping Clay on the back. “How is the job going?”
“Good. I like being a cop. Less stressful than being in the Marines.”
Brent took a seat and rolled his eyes. “I bet.”
“So how is your company coming along?”
“Good. I’m here for a meeting with a prospective client. I need to get this contract, then I’m set for doing business on my own, and I can stop working for someone else.”
“That’s great.”
Brent sighed, his heart felt lighter and the ache behind his eyes seemed to lessen. “Man, I gotta tell you it’s great seeing you.”
Clay nodded, then his gaze went unfocused as he stared at the table. “It’s been hard adjusting. I’m doing okay. I think being on the force helps, but I counted on you all, and I can’t find anyone dependable like you guys were out here.”
Brent nodded, understanding exactly how Clay felt. “I know. It has been lonely. I wish we could get together.”
Clay met his gaze and swallowed. His friend looked a little edgy, sad. Brent needed more time with Clay, and he needed to find out why he seemed so worried.
“I am meeting with Lane in two weeks. I’ll ask him if he has any ideas.”
The waitress came by and took their orders. They chatted about life and their jobs. Clay told him a few wild stories from wo
rking the streets. The drugs in the city caused people to do stupid things and then Clay had to get involved. Their food came and they ate, talking little. When they were almost done with the meal, Clay got the weird look in his eyes again.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
Clay shook his head. “Nothing.”
“No, you ignoring the issue won’t fly. It’s me, Brent. You can talk to me about anything.”
Clay picked up the napkin from his lap and wiped his mouth before tossing the napkin on the table beside him. “It’s nothing, really.”
“Tell me then.”
“There are some changes at work. I don’t like them.”
Brent nodded and wiped his mouth, thinking before he spoke. Clay was a good man, levelheaded, smart, compassionate. If he thought there was a problem, then there probably was a problem.
“You know, sometimes rules are made that can’t be followed.”
“I know. I’m worried about following these new protocols.”
Brent tapped the table. “You need to keep yourself safe.”
“I will. Don’t worry about me.”
Brent blew out a breath and shook his head. “Of course I’m going to worry about you.”
Clay chuckled. “I swear I’ll be safe.”
“Okay.” Brent checked his phone; he had about thirty minutes before his meeting. “I’m sorry I have to break this up, but I have to get to my meeting.”
“That’s okay, I need to head to the station for a meeting. It was great seeing you. I’ll talk to Lane about trying to set something up.”
“Awesome.” Brent hugged Clay close, wishing life were simpler. Having his own company would make everything better, but still, his personal life was messed up. He needed to get it together and find someone to share his life with. He didn’t want to settle, and making a commitment to any of the guys he’d met so far would have been settling. Maybe his old attraction to Jake was getting in the way. The man didn’t return his desires so he should stop even thinking about a relationship with him. Being friends should be enough.