Dale’s expression was bewildered. ‘I thought you were meant to be smart.’
‘Um … thanks?’ It was worded like a compliment but didn’t sound like one.
‘Right, well, you realise that most guys would be, like, stupid jealous of you? Bloody hell, I’m stupid jealous of you, which is something I never thought I’d say.’
‘That doesn’t help!’ I got to my feet and started to pace. ‘I’m not … There will be absolutely nothing for you to feel jealous about if they find out about each other, alright? So what do I do?’
There was silence.
It took me a few seconds to realise that, for maybe the first time in recorded history, Dale Dickson was thinking.
‘Okay, so you’ve managed so far, right?’ he said. ‘You haven’t let anything slip, and none of the staff have either. Plus you’ve managed to convince both girls to fall for you, which is awesome. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re pretty good at this stuff. So what makes you think this weekend is going to be a disaster? Turn up, play your cards right, nail the race, you might end up in a threesome.’
I shot him a withering look.
He grinned. ‘Joking. But you’ll only have to see them Friday and Saturday evening, right? They’ll be out skiing during the days. Plus they’ll probably have to have dinner with their parents in there somewhere. If they do that at different times, juggle when you turn up. Or else, like, take Juliet to your room again.’
I rolled my eyes and tried to push away the thrill I felt at that thought.
‘Point is, you can handle it,’ Dale said. ‘Get through the weekend, and you’re home free.’
‘For now,’ I said, but I had to admit that he had a point. If I could survive the weekend, I could buy myself some more time. Maybe keep things up until the season was over and then …
I closed my eyes.
‘Something wrong?’ Dale asked.
‘I dunno. I feel like I’m kidding myself. I mean, Juliet lives in Melbourne, right? Even if this works out, what happens when the season’s done? I’ll never get the chance to see her.’
‘That’s assuming you stay in this town.’
I looked at him, taken aback.
He shrugged. ‘You seriously telling me you’re gonna see out school here? All the smart kids get out of Snow Point. Go to boarding school or something. Half the reason people pick on you is because you’re one of the last ones left.’
I wasn’t sure what to say. ‘My parents can’t afford that.’
‘There are scholarships and stuff though,’ Dale said. ‘I dunno, man. I have no idea why you’ve stuck around.’
‘I’ve never thought about it before.’
A few friends from primary school had left for the city, but I hadn’t considered it as an option for myself. Now Dale Dickson, of all people, was putting the thought in my head. If boarding school was a possibility … It would be a fresh start with people who had no clue who I was, and the Gallagher had proved I could make that work. Plus, I’d be in the city, close to so many more opportunities. And, more importantly, close to Juliet.
‘Dunno why not,’ Dale said. ‘If it was an option for me, I would have gone for it in a second.’
‘Why wouldn’t it be?’
He nodded towards the compost bin. ‘Because I’m me. Can’t really change that.’
Dale’s words rang in my head as I headed back to class brushing rotten fruit from my uniform (people wrinkling their noses at me in the corridors) and as I walked home down the long road with the shape of the mountain hovering above.
I watched the peak and tried to arrange my thoughts; tried to work out the idea that was slowly dawning on me.
After a quick shower, I went straight to my room and took the Hannibal books from my shelf. I spread them out on my desk and stepped back, taking in the covers. All winter they’d fixated me. Why?
Hannibal Lecter was a monster who escaped from prison wearing the face of a dead guard, and ate the liver of a census taker with fava beans and a big Amarone (even if the movie apparently insisted it was a Chianti). He was famous for being pure evil, but really it was much more than that. Evil characters were everywhere and they didn’t endure for years. No, Hannibal was special. Hannibal meant something to me because I was so used to my life being out of my own control; used to being kicked down and treated like dirt and unable to do anything about it.
Would Hannibal put up with that? When his plans went awry, did he freak out and cry and resign himself to certain death? When Mason Verger kidnapped him and tried to feed him to the pigs, had he ever expressed fear or for a second seemed like he wasn’t in control? When Inspector Rinaldo Pazzi cornered him in Florence, had he given himself up, or had he used his intelligence to save himself?
Whatever else Hannibal was, he was in control. And hadn’t Hayley said that was the most important thing?
I’d never felt like I was in control of very much at all. And I’d always accepted it because … Because I’m me. Can’t really change that.
I reached out and touched the books. Did I have to just be me? Did I have to freak out and prepare for the worst? Or could I make the weekend work in my favour?
What would Hannibal do?
I could make this work. The weekend would come, I’d face it, and everything would be okay.
It had to be.
20
Arriving at the Gallagher on Friday evening, I refused to let nervousness get the better of me. I passed the reception area, not even looking to see if Robbie was there, and marched upstairs. I pushed away the racing panic as I entered the games room, and tried not to feel relieved as I saw it was empty.
I crossed to the coded door and went on through to my room. I dumped my stuff and sat on my bed, staring at the wall opposite and reminding myself of the mantra I’d been repeating all week.
I can play this game. I can make this work.
Well, I didn’t have to do it just yet.
I took a seat on the staff room couch and opened my book. The games room was where both Adele and Juliet would come looking for me and I couldn’t avoid it forever, but I could avoid it for now.
Just as I lifted my book someone sat across from me.
‘Excited about tomorrow?’ Charlie asked.
I lowered the book. ‘Yeah. Um. Yeah.’
‘I’d be freaking out if it was me,’ he replied. ‘Everyone watching you, times getting read out.’
‘The times get read out?’ I had to do my absolute best to keep the tremor out of my voice.
‘Maybe it’s just the winners.’ He shrugged. ‘I dunno. Races are too much, man. I stay well away. I’m working but I think everyone else is gonna try and get over to watch.’
My hands tightened around the book. ‘Everyone?’
‘Almost. I mean, you’re basically representing the Gal. All the lodges enter somebody – it’s kind of a competition – but none of us could be arsed doing it. You’re our only hope.’
It took me a few seconds to realise I was staring open-mouthed at him.
‘You okay?’ he asked, looking a little uncomfortable.
‘Fine.’ I tried to ignore how high my voice sounded. ‘Totally.’
I got to my feet to leave just as Dad entered from the direction of the kitchens.
‘Right, so Charlie and Michael have agreed to cover tomorrow,’ he told me. ‘The restaurant will be quiet anyway with the Whitt going on. Your mother and I will be there to watch you.’
I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen Dad look so happy or proud. By contrast, I’d never felt so far from either of those emotions.
‘We’re all rooting for him, Chef,’ Charlie said. ‘Even if we can’t be there.’
I turned and hurried for the door to the games room, fumbled to get it open, slipped through and shut it behind me. I took a deep breath. Tried to calm myself.
Hannibal would seem in control even if he wasn’t. He wouldn’t let something this trivial get him down. He would play everyone as if they were instruments and ar
rive at exactly the outcome he wanted.
I counted backwards from ten several times. I walked over and sat on the couch. Focused on my book.
And looked up to see Adele in the doorway, a massive grin on her face.
‘Hi Nelson!’ In seconds she had kissed me on the cheek and sat next to me.
I tried to look relaxed. I could say something clever. I could make this work – if it wasn’t for the claws ripping at my insides and making it hard to breathe.
What would Hannibal say?
‘Hi Adele.’
‘What’s wrong?’ Her smile faltered a little. ‘You look … I dunno. Terrified.’
I laughed and it sounded fake even to me. ‘No, not at all. Why would I be terrified? Everything’s great.’
‘Well, there’s the race,’ she said.
‘The race,’ I replied. ‘Yep. That’s why I’m scared.’
Adele raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re acting kind of weird.’
Any attempt to explain how not weird I was being died in my throat as Juliet plonked herself down on the couch across from us.
‘Okay, you would not believe the fight I just had with Mum and Dad,’ she said. ‘Seriously, I think half the restaurant saw it. I was like, “Guys, I’m fourteen and I don’t want to ski with you every weekend.” Which seems reasonable, right? I mean, Nelson, your parents don’t expect you to drop everything for them. Anyway, Dad was all “Why are you acting like this?” and Mum, who I’m pretty sure was drunk, got really upset and tried to guilt trip me. You know, “After everything we’ve done for you” blah, blah, blah.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘But I held my ground. Refused to back down. Told them I’m not a kid any more and they need to accept that, and they see me every day and don’t need me to be with them when we’re out on the slopes. Nobody’s gonna abduct me or anything. So, even though I’m pretty sure they’re not going to talk to me for a while, I think I can come out with you for once.’ She finished with a thrilled smile. ‘On Sunday, of course. I’m not missing the Whitt tomorrow.’
I could feel Adele’s eyes moving between us.
Juliet’s smile faltered at my expression. She looked at Adele.
‘Hi,’ Adele said.
‘Who are you?’ Juliet replied.
I tried to think of what Hannibal would do, but I was pretty sure he would quote some old Italian poetry and mention the Bible, neither of which I had much knowledge of. My plan suddenly seemed very flawed.
‘I’m Adele.’ She extended a hand and Juliet tentatively took it. ‘You?’
‘Juliet. I haven’t seen you up here before.’
‘We normally come up every two weeks but Mum and Dad changed stuff around for the Whitt. What about you?’
‘Every second weekend.’ Juliet looked from me to Adele. ‘How do you know Nelson?’
‘I’m here every week,’ I said quickly. ‘I meet most of the people who come through.’
‘Fair enough, I guess.’ Juliet looked back at Adele. ‘It’s just that he’s never mentioned you.’
‘Oh,’ Adele said. ‘Well, I mean, I haven’t heard about you before either.’
‘A lot of people come to the Gal,’ I said, wishing Matt was still around to help me. ‘I don’t like to … talk to guests about each other.’
I knew the moment I’d said it that it was a mistake. It managed to make me sound like I was juggling several relationships and that they were both only guests to me.
Feeling their confused gazes, I looked at my watch. ‘Hey, so Star Wars is on down at the Doon cinema. Starts in twenty.’
I didn’t think I needed to mention that I’d already seen it three times, or that I was well aware neither of their parents would let them go.
Juliet snorted. ‘Star Wars is for nerds.’
‘Brilliant,’ Adele said at the same time. ‘I’ll definitely come.’
Juliet looked between us. A flicker of uncertainty crossed her face. ‘Well, I mean … I’ll watch it. Might as well. Everyone at school’s talking about it.’
‘Won’t your mum and dad be weird about it?’ I asked, realising a moment too late that Adele had said she could go.
Juliet’s smile was forced. ‘Mum and Dad can deal with it.’
I glanced from her to Adele. ‘Okay, well … let’s … let’s go,’ I said, getting to my feet.
Part of me was hoping that making the move to leave would call someone’s bluff; that one, if not both, of them would back down with some excuse, but they both followed me out of the room and down the hall.
I said nothing as we walked, wishing every second for an interruption or distraction. Never had I so desperately wanted my parents to appear and demand I work in the kitchen. But nothing happened and within moments we were passing the reception desk.
I glanced over and saw Robbie. She looked at me, then at the girls, and a slight grimace came over her face. A grimace that very clearly said: I told you so.
I walked past her without speaking, and out into the snow.
The whole way to the cinema, Adele and Juliet exchanged small talk, asking about each other’s schools, friends and the rest. The whole time I was waiting for one of them to say something that would expose me, but it never happened. The conversation remained casual and cordial, and I kept quiet until we reached the cinema.
Access was down a set of stairs that led to a cramped box office and candy bar, both run by the same bored-looking woman. I got a ticket and some popcorn, then hurried into the tiny, already darkened cinema. There were only a few other people in there. I took a seat in the back row and wished I was anywhere else.
Within moments, Adele and Juliet had planted themselves either side of me. The trailers were playing and I hoped that would keep them distracted from more talk for a while. It seemed to, and by the time the blue words came up on the screen telling us how long ago the action of the movie was taking place and the proximity of the galaxy, I’d relaxed slightly.
But despite how awesome the movie was, my mind kept going back to the girls on either side of me and the fact that I probably wasn’t going to get out of this weekend alive. Only the final, epic battle managed to banish the situation from my mind for a few minutes.
‘Well, that sucked,’ Juliet said as the credits rolled. ‘You’ve got taste, Nelson – you agree, right?’
Hannibal would find a way to answer that question without answering it, by saying something that had multiple meanings and could be interpreted several different ways.
‘I dunno,’ I managed.
‘I thought it was really good,’ Adele said. ‘And tragic. And also, like, it’s Star Wars, so it was obviously awesome.’
‘Should we … head back to the Gal?’ I suggested. ‘Just, like … the race is tomorrow so I want to get some rest. Adele should too.’
‘You’re doing the race as well?’ Juliet asked her.
‘In the snowboard category, but yeah,’ Adele said. ‘Aren’t you?’
On the way back to the lodge, I tried to work out how I could handle this. It was now late on Friday. Tomorrow the race would keep me well away from both of them. If I vanished during the evening, maybe I could spend Sunday in hiding and then this would be over. So far nothing had gone wildly out of control. If I could keep up this balancing act for the next couple of days, things would go back to normal and everything would be okay.
‘Alright,’ I said as we arrived in the Gal’s empty, quiet reception area, ‘I’d better get to bed. See you in the morning.’
Juliet looked from Adele to me, then stepped forward and kissed me. We broke apart and I was reeling.
Adele was staring at me, open-mouthed. I tried not to see the hurt in her eyes.
‘Night,’ Juliet said, and after a pointed look at Adele she headed down the hall towards her family’s room.
I made myself face Adele and tried to look bewildered. ‘Well, um, goodnight,’ I said.
I ran up the stairs before she could speak.
I didn’t sleep well that night. Mostly
I lay on my bed staring at the cracks in the ceiling trying, and failing, to think about anything except the next day.
When I did occasionally manage to drift off, my dreams were of dangerous crashes, crowds of laughing spectators, angry confrontations, and desperate explanations that were ignored. I’d wake up, heart pounding and mind racing, then try to sleep again only for the same cycle to repeat itself.
Eventually, the sun crept through the blinds and I prepared myself for what felt like a walk to the gallows.
Hannibal would find a way to play all of this in his favour, but I was starting to think that taking advice from a fictional cannibal was probably as difficult as it was dumb. Because, as last night had proven, I just wasn’t that smart.
I glanced at my phone. It was 11 am. My race was at 1:30 and I was supposed to be there at least an hour early. We’d been sent a list of what order the races were happening in; every year they were mixed up to keep people from turning up only to see the adult races. How late could I afford to leave? I didn’t know when Adele’s race was, which meant I couldn’t be sure how high the risk was of running into her. Juliet’s kiss meant that Adele would definitely have questions I couldn’t answer, so the longer I could avoid facing her the better.
I closed my eyes. At a certain point it probably didn’t matter. They’d both be at the race. There was no way to avoid the confrontation.
My eyes flew open. Unless …
It was a crazy idea. Beyond crazy; it was ridiculous. But the situation was ridiculous, so it wasn’t like I could turn up my nose at any potential solution.
I hurried down the hall to Charlie’s room and knocked. No reply.
I knocked louder.
After a few seconds I heard shuffling and then the door opened, revealing a bleary-eyed Charlie wearing only tracksuit pants.
‘Nel?’ he croaked. ‘What’s up?’
‘Can I borrow your ski gear?’
‘Why?’
‘Because …’ I tried to think of a convincing lie. There wasn’t one. ‘Because if I turn up looking like myself there’s a pretty good chance I’ll be murdered.’
Charlie looked blankly at me for a moment. Then he grinned. ‘Girl troubles, huh?’
The True Colour of a Little White Lie Page 13