by Asrai Devin
Selene turned up the speed on the treadmill if she wanted to work out it might as well be running from her frustrations.
“I don’t know. Maybe a visit home or some sort of vacation would be best.” Heidi said.
“It’s not that far home, couple hour flight.”
Heidi turned up her speed, and they spent a few minutes in silence running away from their problems.
“I know you don’t want to hurt James. I want you to be happy,” Selene said.
“Four years and living together is a lot to end. I don’t know where would I go. He owns the condo.”
“I’ll help you. We’ll help you, me and Ben.”
“You don’t need my problems on top of your own. This is probably a rough patch because his case is taking so long. It will be better in a month.”
“Okay. I’m okay with that. I don’t want to push you. Especially if you have to leave the building. When will I see you?”
“I can still come work out here with you as a guest.”
Selene slowed her treadmill. “I’m done panting and sweating. I’m moving to the weights.”
Perhaps moving to the punching bag was a better idea, she could work out her aggression.
Selene started packing her suitcase when she got home. She heard Ben in the hall but dreaded the confrontation that would erupt if she saw him. She’d shout or cry. Or kiss him. Which he’d reject and it would make her cry.
She had her suitcase half full when she realized she wouldn’t be leaving even this week. She’d have to give him a chance to find a replacement for her. Which meant she’d have to tell him, and she didn’t want any further confrontation. She needed space to lick her wounds until she didn’t care for him anymore. And since she’d spent most of her life caring for him, she wasn’t sure it was even possible.
She put her stuff back in the dresser he’d purchased for her. She crawled into the bed he bought for her, the sheets they had bought together. Twenty-four hours ago he slept with her here.
But he wanted to keep her at arm’s length. He could take his stupid propriety and whatever else he had stuck up his ass and sleep with that at night.
And what was worst was she knew if he asked her too tomorrow or next week or next year, she’d drop everything and come running for him. He was her soulmate, if soulmates existed, Ben was hers.
She dropped her head into her hands.
Maybe she could go home for a few days, it would give her space to think and devise a plan to convince him what she knew already.
She turned off the light and crawled between the sheets. She would talk to him tomorrow about going home for a few days.
Chapter 15
Tuesday morning was bleak for her. They were cordial, but he remained at a distance. She didn’t even make breakfast. Her stomach hurt. She apologized, and he said it was fine, but there was a distance and she hated it. After the great weekend, now they were back to being part.
He sent her into their office, but he stopped to talk to his secretary. Lynn was happily married and had two children in college, but Selene was jealous that Ben was talking to her and not Selene. She couldn’t see them or hear them. She turned her computer on and looked at their schedule.
Ben came into the office with a slight smile. “What?” she demanded.
“Nothing. Looking forward to a good day at work?”
She scowled at him. He stared back with a confused look. She grumbled. Why wasn’t he talking to her? Touching her? Did he not want her anymore? Had she ruined everything?
None of that mattered since he hadn’t fired her and he had a meeting. She looked up at her from her desk. “You have two minutes to check your email, then Davis Montgomery is calling you.”
He made a face. Montgomery was a pain in his ass. “Thank-you,” he said.
“Stop whining.”
“Do you remember when I arrived at your house?”
That was a change in topic. “Which time?”
“The first time.”
Oh then. She had some memories. “I asked you to play tea party. In my defense, I didn’t understand you were sixteen. I knew a boy was coming to live with us and I thought ‘playmate’ not teenager.”
“I wanted to say no. Your mom tried to step in, but you looked as if you might cry and I didn’t want you to hate me on my first day.”
“Yeah well, you ruined everything that day. You spent the next three years playing tea party, barbies, and dress up with me.” She tried to keep her words light, her tone teasing, but her throat closed around her words.
“Those are some of my best memories, kitten.” His voice sounded strangled, emotional. Was he choked up? Was he as affected? He called her kitten. Maybe they weren’t that far apart. The knot in her stomach eased a little.
“Mine too. When you made friends and went out past my bedtime, I would do everything I could to stay up and say good night to you. Those two years we didn’t talk, it felt as if something was missing.” Her chest ached remembering. If being together would ruin everything between them, she could stop. She could be happy with only being friends with him.
She cleared her throat. “We have work to do.”
He gave her a half smile. She smiled back and opened her mouth to reply, but his phone rang. Her attention shifted as he hit the answer button. She pulled out her notebook and pen and got ready to take notes of the phone call.
Selene was ready to tell him, ask him, for a few days off to go home. But the phone rang before she could say the words. She feared he would say yes. And she also feared he would say no.
After the discussion of their early days together, she was dying to wrap her arms around him. To comfort the hurt boy he had been, still was in many ways. No one else would notice, no one but her who had known him longest.
Was she capable of shutting off her love? Could she stop wanting him?
By the time lunch came around she was tied in knots. She couldn’t eat when he offered her a sandwich from their delivery service. “I’m not feeling great.”
“You look pale. Maybe you should go home and rest.”
She stood and nearly swooned. He head spun and the world around her blurred together. “I was going to say I’m fine, but it seems I’m not.” She sat. Again. “Will you be okay without me?”
“I’ll be fine. Go home and rest. I’ll have Lynn call you a cab.” He looked at the phone. She was on lunch break. He used his computer, called the cab and took her downstairs.
“I’ll be home early to check on you. We’ll go out for supper if you are feeling up to it. We need to talk.”
She tried not to turn him down every time he offered to take her out. “I’ll text you.” That was a good compromise.
“No working. I’ll be home as soon as I can. We have reservations for seven.” He closed the cab door.
Reservations? We? He said the word as if she should know they had reservations. But he was gone, and she was zipping through the city to his condo.
Once she was inside she texted Heidi. They chatted off and on for the rest of the afternoon. Mostly talking about their lives in high school and college. Nothing serious. They were feeling far too serious this week.
Her mind was clear now that she was away from him. She needed ask for a couple of days to go home and see her mom. It was three now, it would take a half hour to drive to the office. She called a cab and went downstairs to wait.
Ben hung up the phone. He looked at the clock, fifteen after three, then he checked his schedule. Nothing else pressing for the last two hours of the day.
He logged off his computer and exited his office. “Night Lynn,” he said, as if it were closing time.
“It’s not even four.” She looked mortified when the words were out of her mouth. “Sorry, Ben. Have a good day.”
“Cancel anything you think needs canceling and go home early.”
“Will do. Good luck.”
“I will need it. See you tomorrow.”
This would work so
much better if it was a Friday. But Tuesday afternoon was what he got.
Traffic was light. The drive to the condo only took twenty minutes. He took the stairs, praying that she would still be there when he got there. If he lost her because his pride wouldn’t let him tell her this morning… he couldn’t finish that sentence.
He wouldn’t lose her. If she had left, he would chase her. To the ends of the earth.
He took the stairs as fast as he dared without losing consciousness. When he opened the apartment door, he held his breath. Was she there? Or had he chased her away?
He called her name. Silence greeted him.
He slammed the door and yelled her name while looking in every room. Her suitcase was at the end of her bed. His heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t gone.
He grabbed his phone, not knowing how he would speak. He called her cell and there was no answer so he called Heidi.
“You had better be making things right,” Heidi growled.
“I am, I swear. Is she with you?”
“No, forty minutes ago she said she was going back to the office.”
“I came back to the condo. We missed each other. I’m calling her again, if you hear from her, tell her to stay put.”
“What are you planning to do?”
“What I should have done from the start. Love her.”
“All right, if you screw this up, I will rip your balls off.”
“I promise. Thank-you for looking out for her.”
“Go before we miss her again.”
He sighed as he took the elevator back down. His heart couldn’t take anymore after finding the apartment empty, certain she’d gone to her mom’s.
He called her and left a message telling her to stay, he needed her. Then he rushed back to her.
He dropped his jacket on Lynn’s chair and took a deep breath. It was now or never. Either way, they’d never be the same.
Ben opened his office door. He looked to her desk, no Selene. Something moved out in the corner of his eye. “Selene.” She was behind his desk. He closed the door and locked it. “I went home to find you, but you weren’t there.”
“We missed each other. We have to talk.”
“Me first.” He loosened his tie until it hung loose. He’d dropped his jacket in the other room.
“You first? It’s always about you.” She crossed her arms over her chest.
He shook his head as he moved toward her, closing in on his prey. His eyes focused on the curve of her neck where it met her shoulder. If he couldn’t taste her soon, he would lose his mind. He thought he could keep her at arm’s length. He was a fool.
This had a chance go very badly. He had to find the right way to seduce her.
She put down whatever she was holding. She licked her lips.
“It isn’t about me. It’s about you. I’ve been foolish. I was trying to be noble, but I came out being an ass.”
She folded her hands on the desk. “I can’t disagree.”
“I didn’t listen to you, to what you wanted. I thought I knew what was best for you.”
“And now?”
He slipped behind her. He pressed his face into her hair and inhaled her sweetness. She tensed again as he moved down to kiss the spot behind her ear. He nipped the skin down her neck to the spot he fantasized about. He bit her hard enough to draw a yelp then he soothed the spot with his tongue.
Her voice shook. “What are you doing?”
“Tasting you. I couldn’t go another minute without it.”
She nodded as if he made perfect sense.
“And now, I want, I need you to know, I love you. I’ve always loved you. I want to know what you want.”
She sighed.
He kissed her neck. “What do you want Selene?”
“I came here to tell you I hoped to go home to see my mom.”
Hoped? Did she still want that? His mind raced. “We can go book you a plane ticket if that’s what you want.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want that now. I want what I’ve always wanted: You.”
“You still want me?”
“If you want me. I know people will think it’s hero worship or creepy. But who cares? You have always been there for me. You’ve always cheered me on.”
“And you’ve always loved me. I was scared of that for a long time.”
“Are you scared now?”
He peppered her neck with kisses. “I was so scared when I got home and you weren’t there. I thought you’d left me. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You wouldn’t. Even as I wanted space, it was only so I could plan how to show you we are meant to be together.”
She stood and shoved the chair out of the way. She plastered her entire body against him.
“Do you want to go home?”
He nuzzled her neck. “Why does going home sound dangerous? I want to take you out tonight. Do you want to go out with me?”
“Yes. God yes.”
She kissed him, her lips soothing him. She inflamed him, but he didn’t want to rush into sex. He wanted to savor every moment. He wanted go slow, careful, learn what she liked and didn’t like.
“Thank-you for not leaving me.”
“I would never leave you. I wanted to go home to talk to my mom, gather my bearings, make a new plan. I feared being with you would ruin everything for us that you couldn’t do it. That it was too much. I spent most of the day trying to determine if I could put my feelings for you aside.”
“Which feelings did you want to put aside?”
“Not love, I couldn’t do that. But needing you, wanting you. Maybe I could contain it.”
“We could try for a while. I think it’s bigger than either of us. You are the only one I could be with. You are the only one I could ever trust.”
“Why?”
He looked her over, seeing the girl she was when they first met and the woman she was now, all in one. He loved them in different ways. “Because you loved me when you were young, innocent, pure. You healed me. You saved me. If you weren’t there, I’m not sure I would have turned out the way I did. You gave me something to live for, a reason to smile.”
She turned away from him. “You might kill me with that.”
“What?”
Her eyes were shining with tears when she looked back at him. “True love speeches. Fate, meant to bes.”
“I don’t know if that’s romantic.” Was he capable of romance? That was her specialty. “You being there may not have been fate. It was a lucky coincidence you were there when I needed you.”
“It was fate. You saved me too, four years ago. I was sinking further every day, and you showed up and made me smile. And you kissed me and I believed in love again.”
“And I left you.”
“Looking back, it was better. I was too young. You were too busy. It’s better this way. We are more ready.”
“If we don’t hurry home, we won’t be ready for our reservations.”
“I guess this wasn’t as spontaneous as I thought.”
He put his arm around her. He kissed her head. They left the office. He grabbed his jacket on the way by without letting go of her. “No. I asked Lynn to make reservations this morning. Last night it occurred to me that I wasn’t listening to you. I was treating you like a possession or a child that need protection, instead of an adult who knew her own mind.”
“Thank-you for validation.”
“Thank-you for being patient while I figured it out. I planned to take you out, and after that I don’t know.”
“Seduce me?”
“If I tell you all my plans, none of it will be a surprise.”
“I don’t need surprises.”
“I still want to give you them.”
The future still held many unanswered questions, but she was his. And he was hers. As he’d always been. But now they both knew it.
When they got home for the restaurant, he kissed her inside the door. He pressed her against the wall and grabb
ed her chin. “For once I am glad we are home alone.”
She gasped and stared at him. In slow motion, he moved for her. He was going to kiss her. Her mouth went dry, and she forgot everything she knew.
His lips were firm and insistent. She parted to acquiesce to his demands, and his tongue stroked inside her mouth. The stubble around his mouth scratched her in the most stimulating way.
She grabbed a fistful of his shirt to make sure he would stay while he teased her. He kissed almost lazily as if he had been planning it; as if he had nothing else to do; as if he wanted her.
She moaned and his attention turned intense. He picked her up and carried her to the sofa, flipping the light switches he passed on the way, so they weren’t fumbling in the dark. Once she was on the sofa, she bit her lip and looked up at him. His dark eyes hot on her skin made her squirm restlessly.
How did he do that? How did he turn her own with a look? Would they make love? Would he go slow? Would he take his time with her? Would it hurt?
He put an arm around her and lowered her to her back. She looked up at him through her lashes wanting to feel his warmth and body against hers. He must have the ability to read minds because he leaned over her, his body weight balanced partially on her and partially on his knees and elbows around her. His arousal pressed against her sending a new wave of desire through her.
She bit her lower lip. This was usually where he stopped.
“You look worried.”
“Afraid you might stop again.”
He kissed her neck, nibbled her ear. “I never wanted to stop all those times.”
“Then why did you?”
“I was supposed to. I thought I would corrupt you.” He cut off further questions with another kiss. He cupped her breast, teasing her nipple through the thin fabric of her blouse. “God, I’ve wanted to feel you for so long. To taste you. To feel you shudder under my hand.”
She wanted him. She wanted to kiss him, to know she was his. To be claimed by him. “Please, Ben.”