“Yeah, but it wasn’t funny. I was shaking, and if it weren’t for Jason and Ryan, I don’t know what would have happened.”
“About that,” Sophie said, her tone malicious again. “I heard you guys have seen each other a few times. How was it?”
“Awkward and painful.” I sighed.
Rachel put her hand on my arm. “Jess, you’ve been through some pretty messed up stuff and, as far as we know, you never talked about it with anyone.”
Sophie set her empty ice cream bowl aside. “Talk to us.”
“It’s not something I like talking about.”
“We know,” Sophie said. “But maybe that’s exactly what you need, to vent about it.”
I played with my ice cream. “I talked to my grandma and also my best friend up there, Kristin.”
Rachel face fell. “Oh. That’s good though, right? I mean, you vented then.”
“I didn’t exactly vent. I just told them the events.” I put my half-eaten ice cream aside. “There isn’t much to vent though. Ryan broke my heart, and my father called me a slut and hit me in front of half the town. It’s done.”
“See, you think there’s nothing to vent about.” Rachel reached for my bowl of ice cream and started eating what I had not. “You need closure.”
That again.
“Yes,” Sophie said. “You should talk to Ryan.”
“Everyone keeps saying that. I’m sure he doesn’t even remember what he did and how that hurt me. Sometimes I even think he only remembers me or still knows my name because of my brother.”
Rachel dropped her spoon. “What?”
“You’re kidding, right?” Sophie asked, her eyes wide.
I looked from one to another. “What? No. Why?”
Sophie squinted. “Jason didn’t tell you what happen to him after you left? What he did?”
“Hm, I don’t know what happened, and Jason doesn’t want to tell me,” I said. Rachel exchanged a worried look with Sophie. “You guys are making me nervous. What is it?”
“Why doesn’t Jason tell you?” Rachel asked.
“He says that I should ask Ryan and have him tell me.” I grunted. “As if I would knock on his door and ask him. Besides, I don’t even know where his house is now. Apparently, he’s not living with his parents anymore.”
“He rents an apartment over the abandoned Blockbuster downtown,” Rachel said.
That was a half block from Alan’s company.
“Since when?” Again, they exchanged an odd look, and I clenched my fist around the spoon. “Come on, tell me.”
Sophie sighed. “I would love to tell you like it was juicy gossip, but this is serious. Ryan should be the one to tell you.”
A chill rushed down my spine. Was it that bad that even my girls didn’t want to tell me?
***
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered from the shotgun of Rachel’s car.
Sophie leaned forward between the seats and smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re doing this.”
I fidgeted with my nails, a nervous habit I had since my pre-teens.
Rachel reached over and rested her hand on mine. “It’s going to be okay. Ryan won’t be there.”
“That’s what you keep saying, but I guess I’ll only believe it when I see it. Or don’t see it.”
The slumber party went well last night. We actually went to sleep at five in the morning. Then the sun was up and bothering us, and we moved to my bedroom and slept until noon. Thank goodness, I made my own hours at work. Otherwise, I would already be fired. I went in at one and left at five.
At eight, the girls showed up, inviting me to watch a race. Inviting was actually a nice word for it. They practically hauled me into Rachel’s car. For a moment, I thought they would knocked me out, or tie me and drag me to the damn race.
However, I remembered the girls, Jason, and even Ryan telling me he didn’t ride bikes anymore.
The question was, why? He loved those damn things.
At any rate, I was tired of being holed up at home. I missed my girls and going out and having fun. If for some reason Ryan showed up at the race, I would ask someone to take me home. Simple as that.
Rachel took us down a back road I didn’t even remember existed and parked a good distance from the other cars. “In case the police show up,” she explained.
I shook my head. Gosh, it had been a long time since I had to worry about that. But instead of concern, anticipation filled my veins. I hadn’t realized I missed this feeling, this energy of coming to a race, being in the crowd, betting, cheering, and yelling at the racers.
We walked to the crowd, weaving through colorful, modified cars and bikes, several of them with the trunks open, exposing big speakers and blasting loud music, and lots of people. I recognized several faces and immediately shrank into myself.
Sophie linked her arm with mine. “Don’t do that,” she whispered.
“They probably remember what happened. They will look at me with disgust or pity. I don’t want that.”
Rachel took my other arm. “Forget about them. We’re here to have a good time.”
Closer to the middle, we found Jason, Luke, and Ethan. And no Ryan. Girls milled around them, wanting their attention. I smiled. I had forgotten about that too.
“Jess,” Jason said as we approached him. He pushed past the girls and met us in a few steps. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
I jerked my head toward my girls. “These are the guilty ones.”
He nodded. “I’m glad you’re out.”
I smiled at him. Maybe I could forgive him. “Me too.”
My eyes met Luke’s and he retreated a few steps. Could I forgive him too? My brother and he hadn’t known Ryan and I were together before that “fishing trip,” but they knew I had a huge crush on Ryan, and they had seen Ryan flirting with me.
Maybe I was being too harsh on them.
I had made up my mind to talk to Luke, but before I could get too close, he walked away and disappeared in the crowd.
“Hey, Jess,” Ethan said.
Like the other guys, Ethan had bulked up. His gray eyes were still as breathtaking as I remembered, but his black hair was cut a bit shorter.
“Hi, Ethan. How are you?”
“Doing good. I’m glad you’re back.”
“It’s only for a short while.”
He nodded. “Even so.”
Why wasn’t I mad at him like I was mad at Jason and Luke? He had been with Ryan too. But he wasn’t blood of my blood, that was why. And that was so wrong. I couldn’t let him go with a free pass, and then hold the others responsible.
I sighed.
John, a tall black guy who usually commanded the races, stepped into the bed of a truck. “Good evening, friends,” he shouted. The chatter stopped and the volume of the music lowered. “The first racers, please, take your places.”
Luke and two other guys I didn’t recognize stopped their ninja bikes behind the white line on the road. By the look of it, the line had been painted minutes ago by a tipsy someone.
They pulled their helmets down and turned the handles, making their engines roar. Adrenaline rushed through me and I smiled. Damn, I had really missed this.
“Ladies,” John called. “Do your thing.”
Two girls wearing tiny jean shorts, tight tops, and hooker heels stepped in front of the bikes holding a black and white checkered flags. I could imagine Caryn doing this. It would be her thing. Anger seeped into me, but I focused on the adrenaline. I wouldn’t let that bitch ruin this for me.
With come-and-get-me smiles, the girls raised the flags.
“On your marks,” John said. The girls counted from five to one, then lowered the flags. “Go!”
The bikers zipped passed the girls, making their hair fly with the rushing air, and went straight down the road.
“The course is still the same?” I asked.
“Yes,” Sophie said. “They go for half a mile on this road, ma
ke a loop on the next three roads, and come back.”
In the distance, the bikers disappeared into the darkness. Around me, the chatter resumed, but this time it was about the race. Money flowed easily as people made bets on who would win.
Jason bet a hundred dollars on Luke, and Ethan bet two hundred. Where the hell did they get so much money?
Two minutes later, someone yelled, “Here they come!”
Everyone turned to the road, and we saw the headlights approaching.
“Which one is Luke?” I asked.
“The one on the right,” Ethan said.
How could he tell? No matter, my attention was on Luke.
Come on, Luke. Come on. You can do it.
I froze.
Apparently, I wasn’t mad at Luke anymore. Maybe I never was. Maybe I had always been mad at Ryan and ended up laying it on everyone around me.
Luke lost the leader to the rider in the center.
“Come on, Luke!” my brother shouted.
With expertise, Luke dropped back and pulled his bike to the other side of the lead biker. Then, he pushed through the left. My palms sweated and my heart raced as he caught up with the other biker inch by inch. He could do it. He just needed to push a little bit more.
“You can do it, Luke!” Sophie yelled.
The racers got closer, and the crowd opened a corridor past the white line.
In the last three seconds, Luke passed the other driver and crossed the line first.
We all cheered.
Jason, Ethan, Sophie, and Rachel ran to Luke along with half the crowd. My feet wanted to move, to go congratulate him, but my mind wouldn’t actually give the command.
You’re better than this, Jessica.
I forced a step, and then another, then another, and the weight in my legs diminished with each step. I approached the closed circle around him, and then Luke was lifted by the crowd and carried away.
Apparently, the universe didn’t want me to speak with Luke, but I could speak to someone else.
I turned to Jason. “You came with your bike?”
“Yeah. Why?” he asked.
“Because I need a car.”
“Where are you going?” Rachel asked.
“To do something I should have done since the day I got here.”
The girls smiled, knowing exactly what I meant. I bet Jason and Ethan also knew.
“I brought my car and the bike trailer,” Ethan said. He fished the keys from his biker jacket. “You can take it.”
“But if the police show up?”
He grinned. “We run faster with the bikes.”
I took the keys from him. “Thanks.”
I turned to leave and Jason’s hand closed around my arm. “Be careful with what you say.”
“Don’t worry. I promise I won’t torture him … much.” I winked, and he laughed.
Chapter Thirteen
Jessica
I was more into SUVs, but Ethan’s red and black Camaro was one hell of a smooth ride.
My heart beat faster and faster with each mile closer I came to Ryan’s apartment. I turned the last corner and took a deep breath. I was doing this. I was actually doing this. I was going to talk to Ryan.
I parked Ethan’s car behind Ryan’s Mustang. I was about to open the door when I saw him in a garage beside the Blockbuster, working on his Harley Davidson. He bought that thing when he was eighteen, right after he got his car from his grandpa. He saved every cent for two years to buy it, even though the thing needed a lot of work. But that was the fun part. He loved working on it, even without guarantees that it would ever run again.
Focused on his work, he hadn’t noticed the car parked right behind him. And I was actually glad. This way, I could gawk at him and not feel guilty. It was his fault that he was wearing only low-riding jeans, with a fraction of his black boxers showing, his black boots, and nothing else.
Damn, he had really bulked up. The muscles in his back, shoulders, and arms popped with each of his movements. Even his legs and his ass looked fuller.
The heat inside Ethan’s car increased.
Ryan reached behind him for a tool and saw the car. He frowned, and then started walking to the car. With the dark windows, he probably didn’t see me.
I took a deep breath and opened the door.
With wide eyes, Ryan halted.
I slipped out of the car. “Hi.”
He looked at the car and back at me. “What are you doing with Ethan’s car?”
“He lent it to me.” I forced my eyes to stay on his handsome face, though all they wanted to do was roam over his taut chest and rippled abdomen. I swallowed. “We were at the race, and he had his bike with him.”
He nodded. “He’s such a girl, always taking his bike on the trailer.”
Trying to lighten the air a little, I put my hands on my hips. “I take offense to that sentence.”
His eyes followed my hands for a brief moment before returning to mine. “What are you doing here?”
I didn’t have a good answer for that. So, I ignored it. I walked past him and went to get a closer look at his Harley. It was still a beauty, but now more polished and less messy. By the looks of it, he spent a lot of time working on it. Yet, it had been four years. Shouldn’t he have finished it already?
I scanned the place. The garage was small, for one car only, but it housed his tools, a couple of folding chairs, an old stereo, and his two bikes. Resting along the back wall was his ninja bike, similar to Jason’s, Luke’s, and Ethan’s. The guys had been crazy about bikes since they were ten. I remembered they started saving money not much later. They did all kinds of things—car washing, selling lemonade, and lawn mowing. Jason had been the first to buy his bike, the day he turned sixteen. Papa almost had a fit. Not long after, Ryan turned sixteen and bought his bike, the same one gathering dust in this garage.
Getting closer, I noticed it was messed up, like it had been in a bad accident, and he hadn’t bothered to fix it yet.
“What happened?” I asked. When he didn’t answer, I turned around. His hazel eyes were hard on mine. “Is that why you don’t ride it anymore? Because both of your bikes are in need of work?”
Ryan grabbed a black shirt from one of the folding chairs and pulled it over his head. What a shame. His jaw ticked. “Look, I don’t mind bumping into you every now and then, but intentionally? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I flinched. Wow, why was he such a jerk? I was the one who should be mad at him, and I still was, but I was trying to get past it, to move on. He didn’t have the right to be mad at me. I had done nothing but love him. If that made him mad, well, then he should learn not to play with girls’ hearts.
“I thought I was doing you a favor by trying to be nice, by trying to put the past behind us. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends again, but if we can co-exist for the next two months, for the sake of our friends, don’t you think it’ll be better than trying to avoid each other and failing?”
His chest rose and fell slowly. “Jess …”
“I don’t know what you’re mad about. I’m the one who is mad at you, Ryan. I’m the one who suffered here. Don’t pretend I hurt you, because we both know it was exactly the opposite.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Then tell me. What is it?” I took a step closer to him. I thought he would retreat, but he held his ground, his eyes fixed on mine. “Everyone keeps telling me something happened to you after I left and that I should talk to you about it.”
He glanced over his shoulder to the street, then back at me. “You should go.”
If I were still sixteen, I would have teared up and ran from the garage as if it were on fire. I wasn’t sixteen anymore, though, and the events that sent me away had changed me. A lot. It wasn’t in my plans to come back home and face my past, but now that I was here, I wasn’t running away.
I crossed my arms and lifted my chin, putting as much strength as I could
in my stare. “No. I want to know. You owe me that much.”
Ryan clenched his fists and groaned. “Jess, please, just leave this alone.”
“All right. I can’t force you to tell me, but I’ll find someone who will.”
I marched past him. I took a step outside the garage before his hand closed around my wrist and pulled me back. I stared at his warm hand on my skin and my stomach fluttered. Slowly, I lifted my gaze and took a sharp inhale. He stared at me, his eyes pained, but behind the pain, there was something more. Something like longing or regret.
“I … I don’t mean to be a jerk, Jess. It’s just …” Ryan pressed his lips into a thin line. “This is hard.”
“What is hard?”
“Everything.” He let go of my arm. “The past. What I did. What happened after you left. You being here.”
“I’m—”
A siren blasted once from the street and I jumped.
“Shit,” Ryan muttered.
A police car was parked behind Ethan’s car, its blinking lights casting eerie blue and red strobes on the sidewalk and the building. A policeman stepped out of the car, the same one from the square.
“Mr. Dawson,” the officer said as he walked toward us. His eyes settled on me, and a grin spread across his lips. “Miss Hayes.”
“Officer Mike,” Ryan said simply.
The officer halted in front of us. “Miss Hayes, you shouldn’t be here.”
I frowned. “And why is that?”
The officer’s expression fell. He seemed appalled that I would answer him in that way.
“It’s okay, Jess,” Ryan said, looking at me. “Please, go.”
If I hadn’t noticed the pleading in his gaze or in his voice, I wouldn’t have obeyed. But apparently, Ryan would be in trouble if I didn’t leave, so I nodded.
I spared a quick glare at Officer Mike before marching to Ethan’s car. I turned on the ignition, and looked over at Ryan once more. He was arguing with Officer Mike. Damn, what had I done? My curiosity was at its limit now. What happened here?
I drove away, promising myself I would find out, one way or another.
***
Ryan
I hadn’t expected to run into Jessica so soon, so when she showed up at my garage in Ethan’s car, two emotions fought for a place in my chest. The first one was jealousy. What the hell was she doing with Ethan’s Camaro? Had they been out? Like out out? And the second was shock, surprise. What the hell was she doing here? Didn’t I hurt her enough already? Was she looking for more?
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