by Kim Cormack
She reminisced for a second before replying, “We were the weirdest kids on the planet but it was amazing.”
Zach stuck his head out of the door, obviously looking for them. Kayn leapt off her swing and then grabbed a hold of Kevin’s, to slow him down. She ended up swinging his swing around in a circle. He was a lot heavier than he had been when they had done this last. They wandered towards the others, sensing this might be one of their final meals together.
The next day was spent as a group, sitting on the beach, laughing and joking around. They’d all but forgotten that they were supposed to be enemies. The fight against the Abaddon had unified them.
In that last week, there had been many moments when Kayn thought perhaps Kevin was beginning to remember his past. A certain look in his eye. A quick flash of recognition that would be missed if one was not paying attention. It was wishful thinking. She knew this now. She’d become attached to this new version of him by default. She was going to miss the way he made her feel. She loved him anyway. This was what had been determined by her heart. On their final night around the bonfire, they stared longingly at each other through the embers that flickered as a wall between them. It felt like a hint at what was to come. The veil of flames kept obscuring the details of his face. Time was up. She could feel it. Each time the embers made a popping sound, amidst crackling flames, she could hear the countdown to goodbye. Kevin kept glancing at her in the middle of conversations with other people, smiling and making goofy faces. When he did these things, she could clearly see her version of who he’d once been. They’d created some wonderful memories this week. It was ironic that life was most beautiful when the sand from the hourglass was almost empty and time was up. Kayn knew she wasn’t the only one at this campfire that sensed that the sand in the hourglass was almost gone. Kevin was still making faces at her. She attempted to convince her heart of the positive merits of staying the hell on this side of the fire. She grabbed a beer from the cooler and came to sit down beside him instead.
“Want to go for a walk?” He mouthed silently.
Her heart opened her lips and whispered, “Sure.” They strolled side by side, with their fingers intimately laced together as they made their way towards the dock that had become a special place. The sound of their footsteps shuffling barefoot down the path, magically mixed with a cricket’s farewell serenade as brilliant fireflies danced through the night sky above. These were nature’s fireworks… A final farewell. Music was playing faintly in the background, adding a romantic touch to the moment. Everything had fallen into place to create a beautiful goodbye. The dock was dimly lit, by one lone torch flickering in the moonlight. Warm summer rain began sprinkling from above. They stood motionless, staring into each other’s eyes, barefoot on the weathered wooden dock. Kevin lovingly caressed her cheek. Her heart ached as he trailed his fingers into the spiraling curls framing her face. Both of their minds were chanting in unison, one final kiss. As he took her in his arms, they began to sway and soon they were dancing. The knowledge that their time was almost up, hung thick the air. She’d been pretending this week was all about helping him but she needed these memories for completely selfish reasons. Every inch of her being adored him, even if he couldn’t remember. Even if he never did. When they left this place, they would have to act like enemies, even if in their souls, they were not. He pulled away, their eyes met and it felt like they were gazing deeply into each other’s souls. Don’t leave…come back to me. Her heart willed him to hear her silent prayer. His lips edged closer to hers and as they met in the softest, gentlest most beautiful submergence of souls, her heart overflowed with a joy she’d never known. Her inhibitions loosened as he melted the length of his lean muscular body against hers. Her lips parted and she submitted to his final passionate attempt to know her more intimately by allowing his hands to roam past fabric to silken skin. They clung together. His experienced hands knew where to touch her. He explored the places that caused soft sighs to escape from her slightly parted lips. She closed her eyes in bliss and as she opened them, hers met his. He still questioned his instinctual response to her.
As they drew apart, Kayn asked, “You really don’t remember how you felt about me? Not anything? Nothing at all?”
Kevin brushed her damp curls away from her face. He said, “I would give anything to keep getting to know you. My mind may not remember you, but my heart does. You feel like home.”
She allowed him to pull her back into his embrace. Kayn rested her head on his shoulder and blinked back the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. How was she going to let him go? She knew he was in there, she’d felt it. He kissed her cheek, just as salty emotional tears began trickling down. He wiped them away with a stroke of his thumb, while attempting to memorize the placement of each freckle on her face, just as he’d done the last time they were forced to say goodbye. He kissed her nose, her cheek and her forehead. She couldn’t take it anymore.
Kevin cupped her face in his hands and said, “The next time you see me, you’re going to have to kill me. Don’t hesitate. Do what you were trained to do.”
That had come out of nowhere. Kayn asked, “Could you kill me?”
With agony in his eyes, he replied, “I’ll have to if you’re caught by Triad. Don’t force my hand. Stay away from me.”
Kayn couldn’t believe what he was saying. They had the rest of the night together. He wasn’t even going to wait until they were certain the others were coming back before ending it. He’d already flipped the switch in his head. She was his enemy. It was done. There was nothing left to say. This was where the fantasy ended. Her heart was doused with ice water. “Goodbye Kevin,” She stated and turned to face the water, unable to look at him as he walked away.
“Till we meet again,” he replied.
She didn’t turn around to watch him leave. She listened to his steps echo and fade as he walked from the dock to the sand. They shuffled into the grass and then the sound of him leaving her disappeared. “Till we meet again,” She whispered. She asked for this agony. Kayn sat down on the dock. She shut her eyes and stayed there for a long time, possibly hours, just listening to the sounds of the night. The music still played in the distance by the fire. She dangled her feet in the cool water, knowing that at one time she would have been afraid to do this. She would have never allowed her toes to linger beneath the surface of the unknown. She would have imagined sharks, monsters and perhaps a zombie or two, waiting beneath the surface, ready to pull her under. She wasn’t worried now. Her mortal anxieties now seemed so pointless. Loving someone she could never be with would be pointless. At least she hadn’t allowed herself to fall blindly into the grass by the side of the lake with him. Logic had always stepped in. She’d come into this week wanting to find a way to allow her heart to move on. The first step had been to establish that Kevin as she’d known him was no longer there. This was true, but the instinct to be her friend had not been erased by his grandfather, nor had the desire to covet and protect her. She stood up to begin her short walk back to the cabin. Could she kill him? Could he kill her? That remained to be seen. It wasn’t going to be a choice. The music had stopped a while back. She noticed the absence of both her friends and future enemies around the fire. The extinguished flames of the blaze seemed to be a fitting visual. With the raging flames of the gathering now gone, only the smallest trace of smoke still rose into the darkness. How fast would their friendships be extinguished? Kayn felt the urge to harness her inner Grey. She listened to the sounds of the night once again. The lapping of the water against the wooden dock she had been sitting on. There was the steady sound of a toad in the distance and an owl kept asking her, Who? Who? It felt like a humorous metaphor describing her life. That was the question... Who? Who was she going to become? Till now, she had honestly never understood that she needed to force herself to become autonomous. It had been Kevin and Kayn or Chloe and Kayn. Then she had come to Ankh and it had almost been Frost and Kayn. She’d always been a part of a du
o. Her life was beginning anew. She didn’t even know who she was, without someone else. The idea of them finding each other again and ending up together against all odds… this had been a fantasy. It had driven her forward through a time when all she needed was a reason to put one foot in front of the other. She had pretended to let him go but her heart had always said, Wait for him. You have to wait for him. Her mind now warned, be done waiting. Time is precious. It’s over. She continued to walk as the owl questioned, “Who? Who?”
Kayn mumbled, “I know, I know... just me.” She laid in her bed that night, tossing and turning. She couldn’t shake the feeling of impending doom from her subconscious. They all appeared to be having the same restless sleep. Everyone’s covers were tousled. Something horrible was coming. She could feel it in her bones. Kayn awoke feeling sick to her stomach. She decided to go for one last walk in the woods, desperately need of fresh air. None of the wildlife asked her who she was this morning. This morning, she knew who she was. She was Kayn Brighton, she was Kayn of Ankh. One day, she was going to be the Conduit. Whatever that meant? She was going to survive the Testing. As she thought the word again she felt queasy. She looped around and was almost back at her cabin when she paused in the trails. After his whole, ‘she had to kill him the next time she saw him’ speech, she felt like a stalker. They’d already said their goodbyes. She froze, instead of making her presence known as his front door opened. She took a step backwards into the cover of the bushes. Now, she was acting like a stalker. Kevin walked out onto the deck drinking a cup of coffee. Stephanie walked up behind him and kissed his neck. She took the coffee from his hands and asked him to come back to bed. Ouch. She was doused by another giant splash of invisible ice water, directly at her chest. She now understood the meaning of the quote ‘Let sleeping dogs lie.’ Her heart felt weighted as she continued passed the cabin where her clan slept. She would never mention this moment to anyone. Her heart made a silent agreement with her mind. This would be a lesson learned. She kept walking down the trail, knowing she required a few extra minutes to choke on what she’d just witnessed. She came around the blind curve of the path and saw Frost walking towards her. She wasn’t upset. Nothing happened. She was fine. Frost smiled at her and she flung herself into his arms. This personal growth thing was obviously going to take a while. She continued to embrace him as she said, “I’m glad you guys are back.” Then she made an attempt to put him back in the friend zone by giving his back a few sturdy pats before she let him go.
“You are, without a doubt, the strangest girl I’ve ever met.” Frost teased.
Kayn blinked away a couple of stray tears and plastered a giant fake smile on her face. She’d mastered the Chloe pageant smile. Frost wasn’t fooled. He looked concerned but he didn’t question her. She replied, “I try.”
They sauntered back to the cabin together to wake the others. She almost tripped on the stairs as she climbed them, while attempting to sneak a peek at Triad’s cabin.
Frost grabbed her before her knees hit the steps and he whispered, “Chin up, or I’ll start quoting country songs.”
Kayn smiled at him and assured, “I’m fine.” The others were already awake. She’d never taken her clothes out of her backpack and put them into a drawer so she was one step ahead of the others. They were leaving the cabin. It was time to go. She had time for a quick shower, while the other two packed. She heard what they were saying while standing under the pleasurable spray. Frost was telling tales of Lexy’s insane bravery in the coliseum. Kayn smiled as she dried her hair and imagined how entertaining Lexy would have been to watch. Kayn came out of the bathroom ready for the day, to find Grey and Lexy also there. She embraced them both. Lexy had a strangely peaceful air about her now. The others helped them pack their things from the cabin back to the motorhome. As they approached their sort of home, she realized it had been sitting there the whole time. They hadn’t gone near it.
Lexy opened the fridge and complained, “You guys didn’t even touch this food. The milk’s outdated.”
“I know. I didn’t come back here. I had everything I needed at the cabin.” Zach replied as he sat down at the table.
Melody added, “I’m pretty sure none of us did.”
Kayn slid her backpack under the bunk beds in the narrow hall and sat on her bunk, thinking about how close she’d come to buying into what she wanted to believe.
“You look a little lost?” Frost stated as he sat down beside her.
“No,” Kayn replied, “I’m not lost... I’m found.”
“So, you’ve worked it all out then?” he asked.
“Not everything,” she replied. She placed her hand gently on his before adding, “I think I need to figure out who I am and what I am. That needs to come before anything else.”
“Now that is the most mature thing that’s ever come out of your mouth,” he taunted.
“Probably the last one too,” Kayn admitted.
“I would hate to see you lose your wacky sense of humor,” Frost teased.
“My wacky messed-up sense of humor is probably my saving grace,” Kayn replied.
“It’s definitely mine,” Frost chuckled. He reached over and it looked like he was going to pull her to him. He plucked something out of her hair. It was a rather large leaf. He placed it in her open palm. She looked at it and smiled. She always felt like an unkempt mess. Frost taking large random things out of her mass of curly hair really didn’t help. She’d just had a shower. It must have fallen from a tree and landed in her hair on the walk back to the motorhome. She could easily picture Frost continuing to pluck random surprising and increasingly humiliating things out of her hair. All she wanted was about five minutes of cool. Five minutes in her entire life. Was that really too much to ask? Five minutes where she didn’t have to feel like a big clumsy dork. She met Frost’s eyes and she knew he didn’t see her that way. He always looked at her like he was watching something miraculous.
Frost added, “All seriously wacky conversations aside, I’m happy to see you.”
She smiled as she laid her head on his shoulder. Some things could be replied to without words.
“Okay you two. Break it up,” Grey jokingly scolded as he pulled back the curtain and found Kayn’s head on Frost’s shoulder.
“Sorry to disappoint you but it’s completely innocent. We’re just friends.” Kayn teased.
Frost pretended to be struck in the heart by something. He laughed, “I’m joking! I’m just kidding!”
Grey sat down on the other side of her. He reached out and took Kayn’s hand in his, knowing she was upset. He was very intuitive. Kayn smiled, she had two of her favorite guys, both offering her comfort at the same time. The curtain pulled back again.
Lexy began to laugh, “I’m not saying a word.”
Kayn giggled and sat up straight, still holding Grey’s hand. It didn’t last for long because Lexy jumped on the bunk and pinned Grey to the mattress. She teased, “While we are speaking of bone headed moves born of necessity. You didn’t get a chance to tell me all about your naughty deeds the night before we left, but I heard it through the grapevine.”
“Seriously Frost. What did you do broadcast it?” Grey stammered.
“Not from Frost you schmuck.” Lexy harassed. “You had relations in public. You should make a list of who didn’t see you. It would be a hell of a lot shorter.”
Frost scowled and complained, “Why does everyone automatically assume it was me?”
“Well, it was bound to happen eventually,” Grey confessed as he attempted to avoid eye contact with Lexy.
“Well my friend. I only have one thing to say to you,” She placed her arm around him and hugged him to her side as she whispered in Grey’s ear, “Quit hitting yourself.”
“Point taken,” Grey answered. He gave Lexy a tight squeeze back and winked at Kayn.
“I heard something intriguing about your extracurricular activities that night. Involving a certain young Triad.” Grey teased.
Lexy’s response was, “I don’t really remember the details but I’m pretty sure it didn’t happen, for reasons that I’m not at liberty to say.”
Grey groaned, “Okay, you know what? Every time I use the excuse, ‘I don’t remember,’ you give me shit. What was the speech again? I don’t remember doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”
“Touché...but there are certain situations that you can be pretty sure there was no interest from the other party involved,” Lexy answered.
Kayn suspected she knew what Lexy was hinting at. Patrick was sweet, funny and not remotely interested in looking at her in her bikini. She changed the subject, for it was his alone to reveal.
She grinned at Lexy, “So, I heard you were chosen to fight for Ankh. You fought everyone all by yourself?” Lexy smiled. Grey and Frost both cleared their throat in unison. Kayn sensed there was a lot more than that to the story. Kayn enquired, “What was that about?”
Lexy smacked Frost before he had a chance to say anything and warned, “What happens at the Summit, stays at the Summit.”
Melody came out of the bathroom. Kayn hadn’t seen her walk past the bunks. The curtain had been drawn. She hadn’t known she was in there. Melody smiled at them and said, “Good job Lex.”
Frost and Grey began to howl laughing. Lexy glared at them as she got up. It looked like she was planning to leave with Melody. Lexy threatened, “You two saw what I did at the Summit. Just try me.”
Frost teased, “To be honest, I’m tempted.” Lexy smiled and dove back onto the bed. She began to wrestle with Frost. She put him in a fake choke hold on the tiny bunk.
Kayn enquired, “Where’s everyone else?”
Lexy’s expression changed ever so slightly. She replied, “They’re at the Ankh crypt, waiting for us.”
Kayn felt a twinge of danger curdling in her stomach. She turned to look at Frost who met her enquiring eyes. A look of concern flashed across his face. She glanced back to look at Lexy, who didn’t register anything at all. Grey wouldn’t make eye contact with her. That was always a bad sign. Damn it, she thought. Here we go. Kayn stood up and said, “I’m going to find Melody and Zach.”