“That’s Ashley.” Helen tells me smiling, watching her daughter run off towards the barn.
Then it hits me all at once. Maybe it was Helen smiling watching her child run joyfully away. Maybe it was Ashley laughing, reminding me of Ellie. I can’t do this, what was I thinking? I can’t be normal. I can’t be around people who laugh and carry on with their day. Even though their lives are not a cake walk, I just can’t deal. I’m too weak.
So what do I do?
I turn and bolt telling Helen, “Sorry, I forgot something, I gotta go.”
Helen must think I am a loon. Whatever. Add her to the list since I’ve arrived in town. My feet are pounding on the dry dirt. Thankful that I am wearing sneakers. My blood is thrumming in my ears. If I paid closer attention I would have heard a horse galloping up to me. Logan jumps off his horse and is right behind me without me even realizing it since I am panting and hell bent on my escape.
I must have made it halfway back to my cottage crying, heart pounding out of my chest, breathing hard when I feel large hands grab me and lift me off the ground stopping my flight.
I immediately start to scream and fight. I am no match for the steel strength behind me. My struggle is not affecting this man in any way what so ever. He is holding me like I weigh nothing at all.
I know John or one of his goons found me. And until this moment, I never realized that one of the reasons I left New York was because I was scared of John. Why I think he is coming after me, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because after some time spent thinking while watching the water flow down the stream behind my cottage, things just aren’t making sense. Including all the questions surrounding the accident.
I feel strong, very strong arms. One circles my stomach and the other crosses my chest. I am being held against a strong solid man. I hear shushing in my ear and the words, “Relax, you’re safe, you’re safe.” This is being repeated over and over. I know that voice. It’s Logan.
Why is he here holding me? He must have seen me run off again.
I slump forward exhausted. This is for a few reasons, one, from crying and fighting off my non existent attacker. The other is because I was running, and that’s far down on my “to do list.” Right under “do fifty stomach crunches a day”.
If I’m going to keep running like a damsel in distress I may want to think about moving that closer to the top of my “to do list.” If I had maybe I could have made it to the safety of my cottage, or at least not pant like I am taking my last breath.
I remind myself that I am in the safety of Logan’s arms. I turn into his embrace, shove my face in his chest and sob. I sob for my lost family, I sob for the unanswered questions. I try to stop, but once it started, I couldn’t rein it in.
Logan leans his head on top of mine. Lips touching my forehead he assures me, “I’ve got you. I’m not letting go. Let it out.”
It warms my heart to know my rough, tough cowboy is often soft and caring. Logan is rubbing my back in circular motions. It’s not only relaxing me and making my tears stop, it’s also turning me on.
After my crying jag I look to the side refusing to meet Logan’s eyes.
In a soft voice, still trembling with emotion I assure Logan, “I’m sorry, I’m such a mess, I bet you’re regretting renting your cottage to me. I promise I’ll find somewhere else, if you could just give me a little time I’ll……”
I’m stopped mid sentence as Logan tilts my chin up with his fingers forcing me to meet his stare. His warm strong fingers wipe away my tears. I don’t see anger or repulsion, what I see there is compassion, and longing.
“Come with me.”
Logan grasps onto my hand and starts walking us towards the stream. His horse silently follows us. I never thought a horse would follow someone like a dog. Why am I thinking about his horse when I should be excusing myself, and locking myself away from society?
We walk through a grassy field which I have yet to venture to. Logan is careful to hold my hand and guide me over larger rocks and some fallen limbs. When we finally stop I take a deep breath of fresh air and look around. We are next to the stream on a piece of land that is completely covered in wildflowers. It’s stunning.
“I love this spot.” Logan starts to say. He pulls me over to a large rock that’s big enough for us both to sit on. We sit down next to each other facing the stream. Logan is not satisfied with our seating arrangement and pulls me to sit in front of him so that my back is against his chest. It feels so right, like two puzzle pieces fitting together.
“This is my thinking spot, I like to just watch the water go by, get lost in the beauty surrounding me. I find it relaxes me when there is too much going on in my head.” He taps his fingers to his Stetson.
Logan now waits patiently. Waiting for me to give him a piece of me. Well, why the hell not. He opened up to me last night. And here I am always holding back. And where’s that getting me? It’s eating me alive holding in all of my sorrow.
“I had a sister.” I begin. But stop to gather my thoughts. I appreciate Logan giving me time and not asking anything yet. Just the gentle squeeze reassuring me that he is there and listening.
“She had a baby Ellie, she was Cody’s age. Beautiful didn’t begin to describe her. She would light up a room with just a smile. Always laughing. You know that little girl giggle.” I don’t wait for a response. My lips tilt upwards remembering her mirth.
“Grace was a great sister. A great mom, the best. When our parents died all we had was each other. We all lived together.” I stop to catch my breath. I may as well go for the gusto.
“One night on the way back from Ellie’s dance recital we were in an accident. They were both taken from me. Just like that. So many things left unsaid, so many experiences left undone. One moment and my life was changed forever. That’s all it took. One moment.
One moment they were there, we were a family. A happy family. Then one moment later they were taken from me.
And here I am. Me, why me? Why am I still here? Living life, having fun at a bar. Falling for Cody, and you. And I can’t fall.” I may as well spill everything. “They were my world. Here I am feeling guilty all the time when I start to live my life without having them in it. I always feel lost. So damn lost and alone.”
“Darlin’. There’s nothing for me to say that could bring them back for you. I wish I could take away your pain.” Strong arms close around me pulling me flush with his strong chest. “The thing I want, no need you to realize is you can let yourself fall, I’ll be right here to catch you.” Strong arms reach to my side and start stroking my legs in a comforting way.
“I can’t Logan. It hurts too much when the one’s you love are taken away. I don’t want the one’s I just started to love to be taken from me, I won’t survive it.” He realizes I mean him. I whisper quietly, “Everyone I love is always taken away from me.”
Logan’s hands tighten on my thighs, almost enough to distract me from what I am feeling. I know it’s for comfort reasons when he continues, “You can’t live your life closed off from everyone. Never taking a chance because you’re too afraid. You’re funny, caring, bright and talented. It would be a waste not to share that with someone. Let that someone be me. Give me a chance. Take a chance on me. Cody and I will fill you up with so much love you’ll be overflowing. And I can’t make promises that I can’t keep, but I will do everything in my power to never leave you.”
“But that’s just the thing Logan. And then what happens when you decide this isn’t what you want? I won’t have anything left of me to piece back together.”
Logan folds his arms around me so I am encased in his embrace. Safe, secure. “Not only did you lose your family, but it sounds like you have survivors guilt. We’ll win you over. Give us Thompson boys a chance.”
I never thought that I had survivor’s guilt. They were my life, my family and I lost them. We sit quietly for a few minutes just taking in the scenery. I feel better that I told Logan about my sister and niece. I don�
��t answer him about giving him a chance. I can’t think about that now. I have been keeping my heart closed off for such a long time to protect myself, I don’t know how to let someone completely in, yet.
Finally after a while Logan asks, “What happened to the other person from the accident?”
My body immediately goes stiff from his question. Logan notices it too and when I turn to look him in the eyes, he looks very alert while trying to read me.
“That’s the messed up part Logan. They couldn’t find a reason for the accident. It was a clear, dry night. Grace was driving, and she was a good driver. Extra careful when she had Ellie in the car. The car was hit on the side, but no other car was ever found. Doesn’t make any sense right? Hit and run the say. But no other car ever turned up. The police questioned me in the hospital about Grace’s ex. Ellie’s father. He’s not a good man.”
It’s my turn to feel Logan tense. “What do you mean ‘not a good man’?”
Shit, I never thought that I could be bringing trouble to his ranch. He has a son. He shouldn’t be around someone like me. But I owe it to him to tell him the truth.
“No good. Creepy. You would think he just walked out of a bad mob movie. In my opinion he’s a waste of two good kidneys. He was always looking around, like he’s waiting for something. He gave me the creeps. And get this, he always spoke about himself in third person. Who does that?”
This causes Logan to laugh. “Well, it’s not a crime to speak about yourself in third person. But what’s his name baby. Full name.”
“Logan, I moved here and don’t want anyone to know where I am. It’s for the best. That way I never have to associate with the likes of my sisters ex or his goon friends anymore. My best friend Jenny is the only one who knows I’m here. I didn’t want to have any ties with my old life in New York. So please, don’t look him up. I don’t want any questions starting. Jenny told me he was asking around my old job trying to find out where I went. I don’t even know why he was calling there, I hated him. And he knew it.”
“Honey, I already did a full background check on you before I let you move into the cottage.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, so anyone with any connections could find out where you are. Are you worried? Laura, tell me, is there more that I should know about?”
“Nothing that I’m aware of.” I tell Logan honestly. “I understand if you want me off your land Logan. Just tell me, you don’t have to let me stay here.” I say sadly.
Logan grips me and turns me so I am completely facing him, straddling his lap. “I just found you, I am not letting you go. I already think of you as mine. I just have to convince you of that. As for your sisters ex, I want his name. I’ll keep an eye on you and have my guys do the same. Just to be safe, until we know more. I’ll tell the boy’s at the station too.” Logan seems lost in thought for a minute, then shocks me by saying, “Maybe you should move in with me.”
I suck in a shocked breath. “No way. I can’t do that. I like the cottage, and that would be confusing for Cody. No, I can’t…” My heart starts racing and my breath is coming in short gasps. And not in a good way.
“Breathe darlin’, deep breaths.” Logan waits until I calm down a little. “Ok, you don’t have to move in with me. Wow, some women around here would jump at the opportunity to live with me.” Logan winks at me as he tries to joke.
It works. My breath comes easier. I take a deep breath. “Sorry.”
“Nothin to be sorry about. And besides, you can’t leave. All I hear from Cody is that you promised to make him a man’s necklace.”
I laugh. “He was insistent that it had to be a man’s necklace. I’m almost done, I just have to find one more thing to make it perfect for him. I know it’s in one of my boxes. Please let him know I’m almost finished with it.”
“How about we go up to the ranch and I introduce you around? Then you can tell Cody yourself.”
“They’re going to think I’m crazy.” I say while looking at my chucks.
“No, they won’t think anything other than the fact that you’re a real person, who has her own things going on. We all do in one way or another. They’re going to think you’re amazing, just like I do.” That makes me smile. “Plus I’m pretty sure they heard about how you handled Rachel so that already makes you a goddess in their books. They hated her, along with most of the town. I’m surprised she hasn’t been tarred and feathered yet. Besides Cody’s probably wondering where we’re off to.”
Well wasn’t that the line that sealed the deal. And Logan knew throwing Cody into the mix would insure that I go with him. How could I not?
“Oh, fine.” I stand up and brush off my butt. Logan stands and decides to help me. I give him a teasing scowl.
“Thought you could use a hand there.” He say’s while looking at me with those blue eyes that I can lose myself in. His face could use a shave but his scruff just makes him that much more appealing to me.
Unconsciously I bite my lower lip. When I do this Logan growls. “Darlin’, keep that up and I won’t be responsible for what I do.”
“Keep what up?” I ask innocently. But I see where his eyes are focused.
I slowly let my lip go only to lick it. It is dry out, sure, that’s why.
Logan crashes his mouth to mine. It’s intense. His hand grasps the back of my hair holding it tight. Controlling where he wants my mouth. The action makes my knees weak. His other hand goes around my waist pulling me flush against him.
I could feel his arousal against my stomach. It feels good to know that I have as much as an effect on him as he has on me. I feel myself get wet. Soaked. His kiss is consuming. His tongue invades my mouth and is memorizing every nuance of it.
I reach one hand under his shirt and feel his muscles bunching as I touch him. He brings out a side of me that I never knew existed. A wild side. All the while, feeling safe to explore this while in his arms.
Feeling safe I start to lose myself in the kiss and reach my hand down and rub it against his hard length. This causes him to moan and take a step backwards, never releasing my mouth.
My heart is pounding as I stroke him over his jeans. He pulls me harder against him and removes my hand, holding it behind my back.
Restrained.
Yummy.
Logan growls, “You keep that up I’m gonna cum in my pants like a fifteen year old.” I smile against his lips. He pulls me down so I am straddling his lap (again) on the rock. I silently thank God for placing that large rock there.
We are grinding against each other. I feel it building. I am going to owe Logan with all the pleasure he is giving me. Logan knows I’m close. Could be because of my aggressive grinding, or my moaning. Or my stating “I’m gonna come.”
“Give it to me honey. Let yourself go. Let yourself feel.” Logan say’s while pushing himself hard against my core.
I feel that familiar burn start in my belly. It is growing. I give in to it. And am so glad I do. It’s amazing. I break the kiss and lean my head back and moan riding out my pleasure. Pleasure this sexy cowboy is giving me.
After, I bury my head in Logan’s neck, embarrassed. I can’t believe I just rode his lap like a sex starved lunatic. But even though I’m embarrassed I can’t help but reach my tongue out and lick his neck. He smells so good, all man.
I hear Logan groan when I do this. Oh, shit. Here I am satisfied and I still feel him hard against me. This is starting to become a habit.
I look up trying to avoid his eyes. “Um, sorry about that. I got kind of carried away. You have this effect on me. Between last night, and now. Before you it’s been awhile, and I mean awhile.”
“Babe…..” Logan tries to interrupt. But I’m on a roll.
“Seriously, my friend Jenny thought I was going to be the only born again virgin, I didn’t doubt that either. I thought it was going to be me and my vibrator forever.”
I feel Logan’s body moving with his silent laughter. I look up into his smiling eyes.
<
br /> “I’m serious, I swore off all men. Especially after the incident with Steve” and here is where my mouth runs away from me and I don’t think, and I don’t feel Logan going solid under me “He was the ultimate jerk.”
“Darlin’….”
You think I would catch on at this point, but no, I keep going like the energizer bunny. On an orgasm high. All the while avoiding looking at Logan. “Jenny almost killed him when she found me hurt the last time.” At this point Logan finally breaks through.
“What the fuck?” Logan bellows with anger. This jolts me out of my babble fest.
Oh shit. What did I say? Shit, shit. What is wrong with me? I try to get off Logan’s lap. But am held in a grip that tells me I am not going anywhere.
“You wanna go back to that for a second.” Logan asks, although it’s not a question, it’s a statement, his face looks fierce. My heartbeat accelerates and not in a good turned on way.
“Uh, no?” Comes out as a question.
“Laura, can’t take it back now. It’s out there. Now give it all to me.”
“You know what, I think I should…..” I try to get up again. Logan’s body is strung so tight I feel like the wrong move and he will break. I know he is mad and he is huge compared to Steve. Steve hurt me. Logan could destroy me.
Logan must have read the fear in my eyes, his face gets soft and he lowers his voice to gentle. “Honey, know I would never hurt you, ever.” Logan continues with something I hoped he forgot, but I’m not that lucky, “You flinched when I went to take your keys. This asshole Steven hurt you?”
It takes a second for me to nod. “How bad? And don’t think of downplaying it. Tell me, cause we’ll stay here until you do.”
I look to the left, avoiding Logan’s penetrating gaze.
“Darlin’, look at me.” Logan say’s softly.
Still it takes me a little while to do that. And when I look at Logan I see warmth. He’s holding me and I feel safe. “I want to know all of you. The good, the bad, the funny, the sad. I would never, ever raise my hand to a woman. I would fight, bleed, die to protect what’s mine. Never hurt it. I know you don’t know me long, but believe what I’m telling you. Please, if you believe anything believe this.”
One Moment Page 13