by Lisa Jordan
“You sure were, buddy. How about heading back inside?”
Evan hadn’t been a math genius in school, but he had no problem counting back nine months in his head. He and Natalie were still together at that time.
No.
His mouth went dry. A chill slicked his skin.
No way.
Nat wouldn’t keep something like that from him.
Evan scanned her face, but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. He turned back to Aidan and stared at a miniature version of himself with the dark curly hair and blue eyes. Or at least how he’d looked nearly twenty-five years ago.
Pulling in some badly needed air, Evan pushed to his feet and turned away from the kid staring at him with questioning eyes and the woman who had betrayed both of them.
A light wind pushed the front porch swing, releasing a memory of the night they’d sat together, crying after receiving the news about Ben’s death.
A hummingbird flitted and sipped nectar from the handblown crimson-colored feeder he’d bought for Natalie after she’d shared how hummingbirds brought her joy. Across the yard, barking came from the kennels behind Dr. Mary’s vet office as cars pulled into the paved lot.
So many memories.
Too many.
And not one memory of Natalie letting him know he had a son.
He had to get out of there, but first he needed to know the answer to the question rolling around in his head.
He turned back around and reached for her hand. “Nat, please...please tell me—”
Nat pulled out of Evan’s grasp and knelt in front of Aidan, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Aidan, please go into the kitchen and finish your breakfast. Then I want you to go upstairs and get dressed.”
“But, Mom—”
“No buts. Please follow directions so you can help Grandpa walk the dogs, okay?”
The kid dropped his chin to his chest, then kicked at the mat edged against the front door with his bare toe. “Fine.”
Looking at Evan, he lifted a hand and waved, shooting him a very familiar looking smile. “Bye, Evan. Nice to meet you.”
Evan’s knees nearly buckled. “You, too, Aidan. See you soon.”
Real soon.
Once Aidan disappeared back inside the house, Nat closed the door behind her and faced Evan. She opened her mouth to speak, but then closed it again and sighed, twisting her fingers together.
Her silence told him everything he needed to know.
Without another word, he strode back to the farm truck he’d borrowed that morning to visit the Bishops.
How could she have kept something so important from him?
An ache squeezed his chest.
“Evan,” Natalie called as she hurried after him.
Clenching his jaw, he gripped the door handle to stop the trembling in his hands. Forcing himself to take deep, calming breaths, he turned slowly and faced her. “How could you do this to me? Is this payback for Ben’s death?”
Sucking in a breath, her eyes widened as she shook her head. “What? No. It’s nothing like that.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me I had a son?” His voice was hoarse and low to his own ears.
Even saying the words made his head spin.
Natalie lowered her gaze and twisted a ring on her finger—not a wedding ring, but the promise ring he’d given her as a placeholder until he could afford to replace it with a real engagement ring. If she wanted nothing to do with him, why did she still wear it?
Lifting her head, she looked at him with what appeared to be pleading eyes.
“Why, Nat?” He scrubbed a hand over his face, his voice rough and thready.
“Evan...” She covered her face a moment, then dropped her hands and looked at him. “I’m sorry. I know that sounds so insignificant now.”
Evan scraped a hand over his face and blew out a breath. “That night we—”
She held up a hand, cutting off his words. “Evan, let’s not talk about that night.”
“You still keep people at a distance, don’t you?”
She rubbed one bare foot over the other. “Not purposefully. It’s a defense mechanism, I guess.”
“Against what?”
“Getting hurt.”
He lifted her chin to look into her eyes and gentled his voice. “I’d never hurt you.”
“I know you wouldn’t intentionally, but you did hurt me when you left.” Her words were spoken so low that if he hadn’t been looking at her, he would have missed them.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t like the way we ended things, either, but we can’t change the past.” He took a step toward her, then stopped when she backed away. He schooled his tone. “I need to hear you say Aidan is my son.”
Biting the corner of her lip, she looked away, not responding. Then she gave him a slight nod as a tear slipped down her cheek.
If someone had slit open his chest, ripped out his heart and slammed it to the ground, it couldn’t have hurt any worse.
The wall of pine trees marking the edge of the Bishops’ property loomed over him, blocking out the light and squeezing the air from his lungs. “You had no right to keep him from me.”
“Were you ready to give up your career and settle down to be a father?”
“I wasn’t given the option of making a choice, was I? Besides, a lot of paddlers take their families on the road, homeschooling their children and teaching them the ways of the water. It didn’t have to be an either-or situation.”
“Yeah, that’s what I want for my son—a nomadic lifestyle with no place to call home. I—we—need a permanent address.” She folded her arms and jerked her gaze toward the redbrick two-story house with black shutters.
Was that a flicker of fear in her eyes?
“Professional paddlers have permanent homes, Natalie. They travel during the season and make it a family venture. Their kids learn the value of hard work and chasing their dreams.” Evan rubbed a finger and thumb over his eyes. “Listen, it’s simple—I have a son and you didn’t tell me. As his father, I have rights. I do not walk away from my responsibilities.”
“You had no problem walking away from me.” She turned away, but not before he caught the pain in her face.
He touched her elbow. “You pushed me away, blaming me for Ben’s death, saying we had no future together.”
She looked at him again, this time with a steely glare. “If you hadn’t talked him into enlisting, he’d be alive today.”
“You’re not God. You don’t know that. We planned to enlist together, but I was disqualified because I was still on medication for my asthma. Ben made his own choice to enlist anyway. He was my best friend. You think I don’t miss him every single day?” Evan dragged a hand through his hair. “What you’ve done is unforgivable, Natalie. I need to go, but this isn’t over. Far from it.”
Without another look at her, he yanked open the door and jammed himself into the driver’s seat. He slammed his palm against the steering wheel. After starting the engine, he peeled out of the driveway, spitting gravel from beneath his tires.
Now that he knew about Aidan, he’d fight Natalie with everything he had. He’d become the best father he could be to the little boy who didn’t know he existed.
* * *
How was Evan going to tell his family about Aidan?
After leaving the Bishops’, he drove around for about an hour to clear his head. Then he tried calling his youngest brother to get some insight. His call went to Micah’s too-full voice mail, not allowing him to leave a message. He’d try again later.
Realizing his father or Jake might be waiting for the truck, he headed back to the farm. He pulled into the barnyard and parked, letting the engine idle while he struggled to make sense of what had happened.
The door to the milk house swung open, and his oldest brot
her, Jake, stepped out. He was dressed in faded jeans, black barn boots and a navy T-shirt with a rip at the hem.
Evan cut the engine and exited the truck, slamming the door a little harder than necessary.
“Hey, man. What’s going on?” Jake cocked his head and looked at him. “You okay?”
Evan spun the key ring on his index finger, then shoved the keys and his hand in his front pockets. “I went to see Natalie Bishop.”
Jake let out a low whistle. “Enough said. How’d that go?”
“Definitely not what I expected.” Evan jerked his head toward the farmhouse. “You heading inside?”
“To grab a quick cup of coffee. Tori’s talking to Dad about some grant she found to help with funding the service dog project. Tuck and Isabella brought the twins down to have breakfast with Dad and Claudia.”
Any other time he’d enjoy hanging out with his family, but today he really didn’t need an audience to share in his failure. Still, his father needed to know now instead of learning about Aidan from someone else.
Why hadn’t Coach said anything? Especially after all these years?
Jake clapped him on the shoulder, and the brothers walked silently through the yard to the back deck. Music and laughter filtered through the screen door. Two things he could always count on when Claudia was around.
They stepped inside to find only Dad and Tucker in the kitchen. Claudia, Tori, Isabella and the twins weren’t in sight, but he could hear talking and the sound of the TV coming from the family room.
The kitchen, redone shortly before the tornado hit, had been Mom’s dream, though she hadn’t lived long enough to enjoy it. Even after Claudia had moved in, she’d changed very little. The white cabinets, subway-tile backsplash and reclaimed barn board countertops invited family to gather together while sharing in cooking and cleanup.
Evan inhaled the scents of freshly brewed coffee, fried bacon and pancakes with maple syrup tapped from trees on the farm.
Dad looked up from the stove, where he flipped pancakes and then stacked them on a platter. He nodded toward the plates on the counter. “Grab a plate. Coffee’s fresh.”
Evan fished the keys out of his front pocket and set them on the table that had belonged to Evan’s great-grandparents. “Thanks for letting me borrow the truck.”
Dad turned off the flame under the square griddle and eyed Evan. “Everything okay, son?”
The same loaded question he’d heard hundreds of times growing up. The calm voice seeking answers without judgment.
Evan looked into his father’s eyes, lined with age and experience, then he lowered his gaze to his flip-flops that had seen better days. To his horror, his eyes filled quicker than he could blink away moisture. His chest shuddered as he replayed the shock of seeing Aidan and learning who he was. He cupped a hand over his eyes and choked on a ragged breath as he struggled to regain his composure.
The last thing he needed right now was to fall apart and bawl like a baby in front of his older brothers, who loved to tease him unmercifully.
Dad squeezed his shoulder, which nearly undid him once again.
He ground his thumb and forefinger into his eyes to wick away the moisture. Then he moved to the sink and filled a glass with water. After downing it, he turned to find his father, Jake and Tucker standing identically in front of the kitchen table, feet apart and arms crossed over their chests.
Evan cleared his throat and heaved a sigh as his family watched and waited. “So, I went to the Bishops’ to talk to Natalie about the service dog project and to say hi to Coach since I missed seeing him yesterday. But we didn’t get a chance to talk.”
“Why not?”
“Natalie’s son opened the door.”
Dad stared at him with a startled expression, then exchanged glances with Jake and Tucker. “Son? I didn’t know she had a child. Ted never mentioned it. Not once.”
“Maybe for good reason.” He blew out a breath. “He probably didn’t want you to know.”
“Why not? Ted and I have been friends for over forty years.”
“The kid’s mine, Dad.” The words came out in a rush.
A muscle jumped in the side of Dad’s jaw, but he didn’t say anything. He pressed his back against the fridge, crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Evan with a neutral expression on his face.
Jake and Tucker exchanged wide-eyed glances but remained quiet.
He could only imagine what was going on in their heads.
Dad straightened and slid his fingers into his front pockets. “You and Natalie Bishop had a child together, and she never told you?”
“You think if Natalie had told me about him, I would’ve kept it from the family?”
Dad shook his head and rubbed a hand over his chin. “How old is this child?”
“Five. His name’s Aidan Benjamin Bishop.” His lips quirked at the matter-of-fact way Aidan had declared who he was.
“I didn’t realize you and Natalie had been...together.”
“Once—an unplanned moment after learning about Ben’s death. I tried to comfort her...and things got out of hand. We made a mistake.” He lowered his head as heat crawled up his neck.
“No. You two made a child. No matter the circumstances, that little boy is a blessing from God. And to our family.”
Evan lifted his head and met his father’s eyes. “He doesn’t even know who I am. If I hadn’t come back to town, she would’ve continued to keep him from me. That’s totally unforgivable.”
His father rested a hand on his shoulder. “Keeping Aidan from you was wrong on Natalie’s part, but it’s certainly forgivable.”
“Not by me.” Evan folded his arms over his chest, suddenly feeling like a pouty preschooler.
“You’re upset right now, and rightfully so, but give it some time. We’ve all done things that don’t deserve forgiveness, but God’s grace and mercy offers us second chances. You two have a child together, so somehow, you will need to forgive Natalie so you two can co-parent Aidan to the best of your abilities.”
Jake cleared his throat and pushed away from the table. “Look, Ev, I know this stinks. And there was a time when I didn’t think I could forgive Tori, but we learned how to work it out. And look at us now—we’re married with a baby on the way.”
His dad and brother were right. After all, biblical values and principles had been drilled into his head since he was younger than Aidan. But, right now, that open wound was still too raw and too fresh to even consider forgiving Natalie.
“So what are you going to do?” Tuck, always the cool and collected one, moved next to Evan and refilled his own coffee mug.
Evan lifted a shoulder and shoved his hand in his front pocket. “Take responsibility for my actions, and be the father my son deserves.”
His son.
Man, it seemed so surreal. He didn’t deserve a kid like Aidan. The boy needed more than a screwup for a father.
But he wanted to get to know him.
So, he’d man up and do whatever it took to prove he could be the kind of father Aidan needed. Even if it meant calling some sort of truce with Natalie.
Forgiving her, on the other hand, was another matter altogether.
Chapter Three
Natalie needed to make amends.
Somehow, she had to convince Evan she hadn’t kept Aidan from him out of spite. Or that it had anything to do with her brother’s death.
The look on his face that morning when he learned about Aidan would be imprinted forever in her memory.
No matter what she said, though, he wouldn’t believe her right now. He was too angry.
She valued the importance of having a good father in her life. So why had she denied Aidan the same thing?
A light tapping sounded on the front door.
Alice, her parents’ brown-and-white collie, li
fted her head off Natalie’s knee, then bounded off the couch for the door.
Natalie closed her laptop, set it on the coffee table in front of the couch and headed for the door. A glance through the peephole showed Evan standing on the porch.
She sighed.
Sure, she wanted to make amends. But after she’d had time to come up with a plan and they had set up a meeting on neutral territory.
So much for that idea.
Flipping on the porch light, she opened the door, a humid breeze whisking over her face. A storm was coming.
“Evan. What are you doing here?”
He palmed the door frame and gave her a tired look. “Can we talk?”
Running a hand over her hair, she nodded and moved back to allow him to enter the house, wishing someone else had answered the door. That would have given her the opportunity to escape or at least change into something more presentable than an old T-shirt left over from high school and jean shorts with frayed hems. “Come in.”
“I’d rather stay out here. This won’t take long.” He stepped back to rest a shoulder against one of the columns lining the covered porch. The light blue T-shirt tightened across his muscled chest.
Quickly trying to gather some thoughts, she stepped outside, closing the door behind her, and gestured toward the matching padded chairs where her parents relaxed in the evenings after work. She settled in her mom’s spot, picked up a throw pillow of a yellow sunflower and hugged it to her chest.
Evan remained standing.
Darkening clouds smudged the sky, pushing out the daylight to shroud them in the shadows. The porch light glow cast over Evan emphasized his set jaw and stiff posture.
Pushing away from the column, he ran a hand across the back of his neck. “I don’t want to fight with you, Nat. That’s not who I am. And it’s not healthy for any of us. But we need to reach some sort of agreement so I can get to know my son.”
His matter-of-fact tone cinched the knot in her stomach.
He was right.
And she wanted what was best for Aidan—for all of them.
But...
She breathed in slowly and released the air to calm the rising anxiety in her chest. She twisted her fingers together to stop their trembling.