“I’m sorry, Mrs. Day. I tried to tell her that I would notify you, but she just kept walking,” her assistant said.
Pearson’s brows cinched.
“No worries, dear. I understand that you are just doing your job, but I don’t need an appointment to see my own daughter,” Candice said, removing her gloves as she invited herself all the way into Pearson’s office.
Nat shrank and started to back out of the door.
“It’s, okay. I’ll deal with my…” Pearson looked at Candice and noticed that she looked thinner than the last time she’d seen her. The realization gave her pause. After another beat, she finished her sentence, “…mother.”
Once the door closed, Candice eased on to the couch and paused to take in a labored breath. Making a noticeable point of glancing at her watch, Candice said, “It’s lunch time. Shall we go out or have something delivered?”
Pearson folded her arms across her chest. “Who said you were staying?”
Candice’s gaze swept around the office and then she yawned, apparently unaffected by Pearson’s attitude. The creases in her worn eyes deepened.
“Tell me. What do you feel like having today? Sushi? I know how you love sushi. Try to decide quickly. I haven’t eaten a thing all day.”
“I feel like asking you to leave. I have a lot of work to do. Getting ready for this benefit has taken up a lot of my time.” Pearson walked to the door and opened it for Candice to leave.
Candice looked at Pearson and chuckled. Pearson slammed the door shut, crossed her arms and cut her eyes toward the ceiling. Candice’s appearance unnerved Pearson. Her tired eyes and thinning face were the visual indications of her debilitating condition thus far. The sickness was beginning to claim her normally polished and well-cared for skin. As familiar as Pearson was with loss, the last thing she wanted to witness was her mother’s lingering demise. She was better equipped to manage anger as opposed to pain.
“Alright, Ma. What do you want? Let’s make it quick.”
“I want to talk to my daughter.” Candice hid her smile behind her pout.
“We can talk another time. I have so much work to do now.” Pearson walked back to her desk and began shuffling files across the top.
“We can talk another time,” Candice mimicked and chuckled again. “You remind me so much of myself it’s unbelievable.” Candice got up and moved toward the window taking in the mountains of snow still sitting in the parking lot. “We could talk if you would answer the phone when I called you or open the door when I tried to visit. If you would just stop avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you.” Candice pursed her lips at Pearson. Her low cast eyes belied her words. “I mean.”
“Sweetheart, I know what you mean, but that’s not what you are saying.”
Pearson looked baffled.
Candice sighed, walked over and sat on the edge of Pearson’s desk. She lifted Pearson’s chin and searched her eyes, watching them become glossy. Pearson jerked her face away. Candice touched her chin again. More gently than before. “Look at me, Pearson.” Sighing, Pearson turned back to face her mother. “I’m dying.” Candice’s words sunk in. Pearson averted her eyes again so that Candice wouldn’t witness the strain of her holding back tears. “I can’t change that,” Candice finally added.
Tears belied Pearson’s will. She wanted to pull away, but her mother continued to hold her firmly allowing the tears to tumble onto her hand.
“I hate it, but I have to face it.” Candice choked on her admission. “But it’s a reality that we all have to face.” Candice let go of Pearson, went to her purse, pulled out a tissue and dabbed her eyes.
After a deep breath, she continued. “I haven’t been the best mother. Woo. There I said it.” Candice blinked rapidly and sighed. “I didn’t have the best example myself so I didn’t know how to be a good mother.” Candice took a moment, crossed her arms and walked back to the window, looking out as she continued. “Facing the end of my life has made me reevaluate some things. There is so much that I would change if I could. There are some things that I wish I could still do, but probably won’t get the chance. Of all of those things, there is one that I can’t leave this earth without doing. And that’s giving you the explanation that you deserve.”
“Mom.” Pearson wanted her to stop. Already unstable, Pearson teetered on an emotional edge. “You don’t have to do this.” Pearson walked to the opposite side of her office putting distance between her and Candice’s words.
“If I could have given you away, I would have, but I was too selfish to let you go, but too messed up to do you any good.”
Pearson’s head snapped in Candice’s direction as a lump lodged in her throat. Her lips parted, but only succeeded in trembling. She gasped and felt incapable of producing words. The weight of the pain in Candice’s eyes, matched the pressure pressing down on her own chest.
“I didn’t have a pretty childhood.” Candice shrugged her shoulders. “I didn’t think I had anything to offer a child, but I loved you.” Swiping at a steady stream of tears, Candice shook her head. “Mama was…a mean woman…just mean.” Blinking rapidly, Candice pursed her lips and shook her head again. “Mm,” she added as she reminisced. “In fact, as a child, I thought she hated me. She’s been gone for so many years now and it was just recently that I realized she loved me the best way she knew how no matter how it looked or felt. Her mama was mean, too.” Candice chuckled and punctuated her statement with a nod. “I remember being so scared of that woman.” Candice drew in a deep, sharp breath and let it out as she walked over to Pearson.
Taking Pearson by the hand, Candice looked into her eyes as if she were trying to reach her soul. The pressure of Candice’s gaze made Pearson blink. She tore her eyes away.
“Your father knew this. He tried his best to love me enough to fill all of my voids. I loved that man more than my own life and didn’t know how to show it… but he understood—he understood,” she said again, choking on her emotions. Candice didn’t bother wiping the tears that flowed more heavily now. “He wanted a house full of children.” She tittered, her sad eyes glazed with memories of her lost love. “That crazy fool believed that having kids would help me learn how to love better. Instead, having you scared the Bejesus out of me.” Throwing her head back, Candice chuckled. “And when he died, I sent you away because I didn’t want to ruin you.” She turned back to Pearson to search her eyes once again. “Not because I didn’t love you. But then, once the distance settled in between us, I didn’t know how to fix it so I let it remain there. The next thing I knew, you became a woman and that was that. I know now that it was entirely my fault, but I refuse to let my mistakes ruin what we could have in the time I have left.” Candice inclined her head toward Pearson and held out her hand. “If you’re willing.”
Pearson got up and walked over to the window that her mother had just come from. Slow breaths helped to keep her calm. Her mother had just said things she’d wanted to hear all of her life and now she wished she could take them back.
“I know how you feel, Pearson.” Candice touched her back and she flinched. “It doesn’t seem fair. Finally I come around, but now our time is limited. I will understand if you don’t want me in your life now. I just had to get this out. You deserved to hear it.” Candice moved toward the couch and retrieved her purse. “I won’t ask you for much. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me for being such a poor example of a mother, I’d like to spend whatever time I have left with you making up for what has been lost. If you don’t want to...then...I understand.” Candice headed for the door.
Pearson heard her walking away. Letting her endless tears fall, she continued looking out over the parking lot. Her blurred vision prevented her from seeing anything clearly.
The doorknob turned. Pearson wanted to call out to her mother. Tell her not to go or even tell her that she was forgiven, but she couldn’t get the words past her quivering lips. Pearson knew pain well and had learned to cope in it. Forg
iveness and all of the other messy emotions that came along with it were foreign to her. She wasn’t sure if she could handle that kind of freedom.
“I truly love you, honey. Always did,” Candice said. Pearson could tell by the slight tremor in her voice that she was still crying, too.
Shaking, Pearson held herself tighter while Candice walked through the door. Minutes passed with Pearson’s gaze fixed on the stillness of the parking lot. She expected to see her mother make her way toward the car.
Closing her eyes, Pearson inhaled slowly, and then let her breath out in a rush. She had to get herself together. There was work to be done.
Her office door suddenly crashed open, banged against the wall, and seized her attention.
“Mrs. Day! Your mother passed out in the elevator!” Nat yelled, breaking into her thoughts. “Hurry.”
Pearson’s heart clamored against her chest as she ran behind Nat, her pencil skirt limiting her stride. Guilt shrouded her at the thought of how she’d just treated her mother. How could she have been so selfish? Silently, she prayed that the Lord wouldn’t let Candice die before she had a chance to turn things around.
Chapter 44
Nadalia
Once again Nadalia was in the dark. Daylight had fallen into the night as she sat in the family room of her mother’s Long Island home. The only illumination came from the flickering embers of the fireplace, casting moving shadows along the walls. Nadalia had come to like the darkness, where she could wallow in her agony or avoid the lines that creased her tired face from all of the crying she had done.
Since she left home, she only journeyed to the office and back to her mother’s house, moving through her days like a zombie. Cutting herself off from the world, outside of work, she wouldn’t answer any calls. Eventually, she’d have to come out of the darkness, but right now, it embraced her and she liked it.
At first, she thought she was hearing things when the doorbell rang, followed by a knock on the door. She blamed it on her imagination. No one, including her mother, knew that she was there. Mina only ventured to her home on the Island in the summer so it couldn’t be her. Besides, she wouldn’t knock at her own door.
The knock came again and she knew it was happening outside of her head. Still, she didn’t move to answer. Nadalia nudged herself deeper into the couch, stared into the dark and tried to think of something other than Sage’s betrayal. She’d thought about that every way she could, turning the scenario over in her mind like a Rubik’s cube. Every angle brought the same amount of pain.
The series of non-stop ringing and barrage of knocks slamming into the door got her attention. It sounded like the police were pounding their way through with a battle ram. Nadalia stood and took cautious steps through the dark toward the banging. Peering out the window, she saw Pearson.
“Open the door, sister. I know you’re in there. I see your car in the driveway.”
Nadalia closed her eyes for just a moment and then walked to the door and peeled it open slowly. She put her hands on her hips. “How did you know I was here?”
“Your lovely husband. Well, from the looks of things, your stupid husband told me.” Pearson welcomed herself inside, pushing passed Nadalia laughing. “They are stupid when they make you mad.”
“What!” Nadalia tensed, wondering how much Pearson knew. “What did he tell you?”
“What’s with the darkness? Mama didn’t pay the light bill?”
Nadalia walked into the nearest sitting room and flicked on a lamp, casting a low light around the room.
Pearson followed her. “Aww, that’s better.” She looked around before sitting on an antique Queen Anne chair. “This is fabulous.”
“Thanks,” Nadalia said watching Pearson scan the European decor with admiration.
“Is that your mom?” Pearson asked, getting up and walking over to a huge portrait of Mina wearing a Victorian-styled gown.
“Yes. My mom always liked those old world paintings so she had one done of herself. Now. Why are you here?” Nadalia asked, snapping at Pearson.
“After I called a hundred times and didn’t get an answer, I decided to stop by your house. I was trying to see if you guys were going to make your usual donation to the auction at the benefit. Sage told me that you weren’t there and that he couldn’t tell me when you’d be coming back. He looked like a lost puppy, so I knew he’d done something to piss you off. I just went ahead and asked the dummy what he did and of course he wouldn’t tell me.”
Nadalia released the breath she’d been holding.
“Men never fully admit anything but anyway, he said he messed up bad. He assumed you were here and asked if I would just check up on you.”
“Oh. Well, I’m fine and I will be donating a coat from the new season for the benefit as well as making our usual donation. So if that’s all...” Nadalia got up to let Pearson out.
“Whoa!” Pearson put her hands up. “Look, Nadalia. I’m not trying to get in your business, but it’s obvious that there’s something very wrong. You’re sitting in this big scary ass Victorian, looking like a haunted house from lifestyles of the dead and famous—in the dark, mind you—with eyes redder than Ruby Woo. The bags under your eyes are big enough to fit a few pairs of Jimmy Choos. You don’t have to tell me exactly what’s wrong. Truthfully, I don’t even want to go down that path, because I have more issues than you can imagine and it would take the next five years for us to swap problems. But, I’m not about to just leave you here. You need some...support.” Pearson ended with a gentleness that Nadalia wouldn’t have expected. “You don’t have to talk. I’ll just sit here so you know you’ve got somebody.”
Nadalia burst into tears. Pearson got up and wrapped her arms around her. “I know, honey. I know.”
Nadalia pulled her head back, wiped her tears and chuckled. “Goodness. I know you didn’t see that coming.”
Both ladies laughed.
“We all have issues, honey.” Pearson led Nadalia to the floral love seat, sat and cupped Nadalia’s hands between hers.
“Some of ours are bigger than others,” Nadalia said.
“Girl, please! Why do you think I drink so much?”
Nadalia twisted her lips and looked at Pearson sideways.
“Yeah! I know I drink way too much.” Pearson snorted. “But it helps me,” she said in a near whisper. “Sometimes things hurt so much that I just want to stop myself from feeling.” Pearson looked away. “I’m trying to control it now, but it taunts me sometimes, promising that it will make me feel better. There are times when I feel like it’s more of a friend to me than my real friends are. It never judges me.” A lone tear fell down Pearson’s cheek.
Nadalia remained quiet, but squeezed her hand.
Pearson swatted the tear. “Hey. The girls said you kissed me the night we went out. Of course I don’t remember anything.”
“Yeah!”
“There’s a heart in there after all.”
“You’re talking?”
They shared several moments of easy laughter.
Pearson rubbed the back of Nadalia’s hand and smiled. “This life! I tell ya.”
“I know!”
They welcomed the next few moments of silence. Nadalia was actually glad Pearson was there. She gave her the first genuine laugh, and a flicker of hope that she might be able to come out of the dark well that she had crawled into.
“I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually glad you are here,” Nadalia said and shoved her playfully.
Pearson smiled and stared off in the distance. After a few beats she opened up again. “I never made friends well. I never really trusted people. Somehow you women have snaked your way into my gate and I like having you there. Even you…and Ryan.” Nadalia gasped and swatted at her again. Pearson dodged the hit. “I’m being honest.”
Nadalia shook her head and laughed.
“Hey!” Pearson said, snatching Nadalia’s attention. “Since you don’t want to talk about your problems, I�
�ll tell you about some of mine. Then you’ll probably feel like your life isn’t so bad. I’m tired of keeping all this stuff to myself. It gets heavy and frankly, I no longer give a shit what people think because we all got issues. Ha!”
Nadalia flinched. Pearson’s outburst startled her and for a moment, Nadalia couldn’t stop herself from laughing.
“Woo. Okay! You ready?” Pearson straightened her back.
Nadalia stretched her eyes and took a deep breath.
“Niles is at the end of his rope with my drinking. I’ve promised him I’d stop numerous times. I lied then, but now I’ve tried and don’t even know if I’m capable of stopping. It lures me with the promise of making life lighter for me, like a mischievous friend.” Pearson put her head down for a moment. “I don’t want to lose my husband.” She paused long enough to fill the space between them with awkward discomfort. “He’s my safe haven, my best friend and he’s about to be all I’ve got since my mother’s dying.”
Nadalia’s hang flew to her mouth, covering her gasp.” Oh my goodness, Pearson. I’m so sorry.”
Pearson looked at her with glistening eyes and pursed her lips. “I’ve never had a great relationship with my mom. Always wanted to.” Her bottom lip quivered. “In fact for years I thought she just didn’t like me. Recently she tried to reconcile with me...even apologized for being a bad mom, but I rejected her and then she passed out. I thought I was going to lose her then.” Pearson hunched her shoulders, donned a sheepish grin, and choked on her emotion when she tried to speak again. “She’ll…she’ll be gone soon.” She paused, pressing her lips into a tight line. Wiping the tears from her chin, Pearson cleared her throat and continued. “I think it’s so unfair. I almost don’t want to get close because I know it’s going to hurt so much more when she goes.” Nadalia squeezed her hand tighter. “And how have I been dealing with all of this...drinking.” Pearson held her hands up and let them fall into her lap hard. “It’s driven a wedge between my husband and me. He was so upset with me last weekend that when I woke up Sunday morning, every bottle in the house had been smashed…and then he left me.”
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