Until There Was Us

by Samantha Chase

“We’re going to go and pick up some dinner and bring it to the house,” Megan said.

  And within minutes, everyone was heading in different directions. In the car, Megan rested her head against the seat.

  “Well, that was scary,” she said.

  Alex nodded. “Hopefully her doctor will be able to see her tomorrow and confirm that everything’s all right. I know being on bed rest will make Gabriella crazy.”

  They made small talk as they drove, but Megan’s mind kept wandering to what had almost happened before they got the calls from Summer and Ethan. By now they would have been naked in Alex’s bed and probably on round two—if not three. Memories of their weekend together played in her mind as well. She knew what she was missing, and as much as she wanted to say how she couldn’t wait to get back to his place, she knew she was far too distracted for that tonight.

  Or maybe she was still too scared about taking that next step now that they were out of the heat of the moment. Why was it so hard for her to just let go like she had before? That weekend should have unleashed the side of her that tended to overthink and second-guess her every move in personal relationships. Why couldn’t she just get out of her own way and be happy?

  “Would you be disappointed if we…you know…don’t—”

  Before she could finish, Alex reached over and took one of her hands in his. “I’m not going to lie to you, Megan. I really wish we hadn’t been interrupted, but I understand what you’re saying, and…there’s no rush.”

  She instantly relaxed.

  “Just…promise me something,” he said.

  “What?”

  “That you’ll be honest with me. If we’re moving too fast or if you’re not comfortable, you’ll tell me.”

  “I’m sorry.” And when he looked at her, she saw the sadness and understanding there.

  “Me too,” he said softly.

  They drove in silence for several minutes before she told him what else was on her mind.

  “So…I’m thinking I’m going to offer to stay with Zach and Gabriella tonight,” she said carefully.

  He looked at her briefly before returning his attention to the road. “Oh…okay.”

  “Zach’s exhausted, and he needs to sleep, and I think it would be helpful for someone to be there for Gabs to talk to and distract her for a bit. I imagine she’s a little nervous about everything that happened.”

  He nodded again. “If that’s what you think is best, then…sure. I can pick you up from there tomorrow after Zach gets home or—”

  “We’ll see how it goes,” she said quickly.

  When they were all back at Zach and Gabriella’s, they ate and talked and laughed, and to the casual observer, nothing was wrong. But Megan knew everyone’s head was not fully in the conversation they were currently having—about the health benefits of salmon.

  How the hell had they started talking about that?

  Alex helped Megan clean up the dishes while Zach helped his wife get comfortable on the sofa.

  “Hey,” she said softly even though her cousin was out of earshot, “why don’t you take Zach outside and shoot some hoops or something—anything to distract him a bit.”

  “Good idea,” he said.

  When the front door closed, Megan walked over to Gabriella and sat on the sofa opposite her. “So…talk to me. How are you doing?”

  “Honestly, I’m fine. They did an ultrasound, and I was able to see for myself that the baby is fine. I think I freaked out, which in turn freaked Zach out. I’ve got a call in to my OB, and I have no doubt she’ll see me tomorrow.” Then she smiled and rubbed her hand over her swollen belly. “I’m tired, and I know Zach is too.”

  “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay tonight,” Megan suggested. “This way we can force Zach to get some sleep so he can go to work tomorrow, and I’ll be here in case you need anything.”

  Gabriella’s smile grew and then turned a bit knowing. “Are we trying to avoid someone?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Your cousin may be clueless and unobservant, but I’m not,” Gabriella said. “I saw the little glances between you and Alex—and not for the first time, might I add—and I’m curious if your offer to stay here tonight isn’t about maybe not going home with him.”

  Megan groaned. “Summer warned me that you are freaky good at reading people.”

  “It’s a gift. So spill it. Distract me.”

  When it was worded like that, how could she refuse? So she shared how things were progressing between the two of them and even told her about their wedding history. “And we were kind of heading to the bedroom when Summer called.”

  Gabriella frowned. “Okay, so…you’re clearly into him, right?”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “And the feeling is mutual?”

  “Definitely.”

  “Then I don’t understand why you’re not more excited about picking up where you left off. If this is something that’s been building, then why put on the brakes now?”

  “Because now that the lust fog has lifted, I have to think about stuff. It’s what I do. It’s annoying as hell, but…I get into my own head, and I have to reason everything out. How smart is it for me to get involved with Alex while I’m settling in to a new job? My job is what messed things up for us the last time.”

  “What did your job have to do with anything?”

  Ugh. Where did she even begin? “You know how much I worked, right?”

  Gabriella nodded.

  “Well, let’s just say that it was worse than you imagined.”

  “How is that even possible? The sheer number of hours you put in each week was crazy! How can it be worse?”

  She gave a small shrug. “It wasn’t just the hours. It was like…nothing else existed for me. It was like I couldn’t think about anything else.”

  “And what about now? Do you feel like that with this job?”

  “No,” she said confidently. “And being that I’m spending more time at home and with you and Zach and Summer, I’ve had time to really think about why I was the way I was. To a certain degree, anyway.”

  Gabriella looked at her expectantly.

  “There was nothing else for me back in Albany. Nothing that I was passionate about, no place else I wanted to go, and nothing else I wanted to do. After Colin dumped me, my self-esteem was shot, and my job—my office—became my safety net. I didn’t want to put myself out there for anyone to hurt me again.”

  “But you let Alex in,” she said softly. “Clearly you felt comfortable enough with him to not only spend a weekend with him but to try to take it a step further.”

  “And yet in the end, I couldn’t do it. I flaked. I reverted to type and ruined what could have been a great relationship.”

  Sitting up slowly, Gabriella reached out and took one of Megan’s hands in hers. “You have a second chance here, Megan. I know it won’t erase the past, but the fact that you’re still single and Alex is still single has to tell you something.”

  She thought about it for a moment and couldn’t believe it could possibly be this easy. “What if things go badly? How am I supposed to handle that with all of you being friends with him? And I’m driving his car! Right now there are far too many things to consider.”

  “There’s a simple solution to that, you know,” Gabriella said.

  “Oh really? What? Because my mind has been racing through every scenario, and I can’t seem to find anything that even resembles simple, and all of this is causing me more stress!”

  “Well now, I think you need to pick things up where you left off, and it will help you alleviate a whole lot of that stress,” she teased.

  “Not helpful,” Megan murmured.

  “Okay, fine. Besides the whole job and car thing, what’s holding you back?”

  Shrugging, she said,
“I don’t know. Everything about Alex…intimidates me. He’s so…passionate about everything he does, and he is the most put-together guy I’ve ever met. Meanwhile, I’m a hot mess who was content to work eighty hours a week and have no social life. He’s showing me around the city and getting me out, and it’s great. But I know I’m going to eventually revert to type and screw it all up.”

  “You can’t know that, Megan. You are capable of change.”

  “Am I? Because it doesn’t seem like I am. I keep repeating the same patterns—”

  “Because you never had a reason not to,” Gabriella interrupted. “You weren’t motivated to change. Now you are.” She paused. “How are things going at work?”

  “They’re going great. I love it.”

  “And from what I can tell, everything’s on track with the new system, right?”

  Megan nodded.

  “From where I’m sitting, it seems to me like things are all falling into place for you. It’s okay to have a life outside the office.”

  “I’m just…it doesn’t feel…natural. It’s the way I’ve always been.”

  “Like I said, you’re capable of changing—if you want to.”

  And that was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it? Did she want to change?

  The immediate answer was a “Hell yes!” especially if changing meant going to Alex’s house and finishing what they had started earlier.

  But the last time they had jumped into bed together, she had done it because she’d wanted to be more carefree and he had been too tempting to resist. Then she had spent the next two years feeling like she could never be that girl again.

  “What if…what if I try,” Megan began hesitantly, “and…I can’t do it? What if this truly is who I am, and it’s not enough?”

  Gabriella gave her a sympathetic smile. “You should be who you want to be and be true to yourself. If you want to change, then you have to do it for you and not because you want someone else to like you.”

  “I’m so confused,” she moaned and slouched on the couch, wishing like hell that she had her crocheting basket with her right now.

  “Then it’s a good thing you’re staying here tonight, right?”

  * * *

  “Finally!”

  Alex was going to make a snarky comment, but he figured he’d let Zach have his moment. After all, it had been months since he’d won their two-out-of-three rule at racquetball. So he took it in stride and smiled as he shook Zach’s hand. “Good game, man. Good game.” It had been a week since Gabriella’s hospital scare, and Alex found himself on the racquetball court and frustrated beyond belief.

  Zach did a victory lap around the court with his arms in the air, and all Alex could do was laugh.

  “I guess it’s a good thing you came here and had a win before heading to the office, huh?” Alex asked.

  Slowing down, Zach looked at him before touching his toes to stretch. “What are you talking about?”

  “Work,” Alex said. “Megan said you guys are putting in a lot of extra time on this computer system transfer. New system giving you problems, or is it not as user-friendly as the last program you were using?”

  Zach straightened and looked at him like he was crazy. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. The new system is like a dream. Megan got it all switched over and even worked out all the glitches in record time. The last IT guy we had took three times as long to get us up and running. I’m telling you, my cousin is a tech genius. Not once did she have to stay late or work a weekend.” He stretched again. “You must have misunderstood her or something.”

  Yeah…or something, he silently seethed.

  Right now he wanted to demand to know where Megan had been all week—hell, where she was today!—but he didn’t want to get into an argument with Zach over it, so he tried a different approach.

  Raking a hand through his hair, he said, “Yeah. Probably. I guess I figured something like that would take a lot of time. You know, based on her previous job.”

  Before he responded, Zach grabbed his water bottle and took a long drink. “She helped Ethan set up his home office one night, and then she did the same for me another night. Don’t get me wrong, we both had a decent setup, but after seeing what she did for the office, we asked if she would be able to amp up our home offices.”

  Alex nodded. Okay, so that was two nights. Why had she lied to him and said she’d been working late all week? Where was she going and what was she doing to avoid him? She hadn’t taken any of his calls, and most of her replies to his texts had been short and to the point.

  And again, why?

  Zach started to gather up his things, and Alex asked, “So are the girls out doing one of those spa day things now that Gabriella got the all clear from her doctor that she can resume normal activities?”

  That was clearly the one that gave him away. With his back to him, Zach hung his head. When he turned to Alex, he didn’t look happy. He also didn’t look too pissed, so Alex took that as a good sign.

  “For crying out loud, Alex, if you’re interested in Megan, can you please spit it out already? All of this beating around the bush is more exhausting than the damn games we just finished playing.”

  Well…shit.

  Alex let out a long breath and figured if they were going to fight about it, he’d rather it happen now than later. Plus, it would be a huge relief to get it out in the open instead of trying to keep hiding it.

  “Okay, look,” he began diplomatically, “yes, I’m interested in Megan. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and I thought things were going great, and this last week she’s been telling me she has to work late. And then today she told me she had to go in to the office because of issues with the new system. It’s a Saturday, and I figured maybe she wanted to work with no distractions. So now I’m wondering what I did wrong that she’s blowing me off.”

  With a muttered curse, Zach walked over to the lone bench against the back wall and sat. “On principle I feel like I should kick your ass, but you’re too damn nice of a guy. It would be like kicking a puppy.”

  Not the manliest of comparisons, but if it kept him and Zach from fighting, he’d let it slide.

  “We’ve been going out every Sunday,” Alex explained. “I’ve been showing her around Portland and getting her to do stuff that was…you know…outside. From everything she’s said about her life in New York, all she did was sit in her office all day and work. So I thought I’d show her around and help her see how the outdoors can be fun.”

  Zach chuckled. “Megan always had her nose stuck in a book from the time she was little. Don’t expect miracles.” He paused. “Maybe that’s why she’s hiding out on you—too much pressure to be outside. For all you know, she’s hanging out at the library.”

  Alex frowned and sat on the bench too. “Well, that would suck,” he muttered. “I don’t want her feeling like she has to lie to me because I’m making her uncomfortable.”

  “It’s probably not…wait a minute…is that why you offered her the car? To show her around? Because you were hoping to score some points with her?” Zach asked, and this time, he sounded more than a little irritated.

  “It wasn’t like that!” Alex shouted defensively. Damn, this wasn’t what he was planning on, but…might as well get it all out there.

  Standing, he paced a couple of feet away and then turned. “Megan and I…we did meet at your wedding, and we…we hit it off.”

  Zach glared at him for a minute. “Did you hook up with her?”

  All Alex could do was nod.

  “Shit.” Another pause. “Wait…is Megan…is she the woman you were telling me about? The one from a while ago who told you—”

  “Yeah,” Alex murmured. “I had no idea she was moving here until you mentioned it that day on the court. I swear. And then…I took it as a sign—like this was a c
hance to see if what we had was more than weekend chemistry.”

  Zach began to pace, and he mumbled under his breath the entire time about friends hitting on his family members and how much he hated it, and Alex felt like crap. He remembered the stories about Ethan and Summer, and while he could see the similarities, the fact remained that Megan was his cousin and Zach had already admitted how he thought Alex was a good guy.

  “I didn’t plan this, Zach,” he said. “I swear. I saw her at the wedding and was drawn to her. We danced, and we talked and laughed, and one thing led to another.”

  “Please…I don’t want any of the details.”

  “Understood.”

  They were both silent for a long while, and Alex wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do or say in this situation. He had promised Megan to not tell Zach about their weekend, but what choice did he have?

  “So what are you going to do?” Zach finally asked.

  “Do you know where she is today?”

  Zach shook his head. “Gabriella’s at home resting because the baby was kicking all night. Summer and Ethan were going to visit some friends up in Vancouver for the day. As far as I know, Megan hadn’t made plans with either of them.”

  “Dammit.”

  “Are you going to call her or go and find her?”

  Huffing with frustration, Alex replied, “I’m going to go and find her and ask her straight up what her deal is and why she’s avoiding me. She probably wouldn’t answer the phone if I called her, anyway.”

  “Like I said, I don’t want any of the details, and I want you to know that I’m not…thrilled with this—”

  “I know.”

  “But…I need your word that if you talk to her and she tells you she’s not interested in dating you, you’ll respect her wishes and leave her alone. If you can’t handle hanging out with her when we all get together or her driving your car, then you need to be honest and tell me. I don’t want to get in the middle of it, but she’s my cousin, and you need to understand that she comes first.” He stared at Alex for another long moment. “Deal?”

  “I don’t think it’s going to—”

  “Do we have a deal?” Zach repeated.