The gal departed, and I sought around me for something familiar.
Nothing.
So I waited.
Presently, the maid returned, smiled, nodded, and said, “Please follow me. She will see you in the library.”
I followed, up three stairs and down a corridor past two closed doors, The third one to my left was open, and the maid indicated I should enter it. I did so, then paused on the threshold.
Like all libraries, it was full of books. It also held three paintings, two indicating quiet landscapes and one a peaceful seascape. The floor was heavily carpeted in green. There was a big globe beside the big desk with Africa facing me and a wall-to-wall window behind it, eight stepladders of glass. But none of these was the reason I'd paused.
The woman behind the desk wore a wide-collared, V-necked dress of blue-green, had long hair and low bangs, all of a cross between sunset clouds and the outer edge of a candle flame in an otherwise dark room, and natural, I somehow knew, and her eyes behind glasses I didn't think she needed were as blue as Lake Erie at three o'clock on a cloudless summer afternoon; and the color of her compressed smile matched her hair. But none of these was the reason I'd paused.
I knew her, from somewhere, though I couldn't say where.
I advanced, holding my own smile.
“Hello,” I said.
“Sit down,” said she, “please,” indicating a high-backed, big-armed chair that bulged and was orange, of the kind just tilted at the angle in which I loved to loaf.
I did so, and she studied me.
“Glad to see you're up and around again.”
“Me, too. How've you been?”
“Fine, thank you. I must say I didn't expect to see you here.”
“I know,” I fibbed, “but here I am, to thank you for your sisterly kindness and care.” I let a slight note of irony sound within the sentence just to observe her response.
At that point an enormous dog entered the room-an Irish wolfhound-and it curled up in front of the desk. Another followed and circled the globe twice before lying down.
“Well,” said she, returning the irony, “it was the least I could do for you. You should drive more carefully.”
“In the future,” I said, “I'll take greater precautions, I promise.” I didn't now what sort of game I was playing, but since she didn't know that I didn't know, I'd decided to take her for all the information I could. “I figured you would be curious as to the shape I was in, so I came to let you see.”
“I was, am,” she replied. “Have you eaten?”
“A light lunch, several hours ago.” I said.
So she rang up the maid and ordered food. Then “I thought you might take it upon yourself to leave Greenwood,” she said, “when you were able, I didn't think it would be so soon, though, and I didn't think you'd come here.”
“I know,” I said, “that's why I did.”
She offered me a cigarette and I took it, lit hers, lit mine.
“You always were unpredictable,” she finally told me. “While this has helped you often in the past, however, I wouldn't count on it now.”
“What do you mean?” I said.
“The stakes are far too high for a bluff, and I think that's what you're trying, walking in here like this. I've always admired your courage, Corwin, but don't be a fool. You know the score.”
Corwin? File it away, under “Corey.”
“Maybe I don't,” I said. “I've been asleep for a while, remember?”
“You mean you haven't been in touch?”
“Haven't had a chance, since I woke up.”
She leaned her head to one side and narrowed her wonderful eyes.
“Rash,” she said, “but possible. Just possible. You might mean it. You might. I'll pretend that you do, for now. In that case, you may have done a smart safe thing. Let me think about it.”
I drew on my cigarette, hoping she'd say something more. But she didn't, so I decided to seize what seemed the advantage I'd obtained in this game I didn't understand with players I didn't know for stakes I had no inkling of.
“The fact that I'm here indicates something,” I said.
“Yes,” she replied, “I know. But you're smart, so it could indicate more than one thing. We'll wait and see.”
Wait for what? See what? Thing?
Steaks then arrived and a pitcher of beer, so I was temporarily freed from the necessity of making cryptic and general statements for her to ponder as subtle or cagey. Mine was a good steak, pink inside and full of juice, and I tore at the fresh tough-crested bread with my teeth and gulped the beer with a great hunger and a thirst. She laughed as she watched me, while cutting off tiny pieces of her own.
“I love the gusto with which you assail life, Corwin. It's one of the reasons I'd hate to see you part company with it.”
“Me, too,” I muttered.
And while I ate, I pondered her. I saw her in a low-cut gown, green as the green of the sea, with full skirts. There was music, dancing, voices behind us. I wore black and silver and ... The vision faded. But it was a true piece of my memory, I knew; and inwardly I cursed that I lacked it in its entirety. What had she been saying, in her green, to me in my black and silver, that night, behind the music, the dancing and the voices?
I poured us more beer from the pitcher and decided to test the vision.
“I remember one night,” I said, “when you were all in green and I in my colors. How lovely things seemed-and the music...”
Her face grew slightly wistful, the cheeks smoothing.
“Yes,” she said. “Were not those the days? ... You really have not been in touch?”
“Word of honor,” I said, for whatever that was worth.
“Things have grown far worse,” she said, “and the Shadows contain more horrors than any had thought...”
“And ...?” I inquired.
“He still has his troubles,” she finished,
“Oh.”
“Yes,” she went on, “and he'll want to know where you stand.”
“Right here,” I said,
“You mean...
“For now,” I told her, perhaps too quickly, for her eyes had widened too much, “since I still don't know the full state of affairs,” whatever that meant.
“Oh.”
And we finished our steaks and the beer, giving the two bones to the dogs.
We sipped some coffee afterward, and I came to feel a bit brotherly but suppressed it. I asked, “What of the others?” which could mean anything, but sounded safe.
I was afraid for a moment that she was going to ask me what I meant. Instead, though, she leaned back in her chair, stared at the ceiling, and said, “As always, no one new has been heard from. Perhaps yours was the wisest way. I'm enjoying it myself. But how can one forget-the glory?” I lowered my eyes, because I wasn't sure what they should contain. “One can't,” I said. “One never can.”
There followed a long, uncomfortable silence, after which she said: “Do you hate me?”
“Of course not,” I replied. “How could I-all things considered?”
This seemed to please her, and she showed her teeth, which were very white.
“Good, and thank you,” she said. “Whatever else, you're a gentleman.”
I bowed and smirked.
“You'll turn my head.”
“Hardly,” she said, “all things considered.”
And I felt uncomfortable.
My anger was there, and I wondered whether she knew who it was that I needed to stay it. I felt that she did. I fought with the desire to ask it outright, suppressed it.
“Well, what do you propose doing?” she finally asked, and being on the spot I replied, “Of course, you don't trust me...”
“How could we?”
I determined to remember that we.
“Well, then. For the time being. I'm willing to place myself under your surveillance. I'll be glad to stay right here, where you can keep an eye on me.”
&
nbsp; “And afterward?”
“Afterward? We'll see.”
“Clever,” she said, “very clever. And you place me in an awkward position.” (I had said it because I didn't have any place else to go. and my blackmail money wouldn't last me too long.) “Yes, of course you may stay. But let me warn you"-and here she fingered what I had thought to be some sort of pendant on a chain about her neek-"this is an ultrasonic dog whistle. Donner and Blitzen here have four brothers, and they're all trained to take care of nasty people and they all respond to my whistle. So don't start to walk toward any place where you won't be desired. A toot or two and even you will go down before them. Their kind is the reason there are no wolves left in Ireland. you know.”
“I know,” I said, realizing that I did.
“Yes.” she continued, “Eric will like it that you are my guest. It should cause him to leave you alone, which is what you want, n'est-ce-pas?”
“Oui.” I said.
Eric! It meant something! I had known an Eric, and it had been very important, somehow. that I did. Not recently. But the Eric I had known was still around, and that was important.
Why?
I hated him, that was one reason. Hated him enough to have contemplated killing him. Perhaps I'd even tried.
Also, there was some bond between us, I knew.
Kinship?
Yes, that was it. Neither of us liked it being brothers... I remembered, I remembered...
Big, powerful Eric, with his wet curly beard, and his eyes—just like Evelyn's!
I was racked with a new surge of memory, as my temples began to throb and the back of my neck was suddenly warm.
I didn't let any of it show on my face, but forced myself to take another drag on my cigarette, another sip of beer, as I realized that Evelyn was indeed my sister! Only Evelyn wasn't her name. I couldn't think of what it was, but it wasn't Evelyn. I'd be careful, I resolved. I'd not use any name at all when addressing her, until I remembered.
And what of me? And what was it that was going on around me?
Eric, I suddenly felt, had had some connection with my accident. It should have been a fatal one, only I'd pulled through. He was the one, wasn't he? Yes, my feelings replied. It had to be Eric. And Evelyn was working with him, paying Greenwood to keep me in a coma. Better than being dead, but...
I realized that I had just somehow delivered myself into Eric's hands by coming to Evelyn, and I would be his prisoner, would be open to new attack, if I stayed.
But she had suggested that my being her guest would cause him to leave me alone. I wondered. I couldn't take anything at face value. I'd have to be constantly on my guard. Perhaps it would be better if I just went away, let my memories return gradually.
But there was this terrible sense of urgency. I had to find out the full story as soon as possible and act as soon as I knew it. It lay like a compulsion upon me. If danger was the price of memory and risk the cost of opportunity, then so be it. I'd stay.
“And I remember,” Evelyn said, and I realized that she had been talking for a while and I hadn't even been listening. Perhaps it was because of the reflective quality of her words, not really requiring any sort of respouse—and because of the urgency of my thoughts.
“And I remember the day you beat Julian at his favorite game and he threw a glass of wine at you and cursed you. But you took the prize. And he was suddenly afraid he had gone too far. But you laughed then, though, and drank a glass with him. I think he felt badly over that show of temper, normally being so cool, and I think he was envious of you that day. Do you recall? I think he has, to a certain extent, imitated many of your ways since then. But I still hate him and hope that he goes down shortly. I feel he will...”
Julian, Julian, Julian. Yes and no. Something about a game and my baiting a man and shattering an almost legendary self-control. Yes, there was a feeling of familiarity; and no, I couldn't really say for certain what all had been involved.
“And Caine, how you gulled him! He hates you yet, you know...”
I gathered I wasn't very well liked. Somehow, the feeling pleased me.
And Caine, too, sounded familiar. Very.
Eric, Julian, Caine, Corwin. The names swam around in my head, and in a way, it was too much to hold within me.
“It's been so long...” I said, almost involuntarily, and it seemed to be true.
“Corwin,” she said, “let's not fence. You want more than security, I know that. And you're still strong enough to get something out of this, if you play your hand just right. I can't guess what you have in mind, but maybe we can make a deal with Eric.” The we had obviously shifted. She had come to some sort of conclusion as to my worth in whatever was going on. She saw a chance to gain something for herself, I could tell. I smiled, just a little. “Is that why you came here?” she continued. “Do you have a proposal for Eric, something which might require a go-between?”
“I may,” I replied, “after I've thought about it some more. I've still so recently recovered that I have much pondering to do. I wanted to be in the best place, though, where I could act quickly, if I decided my best interests lay with Eric.”
“Take care,” she said. “You know I'll report every word.”
“Of course,” I said, not knowing that at all and groping for a quick hedge, “unless your best interests were conjoined with my own.”
Her eyebrows moved closer together, and tiny wrinkles appeared between them.
“I'm not sure what you're proposing.”
“I'm not proposing anything, yet,” I said. “I'm just being completely open and honest with you and telling you I don't know. I'm not positive I want to make a deal with Eric. After all...” I let the words trail off on purpose, for I had nothing to follow them with, though I felt I should.
“You've been offered an alternative?” She stood up suddenly, seizing her whistle. “Bleys! Of course!”
“Sit down,” I said, “and don't he ridiculous. Would I place myself in your hands this calmly, this readily, just to be dog meat because you happen to think of Bleys?”
She relaxed, maybe even sagged a little, then reseated herself.
“Possibly not,” she finally said, “but I know you're a gambler, and I know you're treacherous. If you came here to dispose of a partisan, don't even bother trying. I'm not that important. You should know that by now. Besides, I always thought you rather liked me.”
“I did, and I do,” I said, “and you have nothing to worry about, so don't. It's interesting, though, that you should mention Bleys.”
Bait, bait, bait! There was so much I wanted to know!
“Why? Has he approached you?”
“I'd rather not say,” I replied, hoping it would give me an edge of some kind, and now that I knew Bleys' gender: “If he had, I'd have answered him the same as I would Eric-'I'll think about it. '“
“Bleys,” she repeated, and Bleys, I said to myself inside my head, Bleys. I like you. I forget why, and I know there are reasons why I shouldn't-but I like you. I know it.
We sat awhile, and I felt fatigue but didn't want to show it. I should be strong. I knew I had to be strong.
I sat there and smiled and said, “Nice library you've got here,” and she said, “Thank you.”
“Bleys,” she repeated after a time. “Do you really think he has a chance?”
I shrugged.
“Who knows? Not I, for certain. Maybe he does. Maybe not, too.”
Then she stared at me, her eyes slightly wide, and her mouth opening.
“Not you?” she said, “You're not proposing to try yourself, are you?”
I laughed then, solely for purposes of countering her emotion.
“Don't he silly,” I said when I'd finished. “Me?”
But as she said it, I knew she'd struck some chord, some deep-buried thing which replied with a powerful “Why not?”
I was suddenly afraid.
She seemed relieved, though, at my disavowal of whatever it was I was disa
vowing. She smiled then, and indicated a built-in bar off to my left.
“I'd like a little Irish Mist,” she said.
“So would I, for that matter,” I replied, and I rose and fetched two.
“You know,” I said, after I'd reseated myself, “it's pleasant to be together with you this way, even if it is only for a short time. It brings back memories.”
And she smiled and was lovely.
“You're right,” she said, sipping her drink. “I almost feel in Amber with you around,” and I almost dropped my drink.
Amber! The word had sent a bolt of lightning down my spine!
Then she began to cry, and I rose and put my arm around her shoulders to comfort her.
“Don't cry, little girl. Please don't. It makes me unhappy, too.” Amber! There was something there, something electrical and potent! “There will be good days once again.” I said, softly.
“Do you really believe that?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said loudly. “Yes, I do!”
“You're crazy,” she said. “Maybe that's why you were always my favorite brother too. I can almost believe anything you say, even though I know you're crazy.”
Then she cried a little more and stopped.
“Corwin,” she said, “if you do make it—if by some wild and freakish chance out of Shadow you should make it—will you remember your little sister Florimel?”
“Yes,” I said, knowing it to be her name. “Yes, I will remember you.”
“Thank you. I will tell Eric only the essentials, and mention Bleys not at all, nor my latest suspicions.”
“Thank you, Flora.”
“But I don't trust you worth a damn,” she added. “Remember that, too.”
“That goes without saying.”
Then she summoned her maid to show me to a room, and I managed to undress, collapsed into the bed, and slept for eleven hours.
CHAPTER 3
In the morning she was gone, and there was no message. Her maid served me breakfast in the kitchen and went away to do maid-things. I'd disregarded the notion of trying to pump information out of the woman, as she either wouldn't know or wouldn't tell me the things I wanted to know and would no doubt also report my attempt to Flora. So, since it seemed I had the nun of the house, I decided I'd return to the library and see what I could learn there. Besides, I like libraries. It makes me feel comfortable and secure to have walls of words, beautiful and wise, all around me. I always feel better when I can see that there is something to hold back the shadows.
The Great Book of Amber Page 2