I smiled.
“Personal feelings don't make for good politics, legal decisions, or business deals.”
Random lit two cigarettes and handed me one.
Staring downward through the smoke, I caught my first glimpse of that sea. Beneath the deep blue, almost night-time sky, with that golden sun hanging up there in it, the sea was so rich-thick as paint, textured like a piece of cloth, of royal blue, almost purple-that it troubled me to look upon it. I found myself speaking in a language that I hadn't realized I knew. I was reciting “The Ballad of the Water-Crossers,” and Random listened until I had finished and asked me, “It has often been said that you composed that. Is it true?”
“It's been so long,” I told him, “that I don't really remember any more.”
And as the cliff curved further and further to the left, and as we swung downward across its face, heading toward a wooded valley, more and more of the sea came within our range of vision. •
“The Lighthouse of Catba,” said Random, gesturing toward an enormous gray tower that rose from the waters, mucs Out to sea. “I had all but forgotten it.”
“And I,” I replied. “It is a very strange feeling, coming back,” and I realized then that we were no longer speaking English, but the language called Thari.
After almost half an hour, we reached the bottom. I kept coasting for as far as I could, then turned on the engine. At its sound, a flock of dark birds heat its way into the air from the shrubbery off to the left. Something gray and wolfish-looking broke from cover and dashed toward a nearby thicket; the deer it had been stalking, invisible till then, bounded away. We were in a lush valley, though not so thickly or massively wooded as the Forest of Arden, which sloped gently but steadily toward the distant sea.
High, and climbing higher on the left, the mountains reared. The further we advanced into the valley, the better came our view of the nature and full extent of that massive height of rock down one of whose lesser slopes we had coasted. The mountains continued their march to the sea, growing larger as they did so, and taking upon their shoulders a shifting mantle tinged with green, mauve, purple, gold, and indigo. The face they turned to the sea was invisible to us from the valley, but about the back of that final, highest peak swirled the faintest veil of ghost clouds, and occasionally the golden sun touched it with fire. I judged we were about thirty-five miles from the place of light, and the fuel gauge read near empty. I knew that the final peak was our destination. and an eagerness began to grow up within me. Random was staring in the same direction.
“lt's still there,” I remarked.
“I'd almost forgotten,” he said.
And as I shifted gears, I noticed that my trousers had taken on a certain sheen which they had not possessed before. Also, they were tapered considerably as they reached toward my ankles, and I noted that my cuffs had vanished. Then I noticed my shirt.
It was more like a jacket. and it was black and trimmed with silver; and my belt had widened considerably.
On closer inspection, I saw that there was a silver line down the outer seams of my pants legs.
“I find myself garbed effectively,” I observed, to see what that wrought.
Random chuckled, and I saw then that he had some where acquired brown trousers streaked with red and a shirt of orange and brown. A brown cap with a yellow border rested on the Seat beside him.
“I was wondering when you'd notice,” he said. “How do you feel?”
“Quite good,” I told him, “and by the way, we're almost out of gas.”
“Too late to do much about that,” he said. “We are now in the real world, and it would be a horrible effort to play with Shadows. Also, it would not go unnoticed. I'm afraid we'll have to hoof it when this gives out.”
It gave out two and a half miles later. I coasted off to the side of the road and stopped. The sun by now was westering farewell, and the shadows had grown long Indeed.
I reached into the back seat, where my shoe's had become black boots, and something rattled as my hand groped after them.
I drew forth a moderately heavy silver sword and scabbard. The scabbard fit my belt perfectly. There was also a black cloak, with a clasp like a silver rose.
“Had you thought them lost forever?” asked Random.
“Damn near.” said I.
We climbed out of the car and began walking. The evening was cool and briskly fragrant. There were stars in the east already, and the sun was diving toward its t,~'1 •
We trudged along the road, and Random said:
“I don't feel right about this.”
“What do you mean?”
“Things have gone too easily, thus far,” he told me. “I don't like it. We made it all the way through to the Forest of Arden with barely a hitch. True, Julian tried to take care of us there-but I don't know... We've made it so very far so readily that I'd almost suspect we were permitted to do it.”
“This thought has also crossed my mind,” I lied. “What do you think it portends?”
“I fear,” said he, “that we are walking into a trap.”
We walked on for several minutes in silence.
Then “Ambush?” said I. “These woods seem strangely still.”
“I don't know.”
We made maybe two miles, and then the sun was gone. The night was black and studded with brilliant stars.
“This is no way for two such as we to move,” Random said.
“True.”
“Yet I fear to fetch us steeds.”
“And I, also.”
“What is your assessment of the situation?” Random asked.
“Death and dreck,” said I. “I feel they may be upon us soon.”
“Do you think we should abandon the roadway?”
“I've been thinking about it,” I lied again, “and I don't see that it would hurt any for us to walk off to the side a bit.”
So we did.
We passed among trees, we moved past the dark shapes of rocks and bushes. And the moon slowly rose, big, of silver, and lighting up the night.
“I am taken by this feeling that we cannot do it,” Random told me.
“And what reliance can we give this feeling?” I asked.
“Much.”
“Why?”
“Too far and too fast,” he responded. “I don't like it at all. Now we're in the real world, it is too late to turn back. We cannot play with Shadows, but must rely on our blades.” (He wore a short, burnished one himself.) “I feel, therefore. that it is perhaps Eric's will that we have advanced to this point. There is nothing much to do about it now, but now we're here, I wish we'd had to battle for every inch of the way.
We continued for another mile and paused for cigarettes, which we held cupped in our hands.
“It's a lovely night,” I said, to Random and the cooI breeze. “I suppose... What was that?”
There was a soft rustling of shrubbery a bit of a way behind us.
“Some animal, maybe.”
His blade was in his band.
We waited, several minutes, but nothing more was heard.
So he sheathed it and we started walking again.
There were no more sounds from behind us, but after a time I heard something from up ahead.
He nodded when I glanced at him, and we began to move more cautiously.
There was a soft glow, as from a campfire, away, far, in the distance.
We heard no more sounds, but his shrug showed acquiescence to my gesture as I headed toward it, into the woods, to the right.
It was the better part of an hour before we struck the camp. There were four men seated about the fire and two sleeping off in the shadows. The girl who was bound to a stake had her head turned away from us, but I felt my heart quicken as I looked upon her form.
“Could that be ...?” I whispered.
“Yes.” he replied. “I think it may.”
Then she turned her head and I knew it was.
“Deirdre!”
I saw that they wore black, red, and silver, which I remembered from the Trumps and from somewhere else to be the colors of Eric.
“Since Eric wants her, he can't have her,” I said.
“I never much cared for Deirdre,” Random said, “but I know you do, so..” and he unsheathed his blade.
I did the same. “Get ready,” I told him, rising into a crouch. And we rushed them. Maybe two minutes, that's about what it took,
She was watching us by then, the firelight making her face into a twisted mask. She cried and laughed and said our names, in a loud and frightned voice, and I slashed her bonds and helped her to her feet.
“Greetings, sister. Will you join us on the Road to Amber?”
“No,” she said. “Thanks for my life, but I want to keep it. Why do you walk to Amber, as if I didn't know.”
“There is a throne to be won,” said Random, which was news to me. “and we are interested parties.”
“If you're smart, you'll stay away and live longer,” she said. and God! she was lovely, though a bit tried-looking and dirty. •
I took her into my arms because I wanted to, and squeezed her. Random found a skin of wine and we all had a drink.
“Eric is the only Prince in Amber,” she said, “and the troops are loyal to him.”
“I'm not afraid of Eric,” I replied, and I knew I wasn't certain about that statement.
“He'll never let you into Amber,” she said. “I was a prisoner myself, till I made it out one of the secret ways two days ago. I thought I could walk in Shadows till all things were done, but it is not easy to begin this close to the real place. So his troops found me this morning. They were taking me back. I think he might have killed me, had I been returned-though I'm not sure. At any rate, I'd have remained a puppet in the city. I think Eric may be mad, but again, I'm not sure.”
“What of Bleys?” Random inquired.
“He sends things out of the Shadows, and Eric is greatly disturbed. But he has never attacked with his real force, and so Eric is troubled, and the disposition of the Crown and Scepter remains uncertain, though Eric holds the one in his right hand.”
“I see. Has he ever spoken of us?”
“Not of you, Random. But of Corwin, yes. He still fears the return of Corwin to Amber. There is relative safety for perhaps five more miles-but beyond that, every step of the way is studded with peril. Every tree and rock is a booby trap and an ambush. Because of Bleys and because of Corwin. He wanted you to get at least this far, so that you could not work with Shadows nor easily escape his power. It is absolutely impossible for either of you to enter into Amber without falling into one of his traps.”
“Yet you escaped...”
“That was different. I was trying to get out, not in. Perhaps he did not guard me so carefully as he would one of you, because of my sex and my lack of ambition. And nevertheless, as you can see, I did not succeed.”
“You have now, sister,” I said, “so long as my blade is free to swing on your behalf,” and she kissed my brow and squeezed my hand. I was always a sucker for that.
“I'm sure we're being followed,” said Random, and with a gesture the three of us faded into the darkness.
We lay still beneath a bush, keeping watch on our trail.
After a time, our whispers indicated that there was a decision for me to make. The question was really quite simple: What next?
The question was too basic, and I couldn't stall any more. I knew I couldn't trust them, even dear Deirdre, but if I had to level with anybody, Random was at least in this thing with me, up to his neck, and Detrdre was my favorite.
“Beloved relatives,” I told them, “I've a confession to make,” and Random's hand was already on the hilt of his blade. That's how far we could trust one another. I could already hear his mind clicking: Corwin brought me here to betray me, he was saying to himself.
“If you brought me here to betray me,” be said, “you won't take me back alive.”
“Are you kidding?” I asked. “I want your help, not your head. What I have to say is just this: I don't know what the hell's going on. I've made some guesses, but I don't really know where the devil we are, what Amber is, or why we're crouched here in the bushes hiding from his troops,” I told him, “or for that matter, who I am, really.”
There was an awfully long silence, and then Random whispered, “What do you mean?”
“Yes,” said Deirdre.
“I mean,” I said, “that I managed to fool you, Random. Didn't you think it strange that all I did on this trip was drive the car?”
“You were the boss,” he told me, “and I figured you were planning. You did some pretty shrewd things along the way. I know that you're Corwin.”
“Which is a thing I only found out a couple of days ago, myself,” I said. “I know that I am the one you call Corwin, but I was in an accident a while back. I had head injuries-I'll show you the scars when we've got more light-and I am suffering from amnesia. I don't dig all this talk about Shadows. I don't even remember much about Amber. All I remember is my relatives, and the fact that I can't trust them much. That's my story. What's to be done about it?”
“Christ!” said Random. “Yes, I can see it now! I under– ~and all the little things that puzzled me along the way.
How did you take Flora in so completely?”
“Luck,” I said, “and subconscious sneakiness, I guess. No! That's not it! She was stupid. Now I really need you, though.”
“Do you think we can make it into the Shadows,” said Deirdre, and she was not speaking to me.
“Yes,” said Random, “but I'm not for it. I'd like to see Corwin in Amber, and I'd like to see Eric's head on a pole. I'm willing to take a few chances to see these things, so I'm not turning back to the Shadows. You can if you want. You all think I'm a weakling and a bluff. Now you're going to find out. I'm going to see this through.”
“Thanks, brother,” I said.
“Ill met by moonlighht.” said Deirdre.
“You could still be tied to a stake,” said Random, and she did not reply.
We lay there a while longer and three men entered the campsite and looked about. Then two of them bent down and sniffed at the ground.
Then they looked in our direction.
“Weir,” whispered Random, as they moved in our direction.
I saw it happen, though only in shadow. They dropped to all fours and the moonlight played tricks with their gray garments. Then there were the six blazing eyes of our stalkers.
I impaled the first wolf on my silver blade and there was a human howl. Random beheaded one with a single blow, and to my amazement, I saw Deirdre raise one in the air and break its back across her knee with a brittle, snapping sound.
“Quick, your blade,” said Random, and I ran his victim through, and hers, and there were more cries.
“We'd better move fast,” said Random. “This way!” and we followed.
“Where are we going?” asked Deirdre, after perhaps an hour of furtive movement through the undergrowth.
“To the sea,” he replied.
“Why?”
“It holds Corwin's memory.”
“Where? How?”
“Rebma, of course.”
“They'd kill you there and feed your brains to the fishes.”
“I'm not going the full distance. You'll have to take over at the shore and talk with your sister's sister.”
“You mean for him to take the Pattern again?”
“Yes.”
“It's risky.”
“I know. Listen. Corwin,” he said, “you've been decent enough with me recently. If by some chance you're not really Corwin, you're dead. You've got to be, though. You can't be someone else. Not from the way you've operated, without memory even. No, I'll bet your life on it. Take a chance and try the thing called the
Pattern. Odds are, it'll restore your memory. Are you game?”
“Probably,” I said, “but what is the Pattern?”
“Rebma is the ghost city.” be told me. “It is the ref!ection of Amber within the sea. In it, everything in Amber is duplicated, as in a mirror. Llewella's people live there, and dwell as though in Amber. They hate me for a few past peccadilloes, so I cannot venture there with you, but if you would speak them fair and perhaps hint at your mission, I feel they would let you walk the Pattern of Rebma, which, while it is the reverse of that in Amber, should have the same effect. That is, it gives to a son of our father the power to walk among Shadows.”
“How will this power help me?”
“It should make you to know what you are.” •
“Then I'm game.” I said.
“Good man. In that case, we'll keep heading south. It will take several days to reach the stairway ...You will go with him, Deirdre?”
“I will go with my brother Corwin.”
I knew she would say that, and I was glad. I was afraid, but I was glad.
We walked all that night. We avoided three parties of armed troops, and in the morning we slept in a cave.
CHAPTER 5
We spent two evenings making our way to the pink and sable sands of the great sea. It was on the morning of the third day that we arrived at the beach, having successfully avoided a small party the sundown before. We were loath to step out into the open until we had located the precise spot, Faiella-bionin, the Stairway to Rebma, and could cross quickly to it.
The rising sun cast billions of bright shards into the foaming swell of the waters, and our eyes were dazzled by their dance so that we could not see beneath the surface. We had lived on fruit and water for two days and I was ravenously hungry, but I forgot this as I regarded the wide, sloping tiger beach with its sudden twists and rises of coral, orange, pink, and red, and its abrupt caches of shells, driftwood, and small polished stones; and the sea beyond: rising and falling, splashing softly, all gold and blue and royal purple, and casting forth its lifesong breezes like benedictions beneath dawn's violet skies.
The mountain that faces the dawn, Kolvir, which has held Amber like a mother her child for all of time, stood perhaps twenty miles to our left, the north, and the sun covered her with gold and made rainbow the veil above the city. Random looked upon it and gnashed his teeth, then looked away. Maybe I did, too.
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