Something in me felt as if I were traveling on a merry-go-round about to make another foolish mistake in my life. I had finally resigned myself that no other options existed. My happiness in the arms of Reginald would not occur, and as a result, I finally surrendered, if you will, to the inevitable. If Edward proposed, I would accept. At least I would be well cared for and loved. To add to the enticement, I would finally be able to leave home.
Did I love him? He would never capture my soul like Reginald. Perhaps one day I would affectionately tolerate him because he held the key to the whereabouts and welfare of my daughter. If I ever had the opportunity to see her, I would seize it at a moment’s notice.
As he returned me one evening to my home, he must have sensed my change in heart. He had become overly attentive and sweet our entire time together. When he walked me to the door, I was about to invite him in for an evening drink, but he halted and made a comment.
“You’re different this evening.”
He warmly smiled at me and slipped his arm around my waist. When he drew me close to his body, I tilted my head back and looked into his eyes.
“You once told me to surrender,” I replied.
“I did.” His fingers brushed a drooping curl near my eye. “And have you?”
“Perhaps.”
“Well now.” He breathed. “If that’s the case, then it might be an opportune time to propose.”
“Then propose,” I flatly replied with no emotion. Perhaps I expected him to go down on one knee, but he didn’t. He merely pulled me toward his body and hotly whispered in my ear.
“Marry me, Isabella.”
I could have instantly replied yes, but I did not. He wanted me, and I wanted something from him. We were about to strike a bargain—not a marriage.
“If you assure me that you will keep your promise and tell me about my daughter’s whereabouts.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared into his eyes. “Then yes, I will marry you.”
“You are so determined,” he slyly drawled, narrowing his eyes. “Yes, I will keep my promise.”
Frankly, I don’t know why I initiated the next move. Maybe my actions came from gratefulness, but I knew they didn’t come from love. My lips met his, and I kissed him, yielding my life and future for the sake of a secret. Edward, enjoying my forward and uninhibited response, pushed me up against the stone pillar by the doorway. His hardened manhood pressed against my pelvis, and I knew that he wanted me. I wasn’t about to give him my body yet.
When I pulled away from him, he stepped back and flashed a wicked grin. “I’ve been carrying this in my pocket for a few weeks, waiting for the right time.” He slipped his hand into his trousers and pulled out a diamond ring.
“Just waiting for the right time?” I snickered.
“Surrender is better than battle,” he quipped. “Your affection is important to me.”
“Well, here is my hand.” I held it out and waited. Edward slipped a gaudy diamond up my finger, which frankly I thought hideous in style.
“Thank you.” I turned my hand right and left trying to find something endearing about the jewel of our engagement. “I suppose you should ask my father.”
“Already done,” he said, posturing himself before me. “I did so weeks ago, and he readily accepted me as his future son-in-law.”
“Did he now,” I replied. “And did my mother also give you the seal of approval?”
“A kiss of support on my cheek,” he boasted.
“Aren’t you lucky,” my voice drawled sarcastically. I knew they both would be ecstatic to get me out of the residence and married off. Well, their plotting and manipulation had paid off.
As far as Edward’s parents were concerned, they were dead, so he had no immediate family to make my acquaintance. My mind drifted toward Catherine and Mr. Spencer, thinking about how I would have loved to have them as my in-laws. It would have been a perfect union with Reginald. As a stepmother to his child, I could have found purpose, bore him additional children, and actually spend the remainder of my days with the man I adored. Edward had merely been my consolation for love lost and purgatory for my foolish mistake of years ago.
Yes, I had climbed upon the merry-go-round for another spin, making an equally impetuous decision. Perhaps that was my destiny in life—to repeat my mistakes.
THE NEXT MORNING, I arrived at the breakfast table to announce our engagement. Father sat doing his usual morning routine of reading the mail, which only reminded me of my unanswered letter to Reginald. Mother sipped her tea, staring at the wall as if she had no purpose in life. Sadly, I knew that to be true.
After sitting down with my plate, I broke the silence. A lump had formed in my throat because I hated to admit, even to them, that I had surrendered to their will. After clearing my airway with a few short coughs, I opened my mouth and held up my hand.
“Edward proposed last evening, and I accepted.”
Mother’s head turned in my direction and broke out in a smile. “You did?”
“It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Well, congratulations are definitely in order,” Father added.
“Edward mentioned that he already spoke with you about the matter.” Naturally, I wanted to confirm that to be true though I had no reason to doubt.
“Absolutely. The young man did approach me for your hand in marriage, and I heartily approved.”
As if a demon had caught the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t help but snidely remark my real feelings. “Yes, I’m sure you did approve. Thankfully, it wasn’t Reginald Spencer on his knee, or you would have had him thrown out of the house.” My fork stabbed my scrambled eggs, and I jammed them into my mouth to silence myself further. God forbid, I should speak with my mouth full.
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” Mother interjected. “Edward Ridley is a far better match on all accounts.”
I swallowed hard, pushing the eggs down my throat. “Father, I’ll need your generous wallet for a wedding dress. I want all the frills and thrills of a beautiful wedding since this is your matchmaking dream.”
“Don’t you love the man?” He looked at me cockeyed.
“I tolerate him because he has something that I want.” Naturally, I wasn’t about to tell them what that something happened to be.
“There is no question in my mind that he loves you, Isabella.” My mother attempted to reason with me that his romantic feelings should satisfy me, regardless.
“I have no doubt of it.”
“Then you may have as your heart desires. I will let you and your mother plan the affair. Have you set a date?”
“Yes, we spoke of mid-November.”
“Oh my, that’s barely enough time,” Mother groaned. “So soon?”
“I think it is best that our nuptials occur sooner than later because I doubt you would like me to have the time to reconsider my decision.”
“November it is then,” Father heartily agreed.
“Good.” Another forkful of eggs filled my mouth. What should have been a happy announcement had turned me into a sour mood. Keep thinking of Mary Jane, and you will be fine. It would be my new mantra for the weeks ahead to keep me focused until my vows.
Keep thinking of Mary Jane.
Chapter Seventeen
I Will – I Won’t
“I will.”
They were the two most difficult words I had ever uttered in my entire life. Edward’s face glowed in conquest as he watched me confess my acceptance of him as a husband. He had triumphed and gotten his way. In fact, as I stood there I realized everyone had gotten their way—Edward, Mother, Father, and even Reginald. I, on the other hand, had failed miserably.
The remaining ceremony passed before me in a daze. When it ended, I turned toward the man who owned my soul, awaiting the sealing kiss. Edward did not hesitate to scoop me in his arms and declare his victory in front of the congregation. He nearly knocked me off-balance, and I stumbled. The congregation apparently en
joyed the scene as they laughed at my predicament.
“May I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Edward and Isabella Ridley,” the vicar announced.
We turned and faced the congregation, making our way down the aisle to the vestibule, passing the smiling congratulatory claps. Soon guests would shower us in rice in honor of my hopeful forthcoming fertility.
We halted our step at the doorway, and I turned to Edward and asked for the last time.
“I have kept my promise and married you,” I asserted calmly. “Now keep yours. Where is my daughter?” A sardonic smile curled the corner of his mouth.
“Well, now that you are my wife, I suppose it doesn’t matter if I tell you today or later.” He paused for a moment and smirked. “There is nothing you can do about it.”
“Well?” I pressured him again.
“Reginald and Catrina Spencer adopted your daughter,” he announced. “Of course, the poor man lost his wife, which your father hadn’t counted upon.”
My chest constricted as if the boa snake had taken it and crushed it in a death-gripping squeeze. I could not breathe. Blotches of black danced before my vision as if I would faint at any moment. As I stood gasping for air, the congregation had begun to make their way toward us, pressing us out the door toward the shower of rice. The wicked man, who I now called my husband, mockingly laughed at my reaction. At that moment, I lost all composure, and months of pent-up unacted-upon anger spewed forth like a volcano.
“You bloody serpent,” I railed at the top of my voice. Without a second thought, I took my bouquet and shoved it in Edward’s smirking face, grinding the roses into his nose, eyes, and cheeks. The crushed petals fell on his fancy suit, and he grabbed my hand in protest.
“What the hell?” he mumbled underneath the flowers.
I released the bouquet, pulled my hand away from his, and the destroyed flowers fell at his feet. Rather than fight, I fled, so I raised my skirt and sprinted down the pathway from the church door toward the street. My veil flew into the air above my head while my long train dragged across the walkway. As I did so, I could hear my parents’ voices frantically calling my name, mingled with Edward’s wailing voice.
Seeing an approaching cab, I hysterically hailed it with my arms flailing above my head. He stopped, I flung open the door, and climbed inside.
“Go, go,” I shouted, turning around to see Edward almost grabbing the door handle as the cab drove away. The surprised cabby turned his head around and snickered.
“Where to, ma’am?”
“To 160 Regent Street,” I replied. “And hurry, please.”
“Will do,” he amusingly replied, stepping on the gas pedal.
I swung my head around and peered out the back window glad to see that I had left them all behind. The driver glanced at me in the rearview mirror, chuckling at my antics and apparent urgency in fleeing the church. He probably thought that I had changed my mind at the altar, and I wished to God I had.
It then dawned on me that I had no money to pay the fare. I glanced down at the wedding ring on my finger and slid it off.
“I’m afraid I have nothing to pay you with,” I sheepishly admitted. “But I do have this ring.” I held it out to him. “Would this be sufficient to pay the fare?”
He glanced at me, and his eyes widened. “Let me see,” he said, holding out his hand.
I placed the ring in his palm, and he examined it while driving. At first I thought he would run the cab off the road as he weaved in the lane, gawking at the stone.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“That’s worth a pretty penny,” he said, grinning. “More than the fare you will owe me when we get there, that’s for sure.”
“Take it,” I implored. “I hate it anyway, and you’ve just rescued me.”
We pulled up to the office of Reginald’s firm, and I opened the door. “Is it a deal? The ring for my fare?”
“If you’re sure,” he said. “Would be a nice present for my wife.”
“Well, I hope she enjoys it.” I slammed the cab door shut. “Thank you.” He drove off, and I pulled up my skirt and headed for the entrance. People on the sidewalk gawked at me as if I were crazy, but I didn’t care. With my train dragging behind me, I sprinted up the stairs and burst through the double doors. Finding myself in a reception area, I approached the desk. The girl behind it jumped to her feet in surprise, eying my dress up and down with envy in her eyes.
“May I help you?”
“Reginald Spencer,” I demanded. “I want to see him. Where is his office?”
Rather than arguing with me, she flashed a silly grin and pointed toward a door down the hallway.
“First door on your right.”
Sick of the veil dragging down my back, I pulled out the tiara that held it in place and handed it over to the young lady.
“Here take it,” I said, shoving it in her direction. “You might want to use it someday.” A second later, I strode toward the door. Reginald didn’t deserve a polite knock. Instead, I turned the doorknob, shoved open the barrier, and dashed inside. I expected him to be sitting at his desk, but he stood by the window, staring out into the street. When he heard me, he swung around. The shock of my arrival drained the color from his face.
“Isabella, what are you doing here?” He eyed me up and down in my wedding gown.
“How could you?” I screamed in response, balling my fists at my side.
“How could I do what?” Confused by my challenging question, he scowled in defense.
Angry and shaking, I took a step in his direction, fully intending to spew every malicious thought swirling around my head.
“Allow me to marry Edward Ridley when all along you had my daughter in your care.” My voice trembled. “You knew I loved you,” I cried. “What a despicable and cruel thing to do to me.”
Reginald’s eyes, downcast and sad, displayed distress. “I couldn’t tell you,” he coolly answered. “Your father forbade it. I signed a legal document of confidentiality.”
“Who cares if my father forbade it?”
“Believe me, there were plenty of times I wanted to tell you, Isabella. Truly, I did,” he urgently assured me.
“Well, Edward knew and used it as leverage to get me to marry him. He promised to tell me the whereabouts of my daughter once we married, and he just did.”
“You married him?”
“Yes, I married him, and I just left him after shoving my bouquet in his face.” I thought about the satisfaction it brought me, easing my misery. “Look at me,” I implored, lifting my arms up at my side. “Why else would I be standing here in a wedding dress?”
Reginald paused for a few moments, considering my state, and with an unsteady voice asked, “You love him though, don’t you?”
How could he be so daft? I eyed him in disbelief at his foolish assumption. “No, I love you,” I cried. “Did I not repeatedly tell you of my affections and wishes?”
“Isabella,” he groaned. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“Sorry? That’s all you can say?” My brokenhearted cry apparently made no difference.
“It’s too late now. You are married, and I’ve made plans to leave England.”
Astonished at his admission, I stepped closer. “Leave England?” As soon as my question left my lips, Father and Edward barged into the office.
“I told you she’d be here,” my father crowed.
Edward, seething in rage, demanded my obedience.
“Come with me,” he barked like a rabid dog, holding out his hand.
“I’m going nowhere,” I replied, gritting my teeth. My entire body trembled in wrath. “You both disgust me.” My ladylike demeanor disappeared. The time had arrived to give everyone a piece of my mind. “You,” I screamed, taking an angry step in my father’s direction, “have orchestrated and perpetrated a wicked deception.” I eyed him up and down. “You call yourself an upstanding man of character, and I can barely look at you.”
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br /> “Don’t you talk to me in that fashion, young lady,” he shrilled. My father’s nostrils flared as he rebuked me like a child.
“It’s about time I talked to you in that fashion and stood up for myself,” I countered in frustration. “I am a grown woman and not some sixteen-year-old foolish girl any longer.” He fell silent, which turned my attention toward Edward.
“As for you, I’ll be damned if you think I am going to consummate this marriage with a conniving serpent like you. You have emotionally blackmailed me since the moment we met.” I wanted to spit in his face. “I demand an annulment.”
“You can’t do that to me,” Edward protested indignantly. “Who in the hell do you think you are, giving me orders? You’re my wife only a few minutes ago vowing obedience.”
His idiotic response caused me to burst out in laughter. I turned toward Reginald. “Tell me, solicitor, can I get an annulment?”
“You probably have grounds on fraud and coercion,” he responded. A glint of hope brightened Reginald’s eyes, but I wasn’t done with him either. Unfortunately, he too would receive a piece of my mind. Trying to control my anger, I made my own demands.
“I want my daughter back, Reginald.”
“You can’t have that girl back,” my father interjected. “You signed her away.”
“No, you signed her away to keep the scandal from the family name,” I protested. “You didn’t ask me—you told me.”
“You are damn right I did.” His chest heaved up and down in anger. “You brought shame to the family, and I had to clean up your mess.”
My mess—my mistake—my fault. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. “What breaks my heart, even more, is that you have denied your own flesh and blood. My daughter is an innocent child in all this, and you have treated her like a pawn in a chess game.” His cold stare radiated denial, confirming his heartless condition like that of my mother’s. “Have you even seen her?”
Ladies of Disgrace Box Set Page 12