by Shannyn Leah
It hadn’t been like this between them before she left two years earlier. But then her time spent with him had been with the belief that their relationship was authentic. Only to have him admit to her that it was a sham.
Quinn had thought, at the time, that omitting his feelings would save her the pain of the truth, but he was seeing now that even those lies were causing her pain.
What was he supposed to do?
He knew what he shouldn’t have done. He shouldn’t have told her his feelings ran deeper than only sex when that had been all she was offering. That admission had complicated her hatred for him.
This morning when she’d looked at him with hope for something more between them, he’d known that he’d really messed up. Sure, he’d been considering the possibility only moments earlier. But when he lay beside her, he realized that he had nothing solid to offer. That had ignited fury at himself.
It hadn’t been at Anya. She was the innocent in all of this, but that was who he’d taken his anger out on. In turn he’d hurt her, once again.
After a sleepless night−as wonderful as the company had been−and two emotionally and exhausting days, Quinn decided that he didn’t deserve Anya. She deserved happiness and she could never find that with him.
Quinn needed to cut the ties that bound them and let her find genuine bliss with someone who wasn’t dedicated to slaughtering their own life.
He still didn’t even know what he was doing after he had his sister’s file. Situations had changed. Robert was dead, making the exposure futile and bringing unnecessary implications against the resort that, in turn, would bring an enormous amount of pain to Anya.
It was all especially complicated now that Quinn had involved Anya in the process of accessing the file. Anya’s realization of her assistance would inflict guilt on her for playing a part in the discovery and exposure of Robert.
That didn’t sit well with Quinn. He hadn’t come here to destroy other’s lives, especially not hers. He’d come here to make sure she was alright.
When Marc had called him concerned about Anya, it left Quinn with a bad flavor in his mouth. But as soon as he had arrived and the possibility of finding the file presented itself, so did his past target to find it...like a bad drug. Was that how his life would always be? With the file in the back of his mind and Robert’s history of torment boiling inside him? He couldn’t be certain and for that, he had to let Anya go. To drag her into his life of depression was unfair for a woman who once lit up a room.
He just didn’t know how to obey his dad’s last wish and not damage the woman before him in the process.
At the same time, Anya was certain those files had been in the hidden room. Now that they were missing, it presented a whole new problem. Did Robert have an accomplice? Was it a Caliendo? Quinn couldn’t allow anyone else to hurt innocent people like his sister.
“We need to figure out a plan,” he said, not meaning for it to come out as gruff as it did, but needing to concentrate on something else. He was used to having everything pre-planned and this winging it was driving him crazy.
Anya said nothing and Quinn didn’t push until they had finished eating.
They had all day to sit around and ignore each other, but it wouldn’t get them any further to their goal.
“If we are going to go have supper with Eliza and Carl we need to stabilize a convincing plan in case they inquire about where you’ve been, what we are planning,” he explained.
When Anya finally did look at him, her face was skeptical. “Is this your way of turning things around so I tell you where I’ve been?”
He hadn’t thought of it that way, but if it had worked it would have been perfect.
“No.”
“Do you want me to lie to my mom? Because that is the predicament you have put me in. Either I tell her what I have been doing for the last two years or I lie to her.”
“I didn’t mean to−”
“Maybe not, but you did.”
She shook her head and looked back out the window, leaning back in the chair and cradling her coffee mug.
“I don’t want to play house with you, pretending we’re in love or that we have a future together. I am not sitting around making fake plans with a man who can’t figure his shit out.”
Quinn said nothing.
“I will figure out my own story. I don’t need to run it by you.”
“Okay.” That was fair.
“Maybe we could just sit there and discuss your dealings with my dad. That could make the hours go by and, by then, you will have already got what you wanted, access to my mom’s suite.”
“Anya we both needed it, I just opened a window for us.”
“For you,” she accused. “You opened a window for yourself. I was perfectly capable of getting in myself. This is my family you’re screwing with now. Not just me, so back off. I won’t let you hurt them.”
“I didn’t come here to hurt them.”
“Really?”
No. But she wouldn’t understand and he couldn’t explain something he didn’t really understand yet.
“I came here for my file.”
Anya eyed him skeptically.
Her legs were crossed and she bounced the top foot slightly. He could tell she was considering whether to trust him or not. He hadn’t given her much to go on.
“Why is my family accepting you so willingly?” she asked. “Why do they assume you and I are...I don’t know...connected...dating?”
Quinn sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. He decided the truth was the best answer. “When you left after Robert’s funeral, your mom was concerned. She asked me to arrange a security employee to backtrack the resort’s footage for the days leading up to your departure. She wanted to know where you might have gone. I arranged it. The days turned into weeks and months...”
Anya’s cobalt-colored eyes widened, comprehending what his story meant.
“I was distracted searching for the file. Robert was gone. You were gone. And I still needed that file. I didn’t notice how deep into footage Eliza was getting until she arranged a meeting with me.”
Anya looked horrified.
“She saved me the discomfort of watching our multiple pop-ups together on the resort. However she made it clear that she was aware from the various mouth-locked moments...her words not mine...” He grinned.
Anya’s eyes fell shut for a moment and she uttered a loud and embarrassed sigh. He waited for her to open her eyes before he continued.
“Eliza didn’t ask me anything about our relationship, but she did ask me if I knew where you were. Which I didn’t.”
But he could have found her. He should have found her. Why hadn’t it occurred to him that Robert was behind her disappearance? Maybe because after Robert’s death Quinn had been desperate to find the file. Another fail.
“She also asked me if I thought you were okay.”
Anya broke their eye contact. Turning her body back to the table, she set her coffee down and stared at it like the steaming liquid held all the answers.
Quinn felt his wall of deception tumbling around him. “I thought you were okay, Anya.”
Quinn slid his hand across the table and covered hers.
“I believed you were alright. If I had known that Robert set you up with whatever you’re fighting, I would have tracked you down. I would have found you.”
Her small gasp of surprise indicated to Quinn that he had pinpointed something about her disappearance. Her head snapped up and her eyes looked deeply into his, obviously trying to decipher if he knew her secret.
He didn’t know anymore than that...yet. He was still waiting for the phone call that would provide some information on her whereabouts and possibly the reasons why.
“I would have helped you,” he said softly.
“Why?”
He smiled at her but didn’t let go of her hand. “I don’t want to complicate things between us anymore than we already have, but I want t
o clear up some details.”
Anya said nothing, watching him closely with her large round eyes. Those eyes had once sparkled in his presence, but now they were protected, coated in suspicion. He didn’t like it, but he liked the strength she possessed to stand up to him.
“When I took my father’s place on your dad’s payroll, my thoughts were consumed with an obligation to obtain the file. I didn’t know you. I didn’t want to get to know you. As far I was concerned you were just like Robert: arrogant, conceited and greedy. That made it alright to use you.”
It was a bad judgement call, but he’d spent a year trying to find Nikki’s file and had come up empty-handed. Taking advantage of Anya’s evident attraction to him had been a step he’d been willing to explore for the bigger picture.
Anya’s eyes flickered down at the words but bounced right back up as if sensing there was more. And there was. So much more he could never tell her.
“It wasn’t alright. Discovering you was like discovering myself again. I was broken before you. I didn’t think there could be any repairing to the damage of my life. I lost my dad and I was on a mission to find this file...” He paused, not allowing the memories of his dad to overwhelm him this time. “I hadn’t expected to smile and laugh the way I did when I was with you. I thought I was manipulating a cold-hearted woman, but instead, your warmth melted the interior wall I had built around my heart.”
He hoped his honesty about his past feelings, while making it clear there was no possibility of a future together, would give her the closure she needed to move on. As much as it hurt him to push her away again, he wanted her smile to return and her laughter to echo. Anya could have those things without him.
The complications were mounting between them, he could see it in her eyes. He needed to clarify quickly and mislead her.
“I never meant to hurt you. I thought if I told you that you meant nothing more than a fling it would give you the opportunity to move on and be happy. My life is complicated. You started out as a piece in a game that I can’t explain to you. A game I haven’t finished yet. Anya, I might never have the answers or the closure to finish game.” He took a deep breath. “It was always more than sex with you. But we will never be more than sex. There’s no room for you in my life.”
Anya absorbed the words, only this time her face became unreadable. No narrowing eyes of anger or open-mouthed shock. No tears welled in her eyes...nothing. This was a first. Quinn shifted uncomfortably, waiting and wondering what she was thinking.
When she finally spoke it had nothing to do with their relationship like he’d assumed it would...hoped it would. Had he? No, the less fight she put up, the better chances they both had of walking away from this with their sanity.
“Whose file are you after?” she asked instead.
Quinn felt his guard return and almost retracted his hand.
He said nothing.
“Quinn?”
“Whose file are you after?” he asked.
Anya pulled her hands away from his and immediately he missed the areas her touch soothed.
Her demeanor hardened. “I guess I’m still that game piece that you keep moving around to your advantage.”
“You’re not a game piece.”
Anya rolled her eyes and slipped off of the chair. “Let’s go get groceries, because I have a supper to cook and a mask to prepare in order to trick my family so you can sweep my mother’s suite in search of a confidential file that rules your life.”
That wasn’t fair. She was after a file too. She benefited from this dinner. But she was hurting so he let every comment slide.
“Is it your file? What did you do? Commit murder? Are you a murderer? Fraud? Possible life in prison? What?”
Quinn glanced around as her voice rose.
“Don’t worry. I don’t really want to know.” She stepped back to the table and whispered, “But thank you. Knowing the truth is better than the bullshit lies you’ve told me. It’s all I needed to make sure I don’t stick around until your last move...if you ever lay that last move down.”
She walked away, leaving Quinn feeling like shit, but giving her the tools she needed to move on when this was finished.
Chapter Twelve
AFTER AIMLESSLY WALKING around the grocery store, Anya had managed to dig into the memorized cookbook in her head and decide on a meal. She’d taken her time shopping while Quinn waited in the truck. She used the extra wandering moments alone to give her an opportunity to figure out what was going on in her head.
It hadn’t helped.
She was left with the reassurance that her relationship with Quinn hadn’t been the charade he’d led her to believe. The realization healed parts of her that had replayed their relationship, wondering how she’d missed the signs of being used. But still, she’d missed the bigger picture. No matter how significant his time with her meant to him, it in no way compared to the importance of the file he wanted. Whatever information was in that file trumped the connection between them. He still didn’t even trust her enough to tell her what was in the file.
But did she trust him?
If he’d asked first, she might have considered telling him about Rebecca, especially after he’d confided his real feelings. Yes, she would have told him everything. But he didn’t trust her. She was still the pawn he could so easily knock over.
After a silent drive back to her suite, they unpacked the groceries and Anya went into her bedroom, pulling her cell phone out.
Life back at the Caliendo Resort with her family and with Quinn was making it hard for her to remember her goal. Quinn wasn’t having a difficult time keeping on track with his file and yet she kept losing herself. Losing herself to her mother’s embrace and the pull Quinn had on her heart.
Anya dialed the number at the beach house four provinces away. After talking with an employee Anya had left to attend to Rebecca, her shy, quiet voice reminded Anya of her duty: find Rebecca answers. In a way it felt good. A moment that she could use to block out her family...and Quinn, reminding her that Rebecca was the main goal.
Learning there was no improvement with Rebecca’s memory was disappointing, but relieving at the same time. If Rebecca remembered who Anya was before she found her family, the woman might flee as she’d tried to do two years ago. Anya had to fix this. Rebecca was more alone than Anya.
The conversation was short, but to the point, and Anya promised to be home in a week. If she couldn’t find the file by then she wasn’t so certain there was a file to find.
Anya sat by the pool the rest of the afternoon, neither unaware nor caring where Quinn was. She feigned reading while not doubting that Quinn was hovering by her window making sure she didn’t duck out.
When it was almost time to head over to her mom’s to start preparing dinner, Anya had a quick shower and changed into a fancy black, strapless dress. It was a little more than casual.
She met Quinn in the living room. From his clean-shaved face and new change of clothes, it was obvious that he’d done the same. She’d also smelled his body wash in her shower. It was intoxicating and distracting. She’d wondered briefly, while rubbing down her body in the shower, if he’d felt the same way with her body wash lingering from that morning. Probably not.
He was efficiently attentive. Thinking back, each time they were in each other arms the last couple of days it had been because of her weakness. She had been the pursuer, not him.
How sad.
Just as sad as noticing how handsome he looked in the formal attire he’d chosen to wear. He’d tucked a pinstriped matte and satin black shirt into slacks that were tailored to fit him perfectly. They didn’t grab his tight ass the way his jeans did, but darn they were hot.
Just sad.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
Anya held her breath, trying not to let his words touch her heart.
“Thank you.” She would have told him he looked handsome, but the compliment wouldn’t come out. Instead, she walked towar
d the kitchen to gather the supper supplies. She had to find her apron, plus she should take over her knife set. Who knew how sharp her mother’s were.
“Your mom stopped by and cancelled supper,” he said as her fingers touched the counter.
Anya turned to him. “Why?”
Quinn made his way to the far end of the island, opposite her. “She said some things came up with the gala and she wasn’t going to be able to make it. Since the gala is tomorrow, she asked if the next night would be fine. I agreed to it.”
Two nights? Quinn was not as good at this as he thought. She wanted to scream.
What were they going to do now? Anya could think of plenty of ideas and all of them started with removing both of their clean, crisp outfits.
“Will you have dinner with me?” Quinn asked as if reading her mind...well part of her mind. He wouldn’t have asked if he knew she was envisioning them in her bedroom.
“We are all dressed up and hungry,” he said.
Hungry for him.
Anya sent him a skeptical look. Going out on what could be considered a date wasn’t a good idea, even if he wasn’t asking her like it was a date.
He pressed the proposal, probably reading her facial expressions, since he’d decided she was so readable. Why when so much about him irritated her, made her almost hate him, did everything about him make her want him more?
“At one of the on-site restaurants. The Locket maybe?”
Just the name of the restaurant she’d poured her sweat and heart into brought her mood even further down. Can’t have Quinn. Can’t have The Locket. Can’t ever have a normal life.
Quinn must have sensed her reluctance. “We will eat in.” It wasn’t a question this time. He followed his statement by opening the fridge and pulling out the ingredients they’d purchased for supper with Eliza and Carl. “What was on the menu today? We will cook up the meal you arranged and head into town for more ingredients for tomorrow’s supper.”
Another supper? Another trip into town? Another day no closer to the files but closer to Quinn?
Anya slowly walked around the island watching him. His bubbly mood was attempting to lighten the tension between them. He was making the best of a bad situation but Anya wasn’t so sure she wanted to smile with him. Why did he want to smile after their conversation at Mrs. Calvert’s bakery? Anya wanted to cry.