The news did not bode well for Stephen’s temper and he strode out to the rose garden. It was Charlotte’s favourite place; at least they could still be private. Stephen had not wanted to have the conversation he needed to have in a place that reminded him so much of the kisses they had shared, but it looked as if he did not have a choice. As he walked, he suppressed a smile, there were few places in Dunham House that would not remind him of their kisses, there was hardly a room that they had not indulged in.
Charlotte was not to be found in the rose garden. Stephen continued looking for her, along the pathways, but after an hour, it was apparent that she was not in the immediate parkland. He returned to the house, suppressing the unease he was beginning to feel.
Miss Fairfield’s assistance was sought when Stephen arrived back at the house. She had not seen Charlotte, but went in search of her. She returned a little time later, her frown betraying the result of her search.
“I’m afraid, my Lord, that Charlotte is not in the house. The footman that saw her leave said she did not carry anything with her, apart from her reticule, but she did appear to be upset and in a hurry.”
“Damn it!” Stephen muttered, before apologising for his language to Miss Fairfield.
Miss Fairfield, nodded her acceptance of the apology. “Is there anything else you would like me to do, my Lord?”
“Send someone to check if she has reached the village and tried to obtain a ticket for the stage,” Stephen asked gruffly.
“Do you think she has left?” Miss Fairfield asked in surprise. This did not seem like Charlotte’s normal behaviour, since even after the accident, she had appeared to be a steady young girl.
“I don’t know, I really don’t know,” Stephen admitted, running a hand through his hair in part frustration, part worry. “Her memory returned suddenly and it has caused her considerable distress, and I don’t know what she has done as a result of that.”
“I see,” Miss Fairfield said. “I shall have someone sent into the village immediately. We will find her, my Lord,” she assured Stephen, before leaving the room.
Stephen sighed; yet again his feelings for Charlotte left him totally at a loss as to what to do. He had never felt so out of control in his life and he hated not knowing what was going to happen from one moment to the next. His life had been so ordered previously. He looked at himself in the large mirror that hung above the marble fireplace. His life had been ordered, it was true, but he had not been happy.
He groaned at his reflection. When had he suddenly wanted to be happy? Possibly from the moment that Charlotte begged him for a kiss, begged him to help her, and made him become a better human being in the process. His emotions had been in complete turmoil these last months, but he would not change a thing. The last two weeks had shown him what real happiness and contentment were. Yes, he had been intent on kissing Charlotte during every opportunity that arose, but he had felt something else. He had enjoyed laughing with her, talking to her, just being by her side for most of the day.
He rested his head on the cool marble fire place and laughed to himself. What a fool he was. He had ridiculed his friends for years and now he had just gone and done exactly the same, he had fallen in love. Completely and totally, just like any moon struck fool. He was in love with her, and now she had gone.
Worry surfaced again and he stood straight. He needed to do something and he probably needed Michael’s assistance. He left the room and knocked on Michael’s study.
“Come in,” came the command.
Stephen opened the door and walked in, nodding to Charles as he approached the desk. “Charlotte is missing,” he said simply.
“What do you mean, missing?” Michael asked, he hoped it was not as a result of a fall out between the pair. He had only left Stephen two hours previously; he had presumed they had sorted out the upset over the recalled memories.
“When she left the room, she also left the house and hasn’t been seen since. Your housekeeper is sending to the village to see if she is there, or has tried to leave from there, but she is not in the grounds or the house,” Stephen explained.
“Where can she have gone?” Michael asked. “Back to her uncle?”
“I doubt she has gone there without luggage or money, but who knows how badly she was upset? We need to find her before nightfall!” Stephen could not stop the worry from sounding in his voice.
“We will,” Michael said firmly. “Charles, please have the house and grounds rechecked and check with Martha to see if she needs any help. I’m sure she has everything under control, but just in case. The more help, the sooner we will find her.”
“Yes, my Lord,” Charles replied and left the room.
“If she has left the house, she’s on foot, she won’t have got very far,” Michael said consolingly.
“She was so upset, I hope she doesn’t do something stupid,” Stephen responded.
Two hours later and it seemed that Charlotte had disappeared. There was no sign of her and Stephen was setting out to search for her himself. She had not reached the village, as far as anyone could tell, so the likelihood was that she had fallen and was injured somewhere on the parkland. No matter how much Michael assured him that if she was on the parkland, she would have been found, Stephen was determined to look for her himself.
Their argument about the necessity of this was interrupted by the arrival of Elizabeth. Michael jumped up when his wife entered the room. “Elizabeth! What on earth are you doing out of your rooms?” the concerned husband asked.
“I am come to see what has happened to Charlotte. I could hear that something was wrong and forced Martha to tell me. Has she not been found yet?” Elizabeth asked, sitting down and facing both men.
“No, I’m going to look for her, I was just about to leave,” Stephen said.
“Running about the countryside will not achieve anything,” Elizabeth responded.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him,” Michael added in frustration.
Stephen looked fit to burst, “Well at least I will be doing something!” he snapped.
“You are a pair of fools!” Elizabeth said, annoyed with them both. “She could have been found hours ago if only you would have come straight to me.”
“Why? Where is she?” Stephen demanded, for once ignoring the criticism of himself.
“There is only one other place she would have gone to if she was upset. I’m surprised neither of you thought of it; she will be at the Hurst’s farm,” Elizabeth said. She was worried about her friend, but could not help being slightly smug about the expressions that greeted her at her words.
“That’s miles away!” Stephen said, dismissing the suggestion. “She was on foot.”
“Yes, and how long was it before you realised that she was missing?” Elizabeth asked.
“Probably about two hours,” Stephen admitted.
“And in that two hours, do you not think she would have come across some form of transport, whether farm cart or curricle, that would have taken up a young lady and helped her along her way?” Elizabeth asked, shaking her head.
“I need my horse,” Stephen muttered and left the room.
“You have our wish of good luck on your quest,” Elizabeth said to the retreating figure, even though her words would not be heard. “I think Stephen finally realises what Charlotte means to him,” she smiled at her husband.
“I hope so, I’ve left them alone enough over these last few weeks,” Michael responded with a gleam in his eye. “I’ve never worked as much in my study before. I will be in despair if he didn’t take the opportunity to use the time productively.”
“Michael!” Elizabeth exclaimed, before bursting into laughter.
Chapter 27
Stephen rode without thinking. His driving force was that Charlotte was upset, and that he needed to make her feel better. He had barely stopped to receive directions to the farm, before setting off. He had kept away from the farm during Charlotte’s stay there, but th
ere was no possibility that he could keep away now, if she was there.
His horse covered the ground in impressive time and there was still a small amount of light when he dismounted outside the farm. The two dogs barked their greeting until Mrs Hurst came out of the farm.
“Can I help you sir?” Her tone was pleasant, but she seemed to be looking at Stephen with particular interest.
“I hope so,” Stephen responded. “Is Miss Webster here?”
“Who are you?”
“I’m Lord Halkyn, and need to see Miss Webster!” Stephen responded. He had subconsciously stood taller, to try and intimidate his way in.
His actions did not seem to impress Mrs Hurst. She looked him up and down and then met his gaze, all signs of friendliness gone. It was apparent that she was not easily bullied or intimidated. “Well, unfortunately for you, she doesn’t want to see you, so I suggest you get back on your horse and leave her be.”
Stephen had not anticipated being refused entry and could have growled with annoyance, but he kept his temper. “I can’t do that,” he responded.
“I won’t have her more upset than she already is,” Mrs Hurst said firmly.
“I don’t wish to upset her, I want to do exactly the opposite,” Stephen said. “Please ask her to see me for half an hour and if she still feels as strongly after then, I will never bother her again.”
Mrs Hurst seemed to consider for a moment, before nodding her head slightly and returning to the farm house. Stephen was left kicking his heels in the farm yard for ten minutes until Mrs Hurst returned.
“She will see you in the parlour,” she said, indicating that he should follow her. She led the way through the kitchen as she had done with Charlotte’s other visitors when she was recovering from the accident.
Stephen sat in a chair in the parlour, his large frame filling the space. Mrs Hurst nodded at him, before opening the door wider and letting Charlotte enter the room.
“Now you heed what I said,” she spoke to Charlotte. “I will be waiting in the kitchen, if you need me or want this to end, just call me.”
“I will, thank you,” Charlotte said quietly.
Stephen stood at Charlotte’s entrance and almost reached out to her, but the haunted look on her face stopped him. He had been sure about finding her and explaining everything, making it all well, but the expression of real sadness in her eyes made him wonder if he had made a mistake. He hoped against hope that he was not the cause of that sadness.
“Charlotte, everyone has been worried about you,” he said gently, indicating that she should be seated.
“I am sorry to have caused so much trouble. It would seem that is all I do these days,” Charlotte responded.
“This is not like you, Charlotte,” Stephen said gently. “Where has my tiger gone?” He smiled at her in encouragement, but his words only made her look even more upset. Her expression tore at his insides and he reached out and touched her hand. “Tell me what has caused you to be so upset Charlotte. I don’t understand how your memory returning could be such a bad thing.”
Charlotte smiled slightly, but it did not reach her eyes. “Yes, I have been struggling to remember so much haven’t I? Yet I should have continued to avoid the memories since they are so horrible.”
Stephen tried to ignore the knot of dread in his stomach that Charlotte’s words had caused. “Did Christopher force himself on you?” The muscle in his cheek started to twitch.
“Christopher? No!” Charlotte said quickly. “Why would you think that?”
The breath that Stephen had been holding, whooshed out of him. “It was just your reaction about regaining the memories was so bad that I thought something must have happened that you hadn’t previously told me. With you mentioning the footman by name, I presumed it was to do with him,” Stephen said honestly.
“No, there was nothing more happened than I explained, you insisted I was honest from the start and I thought I owed you that for the service you gave. It is more complicated, I can’t really explain it,” Charlotte said, frowning and biting her lip.
Stephen leaned across to her and held both her hands in his. “Charlotte my dear, tell me. Tell me so I can put that smile on your face again and kiss you until your legs can no longer support you,” he said, his voice going husky at the thought of having her in his arms, Mrs Hurst next door or not.
Charlotte sighed, “I had fooled myself into thinking I meant more to you than I do, and regaining the memories just proved that you will never think of me of anything other than a foolish girl who deserves nothing better than being offered illicit kisses.” The words had rushed out of Charlotte and she did not look at Stephen when she had finished.
Stephen paused before speaking, a few weeks ago and he probably would not have disagreed with her viewpoint, but now things were different. He had finally come to realise what was important to him and to realise what he wanted in life. The problem was that he needed Charlotte to believe him, so he had to tread carefully.
“I never thought of you as a foolish girl. All I wanted to make sure you were safe, and to kill Kersal,” Stephen said quietly.
Charlotte smiled at his words. “I always felt safe with you. I wonder why that is? I knew of your reputation, but from the first moment, I felt protected.”
“I think you have the unique ability of seeing the best in me,” Stephen said seriously. “I have an apology to make, I am sorry for the way I proposed marriage to you. You never deserved that and I should never have behaved in such a cold way.”
“Just because I believe in love, doesn’t mean to say that you have to,” Charlotte said with a blush. “I think I would have had more to complain about if you had tried to woo Elizabeth and been cold towards me, at least you were consistent!”
Stephen cringed with regret, which made him speak sooner than he had intended. “Charlotte, you deserve so much more than me, you deserve the Mr O’Haras of the world, who will cherish you and care for you in a way that is steady and honourable, but I need to know, is there any hope for me?”
Charlotte stared at him. “Any hope?” she asked in disbelief.
“Yes, I’m far from perfect as you well know, but I am offering myself to you. I can’t promise never to upset you, I can’t promise never to frustrate you half to death, but please reconsider and this time accept my offer of marriage,” Stephen responded with feeling.
Charlotte looked at him in shock. Once the memories had flooded back, she had been filled with horror of the thought of how she must appear. She had certainly aged in the few months that had passed since her foolish elopement. She would never be able to look back on it with anything but mortification that she had been so foolish and naive for falling for such an obvious ploy played out so well by Christopher.
The events in Baron Kersal’s home and then the approach to Stephen made her shudder. If anyone outside her trusted acquaintance ever heard of it, she would be cast off as a fallen woman. Her thoughts had become confused, mixed and unclear. All she could think of was that she had been thinking that Stephen’s kisses were a sign of his love, when the reality was he must think she was a doxy. Only a loose woman would respond so eagerly to his kisses, she had never once refused his approaches.
Now to her complete astonishment, he had renewed his marriage proposal. She should say yes immediately, if she had any sense she would, and hope to gain his love over time, but caution made her pause. If he was unfaithful to her it would kill her.
“Why do you want to marry me? Why would you offer again?” Charlotte asked.
Stephen sagged a little, this was difficult. He was an expert at deflecting focus away from talking in such a way, but he knew it was necessary to try and prove to her he was worth the risk. If she did not think he was worth taking that gamble, he did not think he would be able to go back to society and continue as he had previously. If she did not believe in him, he was sure that no one else ever would.
“Because I don’t want you to leave my life. I want t
o be the one who makes you smile; I want to be the one you seek out in a room full of people. I want to be the one who you go to sleep with every night, and wake up with every morning,” he replied.
Charlotte blushed at the implications of his words and although she would not believe it possible, her heart started to pound a little faster. “But you can’t promise to be faithful,” she said sadly. That was the fact of who he was and because of her behaviour, he may not think that she would mind about him having mistresses.
Stephen stood and approached the fireplace, gripping the edge of the mantelpiece in frustration. “Will my foolish words never be forgotten?” he ground out. “If I had married Elizabeth I would have been unfaithful.”
Charlotte took a deep breath, her fear of him being unfaithful being openly acknowledged. She felt as if a little part of her insides were starting to crumble.
“Wait!” Stephen interrupted. “Before you condemn me, listen to what I have to say.” Charlotte nodded in agreement, but Stephen did not miss how much she had paled.
“Elizabeth wanted to live on her estate in Yorkshire; I wanted more civilisation than that. She didn’t really want a husband, just the protection a husband’s name could give her. I don’t condemn her for that; I’ve seen marriages occur for similar reasons time and time again. If we had married and had lived separately I would have been unfaithful, I certainly would not have felt as if I was shackled to anyone only seeing them once or twice a year. If we had lived together, who knows, I may have fallen in love with her. I don’t know, but I doubt it. I like her, but that is all.”
“It would have only been a marriage in name only wouldn’t it?” Charlotte acknowledged.
“Yes, it would. Do you know I voiced my concerns to Dunham about being unfaithful if we married?” He asked looking slightly embarrassed at his action.
“No,” Charlotte responded quietly. “What did he say?”
“He said that the fact that I was worried about hurting you, meant that I wouldn’t be unfaithful in the first place,” Stephen responded, the usual running of his hand through his hair betraying his uncertainty. “He could be right, I don’t know, but I do know one thing, when I had to return to Kersal’s home, the thought of being with anyone else other than you sickened me to my core.”
An Inconvenient Trilogy - Three Regency Romances: Inconvenient Ward, Wife, Companion - all published separately on Kindle and paperback Page 41