At this, he looked straight at me, then smiled.
“I know exactly what you mean,” he said, quietly.
And as he stared at me with those sapphire eyes, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was another meaning to his reply, too.
That evening, we just sat there and talked for hours. We talked about my parents, the divorce, about his mom, her five husbands. We talked about everything. We talked for so long that the sun came up.
“Look, it’s morning,” I said.
And I wish I hadn’t, because all he said in reply was, “Come on, I’d better get you home,” and it felt like the spell was broken.
We walked home in silence.
§
After that night, it wasn’t like we were best friends or anything, but we settled into a kind of easy intimacy. Or at least it would have been easy, if I had just been able to ignore the pangs of lust that had now become an almost permanent companion.
While I was washing up one night after dinner, I overheard Dad asking Chase where he was going out tonight.
“Oh, I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t feel much like going out. I was thinking I might stay in, maybe ask Charity if she fancied watching a movie with me …”
At this, he looked me straight in the eye for a moment.
“Sure,” I nodded quietly, before quickly turning back to the sink, hiding my face from the room, in case anyone could see my blushes.
And with that, he headed down the stairs to the rec room.
A moment later, Dad joined me at the sink, laying a hand softly on my shoulder.
“It’s great that you guys are making friends,” he said. “I think you could be a really good influence on him. He seems like he’s calmed down in the last couple of weeks, and I’m sure that’s got something to do with you. Maybe you could get him reading a book next, eh?” he added with a laugh.
“Sure, Dad,” I mumbled, feeling kind of guilty.
He obviously thought I was doing this as a favor. But what if he knew the real truth — that my heart was pounding, mile a minute, at the thought of spending a whole evening alone with Chase ...
§
“So, what movie do you wanna watch?” I blurted out, my nervous voice filling the silence of the rec room.
Chase was sprawled out on the old beat up sofa, and I was browsing the shelves of DVDs on the other side of the room, still too nervous to join him.
“You choose,” he said lazily.
But I don’t think he realized just how much pressure that put on me. I mean, what if I put on something too childish, something that made him think I was a baby? But I didn’t want to choose something too girly or romantic either? Or worse — if I chose something that made him think I was trying too hard. It seemed like whatever I selected, I was doomed somehow.
“How about this?” I said finally, pulling a copy of The Evil Dead from the shelf.
I’d never seen it, but I’d heard it was supposed to be pretty cool … and scary. And I couldn’t help but imagine us curled up together on the sofa, like a real couple as we watched it.
“Cult classic,” he said when he saw the case in my hand. “Sure, why not?”
But I still couldn’t quite read him. Was it the right choice? Or was he just humoring me?
I put in the disc, pressed play, then took my seat next to him on the sofa, making sure to leave as much space between us as possible. And it dawned on me that this was the first time that we’d been totally alone together. I suddenly became so self conscious, I could hardly breathe in and out without worrying about what he thought.
Okay, it was the right decision. Just the right mix of funny, stupid and scary, and Chase actually seemed to be enjoying the movie too. When it finished, we didn’t move from the sofa, but remained there chatting in the dim light of the DVD menu screen.
And somehow, without either of us quite noticing it, the gap between us appeared to have shrunk.
Chase was gently making fun of me for my lack of movie knowledge.
“You’ve not seen the Evil Dead two, either? What have you been doing with your life!”
“I don’t know, reading books, I guess,” I replied. “Maybe you should try it some time,” I added, teasing him right back.
But at this, he started to look shifty and uncomfortable.
“I hate reading,” he said coldly.
“But that’s just as stupid as saying ‘I hate movies,’” I said. “There are books out there for you, you just haven’t found them yet.”
He sighed, then looked at me.
“I’ve never admitted this to anyone before,” he said quietly, “but I was twelve years old before I learnt how to read properly.”
There on the couch, I wished I’d never opened my stupid mouth. We’d been having such fun, and now I’d gone and ruined it.
“Thing is,” he continued, “me and Mom moved around so much, I was never at the same school for more than a few months at a time. I got behind. I never stopped being the new kid, and no teacher ever cared enough to notice I was struggling. I got really good at hiding it, until my seventh grade teacher, Miss Anderson, finally realized what was going on. She was so kind. She was the one who finally paid some attention to me. She gave me extra lessons after school, and got me back up to speed.” He stopped and sighed. “You probably think I’m some retard now, don’t you?”
At this he turned to me, his eyes brimming with embarrassment and self-hatred.
“No, of course I don’t,” I said, as gently as possible. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn’t your fault. In fact, I’m proud of you for catching up. It can be so hard to do.”
“So you see?” he replied. “Books just remind me of failure.”
I nodded and whispered, “I understand.”
Then he moved ever so slightly closer to me, a wicked grin spreading across his lips.
“And if you tell anyone,” he smiled, pointing his finger right at me, “then you’re dead.”
“I won’t tell a soul,” I promised. “Your secret’s safe with me.”
“And you,” he said.
“What?”
“Books,” he smiled. “They’ll remind me of you now, too. The way you always are, sat on that porch, reading. The way you were when I first saw you …”
And I didn’t know what to say, and then suddenly it didn’t matter, because he was kissing me.
And then I was kissing him back, gently at first, but then we moved closer to each other, and soon our bodies were touching too — his hands running through my hair.
It all happened so suddenly, and took over my body so completely, that I didn’t even register at the time that this was my first kiss. That momentous event, which I’d been wondering about and waiting for, for so long, was happening, right here on this beat up old couch.
All I cared about in that moment was Chase. His lips on mine. His hands through my hair, then moving to my face, then tracing down my spine, slipping around to my stomach, and then …
Bang.
The clatter of the door sent us flying apart again, each to our own end of the sofa, frozen in panic as down the stairs, tottering unevenly on her heels, came Cassie.
“Hi my darlings! What are you two up to? Can I get you any snacks or anything?”
“Nope, film’s over,” Chase said quickly. “I’m off to bed. Night, Charity.”
“Oh, well I guess it’s just us girls then,” Cassie gushed. “I’ve got an idea, let’s watch Dirty Dancing!”
“Sure,” I said quietly, fetching the DVD from the collection and putting it into the machine with my back to the room as I heard Chase heading off up the stairs.
When I turned back to the couch, he’d gone.
I sat down, the movie began, and Cassie was asleep within seconds.
And as I watched Baby’s life changing that summer, I knew that the exact same thing was happening to me.
§
We made a wordless pact to avoid each other over the next fe
w days. Chase spent most of his time at the beach, I once more took up my usual spot on the front porch, and that’s where I was when she turned up one afternoon to humiliate me.
It was the same blonde I’d seen hanging around with Chase. The beautiful one with the bright pink bikini, the one I’d seen so many times with her arms thrown around him, always riding on the back of his bike.
I looked up from my book and there she was. Standing right there on the porch, scowling at me.
“Oh, hi …” I said. “Chase is inside. Do you want me to get him?”
“No, he knows I’m here,” she said. “He’ll be out any minute.”
“Okay,” I said.
And I was about to bury my head once more in my book, when she sneered, “So are you enjoying your fantasy summer?”
“I beg your pardon?” I said, genuinely confused.
“Oh, come on,” she laughed. “Thrown together all summer with Chase, your bad boy dreamboat? Just the two of you, bonding? I bet your panties get wet just looking at him, don’t they?”
“I … I …” I stammered.
“They do, don’t they?” she hissed. “Do you touch yourself, while you imagine it? The day he comes to you, and tells you that he can’t stop thinking about you? That he loves you …”
“You don’t understand,” I said.
“Oh, I understand perfectly,” she snapped back, suddenly deadly serious. “Well forget it. Chase is mine. We’ve been together all summer, and he’s not going anywhere. Okay?”
And I didn’t even get a chance to answer, to defend myself, as just then Chase came clattering out of the house, down the porch steps, grabbing the girl roughly by the wrist.
“Come on,” he murmured, without even giving me so much as a glance. “Let’s get out of here.”
§
“I’m going for a walk,” I said to Dad and Cassie a few hours later.
The heat was almost unbearable, and by the afternoon it was totally baking hot outside, but I just needed to get away from the house for a while. Since that bitchy girl had snapped at me on the porch, I just didn’t feel like reading anymore.
“Well, remember to put on lots of sunscreen,” Dad warned. “It’s practically a hundred degrees out there today.”
“Course Dad,” I sighed.
I acted like he was nagging me, but in reality I was already covered in factor 30, and I had a bottle of it in my backpack.
And despite the blazing heat, as I set out the walk did seem to do me some good. I just needed to walk, and before I knew where I was even headed, I’d ended up down by the beach, tracing the line of the shore, walking past the many people out sunning themselves, then climbing up the dusty sand dunes to try and find a patch of shade away from the crowds.
Eventually I found a shady spot beneath a tree, hidden away from view and I settled down with my back against the cool trunk of the tree, closing my eyes, feeling the warmth of the air against my skin as I began to softly drift off to sleep.
The voice that woke me, a while later, was a familiar one.
“Chase, come back.”
It was the blond girl — Chase’s girlfriend. Great. The last person I wanted to hear, the whole reason I’d got out of the house in the first place …
I froze, shifting myself back further into the shade of the tree. After all, I didn’t want her to think I was spying on her.
She stopped. She’d obviously been running after Chase, because a few seconds later he paced slowly back towards her. And I watched the whole thing play out from my secret vantage point just a few yards away.
“Alright, Tawna,” he said. “What do you want?”
“You’ve been avoiding me all week,” she snapped.
“I don’t owe you anything.”
“You haven’t even spoken to me all day. What’s up? What’s going on?”
“Maybe I just don’t feel like speaking to you.”
“But after everything we’ve done? I’ve not been with anyone else all summer, Chase.”
At this, he let out a cruel laugh. “What? Did you think we were going steady? Did you think I was your boyfriend?”
I guess after the way she’d spoken to me that morning, I should have been pleased to hear this. But the truth was, I was the only person who knew how awful she must have felt right then. So all I felt for her was pity.
“You said I was the most beautiful girl here,” she said softly. “So what’s changed?”
Although I couldn’t see her face, I could tell by her voice that she was crying.
“Didn’t I say?” he replied, exasperated. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. To. You. Nothing’s changed. There’s nothing to say. Goodbye. And don’t follow me again, Tawna.”
I remember being shocked at just how cold he was then. It frightened me a little.
And I saw her obey him: just standing there, watching him go.
§
It all happened the night the heat finally broke. Four o’ clock that afternoon, the sky grew dark and the heavens opened. The sound of the rain battering down on the house, made it feel so claustrophobic; Dad, Cassie, Chase and I, all sitting together in the living room, watching the huge raindrops bouncing outside through the patio doors.
“So much for our barbecue,” Cassie sighed, getting up to fix herself another drink.
I could tell it was gonna be one of those evenings when Cassie got wasted out of boredom, after all, she was already halfway there.
Dad shot her a nervous glance, and it was clear that he wasn’t looking forward to the evening ahead either.
“Hey, honey, why don’t you slow down a little,” he called to her, as she began sloshing a triple measure of vodka into her glass. “We’ve got all night …”
“Why don’t you get your head out of your ass?” Cassie snapped back.
Dad didn’t reply.
I felt angry. He looked so beaten down by her. I wanted him to stand up to her, to stand up for himself, but he looked like a man who’d already given up.
I wasn’t gonna stick around and watch this slowly get worse all evening. Cassie was obviously in the mood to get nasty, and it seemed like the slightest thing could set her off.
I stood up.
“I’m going down to the rec room to watch TV,” I announced.
I sloped down the stairs and threw myself on the beat up old couch. It was cooler down there in the basement, and I felt glad to escape Dad and Cassie’s fighting, not to mention Chase just sitting there, brooding in the corner.
I wondered why he didn’t just get the hell out of there. After all, he’d made himself scarce almost all week. Surely a bit of rain wasn’t gonna put him off from going out and having fun with his friends.
I turned on the TV and surfed through the channels until I found something that I could watch: a rerun of Gilmore Girls.
Of course fifteen year old me empathized with shy, bookish Rory. And watching it made me miss my mom, too. I wished I could tell her how confused I was feeling, how I had no idea what was going on, and how I just wanted everything to go back to normal.
Just then I heard a creak on the stairs, and I hoped to God it wasn’t Cassie, coming down for another one of her girly ‘bonding’ sessions. I wasn’t in the mood for that, especially not with her that drunk. I hoped for a second that it was my dad. He’d been so busy with work and Cassie that I’d hardly seen him alone all summer.
But it wasn’t Dad or Cassie.
It was Chase.
Wordlessly, he descended the stairs, then took his place at the opposite end of the sofa, and just like before, when I found myself alone with him, the air in the room suddenly seemed charged with an almost unbearable electricity.
It built and built, growing between us until it was just too much, and I had to speak.
“Sorry,” I said. “You must think this show is so lame.”
It took him a long time to answer, all the while his eyes remaining fixed on the TV. And then finally he spoke. “Anything’s better
than being upstairs with those guys.”
“Cassie on the warpath?” I said.
“You got it. I don’t understand what your dad even sees in her. He’s such a nice guy. She’s just a sad drunk, and it’s obvious she’s just out for his money, right?”
Wow, I thought. I mean, of course, it was everything that I’d been thinking about her and could never say to him, so I was glad he’d said it first. But I suddenly felt so sorry for him — having her for a mother, and being smart enough to see exactly what she was up to.
“Your mom’s beautiful,” I said gently, “and she’s a great cook. But yeah, she is a mean drunk.”
At this he nodded. I looked over at him. He’d still not taken his eyes from the screen, but even so, that electricity seemed to be growing between us, getting stronger and stronger. So I changed the subject.
“What are you doing down here, anyway?” I asked. “Why aren’t you out with your friends?”
“Well, the beach party was rained off,” he replied. “It got moved to Tawna’s house and there’s no way I’m spending the evening there. Not after our fight. But you’d already know all about that, wouldn’t you?”
He finally turned from the TV, his sapphire blue eyes flashing.
And now it was my turn to be silent.
How did he know? I thought I’d stayed hidden. And anyway, I wasn’t spying on them, it was just bad timing I was there.
“I saw you out of the corner of my eye,” he explained. “I knew it was you. You must think I’m an asshole, after the things I said to her …”
I cast my mind back to that afternoon on the dunes. She was pretty upset, but I didn’t think he was an asshole exactly. Maybe because of the way she’d spoken to me, belittled me and humiliated me.
Should I tell him what she’d said?
I decided against it, at least for now.
“You were kind of harsh, Chase,” I said. “But I don’t know the full story …”
“You definitely don’t know the full story,” he replied. “She was a bitch. She uses people, she only cares about being popular, and I was just an accessory for her. I don’t have time for girls like that.”
Claiming Chase: (A Second Chance Stepbrother Romance) Page 8