by Bishop, Ally
I can only put myself in his shoes, and the devastation he must have felt… “Why are you telling me this?”
Mick levels those baby blue eyes at me, the ones that women swoon about on YouTube and Facebook. “Because he’s in love with you. But he feels like he has no way to reach you because you believed the media over him.”
“He didn’t tell me any of this.”
“I know. I told him that, too.” He sighs, his frustration obvious. “He promised Mia he’d never tell anyone about her sexual orientation, and he feels that breaching that, even to you, would be wrong. I, however, am not under any such code, and my morality has never been up to Ian’s snuff, anyway.” He grins, and I get a private showing of what many never get to see of this handsome, charismatic man: who he really is. “Ian’s my best friend. We grew up too privileged to know we were lucky. But he’s never let that get to him. He’s everything I wish I could be, and I’ll be damned if I let him throw away a good thing because someone else used his goodness against him.”
He excuses himself to brew more coffee, and I sit there, stunned and reeling. I’ve spent the last month regretting getting involved with someone who would only hurt me in the end, while still mourning the loss of any chance Ian and I might have had. But I thought I at least knew the facts. While I couldn’t argue with Noah that judging someone by past wrong-doings isn’t always fair, having had my heart ripped out once before, I couldn’t take that chance again.
I’m lost in thought when Mick rejoins me and tops off our mugs, and I look up at him. “So the cheating with the woman on the beach, the one that made the press—that was all part of their ‘open’ relationship?”
He shrugs. “At that point, things were over anyway. It just hadn’t come out publicly. And of course, Mia made the most of out of it, ensuring she looked like the injured party. And really, the media was good for her career. Nothing like a jilted lover story to bring around public sympathy and interest. Wouldn’t do shit for Ian either way, so he let her have it.”
My breakup with Jonathan was brutal enough; I can’t imagine having to experience it with prying eyes and wagging tongues. “I don’t know what to say.”
Mick lays a light hand on my forearm, and his quick grin helps stymy my emotions. “Look, I don’t know you. But I saw you two together…it was the first time in several years he looked happy. So I’m sticking my nose in here hoping something good might come of it.”
“I get the impression he’s already moved on. I saw the photo of him at The Last Man’s premiere.”
Mick barks a laugh, his eyes shining. “That’s my sister, Ella.”
I cover my nose with my hands. “Oops.”
He chuckles. “Believe me—those two can barely stand each other some days. He just served as her escort that night.”
My worry appeased, we sit for a few moments, sipping hot coffee, while the fire snaps and crackles beside us.
“Do you really want Elementary for your special dinner, or was this just a lure to talk to me?” I’d rather know than risk not living up to any romantic plans he would prefer for his current conquest.
“Fuck no. I want to know what happens to Liam and Adrienne—I refuse to believe she really died.” He winks. “And I’m dating a woman who loves mysteries—can’t seem to get enough of them. So this seems like the perfect thing to do for her.”
I nod in agreement. “Fair enough.”
We finalize a few details, both of us avoiding the earlier topic. When he sees me to the door, he surprises me with a bear hug.
“Sorry if I blindsided you with all that stuff earlier. I just thought it only fair that you knew the truth. If things aren’t to be between you and Ian, well, then, so be it. But you should at least know the facts before deciding.”
“Thank you.” I summon up a sincere smile for this man that so many see only for his good looks and snappy lines. He’s not at all what I expected, and I’m glad for that.
Maybe I’ve been too quick to assume I know everything about people based on biased sources. The question is…do I take a chance? Or play it safe?
CHAPTER 21
SUBTLE REVELATIONS
So let me get this straight: you are planning a private party for the mega movie star Mick Jeffries. In his home. With his new flame Isabella Kyle.” Lux’s gray eyes are wide with wonder.
I reach for the moo-goo gai pan and grin. “Did I mention that he’s asked for the top caterers and band? We’ll be rubbing elbows with people who charge more than our rent for a dinner plate.”
Noah nods, his eyes having a bit more sparkle than usual. “And that’s not all. I’ll be meeting with Mick in the next month. He has a project he’s asked me to consider, and I might even get a small part in a movie he’s directing in the next year.”
Lux wields her chopsticks with flair. “I’ll be able to say I knew you when.”
We’re seated on the floor around Noah’s and my coffee table. The weather’s murky and cold, so we opted for take-out on the rare night when we’re all around…and not out at a bar.
“So why did you and Noah stay in tonight? I was even going to join you for a wild night out on the town.”
With a glance at Noah, Lux shrugs. “Ask your blood-relation. It wasn’t my idea.”
I cock my head at him. “And?”
“I remember now why I rarely order lo mein,” he mutters as he wrestles noodles onto his chopsticks. “Too slippery.” He manages a bite, takes an extraordinarily long time to chew it, until he finally sighs and drops his utensils on his plate. “Because I’m going to start going a bit easier on my nights out. Mind you, I’m not giving them up entirely. But perhaps a little more time spent with friends and less focused on what I don’t have. Or think I want. Or…whatever. You get my drift.”
He leaves our circle to grab a bottle of wine and glasses. “Of course, that doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy a few drinks.” He meets my gaze. “Emphasis on the few.”
When he returns to his seat beside me, I launch myself into his arms. “I’m so proud of you, little brother.”
Noah hugs me back, and Lux makes cooing noises across from us. “Aw, aren’t you two the cutest?”
I stick my tongue out at her as I return to my meal. “Where’s Evan tonight? Isn’t he joining us?”
She checks her phone, then lifts a shoulder. “He’s running late from a gig. I swear that man lives and dies by this band’s success. They don’t pay him nearly enough.”
“Things are good though? Between you two?”
She nods—a bit too fast, in my opinion, but maybe I’m being suspicious. “Yeah, it’s going really well. Better than I thought it would. I suppose any man who can deal with what I do for a living has to be commended, right?”
Noah makes a face at her. “’Deals with what you do for a living’? What is there to deal with? It’s your job, just like any other.”
Lux snorts and shakes her head. “No, it’s not. I deal in kinky fantasies and sexual activity. And I’ve never been sure that I’m cut out for monogamy and picket fences. Evan’s…a change. A good one. But it’s been…a learning experience for both of us.”
I think about her words for a moment, then ask, “So you don’t think you want to settle down? Get married? Or you don’t want to be with just one person?”
She catches her full bottom lip in her teeth, and for a few moments, she doesn’t seem like she’s going to answer. When she does, her voice is low, her words hesitant. “I don’t know how to answer any of that. I…care for Evan. A lot. And he’s definitely a one-woman kind of guy. So I’m trying. He deserves to be happy.”
“Yeah, and so do you,” Noah says, his tone firm.
“I know.” She nods to Noah. “I’m not saying I should be miserable. But being in a relationship means making compromises. On both sides. I’ve had more sexual partners than most people have pairs of shoes. It makes for some hard conversations.”
“But Evan’s a sub, right? He gets the lifestyle.” At least,
that’s my logic.
“He does. And don’t get me wrong—Evan hasn’t asked me to change anything. With his schedule and mine, we don’t have much time to worry about it, honestly. But I know he wants the fairytale. Well, the modern-day American fairytale. The little house and children and…pedestrian hobbies.”
“Wait, the guy that manages one of the hottest up-and-coming alternative bands wants a quiet life?” I quirk an eyebrow.
“I know. It sounds weird. But that’s not actually what he wants at home. He wants a really normal life. Well, as much as two kinksters are going to be normal, anyway. He’s not about to give up his collar.”
I hold up a hand. “T-M-I. I don’t want that visual.”
Lux chuckles, her laugh a melodious, raspy sound. “You get my drift. Anyway, enough about my love life. Anyone else have sordid details or secret trysts to share?”
Noah shakes his head. “Nope. I’m officially on the market to any buyer. For the night.” He winks at me when I glare at him with mock outrage. “Okay, fine. Two nights.”
Lux makes a face. “You are such a man-whore.”
He shrugs, his expression innocent. “I can’t help that women only want me for my body.”
“Please, that scrawny thing? I’m convinced it’s the hair,” Lux teases.
And Lux is probably right on the last count. My brother’s thick, luxuriously curly hair begs to be touched. And while I may only be his sister, I wouldn’t call him “scrawny.” Thin, yes, but he gets to the gym often enough—and was blessed with a metabolism that gives him a lot of leeway. Now, whether any woman can ever conquer his commitment issues…I don’t know.
He makes several model-like poses, running his hands through his hair in dramatic slowness. Lux and I both end up giggling.
“How about you, dear sister? You like to keep secrets, lately. Any fair squires or handsome rogues catch your eye?”
I haven’t told either of them about my conversation with Mick a week ago. I’ve wanted to, but I didn’t know how. Or maybe that’s just an excuse. So while I have both of them together, I blurt out the story.
“Whoa. Mia Tratori. Gay. I’m shocked.” Lux whistles. “If there’s one woman who always seems to be on the arm of every hot guy, it’s her.”
Noah wags his head. “Yeah, I didn’t see that one coming. That’s gotta suck for her…feeling like she has to live a lie.”
We sit quietly, picking at the last of our Chinese food.
“So what are you going to do?” Lux asks.
“I don’t know. I mean, I totally understand why he didn’t tell me. But…we were only together for a week. Maybe that’s all it was meant to be.”
Noah shakes his head. “I saw the way he looked at you at his dinner party. I didn’t know you two were an item at the time, but he was totally into you.”
“But for what, Noah? It was just sex. I mean, that’s…it felt like more. But what if it wasn’t? I’m way out of his league—”
“Bullshit,” Lux interjects immediately. “You are totally in his league. Maybe even above it. But the more important question is: do you care for him?”
I sink my teeth into my lip, the fear in my throat forcing me silent. I nod instead, annoyed as tears threaten.
“Then you need to call him. Talk to him. See how he feels about everything.”
I can feel Noah’s stare, but I refuse to look at him. I can’t bear to see the pity that might be there. But when he brushes his hand over my shoulder, I risk a glance at him.
“You know, you get on me for my commitment issues. Maybe I’m not the only one.”
I hate it when he’s right. But I’ve wondered the same thing recently. I make a face at him, thankful for the break in emotion. “Regardless, I haven’t decided what to do. And he might have already moved on.”
Noah opens his mouth to speak, but a knock on the door interrupts us, and Lux jumps to answer it. Evan greets her with a kiss, then they join us on the floor. We change topics, thankfully, and talk about Evan’s work. His blond good looks and easy manner blend seamlessly with us. He’s so easy to like and be around, but as I watch him and Lux interact, I can see the cracks already. The parts where she laughs and makes a joke, and he doesn’t quite know how to react. Or when he tries to snuggle closer to her, and she moves away a fraction of an inch before giving in.
Maybe it’s tonight’s revelations and my melancholy informing my impressions. But as I watch their stilted dance, it reminds me of how easy everything was with Ian, and how much I enjoyed simply sitting next to him. Perhaps I’ve placed too little importance on how rare it is to fall into that rhythm. What if I never find it again?
CHAPTER 22
NEED...MORE...CAFFEINE...
A Few Days Later
A few days later…
“You’re headed over to Joe’s, right?” Noah pokes his head out of the kitchen as I pack my bag, digging through my desk for my computer charger.
“I don’t know. I was thinking maybe I’d go for a change of scenery.”
Noah’s brow creases. “What’s this? Disloyalty to your favorite coffee shop?”
I lift a shoulder. “I guess I’m feeling restless. Ready for a change. Maybe in a lot of areas of my life.”
He thinks a moment. “Hm. Well, I was going to ask you to grab me one of their superior mochas, but if you aren’t going there, maybe I’ll run down. I wanted to finish this proposal this morning, though…”
I roll my eyes. “You do this just to manipulate me into buying you coffee so you can stay cozy and warm.”
“Dear sister, how can you say such things to your loving and caring brother?”
Of course, he says this as he returns to his desk, no doubt pulling his small space heater closer.
“I promise to be errand boy for you tomorrow,” he calls after me as I open the door.
“I won’t hold my breath,” I yell back at him. In truth, getting out of the house is just what I need today. I’ve spent the last week or so mulling over what Mick told me, and I’m not getting any further ahead. But I don’t know. Ian and I were together a little more than a week. Maybe it was just infatuation? I hate thinking about those few days in that light, but I’m trying to be more pragmatic.
Just Call Me Joe is hopping, but it’s early enough that I spy my favorite table empty. I drop my bag there and place my order. Coffee in hand and earbuds in place, I’m well into the next installment of my mystery series when someone taps my table to get my attention.
I glance up, then slowly remove my headphones. “Ian.”
“Is this seat taken?” He meets my gaze, his warm sherry eyes cautious but friendly.
Shaking my head, I close my computer. “How did you know I was here?”
He takes a seat, then fingers his coffee cup before speaking. “Your brother.” When I arch a brow, he continues. “He was quite adamant that we needed to talk. And he threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t show up.”
I snort, though inwardly, I want to hug my brother…or strangle him. “I should have known this morning was a setup. And I’ve seen Noah fight. He’s easy to dodge — just watch him, as he’s a lefty.”
A small grin appears on Ian’s lips. “Good to know.” After a swig of coffee, he sets his cup down, his hands flattened on the table on either side of it. “It wasn’t just your brother’s pressure, either. Mick got in on the act as well. And of course, I’ve been lecturing myself on all the reasons I should contact you.”
My stomach flips at his words. “Why didn’t you?”
He stares at the table, as though debating his words. When he comes to a decision, he meets my gaze. “I was afraid. You are…real. Sincere. Honest.”
His proclamation of my attributes heats up my cheeks. “And you aren’t?”
His long fingers steeple in front of his face, and after a moment, he peers over them. “One of the things I’ve learned, living in Mick’s shadow, is that people want the façade. As long as the story looks real, they’ll buy
it and not ask too many questions. And I got sucked into that world, believing it to be reality. It sounds like Mick told you the pertinent details of what happened between Mia and me. It…changed me. Or at least, it changed how I thought of myself.”
“Is that why your aunt said you had a ‘rough year’?”
With a nod, he continues. “I lied to everyone around me. My mom. My family. Mick only knew because we live so close. I was…a mess. And because I still cared, I felt pressured to maintain the status quo, even when everything was falling apart.” His shoulders lift a bit. “Looking back, I would have done things differently, of course. I’m not…I don’t cheat, Ella. That’s not how I’m designed. But—”
“You don’t have to explain. Mick did.” The shadows in his gaze tell the truth that belies even his words. “I understand, Ian. Really.” I bite my lip, trying to figure out where to go from here.
“Ella, you were the first person in a long time with whom I felt like…me. I wasn’t putting on a show, or being someone other than who I am. Part of it was because you didn’t expect anything otherwise. You didn’t know me and didn’t know anything about my past.”
“I understand, Ian. I do. But it was only a week…maybe we expected a bit too much from it.” I rotate my ring, trying to figure out what to say. “I mean, on one hand, I wish you’d been the one to tell me about…things. But there wasn’t much time.”
“And maybe that’s the point. I think had we known each other longer, learned to trust each other, we would have been able to say those things. You should have known that I wouldn’t have assumed it was your brother who stole from me. Logic might have led me to him, but I wouldn’t have immediately blamed him. But there was no way you could know that—you don’t know me well enough.”
We’re both quiet, sipping our respective drinks and seemingly lost to each other.